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RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:16:53 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		Chatte, I am enjoying this discussion.

Most if not all of us, have been involved with the wrong people.

I don't see where anyone here, stated it was easy to spot a sociopath.

I just wanted to bring up the fact, that we often allow ourselves to willing get into relationships, with people that can be seriously disturbed/and or deadly.

Peace

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/15/2012 4:20:47 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:20:24 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Sweetie, I *am* smart. And discerning. And careful. And it happened to me.

Blanket statements like be smart are useless when you come up against a predatory sociopath.

They prey on weakness. Now tell me, who among us has no weakness?


Apparently I have a weakness for "perfect" sexy young fully trained slaves seeking a Master to build a family with.

You weak weak man

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:20:58 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

You were stalked, I was stalked. It's not our fault. Being smart or whatever has nothing to do with it when you are dealing with a sociopath.

They are good, they are really good. It's only in the end you realize how badly you are taken. Anyone who thinks it can't happen to them needs to think again.

I agree. I have had 99% awesome relationships in my life and 3 oddballs. The oddballs felt just exactly the same as the sane ones until the day the switch flipped . . . then fruitbats flew out of their mouths as scalded monkeys jumped from their arses.

However, I see his point about strangers that thrust a situation upon you verses choosing to have a relationship and dealing with your choice. Even if it turns out the relationship abuse is a form of stalking. Imagine we are just talking about abuse... a spouse beater is completely different than if a stranger runs up and assaults you in the mall. We are accountable for our choices and she was my bad choice. Her relationship abuse just happens to be in the form of stalking. I can see that point of view so I looked it up. He is wrong.

Stalker:
"a person who harasses another person, as a former lover, a famous person, etc., in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner"

So I was robbed and stalked, by a stalker... a crazy former lover that still stalks me to this day.

_____________________________

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I give good thread.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:26:43 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

You do realize, even expert psychologist can't always point out the sociopaths, right?

They are so good, so charming, so exactly what you want/need them to be, you really don't have a clue until it is too late.

I met this man in person. We spent a week together at my house When he left, I would have staked my life on him being for real, he was that good. And I have always thought I was a good judge of character, in fact career wise I am known for my ability to pick good hires.

The sociopath can mimic good social interaction so well, it's only over time you can determine they are not what / who they say they are. And by over time I am talking years, not months.

They can fake it for months no sweat.

I have known many people who like you think picking out a sociopath is easy and that getting involved with one means you are stupid or somehow flawed.

I disagree.



you didn't quote me, but your post followed mine, so I'm not sure if you meant me or not. i don't think it's easy to spot one, and thought i was pretty clear on that. i only meant what i said, no more, no less.

perhaps you're taking exception to me suggesting some universe connection, that we all make choices, as another poster's father once said. it's living life, and risk analysis with blind risks, i know you get that.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:28:37 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yes, I've had them. The online ones I just laugh and ignore.

The real life ones I just tell them they can either stop or they can can be arrested when I call the police department. That usually is enough to make them stop. Actually had one arrested....either way, they don't bother me for long.


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:33:29 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I knew she was “all broken up” about a previous relationship failure at one time. What I didn’t know was that “all broken up” didn't mean she spent the weekend crying in her beer… it meant she was locked up in the loony hatch and the kids were taken away.


I guess it's important to clarify

Sounds like she raised a brood of sociopaths.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:35:52 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Sweetie, I *am* smart. And discerning. And careful. And it happened to me.

Blanket statements like be smart are useless when you come up against a predatory sociopath.

They prey on weakness. Now tell me, who among us has no weakness?


Apparently I have a weakness for "perfect" sexy young fully trained slaves seeking a Master to build a family with.

You weak weak man

I really did have a weakness for a stereotype. I did however learn to identify a warning sign. All 3 of the oddballs had been Gorean trained slaves.

Now don't get me wrong. I do not subscribe to the Goreans although I fit in with them because I am very strict about protocols. The Gorean trained slaves integrate into my life seamlessly because of my old fashioned concepts of protocol. So do old school leathermen but unfortunately I am only looking for females.

Also, I am in no way implying that Goreans are oddballs or that being Goreans should be a red flag. No, what I am saying is that a couple rejected Gorean trained slaves turned out to be oddballs. If anything, it says the Goreans had the good taste to reject them, I should've thought about that a little deeper in advance. ... sometimes those big titties, round arses, the ability to dance and seduce, hold a good conversation, read to a man, give him a bath, cook for him, bed him well and keep his house in order will cloud my deeper advanced thought processes ya' know.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:43:30 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		Scary stuff. I'm so sorry you've had to experience this, ChattParfaitt. Like Marini said, your example is a very good example of how stalking is a power/control trip. The fact even a small segment of your life is still dictated by your ex is just awful. I do believe they either have no insight into what they are doing or they get off on it.

