Has this happened to you?

Has this happened to you? (Full Version)

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cruelwhisper -> Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 7:43:58 PM)
The other night when I was online a rather sensual submissive contacted me. She was from my area and wanted to meet, seems her husband wasn't interested in her submissive side, or didn't know about it.... Fed up, she was looking outside her marriage to get the sexual dominating she wanted. I politely declined, gentleman that I am. <No, I won't give you her name! lol> My question to you is this - Would you or would you not have met her? Why or why not? Cruelwhisper

Tikkiee -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 7:46:20 PM)
quote: Would you or would you not have met her? Why or why not? Quite simple. She was married; and her husband knew nothing about what she was doing.

mtumwawaBwana -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 7:48:07 PM)
i bow to You Sir, that You did not play into her cheating heart.

CERCKL -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 7:48:48 PM)
Well, not seeking but I would not have. I am still legally married, though my wife and I are in the process of a legal seperation...she found what she needed outside and then told me after the kids had and she had left. I sorta started to look after she left, but just half-heartedly and actually found her...she knew and was cautious, which I respected; if there had been any chance of my marriage working out at all...I would not look. Another part of it is I am relationship based, good or bad, fail or not that is what I seek...and I couldn't have a relationship with one I couldn't trust. I realize all is situational and shit happens but I try not to make big messes. C

Calandra -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 7:48:54 PM)
I would possibly have met because "meeting" does not mean "dominating" or "fucking". At the very least you might have encouraged her to seek other local resources, and maybe mentored her.

Wulfchyld -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 7:50:39 PM)
If I can't keep her I aint playen. I am here for a 24/7 relationship.

cruelwhisper -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 8:00:54 PM)
Thank you for the replies, that was fast! She was on the prowl, believe me. I told her my wife was my one and only lover and would remain such... You'd thought her panties caught fire she left so fast! I hope she doesn't regret her decision, or the consequences that follow, but it is her life....

Smythe -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 8:02:55 PM)
Pity the poor married person. Attached at the hip to one person who is supposed to fulfill all his/her needs all his/her life. At 30, or 40 she or he realizes that feelings of submission cannot be denied. Maybe she has children with her husband, maybe he loves his wife a lot. Maybe one is dependent on the other financially. Should he or she be sentenced to a life unfulfilled just because they made a basically good decision at 25...and then changed in an unexpected way? I think the answer is complicated, and a knee jerk response to castigate this hypothetical woman is overly simplistic and unkind. Smythe

Suleiman -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 8:29:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smythe I think the answer is complicated, and a knee jerk response to castigate this hypothetical woman is overly simplistic and unkind. I don't think most of the folks responding were intent on the nameless maiden's castigation, so much as stating that they themselves would not indulge the request. For myself, I would not, without being assured that her spouse was aware of the meeting. It's simply a point of my own ethics. I would probably offer her freindship and advice - which is all I ever offer anybody on this server - but one of the first peices of advice would be coming clean to her spouse. As bad as it is to go unfulfilled in this area, lying is worse. Better to end the relationship cleanly and surgically, than to torture yourself and the person you supposedly love with years of pointless melodrama based on living a secret life. Being closeted may be a nessesary survival mechanism, but it is not healthy, and it is not the way to mantain a real relationship.

mistoferin -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 8:30:32 PM)
Sulie!!!! Good to see you!!!!

enigmabrat -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 8:31:20 PM)
Good for you Sir Never get involved with someone married it isnt right and it makes you just as bad as the married person for playing along. It is very bad that she would do this and it makes her not a very good person. not someone you want to get involved with. You may be the next one she cheets on!!

Suleiman -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 8:40:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin Sulie!!!! Good to see you!!!! Hiya Erin! How's it been? Drop me an Email, let's get reacquainted.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 9:25:32 PM)
I kept my virginity past highschool graduation, which is extremely rare for girls my age, so it's safe to say I would never just go around for a one nite stand or sleep with anyone that I didn't believe had serious potential for a long term relationship, married or single isn't relevant, I don't do casual sex, period. That said, I have dated men who were married just for the fun of it and never once did I carry shame or guilt or bad feelings about it. It's the obligation of the commited party to remain faithful to their partner, nobody else is responsible for what one of those partners chooses to do outside of that relationship. I wasn't cheating on anyone, they were, and I'll be damned if I'll take blame for their decisions. It irks me to no end that the wives will lay full blame on the women who their husbands cheated with, yet they'll willingly accept the man who wronged them into their lives day after day, even knowing what he's done. If a scorned spouse is going to blame anyone, it should be the one who vowed to love, honor and cherish I think. In short, had you taken the bait, I wouldn't have thought you were at fault at all. Though I'd sincerely hoep you'd used protection because anyone sending out offers for sex so easily has probably nearly reached the expiration date on her pelt.

