Becoming a slave

Becoming a slave (Full Version)

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makemebeg4itnow -> Becoming a slave (4/22/2012 2:09:43 PM)
As I said in an earlier question, I am brand new to trying to become a slave. Where do I look for a Mistress who would be willing to train a novice like me. This is serious and I want it to be done properly!

Boudica -> RE: Becoming a slave (4/22/2012 2:15:38 PM)
You need to fill out your BDSM interests in your profile to give a potential Dom/me some insight into your fetishes for a possible match between you. You're on the right track by joining CM and getting involved in the forums here. Just be patient - it can take quite a while to find a compatible Dom/me to train you. I recommend that you read The Bottoming Book to learn more about the D/s lifestyle. Good luck!

Alecta -> RE: Becoming a slave (4/22/2012 2:23:32 PM)
Step away from the computer and meet some real people in your area. Go to a munch, attend some social events, and ask around there. Remember to be polite and refrain from being desperate. Good luck :)

lizi -> RE: Becoming a slave (4/22/2012 2:25:11 PM)
Well, you try to find a Mistress much like you'd find a romantic partner. You can use this site, or go to real life gatherings, but you need to get someone interested in you. The fact that you are serious doesn't really mean anyone else will take it that way until they're invested in knowing you and interested in finding out about you. If you want something done in a manner that suits you then make someone want you, be noticeable and have something to offer. Otherwise you are just another fish in the wide sea of submissive men trying to get what the others want too...a Dominant female. Not to burst your bubble but just because you are serious and want your 'training' to be done properly doesn't mean anyone else really cares about it. What would you do to make someone care about what you have to offer? If I were you I'd go to a local gathering and try to meet people that way, your chances are better there.

peppermint -> RE: Becoming a slave (4/22/2012 8:03:36 PM)
To find a Mistress you go to the places where Mistresses hang out. You go to munches. You go to events. You need to realize you are in a seller's market and you are a buyer. This means that you will have to try harder and do more to finally attract that special lady who might discover that you are a really neat person. I would suggest volunteering at events. You'll meet more people that way and you will be showing how helpful a person you really are. If there is a play party after munch, volunteer to get things ready before the party or clean up afterwards. People will notice you. Most of all make friends. Networking is great. Someone you know might meet someone who is looking and would be a perfect match for you. If you don't network and stay in touch with your new friends, you'll never hear about that perfect match. Do not start out by treating her as your Mistress. She is a woman first. Take her to dinner. Wow her with your great personality and sense of humor. Be prepared for quiet nights watching a movie at home or a date at the bowling alley with friends. Once you both realize you like each other then you can start in on the Mistress/slave dynamic when both she and you feel the time is right.

DarkSteven -> RE: Becoming a slave (4/22/2012 9:39:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: makemebeg4itnow As I said in an earlier question, I am brand new to trying to become a slave. Where do I look for a Mistress who would be willing to train a novice like me. This is serious and I want it to be done properly! 1. Why is it that you want to become a slave, rather than a sub? 2. Why do you want to be trained? What do you expect training to accomplish? 3. If you believe in training (I don't), then only novices would need it. 4. Why do you consider this serious? 5. Who determines if it was done properly? My take: Training is individual. Mistress Alice may emphasize high protocol and service, while Mistress Beatrice wants submission in the bedroom only. IOW, the concept of generalized "training" IMO does not really exist (aside from classes for Tops on technique and general simple protocol rules). Forget about finding someone to train you and look for a woman for a relationship. In that relationship, she'll teach you how to please HER. Helpful hint - women are much happier to give something such as training to someone they care about.

Madame4a -> RE: Becoming a slave (4/23/2012 5:08:20 AM)
Here's an idea.. why not change things a bit... step away from your computer.. and connect with your local community and meet some women... all kinds of women.. and men.. and make some friends. Get to know a woman or two on a one on one basis.. and THEN when you're both ready, perhaps she'll impart some of her Mistressy mojo on you. I think you'll find your 'search' a lot less frustrating if you make some friends..and make your search secondary. do things in your local community, your chances are a bit better oh yes.. and back off on that slave thing.. it take years of experience to make a slave... my guess is your romantic notions are getting the best of you.. its very romantic (to some) in fantasy but not so much in reality...a 'slave' to you may not be a 'slave' to me... my guess is you wouldn't actually care to be the kind of slave I prefer

