Starting out, need some advise on clarity

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Starting out, need some advise on clarity

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Starting out, need some advise on clarity

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/16/2012 8:45:30 PM

MBrooke13

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

I am not new to the lifestyle but I am inexperienced in my role as a Domme. I worked on this today and would like thoughts from more experienced Dominants. Is this concise and clear? It's not meant as a be-all-end-all but more of an outline to give a submissive the idea of what sort of things I'm looking for and some insight into what my Dominant style will be.

Post #: 1

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/16/2012 8:47:11 PM

MBrooke13

Posts: 2
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline

And ... for some reason it did not post correctly ... so here ...
I expect:

To be spoken to respectfully and sincerely.

To be obeyed.

(in a relationship)To make final decisions in our life while taking into account my submissive’s needs, desires and best interests.

My submissive to be receptive to whatever training I desire them to undergo.

My submissive to communicate clearly and maintain an attitude of transparency and honesty.

My goals are:

To provide my submissive with a place of safety and security where their needs would be met and their concerns would be heard.

To teach my submissive how best to meet my needs, serve me competently and be pleasing in their behavior at all times.

To organize my time and my submissive’s time to be spent responsibly in pursuit of our

individual and mutual goals.

To model the behavior I expect from my submissive in self-control, discipline and patience.

To listen to my submissive and refrain from reacting in anger or pain to my submissive’s words or actions.

To help my submissive grow as a person in ways that fulfill them individually and in ways that fulfill me as a Dominant.

I will achieve these things by:

Maintaining an open mind and constantly learning more about myself and my submissive.

Seeking mentorship, knowledge, and support from more experienced Dominants.

Remaining humble, accepting that I will make mistakes and taking responsibility for them.

Never losing confidence in my own control. Providing my submissive with the security that even in moments when I am struggling I have their best interests at heart and I will handle them with authority and affection.

Holding myself in deed and word to the standards I set for my own satisfaction and also to the standards my submissive needs and deserves to have a true, deep respect for me.

(in reply to MBrooke13)

Post #: 2

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/16/2012 9:08:38 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I think it's a great set of objectives.

About this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MBrooke13
Seeking mentorship, knowledge, and support from more experienced Dominants.

Why limit yourself to dominants? I've learned things from dominants, sure, but I've learned far more from submissives and vanilla people. If it were me, I'd end the sentence, "...from those more experienced."

Nice avatar, by the way.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to MBrooke13)

Post #: 3

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/17/2012 5:22:48 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

It sounds good to me. Just make sure that you have flexibility built in, as things change down the road.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 4

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/17/2012 9:29:37 AM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

There is a lot of 'I will always' and other 'always' and 'completely' type of comments. Keep in mind you can only do your best.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/17/2012 1:03:06 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

blah blah blah.. Actually those sound like they way most ppl view life. Attempt to better themselves by constant learning. And with learning brings understanding. I guess some ppl need to write it out and others know it instinctively.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to tsatske)

Post #: 6

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/18/2012 11:32:56 PM

lthrpup

Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline

Your outline comes across as a very well-designed set of principles for mutual respect and responsibility. It would be a good foundation from which to explore compatibility and mutual interests. Good luck, but it appears your thoughtful approach is the sort of luck you make for yourself.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 7

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/19/2012 6:02:51 AM

littlecherie

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
Status: offline

Good luck - seems okay with me if it's okay with you.
I'm experienced, Master was new, so I kind of started him out. He didn't get 'training' from other D-types lol
He's doing great so far.

_____________________________

LIGHTS
(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

(in reply to lthrpup)

Post #: 8

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/19/2012 11:08:14 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

Well, here's what I got out of it. IF this is mostly correct then you have painted the broad brush strokes accurately, at least for me. Here's what I interpreted:

You want a mature, mutually caring TPE relationship. You want to do that in a team oriented structure moreso than a "master/slave" type gig.

Is that more or less right?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to MBrooke13)

Post #: 9

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/19/2012 4:04:30 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

These are good rules for yourself. Others have mentioned fitting in how much can you realistically hold yourself to and building flexibility into it. But it doesn't give any clarity towards what you want in a sub and what you expect out of them?

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 10

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/19/2012 8:15:12 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

My best advice is to always keep your mind open to learning new things, from all sides. Other than that, enjoy yourself!

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 11

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/20/2012 11:58:42 AM

katty37

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/26/2012
Status: offline

hello how are you doing today hope you okay

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 12

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/20/2012 8:19:26 PM

NeterHaru

Posts: 1
Joined: 8/29/2010
Status: offline

MBrooke13, be yourself and enjoy yourself. Those are great points of reference, let it flow naturally and don't be afraid of making mistakes. Always strive to do your best and have no regrets!!!

(in reply to katty37)

Post #: 13

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/23/2012 9:42:28 AM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

I have 3 rules (I'm a simple boy, complex things make my head hurt)
Serve, please, obey.
That's it.
Why need more?