My ex was borderline stalkerish when I broke up with him. He found out where I was staying in the US, called Odeen at work & his personal cell phone. He wanted to come meet up so we could all "talk it out". He also emailed me at least once a day, plus numerous text messages & calls daily. He did not really stop till my Dad said to back off & I changed my number. I dealt with that for the better part of 3 months. I still get 1-2 emails/month. And Dad still gets called almost weekly. Now we are just keeping all the information for if we need to go the restraining order route. Coming 'home' and going to work was my biggest fear. I was so scared walking to my car, he'd just be there waiting.

(Since I was unable to get one because despite the relationship being filled with domestic violence, I had never reported it so therefore everything I had to say was heresay.)

_____________________________

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(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 4:57:21 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

quote:

I knew she was “all broken up” about a previous relationship failure at one time. What I didn’t know was that “all broken up” didn't mean she spent the weekend crying in her beer… it meant she was locked up in the loony hatch and the kids were taken away.


I guess it's important to clarify

Sounds like she raised a brood of sociopaths.

That was hindsight. Some info discovered by friends. Turns out she "took" a car in CA to come to FL. Took as in bought a car, didnlt make payments and left town. They eventually caught up to her here and took the car back. I would lease a car for her so she could drive up for weekends... now I understand why her vehicle wasn't in good shape. Repo took the good car.

I had visited her house before I moved her in with me. It was nice house. She had a nice job. I had no clue until her former landlord and her former boss came looking for her to collect money.

She was so cute, so sexy, so well mannered and wanted to make babies... just too bad I didn't ask exactly what being broken up entailed. I mean, when I tell a friend I "broke down" after long job or relationship ending, it means I didn't use my normal disciplines. I sat on my ass, hung out at the pool, drank beer and watched TV for a lazy weekend.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 5:10:25 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Sweetie, I *am* smart. And discerning. And careful. And it happened to me.

Blanket statements like be smart are useless when you come up against a predatory sociopath.

They prey on weakness. Now tell me, who among us has no weakness?


Apparently I have a weakness for "perfect" sexy young fully trained slaves seeking a Master to build a family with.

You weak weak man

I really did have a weakness for a stereotype. I did however learn to identify a warning sign. All 3 of the oddballs had been Gorean trained slaves.

Now don't get me wrong. I do not subscribe to the Goreans although I fit in with them because I am very strict about protocols. The Gorean trained slaves integrate into my life seamlessly because of my old fashioned concepts of protocol. So do old school leathermen but unfortunately I am only looking for females.

Also, I am in no way implying that Goreans are oddballs or that being Goreans should be a red flag. No, what I am saying is that a couple rejected Gorean trained slaves turned out to be oddballs. If anything, it says the Goreans had the good taste to reject them, I should've thought about that a little deeper in advance. ... sometimes those big titties, round arses, the ability to dance and seduce, hold a good conversation, read to a man, give him a bath, cook for him, bed him well and keep his house in order will cloud my deeper advanced thought processes ya' know.

quote:

should've thought about that a little deeper in

yeppers! stiff dicks (and full bellies) have low IQs. i doubt you could have even discerned in advance anyway. hopefully, you have some good memories, and learned lessons, and moved on with that. was it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all - maybe not in this case.


< Message edited by Karmastic -- 4/15/2012 5:15:02 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 5:18:51 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:

was it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all - maybe not in this case.


or in MANY - MANY - MANY - MANY - MANY cases ~ ugh

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The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 5:35:46 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

quote:

was it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all - maybe not in this case.


or in MANY - MANY - MANY - MANY - MANY cases ~ ugh

duh

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 5:50:30 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
..........The horrible thing about online stalking is that you never know if the person contacting you, showing strange interest in you, is an actual person or your stalker. ..........


I feel for you. I guess a DJ salary won't cover a bodygaurd.

I had an ex do some creepy online stuff. They contacted me in WorldofWarcraft the online game about 3 years after we broke up. They also emailed links and stuff to me at CM from a variety of anonymous accounts.

So I am playing WoW and I meet up with some lowbee that was all friendly and stuff. I had dual rider mount so I helped them quest a little bit. Then they made obscure BDSM comments. I was pretty weirded out by a stranger online asking if I had a cage or cross and I blocked them. For about a month, I would get messages from all these different players out of the blue asking me if I knew who they were. Finally my ex fessed up and told me who it was.

We had been together 2 years but she couldn't get pregnant (tubes tied). Now 3 years later she tells me she is married and happy. So I introduce her to my girl everhope who also plays WoW. All is well for a day, then she says her new hubby knocked her up and she has to quit because she is preggers???

I haven't heard a word since.

You never know who is at the other end when you are online.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 6:13:41 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		Sorry, stalkers don't take no for an answer. You laugh at them or call the police? They feed off that shit, it means that got a reaction.