timeoutgurlie -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 9:27:19 PM)
I can't use the edit feature yet, so sorry, have to post again. My comment is directed equally toward wives who cheat on their husbands, I just used the feminine examples in the previous post because the question was posed about experiences and my experiences haven't included cheating wives...yet [:-]

trippingdaisy -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 10:09:27 PM)
Having been in unfulfilling relationships, i can feel for the poor woman. i myself never looked outside any relationship i was in for the satisfaction i needed, whether my relationship at the time was vanilla or not. Regardless, i commend You, Sir. While i can sympathize with her, i also know that something like that can be more detrimental than pleasurable. Very respectable decision You made. [:)]

MsMacComb -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 10:18:50 PM)
I feel for her but she should get a divorce if playing openly is not an option. Honesty should be paramount.

ArchangelMichael -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/4/2006 10:35:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: timeoutgurlie I kept my virginity past highschool graduation, which is extremely rare for girls my age, so it's safe to say I would never just go around for a one nite stand or sleep with anyone that I didn't believe had serious potential for a long term relationship, married or single isn't relevant, I don't do casual sex, period. That said, I have dated men who were married just for the fun of it and never once did I carry shame or guilt or bad feelings about it. It's the obligation of the commited party to remain faithful to their partner, nobody else is responsible for what one of those partners chooses to do outside of that relationship. I wasn't cheating on anyone, they were, and I'll be damned if I'll take blame for their decisions. It irks me to no end that the wives will lay full blame on the women who their husbands cheated with, yet they'll willingly accept the man who wronged them into their lives day after day, even knowing what he's done. If a scorned spouse is going to blame anyone, it should be the one who vowed to love, honor and cherish I think. In short, had you taken the bait, I wouldn't have thought you were at fault at all. Though I'd sincerely hoep you'd used protection because anyone sending out offers for sex so easily has probably nearly reached the expiration date on her pelt. I just don't think it's ethical to willingly have sex with someone who is married if their spuse either doesn't know or doesn't approve. Just because they don't have self control doesn't mean that you shouldn't. I do agree, however, that blame lies on the unfaithful spouse as well.

HarryVanWinkle -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 12:30:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smythe Pity the poor married person. Attached at the hip to one person who is supposed to fulfill all his/her needs all his/her life. At 30, or 40 she or he realizes that feelings of submission cannot be denied. Maybe she has children with her husband, maybe he loves his wife a lot. Maybe one is dependent on the other financially. Should he or she be sentenced to a life unfulfilled just because they made a basically good decision at 25...and then changed in an unexpected way? I think the answer is complicated, and a knee jerk response to castigate this hypothetical woman is overly simplistic and unkind. Smythe I do, indeed, have a great deal of sympathy for this poor married person. I also, however, have a survival instinct. I've also been alive long enough to have seen many cases of married persons playing around without their spouse's knowledge and, if not approval, at least acceptance. I have never seen it not end in disaster for all concerned. If a married person finds her marriage to be not meeting her needs, she needs to discuss it with her spouse and either renegotiate the rules of her marriage, or end it. IMHO, any other course of action will ultimately lead to catastrophe. For myself, I would not get involved with a married woman without certain knowledge that her husband is aware of the situation and accepts it. I've often said that I want to live until I'm 102 years old, then be shot to death by a jealous husband. I'm only halfway to that age and I'm not ready to take that bullet yet.

UtopianRanger -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 12:34:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cruelwhisper The other night when I was online a rather sensual submissive contacted me. She was from my area and wanted to meet, seems her husband wasn't interested in her submissive side, or didn't know about it.... Fed up, she was looking outside her marriage to get the sexual dominating she wanted. I politely declined, gentleman that I am. <No, I won't give you her name! lol> My question to you is this - Would you or would you not have met her? Why or why not? Cruelwhisper Your ethics are to be admired; not everyone is capable of exercising such discipline. - R

skylark -> RE: Has this happened to you? (6/5/2006 12:44:03 AM)
Even though my profile is specific in terms of my desire to meet single men, I get many emails from married men. I understand that each situation is different, perhaps the other spouse is not interested in BDSM at all, or maybe that is just an excuse to cheat, I know it is frustrating to have a strong desire to explore BDSM and feel trapped by a committment with a partner unwilling to explore....my empathy is there, but my desire to meet them, chat with them or even develop a friends only relationship is not there. I try to politely decline and say no thanks, good luck in finding a positive experience.

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