nequam -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/8/2012 2:52:08 AM)
What is a slave? How do they differ from submissives? What makes you think you could be a slave? Being a slave is not easy. Being a slave is not glamorous. Being a slave is not for everyone. Being a slave is nothing like in the pornos and probably not what you think. If you genuinely want to explore this relationship style, then you need to take a serious look at these questions. After you've done that, work out what you have to offer. What can you do for a Mistress? What do you have to give? And i don't mean your bank account or your flesh. What skills have you picked up in life that would be a benefit to her and make her life easier? Only after you have given serious thought to those questions and found some answers (which will change over time), do you start to think about what you would like to get out of a relationship. Sure, what fetishes would you like to explore, but what else? Do you want a Mistress/girlfriend who you can pass off as a vanilla partner to your family & who will be happy to be seen that way, or do you want a non-romantic relationship, which is based on you serving her and her needs as required, in more of a servant mode? Are you attracted to women who like to laugh and not be too serious or do you like the old school teacher type of woman? Are you looking for a Mommy? Once you have answers to these questions, then start looking. Come here or check out a few other websites. Go to munches in your local area. Go to parties and events. Get to know people, even in this day and age, most people still meet through friends and friends of friends. Get out there, get your name and personality known.

Lockit -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/8/2012 5:37:47 AM)
makemebeg4itnow, you have posted a number of very similar threads or posts basically asking for someone to train you properly. You don't elaborate on what you think proper training is, nor do you bring anything more to your post or your profile that show anything about you except desperation to be trained... by just about anyone it seems. You are lacking in the ability to communicate what you want in a clear manner that is appealing to your target audience. If you don't put some effort into obtaining what you desire besides begging for it... which may in fact be your kink... all you will be doing or accomplishing is begging for it. Whether you are in person or online, your way of seeking is basically a turn off or lacks anything that would attract a dominant. Even being new to something, don't you think you can do a bit better on your own behalf of expressing what you want, showing who you are and presenting yourself as someone of interest? You can't be to successful if you are only begging for attention and someone to pick up on the fact that you are new and want something. Most of us need a bit more to take an interest in you. Even someone new to something, should have some social skills that enable them to present themselves as someone interesting to know. Bring out some personality and some information if you want someone interesting and worthwhile, because at the rate you're going, you will only attract those that are as desperate as you are.

CougarRick -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:01:56 PM)
I kind of wondered the same thing. I'm not sure about joining some S&M club, as I'm not sure it would be my scene. I would however like to know how someone goes around broaching the subject and finding someone of similar interests.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:07:08 PM)
A munch is not a club, it's people in street clothes meeting up somewhere and talking about BDSM and getting to know each other and help each other out

Madame4a -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:13:47 PM)
How do you find people with similar religious beliefs? or interest in motorcycle riding? or camping? hiking? esoteric spiritual manuscripts? porsches? you go where people with similar interests go... I find it amazing that adults think that finding partners is rocket science and there is some secret to this... (well there is, its a very special greeting and handshake but I won't tell you about it)... seriously folks.. basic human interactions... boy meets girl, hopefully she's actually dominant, if she's not.. he moves on... but for goddess sake, go where they are... munches, clubs... meetings, conferences... quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick I kind of wondered the same thing. I'm not sure about joining some S&M club, as I'm not sure it would be my scene. I would however like to know how someone goes around broaching the subject and finding someone of similar interests.

CougarRick -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:26:39 PM)
True, but how discrete are these groups? Is this a situation where I could find my picture all over the internet with everybody in the school knowing I joined? Secondly, what if you are completely new to this? Do dommes have any patience for newbies who may not fully understand the roles well and will screw up a bit, or do they generally prefer experienced subs who have done this before? quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a How do you find people with similar religious beliefs? or interest in motorcycle riding? or camping? hiking? esoteric spiritual manuscripts? porsches? you go where people with similar interests go... I find it amazing that adults think that finding partners is rocket science and there is some secret to this... (well there is, its a very special greeting and handshake but I won't tell you about it)... seriously folks.. basic human interactions... boy meets girl, hopefully she's actually dominant, if she's not.. he moves on... but for goddess sake, go where they are... munches, clubs... meetings, conferences... quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick I kind of wondered the same thing. I'm not sure about joining some S&M club, as I'm not sure it would be my scene. I would however like to know how someone goes around broaching the subject and finding someone of similar interests.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:35:14 PM)
Dude. It's people in a restaurant, having coffee and dinner and stuff. JUST PEOPLE TALKING. If you are working at such a level of paranoia that you are afraid to be seen in public having coffee with other people, you need to rethink your participation here. We are all people. You are new, so get out and meet PEOPLE and don't fixate on gender and orientation. There are no roles except those that we negotiate between ourselves. If you are polite to everyone, you will be fine. "Don't be a douche" is about all the advice you should need. Whether a dominant will have tolerance for newbs depends on the dom. I used to be nice to new people, once upon a time. Oh, I still am... [;)] Stop fixating on your fantasy only. It's not going to help you.

