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RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 8:31:42 AM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

She came home to find laundry piled up, the sink overflowing with dirty dishes, and the lawn needs mowing, but a big indent in the chair in front of the computer. He's busy.

Yeah, the wife came home and is PISSED at the state of things. He's now catching up on chores and having to keep his hands off the computer so wifey won't put two and two together - then he'd have to give up his online fun for good. Later there will be another woman, or he'll go back to the OP when the heat is off and tell a tall tale.

OP, Fucktoyprincess made a really good point. Now more than ever there is communication access. Gone are the days of home phones attached by cords and no computers. Anytime someone drops out of sight it's not from lack of access - they can find a way if need be. Hell once I borrowed a phone from a guy at a gas station because I locked my keys and phone in the car. There are people everywhere who have phones, even if you do not have one at that moment yourself, and our libraries have internet as Chatteparfaitt pointed out too. If someone stops contact its because they wish it to be so.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 21

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 8:40:10 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Ya, when my friend Bob was homeless, phoneless, and practically penniless, he still found ways to contact me. (Only when he needed something, of course.)

(in reply to risktaker9)

Post #: 22

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 9:07:32 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle
we were in constant contact last week, damn near 15 hrs a day.

While I knew this was a red flag, I didn't know how to express my intuition in words, but I now think I figured out how to say it.

Beware of someone who has no responsibilities. It probably means that he (or she) will not behave responsibly toward you.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 23

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 9:19:22 AM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Just be glad you found out what the deal was with him in just over a week - try two years of investment and then you might have something to be upset about.

Oh yeah - his wife came home. lol ~

ETA: after reading your "DOMS" profile - It might as well have a neon sign above it flashing " IM MARRIED"

< Message edited by JanahX -- 4/17/2012 9:44:23 AM >

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 24

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 9:31:48 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle
No communicating for a couple days wouldn't bother me except that, as I said, we were in constant contact last week, damn near 15 hrs a day.

His wife came home from her trip. There's no way a married guy can spend 15 hours a day chatting to a cyber porn delivery system.....and the wife tolerate it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 25

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 10:45:28 AM

peppermint

Posts: 5172
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

Why are you looking for someone online? You live in one of the most kink friendly areas in the US. They just had Kinkfest in Portland and had 400 kinksters there. The Vancouver Munch is just across the river from you and gets 100+ people. There is the Rose City Discussion Group. With all that available to meet real people real time, why limit yourself to online where over 90% of those you communicate with are not who are what they say they are? Heck, I used to take the train to Vancouver/Portland when I lived on Whidbey Island just to enjoy all the kink activities available there. You are so lucky to live where you do.

_____________________________

We are stardust, we are golden, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Yes, I am crazy about feathered creatures. I have a dozen chickens, 3 ducks, 5 geese, and 2 parakeets.

Revise that number. Just got 14 new chicks and 5 turkeys.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 26

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 11:07:04 AM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

Re: is my dom disappointed with me??

My best guess. He never was your dom. The two of you had some fun playing move on to your next cyber fling. Don't get all dramatic n shit. I mean you do realize cyber means "it aint real" right?

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 11:34:24 AM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

so so so so many good answers, nothing new to say except to vote!

i vote he's married, and wifey came home

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 28

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 11:45:53 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle
we were in constant contact last week, damn near 15 hrs a day.

While I knew this was a red flag, I didn't know how to express my intuition in words, but I now think I figured out how to say it.

Beware of someone who has no responsibilities. It probably means that he (or she) will not behave responsibly toward you.

Now THERE'S a good point!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 29

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 11:46:02 AM

josiebelle

Posts: 4
Joined: 3/31/2012
Status: offline

Wow.
First of all, I have to say that I feel like a big ol' horse's patoot right now. I never woulda caught the married flag. In my defense, he DID say he's divorced. He said he does IT work and goes to see clients from home, which was why he was online so much.
I shouldn't even say defense, because there's nothing to defend.
One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 30

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 11:50:13 AM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle

Wow.
First of all, I have to say that I feel like a big ol' horse's patoot right now. I never woulda caught the married flag. In my defense, he DID say he's divorced. He said he does IT work and goes to see clients from home, which was why he was online so much.
I shouldn't even say defense, because there's nothing to defend.
One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

Welcome to the site. Pull up a chair and hang out with us.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 31

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 11:52:43 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

If it makes you feel better, I knew a lovely family in Lafayette, Colorado, when I lived there. Prosperous husband owning his own business as a jeweler, stay at home wife, active in the church, trips to Disneyland, etc. The daughter babysat my child. I once asked her why her father worked limited hours and she told me that when he was getting started he had to work long hours but now, he was able to do mostly design work which paid better.

They nailed him years later. He was removing diamonds from rings, etc., replacing them with CZ, and fencing them. Yeah, I felt dumb then too.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 32

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:04:32 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

OP ---->

Stick around here some. Since you are new to all of this - so are many, many, many other people. And it DOES take a moment to figure a lot of this online crap out. It DOESNT operate the same way as real life stuff does.

This is the place to be - just for the fact, that a lot of new people - online or new to BDSM/Kink come here and ask more or less the same thing you did - "where did I go wrong".

