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RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:40:52 PM

mgdartist

Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline

Having fallen for a submissive online myself once, I can sympathize. And it's much easier said than done keeping your heart in check as stated above. Frankly, I'm suitably amazed at so many submissives who do things like post profiles here seeking "playmates" for their masters, apparently having accepted the fact they just werent enough for him. Personally I suspect a dark egomaniacal "collector" as you call them behind the faces of many a dom, and the long held male fantasy of the possession of mutiple females is, in its manipulativeness, easily made real in this "lifestyle." The 2 threesomes i was involved in with 2 women had me somewhat put off as to my own ability to satisfy both, and thus have yet to pursue any again, nor will I. Compared to the arsenal of sexual capability women are blessed with, God saw fit to give we men a derringer..lol. But for some men, actually far more than you might think...keeping a stable or "harem" is in fact, the "pieces d' resistance" excuse my punnery.

But when it comes to such an "online" association, you may have to, as i did, remember the Allman lyric:

"You can't lose what you never had"
hope you feel better lady.
MGD

_____________________________

"You can't be nice to some people"
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(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 21

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:41:08 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Here's a little info for what it's worth. Wolves tend to like to seperate the "weak" sheep from the protection of the flock by any means necessary. By trying to get you to disconnect from anyone that might point out that he's a player and full of crap.
Flag #1: My wife doesn't understand me RUN RUN LIKE HELL!!!
Flag#2: story on wifey he "forgot" to tell you about changes
Flag #3: About the time he may have to go real time there's a fight (screams player) [he had no intention of going rl and was milking your chats for wank fodder]
Flag#4: It's not that he made mistakes in communication or training...it's all your fault [failures always come down to the dom/mes fault we didn't teach you correctly or communicate well]

Unfortunately you were played. I think if anything the feelings you're having are "I shoulda known better". Remember hindsight is always 20/20 it's WHAT we learn from our mistakes and HOW we move forward that determine our true character.

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 22

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:44:51 PM

CollaredProperty

Posts: 167
Joined: 6/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Here's a little info for what it's worth. Wolves tend to like to seperate the "weak" sheep from the protection of the flock by any means necessary. By trying to get you to disconnect from anyone that might point out that he's a player and full of crap.
Flag #1: My wife doesn't understand me RUN RUN LIKE HELL!!!
Flag#2: story on wifey he "forgot" to tell you about changes
Flag #3: About the time he may have to go real time there's a fight (screams player) [he had no intention of going rl and was milking your chats for wank fodder]
Flag#4: It's not that he made mistakes in communication or training...it's all your fault [failures always come down to the dom/mes fault we didn't teach you correctly or communicate well]

Unfortunately you were played. I think if anything the feelings you're having are "I shoulda known better". Remember hindsight is always 20/20 it's WHAT we learn from our mistakes and HOW we move forward that determine our true character.

writes all these good points down

_____________________________

slave susan
Under A Collar Of Consideration By Master L
Moved to Tulsa Oklahoma
"BDSM SLAVE ONLY, ALPHA TYPE, PASSION FOR EXTREME EDGE PLAY, IT IS NOT ABOUT SEX FOR ME, IT'S ABOUT TPE"

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 23

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:53:01 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Here's a little info for what it's worth. Wolves tend to like to seperate the "weak" sheep from the protection of the flock by any means necessary.

20 or so years ago, when biologists wanted to study herd animals (like, for example, a Zebra) they would drive out with paintball guns with indelible paint and shoot them. Or fasten unwieldy collars to their necks with radio transponders.

So a big herd of Zebras would run around on the African plains, with a couple of oddball looking Zebras in their midst.

What their studies soon proved is that while an average Zebra had X chance of being killed and eaten by predators, the Zebra with the collar or paint had about a 10X chance of being killed and eaten.

Predators looking into a flock tend to focus on those things which make their prey stand out from the crowd. In Human affairs this would be referred to as marketing.

If you, as a Dominant or a submissive or simply a mouth breathing simian want to be noticed by what you are seeking, a workable approach is to make yourself stand out from the vast hordes that infest your own personal Interest Group.