Usually I can ignore your glib responses, this one struck me so totally wrong. If it was that easy to be rid of them, they would not be the stuff of nightmares (and threads). Or do you really think you are so superior to the rest of us you can't be stalked?

<shakes head>

What can I say. I'm glad you *don't* know what a stalker is. No one should have to know.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 7:40:45 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		FR
Thank you JanahX and everyone who shared on this thread

I had a friend--and that's all we were--friends--we worked together at a summer camp. She lived around the corner from me... and I can't say we were best friends or really close. After the summer was over, however, and I went off to college.....she wrote me. I was really busy at school (it was my first year) and I didn't write her back. Not just letters, but she remembered my birthday (I only casually mentioned it once when she asked) and when I came home during the holidays, she showed up on my porch.

She asked my parents why I wasn't writing her, and my parents told her a white lie--that I had moved on campus. She found me.

After College, I moved to California. She came by and my parents told her I moved and they weren't in touch with me. She found me. And this was before the internet..... believe me, I was NOT easy to find. I moved about 10 times in those 7 years-- she still found me and actually showed up. It creeped me out.

There was never a threat--and she never didn't anything that would have warranted a restraining order. But I tell you, it was one of the most unsettling things ever.

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 7:47:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		chatte, the one I called the cops on, was arrested. He went to jail for 2 months and paid a huge fine. Yup, that pretty much made him not want to stalk me anymore. He knew I'd just continue to have him arrested. So unless the stalker is rich eventually he'll run out of money and police will eventually keep his ass in jail with no bond and even if he did have a bond he won't afford it because he's been arrested before lol.

Otherwise, even if they don't take no for an answer, it's not a big deal. The more I shrug them off and ignore them in real life, the more frustrated they get until they give up. If you don't give them the attention they're looking for, eventually they go away from my experience.

Yup, had guys say they were going to blackmail me. I told them to go ahead. I have nothing to lose and everyone knows my life. I have zero to hide. I've had an ex say he had nude pics of me and was going to put them online. I told him to go ahead. He did with a few. I shrugged it off. Had another say he was going to break into my home. Told him I've been kidnapped by knifepoint from my own home once and if he wished to try again he was more than welcome. I'm sure the police won't mind the bloody mess on my floor I would leave of his ass.

I think people give too much attention to stalkers and play into their drama.


_____________________________

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Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 8:19:32 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		What miracle did you work to actually get someone charged and arrested?

After H left me, and his mental state continued to deteriorate, and he continued to follow me around the internet...I worried. He'd been to my office, my house, the whole nine yards. He was never threatening, and my utter lack of fear kept me from being a good target, but what about my family? I flipped when I found out about the road-rage gun charge that some fool judge gave him PROBATION for. He did genuinely stalk other women.

He hasn't tried to "contact" me in over a year. I have him blocked everywhere, and whenever he comes up with a new profile here, he views me...and I promptly block him.

There are a few people who post on the boards who, to put it kindly, leave a debris trail. Through no fault of their own of course, it's everyone else. They have very shiny surfaces, and talk such a wonderful story, who would believe what they're capable of once the human mask comes off?

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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 9:51:20 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		This really resonated with me - they are looking for your attention - negative, positive, - it doesn't matter. And threats dont seem to get them to leave you alone. I think what they hope for mostly is your silence.

I know online-here on this very site- I have pissed off more than my fair share of guys -disappointed that their Don-Juan moves didnt jive with me. And when I tell them exactly what I think of them - they just fucking FLIP. I mean - I seriously wonder how many a laptop has been thrown because of what Ive told these guys.

It also makes me so very, very glad that Im not or wont ever be physically in their presence. The responses to the rejection by some of these guys have are sooooo filled with rage. Its actually pretty disturbing. If I were in the same room as them - Id be a bloody pulp. You can tell they are that angry.

I know that this is where a lot of my stalkers stem from - an unforgivable sin of me jilting them and making them look the fool. Its like they cant let it go - I know that if they could, in any way possible - they would kill me.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Sorry, stalkers don't take no for an answer. You laugh at them or call the police? They feed off that shit, it means that got a reaction.

Usually I can ignore your glib responses, this one struck me so totally wrong. If it was that easy to be rid of them, they would not be the stuff of nightmares (and threads). Or do you really think you are so superior to the rest of us you can't be stalked?

<shakes head>

What can I say. I'm glad you *don't* know what a stalker is. No one should have to know.



_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.


(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 10:08:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		stalking laws of PA, harassment, invasion of privacy, blackmail charges, aggravated assault, deviant sexual behaviour,public indecency, public intoxication

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: The wonderful world of stalkers - - 4/15/2012 10:25:52 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		I have enjoyed this thread, thanks for starting it.

PSA == be carefui!

Peace

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 60
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