RE: When's the right time to move to RT

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: When's the right time to move to RT

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: When's the right time to move to RT

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 4:42:54 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
140 miles.

OK.

I get it that we need to be motivated in order to go outside our own town/city. That makes total sense. But what is it, exactly, that would motivate you to go 140 miles. What would be "Hold on, I'm grabbing my coat" as you dashed out the door?

NOTE: I only deal in long-term relationships so my priorities make sense given what I hope to find. I'm only inquiring because I like to understand other people's priorities.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 21

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 5:12:06 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

140 miles. However I am going past on my way up north this coming weekend. So there will be a chance for a quick coffee or other casual short meeting Friday and/or Sunday.

Trip up north or otherwise, if you're thinking this much about her that you're trying to figure out how to get to her, just get in your car and go. What do you lose? A couple of hours of driving time?

I have learned, to paraphrase the wise words of the Bad One, if a man wants to meet me, he will. So, if you want to meet her, you will. Don't just make her a convenient stop while you're up north for other business. Just start your car and go. Soon.

quote:

Unfortunately distance isn't condusive to just coffee.

Sorry. That's a copout. See above. If you want to meet her for coffee, then go. Make it happen.

A man once flew across the whole damn country - California to Boston - for dinner with me. Show her you mean it, dammit. :)

ETA - Ironically, I was listening to Train's "Get to Me" while I wrote this, which might explain my vehemence. LOL

< Message edited by Kaliko -- 4/16/2012 5:17:04 PM >

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 22

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 6:56:23 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

FR

A woman rode a fucking BUS from Victoria BC to Iowa, just to meet me. If for nothing else, I will love her the rest of my life.

That is one helluva god damned bus ride.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 23

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 7:08:37 PM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

Such ambitions examples. I guess I'm not as much of romantic. Or just practical. I would love to take a cross country trip for the love of my life. If I had vacation days... lol.

I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 24

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 7:31:28 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

quote:

I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

HA! I really like this! I think I am stealing it, with your permission?, for my profile.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 25

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 7:41:20 PM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

quote:

I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

HA! I really like this! I think I am stealing it, with your permission?, for my profile.

be my guest!

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 26

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 7:58:02 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Such ambitions examples. I guess I'm not as much of romantic. Or just practical. I would love to take a cross country trip for the love of my life. If I had vacation days... lol.

I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

Well, then, I'm confused.

I assumed by you saying you wanted to meet her that you have already made the determination that she's not too far from you to have a relationship with. Correct?

If you'd like to, as you say in your original post, see if the chemistry is there in person, not rush things, and "wait for the fruit to blossom," then what would you be meeting her for other than coffee?

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 27

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 8:10:13 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

First, I agree with Kaliko. I think she is totally nailing this.

Second, about this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

That hasn't been my experience at all. In fact, I've flown for dates on CM. The response of the women has been some version of, "I'm so flattered that you're willing to come all this way to spend time with little ol me." Obviously there are lots of profiles of women who live closer. But I'm choosy, and not many women interest me. I'm not traveling because I'm creepy; I'm traveling because she is special.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 28

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 9:37:25 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Hi all. I've had some great conversations on here in the past. So thanks to the community for that.

This question is for subs/slaves mostly:

When you are starting to get to know someone on CM how do you like them to wait and when do you want them to push for Real Time? I understand how dangerous and apprehensive meetings can be (if not done right). So regardless of our interests and similarities, the attraction must outweigh the apprehension. We have moved to text from online and explored both our personal interests and kinks.

I would like to see if the chemistry is their in person. So in the near future I would like to meet her. Do you prefer a suggestion of meeting, or more of a stern invitation? Most of my past experiences have been fairly developed and a meeting was more hinged on when I would be back in town. So I don't want to rush this. Patience is key and I'm willing to wait for the fruit to blossom.

TL:DR How long to chat before RT meeting, and how to suggest it?

Personally, I would meet after exchanging one email if the domme wanted to. I don't think chatting or emailing really adds anything -- nothing is real until you are face-to-face. But normally the domme is in charge of the time table. If I want to meet, I just say it flat out. My philosophy is to not act differently on CM than I would on a vanilla dating site.

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 29

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 10:52:50 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Such ambitions examples. I guess I'm not as much of romantic. Or just practical. I would love to take a cross country trip for the love of my life. If I had vacation days... lol.

I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

There doesn't have to a fixed time limit on the first date. If you're going to drive a couple of hours, it's reasonable for you to expect her to have dinner with you and spend an hour or two getting to know you face-to-face. But, of course, there's no guarantee you're going to hit it off, or one of you won't want to bail after an hour. And if so, such is life.

Personally, it if it were me, I'd suggest a Saturday afternoon lunch. That way there won't be any pressure on anyone, and if you hit it off you can extend the day. I'd meet at some public place that was condusive to walking around and doing stuff if we were so inclined.

So in sum: Set it up so you have options, but no expectations.

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 30

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/16/2012 11:00:12 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

~fr

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

...How long to chat before RT meeting, and how to suggest it?

For me, it's a couple of emails, a phone call and then meet for coffee.

How to suggest it? Try "would you like to get together for a cup of coffee?"

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 31

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/17/2012 4:39:40 AM

Exidor

Posts: 135
Joined: 12/31/2011
Status: offline

If it's only 140 miles and you have a car, I can't see *not* arranging a meet.

Or, for that matter, if he can't be bothered to meet you halfway, I'd wonder if it was worth the time to continue emailing him.

> But, of course, there's no guarantee you're going to hit it off, or one of you won't want to bail after an hour.

