RE: Sex

RE: Sex (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 6:55:22 PM)
Or else it's just you.

LadyPact -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 7:07:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss Thanks for your replies, mostly. Up to now the replies seem to say that sex has little to do with DS, to me it has almost everything to do with it and I disagree with the posters on that. Also they say women seem to have a higher libido than some of the men they are with, I am bitter (probably true although I don't have an icon saying I am insane), women hate scheduled sex (something I never suggested or mentioned). Alecta: men put a higher priority on sex. No comment really on Mf having sex more that Fm other than regarding LadyPact its up to the dominant, also JeffBC, or Elan, take the subs mood into account/ its a mutual thing. Chastity or cuckolding, not relevant to what I was asking although thinking about it Mf used to practice it in the middle ages and having more than one woman isn't uncommon on the other side Mf. By any chance are you what some folks would call a bedroom submissive? I'm asking because you say in the above that D/s is all about sex. The relationship comparison sounds more like a fuck buddy situation. I mean, most vanilla folks wouldn't say their marriage is all about sex. If you are asking if male led dynamics have more sex than female led ones, I don't know if there is a way to determine that. If there is, this may not have been the best place to ask because you are addressing an audience that is primarily Dominant women. Most of us aren't involved in male led relationships, so we don't have that perspective. I can tell you that, in My marriage, which has no authority dynamic, I am probably the person with the higher sex drive. That hasn't been universal in all of My relationships. Sometimes, I've been the person with the lower sex drive. I highly doubt that helps if that is your actual question. However, thanking people "mostly" for their effort is a bit odd.

focalss -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 7:43:48 PM)
I think of myself as mostly a service submissive. However I hate to be abused or taken advantage of and to make sense of that if what I do isn't appreciated or reciprocated in some way then I will feel taken advantage of whether that is a sub point of view or not. That may not make sense, but if it is not consentual then I am not going to be a party to it and if the woman is not as attracted to me as I am to her then the whole thing will just not go anywhere. Regarding the thanks, I think it is polite to thank people for responding. Regarding whether I had my mind made up from the beginning, to the extent I said its mostly driven by sex for me yes. The comments here by and large say its not about sex primarily for most people from what I have read. Whether that is a representative sample or not that's what people have replied on this topic. Of course not too many malesubs have replied either but this is ask a mistress.

Alecta -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 7:53:40 PM)
Sounds like you're the sort that barters services for sex. To most, a service sub is one who enjoys service for its own sake, not in expectation of sexual reciprocation. Could this be the trouble? Women get a lot more out of D/s than sex. And like I said, getting sex isn't a priority, because it's not something that's in scarcity for us.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:02:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss I wouldn't / don't submit to someone in a situation where the frequency of sex was / is unacceptable to me. For me the submission would come in the power exchange in other areas doing things such as cleaning the bathroom etc I would not ordinarily find pleasurable. Again I see it as where it is the F who wants less than the m, usually. Life is compromise to some degree, especially for the submissive. For me dominating somebody has nothing to do with wanting to fuck that person, in fact for me it's a different kick. Sex is what I have with my partner, not with somebody who's submissive to me. So we wouldn't be suited in the first place, because it sounds like sex is what's important to you and the submissiveness is just a little kinky topping on the cherry, as long as she fucks you enough, you're submissive... I couldn't deal with that.

focalss -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:04:09 PM)
I think barter is a distasteful word in this context. I think a lot of male subs expect something or at least the truth upfront about what they can expect and don't get it. If you get service and the submissive gives you service do you think it isn't about sex for him whether or not it is for you? Do you think there is an emotional component for him whether or not there is for you? Does he do the service because that service is a hobby for him?

focalss -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:06:22 PM)
See here is where there is the disconnect and submales get no respect. You don't have sex with submales. On some level I interpret that as you not respecting them and you taking advantage of them.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:14:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss See here is where there is the disconnect and submales get no respect. You don't have sex with submales. On some level I interpret that as you not respecting them and you taking advantage of them. Yeah, obviously they get no enjoyment out of being dominated by me and they just do it out of the goodness of their hearts. Are you for real? You mean because I am not sexually attracted to a guy I exploit him? Yeah, I only spend a lot of money on equipment that excites the guy too. And for the record, not every submale is quite as obsessed with fucking his dominant as you are. Some guys get sexually excited about the experience, for them actually having sex with the female dominant would ruin it, they love that they know there will never be any penetration. You know I'm just life-style, but there are a hell lot of pro dommes out there who never have sex with a client, how exploitative they are, they offer a service to the submissive and the sub pays for it, obviously they must force them... Maybe I should charging, since I obviously exploit the guys anyway, I'm such a bad terrible person... You are actually a fine one to talk about the disconnect and no respect, obviously you have a lot of experience in being disrespectful. You can interpret that on whatever level you like, I wish you good luck in finding a dominant you can top into giving you as much sex as you like, you'll need all the luck in the world on that one.