Im not sure what this has to do with the thread, but there ya go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 24

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:53:52 PM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Here's a little info for what it's worth. Wolves tend to like to seperate the "weak" sheep from the protection of the flock by any means necessary. By trying to get you to disconnect from anyone that might point out that he's a player and full of crap.
Flag #1: My wife doesn't understand me RUN RUN LIKE HELL!!!
Flag#2: story on wifey he "forgot" to tell you about changes
Flag #3: About the time he may have to go real time there's a fight (screams player) [he had no intention of going rl and was milking your chats for wank fodder]
Flag#4: It's not that he made mistakes in communication or training...it's all your fault [failures always come down to the dom/mes fault we didn't teach you correctly or communicate well]

Unfortunately you were played. I think if anything the feelings you're having are "I shoulda known better". Remember hindsight is always 20/20 it's WHAT we learn from our mistakes and HOW we move forward that determine our true character.

My sentiments exactly.
The only additional advice, which you already know wytchywoman is to stop beating yourself up over this, and allow yourself time to let it go and move on. You aren't a fool because you are capable of caring for and trusting another human being; you're just a fallible human who made a choice based on what you thought was a good potential... Now what are you going to do? Take care of yourself. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 25

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:54:55 PM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

It sounds to me as if he is being purposefully hurtful because he didn't get his way or wasn't able to control you with out some commitment on his part.
I will probably be friends with my former Domina and any furture Domina with have to have an understanding of that, I am not willing to erase anyone from my life unless they are very unhealthy for me or were abusive to me.
Up goes the red flags for me when that happens, a person then comes off more as an insecure controller and isolater than a loving Dominant.

Good-Luck to you,

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 26

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:56:16 PM

LadiesBladewing

Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline

One comment that I have to make here is that we are in the process of judging a man after only hearing one side of this conversation. SR and myself have used isolation of a servant from other individuals in their life on a discretionary basis ourselves, and have kept more than one servant at a time as well (in fact, we often keep more than one servant at a time.) We have explored relationships with multiple individuals at the same time, and have exerted our leadership over servants after a very limited period of time. We have taken responsibility for servants' income, have told servants that they were not allowed to go to certain events or certain places, etc., all as a part of our guidance/leadership over their lives.

From the outside, and with only one perspective, the way that we handle things with our servants could be interpreted in ways that make us look like horrible people. While I can respect that the OP is upset by the situation, I think it is also important to recognize that a one-sided presentation of the situation, where the man in question is not in a position to defend himself without exposing himself to a whole -new- set of diatribes and retributions, is really no way to handle the situation. This is the reason that, in my earlier post, I made it clear that the best way to deal with situations like this is to walk away gracefully when one realizes that the situation is not one that is fulfilling and satisfying.

Many of us have ended up, in the course of our lives, in situations that are unpaletable. For many of us, those situations have not been limited to the Ds/Ms lifestyle. It is understandable to be sad for the loss, and to take time to grieve. It is also important to realize how one ended up in that situation, and what clues presented that could prevent one from ending up in the same situation again. This is why it is so important to take your time when getting involved in relationships. Set your standards, and set a pattern that is acceptable to you in terms of what you know about a person, and what you have to have in place before you will yield up yourself. This is the responsibility that belongs to each of us, no matter which side of the collar we rest on.

Da'Avatar ZWD

www.klashaan.org.

_____________________________

"Should have", "could have", "would have" and "can't" may be the most dangerous phrases in the English language.
Bladewing Enclave

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 27

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 6:56:38 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

hmmmmm... That depends on your goal Sinergy, do you plan on finding a mate, or getting shot in the arse?...smiles

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sinergy)

Post #: 28

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:08:25 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

I would be less concerned about the number of women he is seeing, and more concerned about what he showing me - specifically the desire to cut me off from people important to me.

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 29

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:09:03 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Just an after thought on the whole munchin zebras thing... being a stand out is a good thing and gets you noticed. If you look at LA for example...she's opinionated, educated and outspoken but all indications are a darn good sub to someone that can handle smarts. Being a sub doesn't mean you have to be weak or not tell some blow hard to stick it in his pie hole. Until you agree to submit berading in any form, lies and the like are grounds for moving on.

Be a standout from the crowd...not a walking target for morons.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 30

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:10:58 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Some of the best female subs I've seen... the ones that make you think hummm if only I went that way or if only they were male are the ones with backbone that stand up for themselves, know themselves inside and out and aren't willing to settle for less.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 6/5/2006 7:12:00 PM >

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 31

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:15:23 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I agree therose4u. I was simply being a shameless flirt... excuse my faux pax for being a complete and total strumpet

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 32

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:16:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Be a standout from the crowd...not a walking target for morons.