Most of the regular posters here have lots of experience on and off line with this kind of shit - so a lot of the advice is well rooted.
Forget about this person - change your profile about him and start over. If he does contact you again - dont answer. He is a liar. As once quoted to me by a really smart person here on these very boards - there is no excuse other than him being in a coma for him to drop out like that.

Good Luck :o)

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 33

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:05:37 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle

Wow.
First of all, I have to say that I feel like a big ol' horse's patoot right now. I never woulda caught the married flag. In my defense, he DID say he's divorced. He said he does IT work and goes to see clients from home, which was why he was online so much.
I shouldn't even say defense, because there's nothing to defend.
One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

Josie, no reason to feel like a horse's patootie or tolerate such crap. Remember, lifestyle women of any stripe are in high demand, ESPECIALLY in real life. Take Peppermint's advice and connect with your local community, where you'll have the opportunity to meet folks real time who will be interested in getting to know you as a person, not expect you to be a pud-pounding delivery system.

Don't forget you have the upper hand here. Good luck and enjoy the journey.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 34

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:08:43 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle

Wow.
First of all, I have to say that I feel like a big ol' horse's patoot right now. I never woulda caught the married flag. In my defense, he DID say he's divorced. He said he does IT work and goes to see clients from home, which was why he was online so much.
I shouldn't even say defense, because there's nothing to defend.
One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

There's a learning curve with almost everything in life. You see what's going on here now and that's what really matters. Being older implies that you should have a body of knowledge in many areas of life, but if this isn't something that you've run into yet...well, that's the way it is. I myself started dating again as an older woman and had to learn a lot of things that perhaps I *should* have known by then but didn't. I do know how to spot a cheater much of the time because I've had my experience with it now

So hey...like Hillwilliam says hang out here. You'll learn loads and maybe pass the time away in a productive manner till you meet someone new. Btw I'm with you on forgoing the online thing, bleah. Figure out what you want and stick to it, you'll find someone. If the guy you were writing about comes back with some crazy story, don't be taken in by it. As so many pointed out, he is married for sure no matter what he told you. So take his stuff off your profile and put him out of mind.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 35

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:19:54 PM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

Oh hey, I wanted to add something.
As Janah said, online is sometimes something to be figured out, and it doesn't operate the same way as life. There are people out there who use whatever they have to get what they need, online lends itself to a certain type of person who will take advantage of things to be dishonest to others. If you got taken in by it don't feel foolish, it was designed to take you in. You aren't his first, and I have no doubt that he's got others on a string right now. I'm sure that the guy had a good patter and stories to explain everything.

Now you know some things to look for and most importantly, just realize that everyone else out here on the internet has their own reasons for being here, and some will use others to get what they want. I myself work online a good bit and places like this site breaks up the monotony for me. Don't beat yourself up over someone who was trying to dupe you, learn from it instead.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 36

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:30:10 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle

Wow.
First of all, I have to say that I feel like a big ol' horse's patoot right now. I never woulda caught the married flag. In my defense, he DID say he's divorced. He said he does IT work and goes to see clients from home, which was why he was online so much.
I shouldn't even say defense, because there's nothing to defend.
One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

Wow I guess ppl really are that naive. I got some ocean front property in AZ I can let go real cheap! One would think someone with that much life experience would know better.

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 37

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:38:45 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle

One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

Do you mean two short term BDSM relationships, or two short term relationships you whole life? If it is the latter, then, yes, you have a lot to learn about people and relationships. If the former, a relationship is a relationship, it doesn't matter whether you are kinky or not.

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 38

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 12:50:57 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: josiebelle

Wow.
First of all, I have to say that I feel like a big ol' horse's patoot right now. I never woulda caught the married flag. In my defense, he DID say he's divorced. He said he does IT work and goes to see clients from home, which was why he was online so much.
I shouldn't even say defense, because there's nothing to defend.
One thing...yes, I'm 54, but I've only been in two short-term relationships, and I have so much to learn. One was mostly online even though we were in the same town and it frustrated me like crazy. I swore to myself I only wanted rl from then on, but nope. Smooth talking and apparent interest got to me once again.
I thank you all for your observations. Better luck next time, huh?

Hey, take a deep breath, and relax. You caught a bad apple. But not everyone here is a bad apple. I think you just need to think more carefully about what you are seeking, and truly look for what you want (and don't get distracted by those who promise the real thing, but can't deliver). I am sure you will eventually find what you seek.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to josiebelle)

Post #: 39

RE: Is My Dom Disappointed With Me?? - 4/17/2012 1:57:48 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

Hey, I recently posted oon here about being stood up by a guy who turned out to be married. I missed only a couple of red flags - he said he'd call me then called me late at night, I now clearly see, after his family was in bed. If you take everything to be a red flag, you'd never meet anyone. Just don't put your heart out there for someone till you can meet them. And don't be scared of going to munches and classes alone. Make alot of subbie female friends, and learn to just hang out. You'll feel safer and more sure of yourself, that way, when you meet someone next time.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to fucktoyprincess)

Post #: 40

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