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CastleRock32 -> RE: would you play with a newbie? (4/19/2012 1:18:43 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
quote:
ORIGINAL: CastleRock32
I think experience is somewhat overrated, particularly in a sub. What a dominant wants is pretty specific/personal, so no matter how much "training" an experienced sub has, they are still a newbie to that particular dominant.
As a dominant, there are far more ways experience can be helpful, particularly with different implements that require (or benefit from) practice to avoid injury, or specific methods of bondage, etc.
For me personally, experience is far less important than connection.
I think experience for a submissive can be valuable too. At first I thought you were using the term submissive to mean no S&M, but then you went on to discuss "different implements" so clearly you mean more.
If you are talking about submissives/slaves/bottoms I would make a distinction between experience and "training". Experience means they have experience in certain types of play/kinks/equipment etc. "Training" is an overused term that doesn't really mean anything in my books.
I have introduced Dominants to certain types of play that I had experience in. These Dominants would likely not have ventured there had I not had the confidence from prior experience to allow us to go there as a couple. Several of the Dominants who I know were actually introduced to the lifestyle by experienced submissive/bottoms.
In addition, when I have had experience with the same set of things that a Dominant//Top has experience in, it allows us sometimes to gain trust more quickly because we know what to discuss, what doesn't need to be discussed, etc. There is a different dynamic and it can be a very fun one.
So I strongly disagree with your statement that experience in a submissive is overrated.
To the OP: would I play with a newbie. Only if their interest in BDSM, and their interest in learning about BDSM was genuine enough that they were willing to take the time to learn. But my answer is yes.
Great points fucktoyprincess. Yes, I was using submissive to mean sub/slave/bottom. And I think you make some great points about the benefits of an experienced submissive/slave/bottom and what they can bring to the table.
I guess as a submissive myself, I would prefer a somewhat experienced Top at a dungeon or place where I didn't know them very well (casual play), simply to avoid injury (not that experience is a guarantee of anything, but it's a place I'd start). I'd consider an inexperienced Top, as long as we limited the activities in this way. Overall, I'd still find an experienced Top more appealing, and (personal gut feeling) an inexperienced Top would need to show me that they knew enough for me to feel comfortable submitting.
I think you are absolutely right that there is value to an experienced submissive as well. I don't mean to say there is no value, only that I don't place a HUGE weight on that. My family is currently looking for a submissive to add to the fold, and we are not overly concerned with experience--we are far more concerned with connection, and we can work with experience (either way).
So I guess in direct answer to the OP, thinking of "casual play" I'd be less likely to play with someone inexperienced.
Regarding who I add to my life on a long-term basis, experience is almost irrelevant to me. Experienced bottoms can help guide inexperienced Tops and vice versa, and the inexperienced (I believe) can find their way together, ideally with guidance from other informational sources.
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