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to NeterHaru)

Post #: 14

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 4/26/2012 7:34:24 PM

sassy252

Posts: 6
Joined: 5/24/2011
Status: offline

I have been with my Sir now going on four weeks. I do have a sister as well and her and i get along great. She is thirty and i being much older fourty seven . The first week are two was great and it still is but she has become a little jealous when Sir is with me. We play together the three of us and Sir does play with us alone one on one as well. I was out with Sir yesterday meeting with my mentor her friend as well as another Dom. Not having seen Sir in over a week i was very excited and had gotten myself ready for play later,only to be let down and told he had to leave at a certin time for a meeting. Well i found out today that he went to her lastnight for hours. Dont get me wrong that is not the point. I dont feel jealous i feel betrayed lied to. Not only did he lie to me but the the Dom,Domme and Domme in traning. He also sent me a message this morning about 1:30 saying he just woke up to get a drink. The real truth was he had just left sisters house. How do i deal with this...I feel like he should of been open and up front.......why lie about where hes going after all he is the Dom. This has put some space between me and sister. we us to tell each other everything but now she has become very guarded. Help im not sure where to go are what to do.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 15

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 6/5/2012 5:04:06 AM

fldrkhorse

Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I like this. may I copy and use for my online training?

_____________________________

I'm not where I need to be, but I'm better than I was yesterday.

Namaste, I honor the divine in you

(in reply to MBrooke13)

Post #: 16

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 6/5/2012 5:24:49 AM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sassy252

I have been with my Sir now going on four weeks. I do have a sister as well and her and i get along great. She is thirty and i being much older fourty seven . The first week are two was great and it still is but she has become a little jealous when Sir is with me. We play together the three of us and Sir does play with us alone one on one as well. I was out with Sir yesterday meeting with my mentor her friend as well as another Dom. Not having seen Sir in over a week i was very excited and had gotten myself ready for play later,only to be let down and told he had to leave at a certin time for a meeting. Well i found out today that he went to her lastnight for hours. Dont get me wrong that is not the point. I dont feel jealous i feel betrayed lied to. Not only did he lie to me but the the Dom,Domme and Domme in traning. He also sent me a message this morning about 1:30 saying he just woke up to get a drink. The real truth was he had just left sisters house. How do i deal with this...I feel like he should of been open and up front.......why lie about where hes going after all he is the Dom. This has put some space between me and sister. we us to tell each other everything but now she has become very guarded. Help im not sure where to go are what to do.

Help. I'm not sure where to go or what to do.

Easy, peasy... COMMUNICATION.

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to sassy252)

Post #: 17

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 6/5/2012 6:36:26 AM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sassy252

I have been with my Sir now going on four weeks. I do have a sister as well and her and i get along great. She is thirty and i being much older fourty seven . The first week are two was great and it still is but she has become a little jealous when Sir is with me. We play together the three of us and Sir does play with us alone one on one as well. I was out with Sir yesterday meeting with my mentor her friend as well as another Dom. Not having seen Sir in over a week i was very excited and had gotten myself ready for play later,only to be let down and told he had to leave at a certin time for a meeting. Well i found out today that he went to her lastnight for hours. Dont get me wrong that is not the point. I dont feel jealous i feel betrayed lied to. Not only did he lie to me but the the Dom,Domme and Domme in traning. He also sent me a message this morning about 1:30 saying he just woke up to get a drink. The real truth was he had just left sisters house. How do i deal with this...I feel like he should of been open and up front.......why lie about where hes going after all he is the Dom. This has put some space between me and sister. we us to tell each other everything but now she has become very guarded. Help im not sure where to go are what to do.

For me, lying is a dealbreaker. If he is lying, I would say he aint much more than a jackass who wants all the pussy he can get.

To the OP, I really think communication and common sense go a lot farther than a list, but that's just me.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to sassy252)

Post #: 18

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 6/5/2012 12:38:20 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I have been with my Sir now going on four weeks. I do have a sister as well and her and i get along great. She is thirty and i being much older fourty seven . The first week are two was great and it still is but she has become a little jealous when Sir is with me. We play together the three of us and Sir does play with us alone one on one as well. I was out with Sir yesterday meeting with my mentor her friend as well as another Dom. Not having seen Sir in over a week i was very excited and had gotten myself ready for play later,only to be let down and told he had to leave at a certin time for a meeting. Well i found out today that he went to her lastnight for hours. Dont get me wrong that is not the point. I dont feel jealous i feel betrayed lied to. Not only did he lie to me but the the Dom,Domme and Domme in traning. He also sent me a message this morning about 1:30 saying he just woke up to get a drink. The real truth was he had just left sisters house. How do i deal with this...I feel like he should of been open and up front.......why lie about where hes going after all he is the Dom. This has put some space between me and sister. we us to tell each other everything but now she has become very guarded. Help im not sure where to go are what to do.

You really should start a new thread for this but in case you don't - I'd dump his lying ass and express to your sister how disappointed you are in her.

(in reply to sassy252)

Post #: 19

RE: Starting out, need some advise on clarity - 6/5/2012 4:03:16 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: katty37

hello how are you doing today hope you okay

Not sure if that was a FR or directed to Me, but I am good thank you for asking.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to katty37)

Post #: 20

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Starting out, need some advise on clarity

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094