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My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 7:52:44 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		My mother called yesterday and said they're moving him from the nursing home to the hospice. He is suffering from dementia and Alzheimers.

He was a mechanical engineer. Smart as a whip with a really quick sense of humor. He was steadfast, caring and dedicated. He and my mother adored each other. They were companions for 36 years.

My stepfather has been in the nursing home 2.5 years. It's only the last month that he hasn't known who my mother is and she feels lucky that he knew her for so long.

I'm so sad and so frustrated that I'm 3000 miles away. I feel so awful that my mother is dealing with this. I'm so sad that I'm going to be saying goodbye to this wonderful man.



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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 7:55:31 AM   
Iamsemisweet


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From: The Great Northwest, USA
Status: offline 		I am sorry. I was far away when my father died, also, it is frustrating. I hope you are able to offer support to your mother in this difficult time

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 7:56:04 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I wish I had some words that would beguile you from your grief.

He had a good run, and I guess that there is a good in there somewhere to not have to be present and recognize your own downfall.

It will come to us all.    My sympathies to you and to a good man and father.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 8:02:30 AM   
poise


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Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I am so very sorry for the sadness you are feeling.
Distance is only geography. Your mother knows you are there for her.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 8:04:19 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
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From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Iamsemisweet
I hope you are able to offer support to your mother in this difficult time


Absolutely. We talk pretty much every other day. I work from home, so as long as I have my computer, I can work anywhere. She does not want me going home until after. My plan is to go home and to stay as long as she needs me.


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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 8:14:12 AM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		Sorry to hear that -
Life sucks so much at times = it seems impossible to get through it.
May good karma blow your way. Sooner than later to lift some of the sadness.

2012 has been a rough year for a lot of people. - not sure why. cyber -hug.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 9:18:04 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		((((((((((Osidegirl))))))))))

May you and your mother find some peace within the storm and your step father, have a peaceful passing.


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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 10:15:10 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


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Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		I hope this doesn´t sound insensitive, but I truly believe that the quicker his passing is, the better. Dementia is truly horrible. I wish I knew what else to say.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 10:19:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

I hope this doesn´t sound insensitive, but I truly believe that the quicker his passing is, the better. Dementia is truly horrible. I wish I knew what else to say.


That's part of what I'm dealing with. He was incredibly smart. In the beginning when he started having some problem solving issues, he was extremely frustrated. He confessed that it was his fear to end up like he is now. (Both of his parents died the same way).

I feel guilty that I wish his suffering was over and very sad that he's leaving our lives.


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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 10:28:22 AM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		I am so sorry ....
will put him in my prayers

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 10:34:43 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		I'm so sorry.

Dementia and Alzheimers are such difficult diseases. It is like losing your loved one twice. I'm really glad you had a strong relationship with your step-father, and that you are there for your mother during this time (emotionally, even if not physically). There is so much to be thankful for even when our loved ones complete their journey. Keep your and your mother's fond memories of him alive now, and in the future.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 12:24:10 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		You and your family are in My prayers. So sorry! ((hugs))

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 1:39:11 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

My mother called yesterday and said they're moving him from the nursing home to the hospice. He is suffering from dementia and Alzheimers.

He was a mechanical engineer. Smart as a whip with a really quick sense of humor. He was steadfast, caring and dedicated. He and my mother adored each other. They were companions for 36 years.

My stepfather has been in the nursing home 2.5 years. It's only the last month that he hasn't known who my mother is and she feels lucky that he knew her for so long.

I'm so sad and so frustrated that I'm 3000 miles away. I feel so awful that my mother is dealing with this. I'm so sad that I'm going to be saying goodbye to this wonderful man.



sorry to hear about this, good thoughts towards you and your family. i'm going through similar with my mom.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 1:57:39 PM   
LizDeluxe


Posts: 687
Joined: 10/2/2011
Status: offline 		I was going to go visit my father but had a change of plans. He passed away suddenly a week later. It hurts. My thoughts are with you.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 2:01:58 PM   
Marc2b


Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		Alzheimers is such a bastard of a disease, stealing a person from us a little at a time. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 2:33:13 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		{{{{{hugs}}}}}

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 2:35:30 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		My deepest sympathies and my greatest hugs, to you and your family. You are doing them proud

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 3:18:03 PM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		My thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours. May you all find strength with each other to get thru this. No one truly leaves us as long as we keep them in our hearts.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 3:19:55 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline 		I feel for you in several ways.

My grandmother died of Alzheimer's. Amazingly, she had one bright moment of clarity just before she died when she said a prayer for her husband, who had also just died on the floor above her in the hospital of a different cause. My grandfather had always said the two of them would die together, and turned out, they passed away within a few days of each other. He had always said each needed the other to survive.

My stepfather died a year ago. He was like a father to me, and my respect for him was (is) immense. He was a strong ox of a man who withered away before our eyes. It was harder to watch him in that slow fashion than to handle my father dying relatively suddenly of a heart attack.

I am also geographically distanced from my mother and could not offer support for her as she cared for her husband. It can be a helpless and sometimes guilty feeling, a feeling that neither of our mothers would want for either of us.

For what it's worth, I think your plan is the best one, given the circumstances. At the moment, your mom is busy with caring for him, processing her own emotions, readying and preparing. Right now, she's the caregiver and she can keep herself occupied a bit. When that stops, the void will be felt. You can help her then, when she will really need you, and be there for her to help fill the silence.

It's such a difficult thing to watch those who have been your strong leaders in life need care and nurturing from you, who has been the child. It's a sad experience, but also an opportunity for such growth and to experience love and sharing on a completely different level.

I tend to bounce back quickly from these types of things, and I can sometimes lead my family in strength. You will use your own gifts in handling this in whatever way will best help your mother. You may not be able to offer her your physical presence at the moment, but you will give her what she needs from you when the time comes.

It's an awful disease. My prayers are with you all.

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RE: My stepfather is dying - 4/18/2012 3:53:46 PM   
VideoAdminGamma


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Status: offline 		Good thoughts with you from me and the staff here at CollarMe.

Sincerely,
VideoAdminGamma

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