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Focus50 -> RE: Whats the difference (5/5/2012 3:32:34 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet
quote:
ORIGINAL: JeffBC
quote:
ORIGINAL: Englishcrumpet
then follows the passive obedience and the happy compliance and acceptance that comes from knowing youre following a guy youve worked with to develop enough trust to passively obey.
For Carol and I it works a bit differently. For us there is the "passive obedience for stuff that is now normal" and "oh crap I need to submit to this new ludicrous command". For me, about the time Carol was able to just happily and passively submit would be the time I knew I was no longer the leader. At that point, we aren't going anywhere any more... we're drifting... so there is no leader. As long as I am pushing our dynamic then she won't be able to be passive about it.
thats a good point, but i suppose it depends how you see 'passive' - for me living in that place where submission has become effortless is a real joy. to feel that effortless submission means that i am where i need to be, im home, ive arrived. the leadership is still apparent for me to be in that effortless state but its become a partnership where im not restless and He's got me where he wants me.
the anti can get upped at any time just to push me and stretch me and i definitely need that too - but once ive accepted someones leadership its because his leadership is one i really respond to already.
Hafta totally disagree with JeffBC on "passive obedience". To me, that's when a sub *IS* in a good mental place within a D/s relationship - as opposed to serving a passive dominant. To choose to follow (serve, obey etc) one who isn't proactively leading means neither of you is moving forward, and so both are lost.
Passive obedience, on the other hand, is when the sub is accustomed to following one who is in charge and taking responsibility for both and the decisions that need to be made. Such a proactive Dom leaves the sub to concentrate on what subs do best; a secondary or support role to what the Dom needs and desires of her. The "passive obedience" is a way of saying he may not actually need anything of her in a given moment, but it's always there to call upon.
No offense to Jeff, but he's usually the first to say he's the "vanilla guy" around here, and you need to bear that in mind when considering his comments. I, and I'd imagine the same for most Dom/mes, don't need to be constantly churning out commands in order to feel we're in charge or validated etc. My girl is still a grownup and I expect her to have her own interests (as do I) when I don't require her service or company - "passive obedience" mode.
Focus.
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