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RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 5:09:03 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience
To me it was like my PA saying something great, then becomming the boss........yea right!

How does your “PA” feel about giving you suggestions?

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 21

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 5:37:50 AM

trippingdaisy

Posts: 113
Joined: 6/3/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

There are so many ways to approach this...

my thought: If she is truly submitting, and You are truly Domming her, then there should be no problem.

i'm confident in my role as His slave. He is confident as my Master, and no amount of cuddling or non-play time is going to take that dynamic away. If i get a little rowdy and instigate something sexual, or become more aggressive because i'm that aroused...is that topping from the bottom? i don't think it is. It's a healthy, sexually aware woman expressing what she wants. Whether or not i get it is ENTIRELY up to him.

i don't think that there should be a need for 'taking control' in a relationship where the boundaries are clearly defined, and there is good communication and a strong dynamic, at least not in the way You mean it. With all due respect, if You enter into a relationship in which there is going to be power exchange, i can't help but think that O/one should know and trust the other party enough to know whether or not that 'topping from the bottom' will be an issue.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 22

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 5:48:18 AM

OhBeMyMind

Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline

I am very confused.
You say "a girl" made a comment to you in email, offered advice, then began ranting about topping from the bottom.
Then you say "to let YOUR girl attempt to control you is another".
Dude, that is two entirely different scenarios. WTF?

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

I am constantly learning, I lead by example and seek out and accept ideas and comments FROM ANYONE. The other day a girl made a comment to me on an email, it was good advise, she then began to rant about topping from the bottom. To me it was like my PA saying something great, then becomming the boss........yea right! To accept advise is one thing, to let YOUR girl attempt to control you is another.

Many girls attempt this in one way or another, topping from the bottom. Doms who are weak/new/careless/stupid/in it for only kinky sex, will never know and or care!!

I believe upon the first attempt to top from the bottom a good dom NEEDS TO TAKE CHARGE. The girls need that, otherwise you are shown to be weak.

Comments/ideas/rants/replies

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 23

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 5:48:28 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I see nothing wrong with making a few helpful suggestions to my Dom.

I also see nothing wrong with him expressing his feelings about that. That's half the fun.

As for kinky sex and cheap thrills - beats the heck out of vanilla sex and expensive thrills.

(in reply to trippingdaisy)

Post #: 24

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 7:04:08 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

I believe upon the first attempt to top from the bottom a good dom NEEDS TO TAKE CHARGE. The girls need that, otherwise you are shown to be weak.

I agree with him on the first part...but not on the second. I believe a good Dom should take charge (perhaps because I am a submissive?) Secondly, I don't believe it is a sign of being 'weak' if a Dom loses control from time to time. Doms are human first, Dom next. I'm more adoring of a Dom who admits he must improve upon something and be open about it, rather than one who seeks weaknesses as a sign of failure.

Respectfully,
Irish

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 25

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 7:53:19 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

But take charge of what?

There is no clear distinction if the person in this scenario is His submissive. If it isn't - then no - He can't just 'take charge'... consensual power exchanges are not about taking charge, it is about one submitting to another and one dominating - taking the lead - whatever you want to define it. But take charge? That kind of (to me) insinuates that the other person has no choice. (And I am a submissive personality).

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 26

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 8:56:00 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: irishbynature

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

I believe upon the first attempt to top from the bottom a good dom NEEDS TO TAKE CHARGE. The girls need that, otherwise you are shown to be weak.

I agree with him on the first part...but not on the second. I believe a good Dom should take charge (perhaps because I am a submissive?) Secondly, I don't believe it is a sign of being 'weak' if a Dom loses control from time to time. Doms are human first, Dom next. I'm more adoring of a Dom who admits he must improve upon something and be open about it, rather than one who seeks weaknesses as a sign of failure.

Respectfully,
Irish

I think this is true of you irishbynature, this is how you and your dominants have interacted. But the OP is lumping all couples together and making some sort of pronouncement about what "real" doms do as oposed to the "other weak doms". This site is read by many novice doms and I personally think that each dynamic is different based up those involved. What works for one couple may not work for others. The OP is so matter of fact, and there are few facts for D/s couples except they are involved in power exchange, and their power exchange is different from every other power exchange.

Personally, if I try to top from the bottom and I am lovingly corrected for it that is all I need, perhaps a reminder of what he is trying to accomplish, because Im trying to please and submit. I respond to this approach, and to be honest I do not think I have really attempted to top from the bottom I just need to be trained fully. If someone reads this OP and has a submissive like me and comes down all hard and heavy as a "real dom" is supposed to, you know strictly take control, well it could be counterproductive. It is never a good idea to use a whipping when only a chastising would do (figurative speech there). I say this from my parenting experience as to discipline.

I think it comes down to what works for one may not work for all.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to irishbynature)

Post #: 27

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 10:58:45 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

To lead and not allow for options and ideas from others is the mark of one who will not grow past what he currently knows..

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 28

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 11:05:54 AM

tangldupinblue

Posts: 230
Joined: 3/20/2006
Status: offline

ok i wont even pretend to have read the whole thread but heres what Daddy and i do. because we dont get to see each other everyday, he gave me two notebooks and in it i am to write daily, either a story of fact, something that i have experienced with as many details as i can, or a story of want, things i want to have happen to me again with as many details as possible and i give it to him once a week and he gives me one back so i always have one. i think its great because it gives me the chance to tell him what i am thinking without it sounding like i'm topping from the bottom. and it gives him a look into where i have been without having to dig for details.

maybe this will help, maybe it wont...its worth a try.

blue

_____________________________

Those who deserve punshiment, take it calmly.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 29

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 11:32:46 AM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

To lead and not allow for options and ideas from others is the mark of one who will not grow past what he currently knows..

and what exactly do you know? seeing that you obviously dont comprehend whats already been posted time and time again in these overly repeated bullshit threads......you say the same thing to everyone that replies, you dont use their posts to "enlighten" you, you dont even make a half assed attempt to even try to reply decently to people who post on here unless it gratifies you in some manner....