Exactly. That's the whole point of arranging a meet. Sometimes you meet someone and things click into place. Sometimes they give off creep vibes. And I've learned the hard way, how people present themselves online or on the phone and how they present themselves in person can be dismayingly different.

< Message edited by Exidor -- 4/17/2012 4:41:46 AM >

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 32

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/17/2012 6:44:12 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

For me, if the conversations good, and they're local, or in the area, (20 or so minuets from me), then I'm all for a cup of coffee the same day as a first email. If someones further way, then it depends on when it's convent.

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 33

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/17/2012 6:47:23 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbyinlosangele

There doesn't have to a fixed time limit on the first date. If you're going to drive a couple of hours, it's reasonable for you to expect her to have dinner with you and spend an hour or two getting to know you face-to-face. But, of course, there's no guarantee you're going to hit it off, or one of you won't want to bail after an hour. And if so, such is life.

Personally, it if it were me, I'd suggest a Saturday afternoon lunch. That way there won't be any pressure on anyone, and if you hit it off you can extend the day. I'd meet at some public place that was condusive to walking around and doing stuff if we were so inclined.

So in sum: Set it up so you have options, but no expectations.

Ummm....no. Coffee. That way if there is no chemistry, you're not stuck for two hours. Part 2, a lot of people read way too much into dinner and a large chunk of guys think if they've bought you dinner.....that they have bought you. This isn't a first date, it's a first meeting.

I've always found that the best plan is coffee. If it's good, spend two hours over coffee. Then go home, calm down and determine if you even like that person.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)

Post #: 34

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/17/2012 8:51:36 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Ya, I had first date lunch with a guy who suggested a walk in the state park afterwards which I thought was sweet until I realized he was bringing a blanket with us into the park, which had looming storm clouds, mosquitoes and small children.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 35

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/17/2012 3:58:01 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbyinlosangele

There doesn't have to a fixed time limit on the first date. If you're going to drive a couple of hours, it's reasonable for you to expect her to have dinner with you and spend an hour or two getting to know you face-to-face. But, of course, there's no guarantee you're going to hit it off, or one of you won't want to bail after an hour. And if so, such is life.

Personally, it if it were me, I'd suggest a Saturday afternoon lunch. That way there won't be any pressure on anyone, and if you hit it off you can extend the day. I'd meet at some public place that was condusive to walking around and doing stuff if we were so inclined.

So in sum: Set it up so you have options, but no expectations.

Ummm....no. Coffee. That way if there is no chemistry, you're not stuck for two hours. Part 2, a lot of people read way too much into dinner and a large chunk of guys think if they've bought you dinner.....that they have bought you. This isn't a first date, it's a first meeting.

I've always found that the best plan is coffee. If it's good, spend two hours over coffee. Then go home, calm down and determine if you even like that person.

I agree with you for the most part. But if someone is going to drive 5 hours round trip for a meeting, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to sit through a meal with them. And, really, you don't have to allow someone to purchase your dinner. You can make it clear it's going to be dutch.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 36

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/22/2012 9:08:21 PM

kittycake

Posts: 42
Joined: 3/1/2012
Status: offline

I hate waiting too long. Nothing sucks worse than talking with someone online, and developing pseudo-emotions for the person you think they are, only to be disappointed. If someone seemed interesting, I'd meet the same day if both parties were available...in a public place of course. Local coffee places are the best!

_____________________________

All my soul follows you, love encircles you and I live in being yours. -- Robert Browning

His kitten

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 37

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/23/2012 9:52:03 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

If there's chemistry I meet quick...as in two weeks or less.
Why waste time. Life is short, don't fuck around.
Heck, first gal I ever met from CM was an insex model and hogtied gal...and we talked for all of three nights before deciding to meet.
Five days after making her acquaintance I was whipping her.

Not knocking anyone who does/feels otherwise, but generally it's been my experience that the real chicks on here, they want it as bad as you do, and they meet up quick

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 38

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/23/2012 1:14:23 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
I would think it kinda creepy if a guy is willing to drive 100's of miles to meet for coffee. Like what has he done to piss off all the women in the first 100 mile radius of him.

Classic lol!
And while I do agree with it to an extent, I also often suspect those who're too far off from me of using "distance" as a buffer between indulging their fantasies of submitting and having to actually do it.

As a woman, I want to meet prospective relationships in RT asap. I'm not interested in "getting to know you" online. I want to get to know you in person. If I'm perfectly content chatting with you online, it may be a sign that things are not going well for you in the relationship department (though I'm quite happy to just be friends) lol

When someone who doesn't know me from Jack immediately decides they're going to come all that distance to see me, I know they're either lying or running from something. I say "sure, let me know when you're in town", and I know I probably never will.

With someone I have a level of communication with, enough to feel that they're interested in me in particular, I take whether they're willing to cross the distance to come see me or not as a measure of how much they like me. It's all about the chemistry and intent of the person coming, in the end.

(in reply to EasyE)

Post #: 39

RE: When's the right time to move to RT - 4/23/2012 5:08:41 PM

EasyE

Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for all the helpful comments. I've gotten the opinions I was searching for. The consensus seems to be no consensus. Some say wait and some say go right away. I guess it is going to vary from person to person. I do understand the point of moving to RT quickly to avoid wasting time in fantasy land. I have experience and (supposedly, although I have no reason to doubt) am speaking to someone of experience. So I am not as worried about the typical apprehension to pop the kink cherry.

Like I said I've gotten enough feedback. So I'm going to leave this thread to its own ends. I just wanted to say thanks, one last time. Now I'm going to leave it to the archives for someone else's benefit in the future.

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: When's the right time to move to RT

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.092