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RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 5:34:15 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Awareness
So much of what's posted here could come from the same two or three mouths and there's a lack of genuine difference in the opinions expressed. More so recently, although that puts forward the idea that much of the more interesting discussion actually sprung from ArPig's fictional characters - which is something of a savage indictment of the group-think here.

I attribute the relative blandness of the boards to two things: the main draw of new blood is from people who are single and looking (hence using the profiles on the other side), while the main draw of FetLife is people who are active in some local community somewhere, and/or who just like cruising kinky pics. Also, marginalized groups, such as the gender nonbinary or the scat fetishists, have a means on Fet to create a safe space where if someone says something hurtful (in their eyes), it can be immediately erased.

Plenty of interesting and controversial posters left well before Arpig's rise to board domination, and plenty more left as a result of it. Not that anyone finds my own posts interesting, but I certainly wouldn't be here unless he were gone. My life is too short for that level of bullshit.

Incidentally, I consider "usefulness" to be a word that requires motion toward a particular goal. Your own goal seems to be one of exposing the weaknesses of others to searing light. It's a valuable skill to be able to do that, but I'm not sure how useful it is. The urge to destroy is also a creative urge? Maybe better to use a thought process like, "Okay, here are the ways X Y and Z persons are weak. Now what can I do to strengthen them all at the same time?"

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Awareness)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 5:45:29 AM   
littlecherie


Posts: 137
Joined: 3/29/2012
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They don't go together, but they can. Being dominant just means being in charge, the level depends on the people.

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LIGHTS
(hellionsLight)

http://anewslave.blogspot.com

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RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 5:48:57 AM   
SaintJohn


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Authority, by nature, teaches, in and of itself.

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 6:19:06 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
What say you?

I think that's a stupid statement.


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 8:53:43 AM   
Lockit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
What say you?

I think that's a stupid statement.



LOL... It sounded better in my head! I was joking and that came from a number of places. But, yes... it is a stupid statement... but that was kind of where the words and the joke in my head made it make sense. In context of my post, it didn't make sense.

Thank you! lol


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RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 9:13:57 AM   
JeffBC


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LOL.. just to make sure I'm being clear. No, I do not think that one needs to assume a teaching/leading role in general or in any particular scenario in order to be "dominant". Even in the sense of "social dominance" rather than "kink dominance", I don't feel compelled to teach or lead everyone and everywhere. So someone looking at just one aspect of my life might well see me to be a follower. Someone else looking at a different aspect would see me as arrogant and domineering. So pretty much no matter what definition of "dominant" I pick, the statement that you must lead/teach to demonstrate that is... well... "stupid" :)

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 9:28:34 AM   
Lockit


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ROFL... I have got to get my head out of all these history books, all night long, take some ibuprofen, some coffee and just sit... or hell, maybe just some laughter at my foggy brain will shake me awake! God... I am scaring myself!  I so didn't catch that and only remember what was going on in my head when I said... what say you?

I may need a keeper!


_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 10:19:57 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VanessaChaland

Anyone can teach and anyone can learn from subs, Doms, slaves, Mistress/Master etc. Knowledge does not exist in one type only.


Some of the most highly qualified professionals in every field are not good teachers, being able to do something well and knowing a lot of the subject doesn't automatically translate to being able to explain it to others or to communicate well, which actually is what makes a good teacher.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to VanessaChaland)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 11:01:00 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


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In General, my time is rather limited and of value to me. There are always projects and something I need to do or can do. I've been getting really good at not being other people's fearless leader when it means it's going to take up more of my time.




_____________________________

Жизнь ума ебет.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUzJI4Palq0

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 12:11:31 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: VanessaChaland

Anyone can teach and anyone can learn from subs, Doms, slaves, Mistress/Master etc. Knowledge does not exist in one type only.


