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When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:42:49 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

Post #: 1

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:43:39 PM

hardcybermaster

Posts: 904
Joined: 10/6/2008
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when you don't have to ask a question like that

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insert something clever or profound that someone else thought of

vanilla burger flipper

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 2

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:46:36 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

I'm well aware that I'm still a newbie. I accept that fact. I was simply curious how others viewed it, and thought it might perhaps be an interesting discussion. Simple as that.

But thank you for your ever so insightful reply.

(in reply to hardcybermaster)

Post #: 3

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:47:50 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

The day you stop being a newbie is the day you stop learning something new...hopefully, that day never comes.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 4

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:48:36 PM

hardcybermaster

Posts: 904
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline

seriously, everyone should be learning all the time. I am sure an "expert" would tell you that he or she is still learning. bdsm is no different from life, I am still learning stuff, everyday.
I guess you become an expert if you are out there in the community and enough of your peers tell you you are.
I wouldn't worry about labels though, most people are more interested in you as a person, not your so called experience rating

_____________________________

insert something clever or profound that someone else thought of

vanilla burger flipper

(in reply to hardcybermaster)

Post #: 5

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:50:00 PM

hardcybermaster

Posts: 904
Joined: 10/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

I'm well aware that I'm still a newbie. I accept that fact. I was simply curious how others viewed it, and thought it might perhaps be an interesting discussion. Simple as that.

But thank you for your ever so insightful reply.

lol, get used to snark, it's plentiful

_____________________________

insert something clever or profound that someone else thought of

vanilla burger flipper

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 6

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:50:12 PM

fucktoyprincess

Posts: 2337
Status: offline

I consider someone to be a newbie to the lifestyle if they don't have any real time experience with BDSM (even if they have read a lot about certain aspects of it). I consider real time experience to either be training or a relationship with a bottom/submissive.

I consider someone a newbie to a particular kink/implement/play/dynamic if they have never done it before regardless of how much experience they have with other kinks/implements/play/dynamic within BDSM. So someone could have spent decades in the lifestyle, but if they've never done rope bondage, then they are a newbie when it comes to rope bondage. And someone who is a newbie to a particular type of play gets treated like a newbie by me - in other words, even if I am experienced in it, we are not going to explore unless they are sincere in their desire and efforts to learn about how to do it safely and properly.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 7

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:50:30 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

The day you stop being a newbie is the day you stop learning something new...hopefully, that day never comes.

I always felt like this when I was working with horses. I actually loved the fact that each horse I worked with was different, and I had to figure out new ways to get them to comply and understand what I was asking of them.

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 8

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 3:51:37 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

I'm well aware that I'm still a newbie. I accept that fact. I was simply curious how others viewed it, and thought it might perhaps be an interesting discussion. Simple as that.

But thank you for your ever so insightful reply.

lol, get used to snark, it's plentiful

That's fine. Just don't expect me to respond to it without a dose of it myself, and perhaps an eye roll thrown in for good measure.

(in reply to hardcybermaster)

Post #: 9

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:02:19 PM

subbyinlosangele

Posts: 117
Joined: 1/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

This is like asking what does sub or slave mean? Everyone is going to have their own answer. Also, people might consider you or newbie or not based on your experience relative to theirs, rather than based on static criteria.

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 10

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:08:16 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbyinlosangele

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

This is like asking what does sub or slave mean? Everyone is going to have their own answer. Also, people might consider you or newbie or not based on your experience relative to theirs, rather than based on static criteria.

This is why I am asking actually. I am genuinely interested to see varying views on personal definitions of things like this. Why someone does something or defines something a certain way that is unique to them, I do genuinely find it fascinating. Not just on this particular subject, but pretty much all subjects.

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)

Post #: 11

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:08:55 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

I don't gauge in relation to "time in the lifestyle," or "time using tool X." What matters to me is a person's level of self-awareness and ability to learn and teach. There are some very young adults who I consider excellent in this regard, and there are other people who have been doing the same dumb shit for 40 years.

I know you didn't ask for advice on being a dominant, but I think this relates. If I had to condense everything down, I would say the following:

1. Feed that awesome feeling, "This brand new kink world is fun!!!!"
2. Feed that scary feeling, "This stuff is hard, and if I screw up, I might really hurt someone."
3. If you ever lose 1 or 2, step back and do something else for a while. If you are too impressed with your own skill, you really will end up hurting someone, including yourself.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 12

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:12:53 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

I don't gauge in relation to "time in the lifestyle," or "time using tool X." What matters to me is a person's level of self-awareness and ability to learn and teach. There are some very young adults who I consider excellent in this regard, and there are other people who have been doing the same dumb shit for 40 years.