Lockit -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:35:33 PM)
Have either of you guys ever gotten laid? How did you manage it? Seriously, you apply yourself to do what you need to do to get what you want and it isn't rocket science in figuring out how to attract people, now is it? You have a brain.. use the fucker.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:37:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Have either of you guys ever gotten laid? How did you manage it? Seriously, you apply yourself to do what you need to do to get what you want and it isn't rocket science in figuring out how to attract people, now is it? You have a brain.. use the fucker. Isn't that the idea, that he hasn't? Or is that the other one? ~ my brain glided over that detail~

DarkSteven -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 2:47:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick True, but how discrete are these groups? Is this a situation where I could find my picture all over the internet with everybody in the school knowing I joined? Secondly, what if you are completely new to this? Do dommes have any patience for newbies who may not fully understand the roles well and will screw up a bit, or do they generally prefer experienced subs who have done this before? Rick, first let me differentiate between a munch and a play party. A munch is a bunch of people in street clothes talking, and some ordering food and drinks. No kink, no sexy clothes. A play party is the exact same people, but this time they're tying each other up and whacking each other with stuff. (Usually 30%-50% play and the others simply watch or chat.) Now, to answer your questions: 1. The clubs are very discreet. If any single person outed another, that would put the entire munch/party at risk because the attendees would quit coming. Every party I have attended has a rule against photography unless the photographer and the subjects all have worked things out with the host/hostess beforehand. EVERYONE at the parties has some reason why they do not want to be outed. 2. At a munch, your newness means nothing. Your conversational ability matters more than anything else. At a play party, your newness won't matter much - it would be more of a concern for a Dom/me who must know how to tie/spank/flog/whip/suspend safely. Your main responsibility when bottoming will be to communicate, especially if something goes wrong. You will likely not screw up. There are very few things you can do wrong, and most parties have an orientation first to go over the rules: 1. No photography. 2. If you run across someone from the party at a vanilla setting, be very discreet. Say hello if you wish, but do not mention kink or play. 3. When people are scening, watch quietly but do not interfere. 4. Don't touch another's property without permission, especially including owned subs. Don't touch other people unless invited to (handshaking is usually an exception). 5. Be respectful to others. 6. This isn't really a rule, but the more you can talk to people about vanilla stuff, the more they'll relax around you. That's pretty much it.

CougarRick -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 3:08:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit You have a brain Nobody has ever accused me of that before

CougarRick -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 3:11:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit Have either of you guys ever gotten laid? How did you manage it? Seriously, you apply yourself to do what you need to do to get what you want and it isn't rocket science in figuring out how to attract people, now is it? You have a brain.. use the fucker. Isn't that the idea, that he hasn't? Or is that the other one? ~ my brain glided over that detail~ That was me. Talking on the internet about losing it to an older woman is easy, because it is just fantasy. In reality, if I were to meet a domme my bravado might uhm......whither a bit at first and I would want to go a bit slow and have some idea who I'm dealing with before I jump in. Beleive it or not while it excites me, I think I might be a bit nervous at first. Most guys my age lose it to another high school girl. While the idea of being with an older domme has it's appeal in fantasy, the reality is something I might wish to take slower.

Lockit -> RE: Becoming a slave (5/14/2012 3:21:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CougarRick quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit You have a brain Nobody has ever accused me of that before Now Rick... that is how you do it! [:D] See... a bit of personality works! Make some women laugh... in a smart way and it gets their juices going! Banter is good. You have it... you may need to brush up on some confidence when meeting with women... but you push a few laugh boxes and you might stand a chance!

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