Some of the most highly qualified professionals in every field are not good teachers, being able to do something well and knowing a lot of the subject doesn't automatically translate to being able to explain it to others or to communicate well, which actually is what makes a good teacher.

i think both of the above are true (aren't mutually exclusive).

we can all learn from each other. good teachers learn from their students, and incorporate that. and just cus your a dom doesn't mean a sub can't teach you new tricks (or anything).

and some people just aren't good teachers. i've found that those who can't "do it well" gravitate to teaching very early (you know that old saying). and those who are really good at it perhaps gravitate to teaching later (if at all).

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
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RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 12:30:43 PM   
Mupainurpleasure


Posts: 393
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I dont know about the BDSM communtty it does seem doms are treachers. In the greater community I am all type A, I take no shit and never have, I have always spoken up in the face of the use of language like kike or nigger rather than sat silent which is tacit approval. I believe strongly in Hamilton I think it was quote :stand for nothing fall for everything. I admit mistakes it is a matter of principle and courage and one should always be willing to take the consequences for action or not take action. I am highly opinionated, well read and will debate all day. The thing is it is such a relief to surrender and submit and not be that person. It is bliss to have no desire but anothers, no purpose but their pleasure. I love it. I dont dom from the bottom or script the surrender is real I love the lack of control. it's the contrast that is the release. So, in the general world I wouldn't be surprised if all types of personalities played all roles. I would be shocked if there werent extremely reserved soft spoking unchallenging irl DOMs for the same reason I love submitting. I'd never be able to be 24-7 but in those hours I do it is total

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 1:03:04 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

In General, my time is rather limited and of value to me. There are always projects and something I need to do or can do. I've been getting really good at not being other people's fearless leader when it means it's going to take up more of my time.





I think that the above is what goes through my mind when topics similar come up in my presence. There are a lot of causes I am passionate about. I have a lot of interests.

However...I also have a 3.5 acre property that is 50ish miles away from my full time job. I spend 55 hours a week minimum with just work related stuff. I have taken on the responsiblity of caring for 2 horses, 3 dogs, a cat that believes he is a dog, and a fish. All of them, take some measure of my time. On this 3.5 acres I have an orchard I actively maintain and use, gardens both veggie and flower, a half mile lane that needs shoveling several times a year and all the regular stuff we all do to maintain a clean home and healthy life. I spend at least an hour a day, 3-5 days a week at the gym. I have a huge extended family that I value a great deal. And on and on.

I think that we ALL have to be selfish to a degree when it comes to what we are going to give our free time to. For ME, it's the people and activities that mean the most to me, that enrich my life the most.

I do not feel any sort of duty, even if I was qualified, to teach anything to some random stranger. Regardless of mutual interests. If a person I knew and had some sort of give a damn about, approached me to help them and it was something I felt I could actually responsibly teach, they would still have to work around my, already busy, life schedule.

I am not going to make a previous responsibility or care, suffer or let slip, just to impart some knowledge, someone felt I had worth sharing. I do not feel ANY obligation to any person or group, just because we share some interests or lifestyle dynamics. Certainly not at the expense of a responsibility I willingly accepted or obtained.

I am selfish like that.

I actually agree with a lot of what Awareness wrote. Our world is an ever changing and evolving one. Those that cling to old outdated ways, that are no longer useful, will get left behind. If the evolving society finds any worth in the old ways, they will be kept, and perhaps adapted, to fit the newer.

If people WANT to learn and see value in something, they WILL go look for a way to learn it. If an 'elder' doesn't have anything that people feel is valuable to learn, they will get left behind. I have never subscribed to the whole, length of time served, way of valuation. It leaves too much room for stuff that SHOULD be gotten rid of, to be held onto. Habits, material objects, people, everything. I don't care how long someone has been doing something, if they are a putz, they are a putz and don't deserve any special glory or treatment, just because they've survived.