I know you didn't ask for advice on being a dominant, but I think this relates. If I had to condense everything down, I would say the following:

1. Feed that awesome feeling, "This brand new kink world is fun!!!!"
2. Feed that scary feeling, "This stuff is hard, and if I screw up, I might really hurt someone."
3. If you ever lose 1 or 2, step back and do something else for a while. If you are too impressed with your own skill, you really will end up hurting someone, including yourself.

Actually I did join CM for the advice.

And I appreciate any that I can get, whenever/wherever I can get it.

That said those rules can apply to training horses too, except, without the kink of course, so, so far my brain has been connecting my experience with training horses with being dominant. It's not black and white as it sounds, and one thing my sub did tell me was this: "Pretend I'm a horse". It made me laugh a bit to hear him say that, but at the same time, in a way, there really do seem to be a lot of parallels between D/s and equines.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 13

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:53:48 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

This probably an obvious question with obvious answers, but another thread got my brain going and I have to ask; when is someone considered not a newbie to the lifestyle? Does experience come into play? or is it time? Perhaps a combination of the two? What are your views on newbies and when they're considered novices, rookies, experts, etc?

If you're mib and still got the wrapper on you, I'd consider you a newbie but still expect adult behavior in any event. 6 months to a year of active co-mingles in your local community or a 12 hour session in private with a compatible solid partner and you're out of the wrapper.. so to speak.

First burns are generally the cure for sub frenzy so a lot will depend on when and if that happens.

In some areas, I'm still an egg.. in others I am no longer an egg. Rating is relative.

mmv and usually does

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 14

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:57:10 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

i know you know there's so many dimensions to that question, good topic for discussion.

beyond the obvious knowledge of gear and positions (or of lack of it) and being safe and so on....

for me, being experienced means:
you know enough to know that there's a shitload of stuff you still don't know about (you don't even know what u don't know, u just know it's out there).

being experienced means being willing to evolve and grow and learn.

most importantly, being experienced greatly affects HOW you handle situations (new ones or not). nobody can know how to handle each new situation, so being experienced is having knowledge and past experiences that give you a reasonable framework to take on new experiences.

(in reply to subbyinlosangele)

Post #: 15

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 4:57:42 PM

risktaker9

Posts: 197
Joined: 3/10/2010
Status: offline

Tricky question. Someone can have years invested and be learning a new skill. Someone can be relatively new but have great communication skills and the ability to read people.

I'd consider someone a noob who was still gathering a basic grasp of things or a foundation of knowledge. So to me, someone starts leaving newbie territory when they understand what things mean, know how things are arranged between participants, and basic conduct in different situations. When they understand the simpler tools of the trade and how to handle them effectively and safely. When they have a body of knowledge about pitfalls and how to avoid them. When you could trust them to do a simpler action like give a spanking effectively and without incurring unwanted damage and do so with a level of confidence in themselves.

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 16

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 5:00:32 PM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bucephalus

I'm well aware that I'm still a newbie. I accept that fact. I was simply curious how others viewed it, and thought it might perhaps be an interesting discussion. Simple as that.

But thank you for your ever so insightful reply.

I think this site (and most BDSM sites) is altogether too preoccupied with labels and "status". Do what you enjoy and don't worry about whether someone here will see you as a newbie. No matter how long you've been at it, or how experienced you are, eventually there will be someone who needs to puff their ego by shitting on you... Might as well get used to ignoring it now :)

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 17

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 5:06:41 PM

Bucephalus

Posts: 93
Status: offline

BitaTruble; Sub frenzy is not something I am worried about going through, as that's not the end I like to begin with. But it does bring the question...is there a such thing as a dom frenzy? I've seen sub frenzy mentioned several times, and get a grasp of the general definition of it, but still begs the question of there being a dom equivalent to it?

Karmastic; I love multidimensional discussions with no clear cut answer, or any right or wrong answer. You can definitely learn a lot of new things from hearing answers to questions like that.

Risktaker; I like to think I have some decent communication skills and an okay ability to read people, then again, others could say the opposite about me. I've been reading and trying to build a basic foundation of knowledge for myself, and have been pretty dedicated to learning as much as I can.

(in reply to risktaker9)

Post #: 18

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 5:19:04 PM

Karmastic

Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

had similar question, and got some good answers here:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4084225/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4084225

the gist of it is that people & relationships come first.

(in reply to Bucephalus)

Post #: 19

RE: When are you not a newbie? - 4/18/2012 5:28:27 PM

VanessaChaland

Posts: 362
Joined: 11/23/2008
Status: offline

At birth only. Once you hit puberty and start having sexual fantasies, masturbating, thinking about, dreaming about it, knowing what you like and dislike, you are no longer a newbie.

_____________________________

If you want to know more about me and my interests, Google my name.

(in reply to Karmastic)

Post #: 20

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