I've pointed it out, CrappyDom and Tikkie have pointed it out and several others have as well... do you just not care or are you not understanding the concept here?

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 30

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 11:45:37 AM

BrattyBottomRN

Posts: 73
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

If you are shopping for advice, try this free tidbit. Try dropping the act...rather than sitting their sounding like a pompous ass and thumping your chest. That works in chat rooms but you have people here who have been doing this since before you hit puberty and just might already know this simple minded prattle you keep posting.

Of course, I am just in this for the kinky sex and cheap thrills!

A-freaking-men.

Why does it always have to be the whole "Oh, women are crap and should be controlled because they're women" thing... <rolls eyes> A good Master (like mine, Master Chris) is both stern AND loving.... AND respectful to me as a human being. I love to be humiliated and beaten into submission and controlled as well... but Master Chris respects me for the strong, intelligent, educated (I'm a nurse) autonomous and independant woman I am... he pushes my limits with love, and would never Top me because I'm a "girl". That's just effing ridiculous. Our relationship is based on trust, protection, and a whole slew of other things, but most importantly that submission is a GIFT. It's not something you just demand and somebody gets on their knees and bows to the almighty. I submit to Master Chris because he's earned it, and he is my Master because I have earned it. It's an even exchange. Like Blue, we do what pleasures us both. The whole point of a M/s relationship is gratification for both, and that's what a lot of these bullshit wannabe Doms dont' realize.

And you did totally come off like a pompous ass.

CrappyDom summed my feelings up well anyway. Amen to you, Sir.

kylie

< Message edited by BrattyBottomRN -- 6/5/2006 12:02:47 PM >

(in reply to CrappyDom)

Post #: 31

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 11:49:16 AM

ExistentialSteel

Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

To lead and not allow for options and ideas from others is the mark of one who will not grow past what he currently knows..

I have a gut feeling that you are sincerely trying to be real here. However, what you just posted that I quoted is in contradiction to your OP. Maybe you have a hard time focusing and getting your thoughts down in writing accurately? I'm not knocking you, but something is not right and I'm trying to make you see what we are saying.

You talk too much about how you are a manager, etc. Is that insecurity ? Were you formally trained in colllege in management or have you worked your way up in something? Frankly, you don't appear to be someone who would have a PA. Maybe you have been watching Donald Trump on The Apprentice too much?

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to dogobedience)

Post #: 32

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 11:57:51 AM

dogobedience

Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Real, yes..

_____________________________

I start and/or reply to posts to further my abilities and share my experiences in this fantastic lifestyle.

I hope I am an intellectual instigator, making people think and or laugh and nothing more.

Tiger, proud owner of kali aka Tigerproperty

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 33

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 12:02:19 PM

Reflectivesoul

Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: dogobedience

To lead and not allow for options and ideas from others is the mark of one who will not grow past what he currently knows..

I have a gut feeling that you are sincerely trying to be real here. However, what you just posted that I quoted is in contradiction to your OP. Maybe you have a hard time focusing and getting your thoughts down in writing accurately? I'm not knocking you, but something is not right and I'm trying to make you see what we are saying.

You talk too much about how you are a manager, etc. Is that insecurity ? Were you formally trained in colllege in management or have you worked your way up in something? Frankly, you don't appear to be someone who would have a PA. Maybe you have been watching Donald Trump on The Apprentice too much?

I know you mean well but as I was getting ready to post that I think it may well be a waste of time.... I got beaten to the punch... because he did it himself...

quote:

Real, yes..

<edited to add>
for the sake of argument I think the kind of "PA" that he is refering to is like a UDA ( under desk assistant..." its a widely used term in some BDSM chat clients... generally by those who think thats all someone is worth or for...

< Message edited by Reflectivesoul -- 6/5/2006 12:04:14 PM >

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

Post #: 34

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 12:04:35 PM

BrattyBottomRN

Posts: 73
Joined: 4/3/2006
Status: offline

WTF, seriously, as Reflective said before... you're not even responding to what anybody has to say! I hate this enigmatic fake crap. ARRRRGH!

Quick, somebody cane me before I explode!

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 35

RE: Topping from the bottom-vs-ideas - 6/5/2006 1:32:28 PM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

For me, I like to step up to the plate and try to meet the needs of my sub. I think it's part of being responsible for her in that she puts her trust in my decision-making and in using good judgement. Knowing her as I do, I find when she does act out, which is very seldom, it usually means Ive missed the target and is as a result of not meeting her need/s. Rather than punishment, I try to discuss her feelings with her to see where I've missed my mark. I think that if I were an arrogant Domme, this would be far from my mind and I'd be hellbent on my selfish agenda as if I were wearing blinders when it came to my sub.

On the other hand, I see acting out differently than I do topping from the bottom, which I see as a conscious effort to manipulate me. In my opinion, this is what the sub wants rather than needs. I've never stood for topping from the bottom from the very beginning of our relationship. I know that if I did, it would make the difference between her trying to get an inch and turning it into a mile. The few times when this happens, she is immediately corrected for the attempt and depending upon its severity ~ it may be by my tone of voice or gagging her for a certain period of time. (I gag her since it was her mouth that got her into trouble.) But either way, when all is said and done, I like to use the incident as a spring-board to further teach/train her to meet my needs and well as my pleasures in being her Dominant.

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)

Post #: 36

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