AAkasha -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:16:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss I think barter is a distasteful word in this context. I think a lot of male subs expect something or at least the truth upfront about what they can expect and don't get it. If you get service and the submissive gives you service do you think it isn't about sex for him whether or not it is for you? Do you think there is an emotional component for him whether or not there is for you? Does he do the service because that service is a hobby for him? Some people get a rush - a charge - a thrill- or a deep satisfaction from service/submission/surrender or dominance/topping/sadism that is different than, better than, equal to but not the SAME as various pleasures of orgasm, sexual intimacy, oral sex or intercourse. I can have orgasms (clitoral, vaginal, nipple) a variety of ways, with partners, with myself, with toys. The only way I can have the body shaking rush and toe curling "femdom orgasm" is when a man suffers for me physically in "just that certain way" and emotionally I 'climax' as a result of it, usually after a build up, and I might never see his penis and he may never see my pussy. It's a different set of mechanics. The two types of orgasms can mix or not mix. The bottom line is that I have an appetite for both in my life. Some men also have an appetite for both and so they are content "serving" and getting "whatever they enjoy" from their service (emotionally, psychologically, mentally, sensually, sexually or physically) or surrender. The key is that everyone involved understands their needs and expectations and is clear up front. A lot of people don't even have a handle on what they want or need or even what they feel, or they have fantasy mixed in with reality and unrealistic expectations, plus a healthy dose of emotional expectations they can't disengage from physical needs. It can get messy. I know I can top someone if I have good chemistry and I can have a mindblowing "femdom o" and go my merry way. Sometimes that's all I want. Akasha

focalss -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:18:01 PM)
Yeah, obviously they get no enjoyment out of being dominated by me and they just do it out of the goodness of their hearts. Are you for real? You mean because I am not sexually attracted to a guy I exploit him? Maybe I should charging, since I obviously exploit the guys anyway, I'm such a bad terrible person... You said it.

LadyPact -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:27:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss I think barter is a distasteful word in this context. I think a lot of male subs expect something or at least the truth upfront about what they can expect and don't get it. If you get service and the submissive gives you service do you think it isn't about sex for him whether or not it is for you? Do you think there is an emotional component for him whether or not there is for you? Does he do the service because that service is a hobby for him? With this reply and the one you wrote just before this, I am thinking that you and I have different definitions of the term service submissive. In clip's case, no. The service was not done with some intent of it being in exchange for sex. In general, he's just wired to doing things for other people because he wants to be helpful. I would absolutely say that he grew to have an emotional attachment, but doesn't that tend to happen in any kind of close relationship over time? I'm thinking he can explain it better than I can.

LPslittleclip -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:51:11 PM)
yes i do enjoy doing things for others without a expectation of sexual reward i did start as a service oriented submissive and only after developing deep attachments did sexual service occur. sex is not a expectation or demand for me it is something that happens when my Mistress wishes it. i have met others that have a M/f, F/m and have no sex involved. if you feel that you are a submissive and sex is something that you want/need more of then that you will have to negotiate that with the Dominate/top.

LadyConstanze -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 8:55:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss Yeah, obviously they get no enjoyment out of being dominated by me and they just do it out of the goodness of their hearts. Are you for real? You mean because I am not sexually attracted to a guy I exploit him? Maybe I should charging, since I obviously exploit the guys anyway, I'm such a bad terrible person... You said it. And you obviously don't get it, you know I don't have the time or inclination to explain the concept of irony to a person who's sorely ruled by his dick that he can't even fathom the thought that people might get something out of it without intercourse. For the record, irony is not the land where the Ironians live... How would I exploit those guys, pray tell? Please tell the masochist who really enjoys when I whip him that I exploit him because I don't fuck him, and tell the lovely sub I have (he's a virgin and loves that fact) that I'm exploiting him by giving him the underwear I sort out, so he can wear it under his clothes and goes to work with it, he also gets a kick out of polishing my shoes, you mean I should just rape him because you said so? Obviously you have no comprehension what makes other people tick, you just want to get laid or else somebody exploits you. I dread to think what you expect from a woman if you ever buy her a cup of coffee, or heaven forbid a dinner...

focalss -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:00:53 PM)
You know I am going to put this out here. We don't have a different view of what service is we have a different approach to life. Submission is a big emotional investment to me to put it in economic terms also. To be with a woman and submit to her when she disdains submissive men, doesn't have sex with them, has her own partner, all that is a dead end. Maybe I could be with married women but I choose not to. To be all in with a dominant and not have sex with her is a dead end to me. To the men and women who are in a marriage where they are not fulfilled sexually there is a problem there. To Alecta, its great you are so beautiful you can have your pick of anyone you want. I read your profile you say you are an emotional sadist so its clear you know what you are doing. To comment on the reversal of gender roles, the women here seem to be able to compartmentalize sex and dominance in the way men typically compartmentalize love and sex. To Akasha, I often read your stories. To hear you get orgasms from femdom activities proves to me it is sexual for you just as it is for me.