That's not to be said that I don't see any value in organized groups and customs. I simply don't think that they have value just because they exist and/or have existed for any special length of time. Or that because they have value to some people, they should have value to all people. OR, that those that do not value them are necessarily any better, or worse off, for it.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 4/28/2012 1:06:09 PM >


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Whiplashsmile4)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 1:35:32 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
I may need a keeper!

*laughs* Some days I need a keeper too


_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 3:29:02 PM   
areallivehuman


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
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To learn, read.

To know, practice.

To master, teach.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 9:48:48 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: VanessaChaland

Anyone can teach and anyone can learn from subs, Doms, slaves, Mistress/Master etc. Knowledge does not exist in one type only.


Some of the most highly qualified professionals in every field are not good teachers, being able to do something well and knowing a lot of the subject doesn't automatically translate to being able to explain it to others or to communicate well, which actually is what makes a good teacher.

i think both of the above are true (aren't mutually exclusive).

we can all learn from each other. good teachers learn from their students, and incorporate that. and just cus your a dom doesn't mean a sub can't teach you new tricks (or anything).

and some people just aren't good teachers. i've found that those who can't "do it well" gravitate to teaching very early (you know that old saying). and those who are really good at it perhaps gravitate to teaching later (if at all).



This was actually prefaced by a comment from me that I learned as much if not more from subs than from dominants, so I don't disagree with that it does not matter where knowledge comes from, but I disagree with "anyone can teach" - everybody who ever had a teacher who didn't explain things well can testify to that. They might have passed all the tests to be teachers, but it doesn't make them effective teachers.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/28/2012 10:29:32 PM   
SirLangsdorff


Posts: 289
Joined: 12/12/2010
Status: offline
I learned most of what I know from other subs, Doms wouldn't or didn't want to teach me anything, Watching people works too!

_____________________________

And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God? Micah 6:8

I'm nice if you are.
http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/13559888/master-intro

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/29/2012 10:11:06 AM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze


quote:

ORIGINAL: VanessaChaland

Anyone can teach and anyone can learn from subs, Doms, slaves, Mistress/Master etc. Knowledge does not exist in one type only.


Some of the most highly qualified professionals in every field are not good teachers, being able to do something well and knowing a lot of the subject doesn't automatically translate to being able to explain it to others or to communicate well, which actually is what makes a good teacher.

i think both of the above are true (aren't mutually exclusive).

we can all learn from each other. good teachers learn from their students, and incorporate that. and just cus your a dom doesn't mean a sub can't teach you new tricks (or anything).

and some people just aren't good teachers. i've found that those who can't "do it well" gravitate to teaching very early (you know that old saying). and those who are really good at it perhaps gravitate to teaching later (if at all).



This was actually prefaced by a comment from me that I learned as much if not more from subs than from dominants, so I don't disagree with that it does not matter where knowledge comes from, but I disagree with "anyone can teach" - everybody who ever had a teacher who didn't explain things well can testify to that. They might have passed all the tests to be teachers, but it doesn't make them effective teachers.

sorry i missed your other comment/post.

totally agree - not everyone can teach - had some sucky teachers. but everyone can learn something from everyone else, even from bad teachers sometimes.

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/29/2012 10:15:44 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

So it was basically implied that dominants should be leading and teaching the new people from I guess some position of authority. If they didn't, they were not real dominants.

What say you?


I think such a statement is foolish. I know many dominants who have no interest in leading and teaching new people and lots of submissives who are leaders and teachers in the scene.

So no, I don't think an interest in leading and teaching the new people makes a dominant.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/29/2012 11:49:19 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: areallivehuman

To learn, read.

To know, practice.

To master, teach.


And then there is the saying. 'those that can't do, teach'

Just saying.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to areallivehuman)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dominants to be leaders, teachers? - 4/29/2012 12:18:00 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


quote:

ORIGINAL: areallivehuman

To learn, read.

To know, practice.

To master, teach.


And then there is the saying. 'those that can't do, teach'

Just saying.


You must have met some of the profs I had...

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 60
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