focalss -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:05:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze and you obviously don't get it, you know I don't have the time or inclination to explain the concept of irony And you don't understand the concept of hipocracy

AAkasha -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:09:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss To Akasha, I often read your stories. To hear you get orgasms from femdom activities proves to me it is sexual for you just as it is for me. I said I can have a "femdom orgasm" from femdom activities which I describe and it is not the same as a sexual orgasm (which I described as clitoral, vaginal or nipple). I actually first coined the term "femdom orgasm" on my site in an article in 1996 (yikes!) in the section "articles" and it is still there today. I still have "femdom orgasms" today and they are still not related to "the other kind of orgasm" with the only coincidence that they both make me very, very wet. As I defined in the article, they feel (bodily) like an orgasm (shaking, toe curling, blurred vision, shudders) and have a definite peak followed by an all over "sensitivity" and need to "end" the activity and stop. But it's not sex. It's not(the pleasure feeling) originating in my pussy. It originates from my belly for lack of a better place, the same physical location you feel a ping when you are on a roller coaster or a little higher, right under the rib cage - it's like a pulsing similar to an orgasm but it radiates from my chest. Best way I can describe it. As good as a "traditional orgasm?" HELL YES. The only difference is that I cannot replicate it with a vibrator or my own fingers, it requires the surrender of another person and the right chemistry and timing. This is a femdom orgasm. Not sexual orgasm. Can I mix it with one? Sure. Can I have a femdom orgasm and a clittoral orgasm at the same time? Sure. To be honest, it's not that great, it's for lack of a better word, sensually confusing. I like the two separate, OR, ideally, I like a femdom orgasm, a short break, then traditional sex, maybe, if I am not too tired. Or, really, just both separate, because they originate from a different part of my brain it seems, even though all things femdom make me very. very, very, very wet. Akasha

cloudboy -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:32:38 PM)
Not having control and not getting what you want from your partner can be quite the conundrum, but successful partners find ways to make things work. Even though BDSM relationships look like a "command structure," the truth is they are a partnership.

Alecta -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:41:52 PM)
OP, you expect to get sex from doing the chores, that's bartering. I cannot speak to whatever connotations you attach to the word, you expect sex in exchange for dishes, that's all I mean. I encourage you to reflect on what clip said, though, and consider that perhaps your problem is you're giving people false expectations of yourself by using the wrong labels and therefore contacting people who are fundamentally wrong for you. There isn't anything right or wrong about how you expect to be treated or handled, you just have to be clear about it in order to avoid misunderstandings and situations that arise out of that, especially in connection to yours and their expectations. I would not call you a service sub, I myself would probably describe you as a sexual sub who enjoys the humiliation of service. A service sub does the task for the task's sake, not in expectations of getting laid later. They take on the task as their way of expressing their feelings for the Dom/me, the way some people do, whereas the average submissive who does the chores does them because he has been told to. Any actual service submissive would tell you that just because doing laundry is how they express themselves does not mean they will do it for just anyone. Of course there is an emotional exchange in any relationship, otherwise it isn't a relationship. There are many women who aren't attracted to service subs, and there are women who are. There are those who enjoy their company, and those whose fantasies are to rape the sexually unwilling service sub. But I don't think you're interested in what Dommes are attracted to in service subs, nor what women get out of spending time with men in generally besides sex.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:45:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: focalss Since this can be classified as a sex site I am going to ask what I think is a question I just don't understand about women. I like sex and don't get enough. I read a quote that in a Mf relationship it is usually accepted or given that the man will have as much sex with the f as he wants. In the Fm relationship the woman is free to not have sex with the m. (BTW I don't understand chastity or cuckholding, and never will.) Essentially, which I question, the assumption is women don't like regular sex i.e. intercourse. For the women, what is your view, to me DS is about sex along with some other things including power. Or are men just a bother to women with their demands for attention, sex, care etc. I know women care more about emotions (in general). I heard a woman talk about clothes, and the conversation went something like, "I don't know how I will feel about wearing this color or this dress or blouse tomorrow." Does this essentially translate to, "I can find women who will fuck me but not dominate me, and I can find women who will dominate me but not fuck me, but I can't find one who will do both, so I'm frustrated?"

LadyConstanze -> RE: Sex (4/26/2012 9:50:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 Does this essentially translate to, "I can find women who will fuck me but not dominate me, and I can find women who will dominate me but not fuck me, but I can't find one who will do both, so I'm frustrated?" My first thought too, but then I saw the replies and I think it comes down to "Can't find women, because the bitches refuse to be like I want them to be" - that or "Look, I can type with only one hand"

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.0625