Why thank you for your great compliments Rose, they are greatly appreciated and humbly accepted.

But I'm still a walking target for morons- I just don't care and can be amused by them.

I've paid my dues, I've made the mistakes, I've fallen for the married guy, I've cried when ending a relationship with a guy I KNEW to be an asshole. I know that giving advice to other people on a cyber website is about 56908534 thousand times easier than actually making it happen in your own life.

Eventually you just learn the bumps and avoid them..the combined with some good luck...you find your stable partners :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 33

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:22:16 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wytchywoman

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadiesBladewing

You are not a victim, and your mind is obviously clear enough to tell you that this situation is -not- one that you are comfortable with. Whether this individual might make a good owner for someone else is not particularly relevant, but what -is- relevant is that this person is unlikely to be a good fit for -you-, with as strongly as you are expressing discomfort with his plans and methods.

I would suggest that you graciously step out of this relationship and keep looking for someone who is a better fit for your desires, needs and expectations. (And don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't have expectations -- that is unrealistic. You are entitled to a relationship that is satisfying and healthy for you, and you have the right to expect that.)

My issue still is, and always will be the fact that I was stupid enough to believe that he was remotely capable of establishing any kind relationship beyond the most superficial. Worse than that, I still feel a strong pull toward him even knowing what I do now.

I think at this point my problem is that I'm grieving over what I wanted the relationship to be rather than acknowledging the reality of what it never could be. I appreciate the opportunity to just express my frustration and do hope that I'm not annoying anyone.

Dont call yourself stupid for not being able to predict the future or to be able to mindread where this man was coming from, or who he was. We dont normally go through our lives and conduct our relationships in such a way that we believe everyone is going to turn out to be bad for us. We go in with a positive attitude and hope. You gave it your all, and put faith into it and he turned out to be something other than what you thought he was. It happens everyday. You did nothing wrong. Feel grateful that you are open enough to put yourself out there without fear. That is a really *good* thing. Some are very guarded and dont do anything for fear of being hurt. Don't let this hold you back in the future from letting yourself get close to someone. Being hung up on him..or feeling a strong pull towards him as you put it, is just part and parcel to the nature of a submissive. They get inside our heads like that...and it can be so delicious at times, but when we have to let go, it makes it harder. But in time, that will pass too.
If you dont mind my asking. Do you feel like you are going to let him go, or do you still feel like you are holding on and hoping that he might contact you?

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 34

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:22:53 PM

Sinergy

Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

Some of the best female subs I've seen... the ones that make you think hummm if only I went that way or if only they were male are the ones with backbone that stand up for themselves, know themselves inside and out and aren't willing to settle for less.

Hello,

The problem, theRose4u, is that many Dominants walk around with a chip on their shoulder waiting for somebody to look at them or talk to them the wrong way so they can unleash their justifiable raging bile duct at the poor unfortunate who was only trying to be funny or flirtatious or seductive.

Funny, fiery, and articulate is a lot more attractive to me than mousy and quiet. The woman who is intelligent and articulate and expressive who is submissive to me is a tremendous turn-on for me.

Besides which, I am a firm believer in the ideal that one should not dish it out if one cannot take it. ;)

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 35

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:44:12 PM

wytchywoman

Posts: 510
Joined: 2/27/2006
From: Southeastern Michigan
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Being hung up on him..or feeling a strong pull towards him as you put it, is just part and parcel to the nature of a submissive. They get inside our heads like that...and it can be so delicious at times, but when we have to let go, it makes it harder. But in time, that will pass too.
If you dont mind my asking. Do you feel like you are going to let him go, or do you still feel like you are holding on and hoping that he might contact you?

Hello again, marieToo,

I am grateful that I have not yet become jaded. Hurt yes, but not jaded. I do still believe in the basic goodness of most people. As to the rest? No. When I started this thread, I still had some feeling for him. But, I've been contacted on the other side by people who do know of whom I speak. Based on what I've heard I no longer feel any pull toward him. It seems I was not the only one misled by this person.

Thanks again to all who have so generously shared their thoughts with me. I appreciate all of you for putting up with my mini crying jag.

Blessed be to all

_____________________________

Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 36

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:49:28 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I agree therose4u. I was simply being a shameless flirt... excuse my faux pax for being a complete and total strumpet

SHHHH even Dommes can be shameless tarts for the right baked goods. It's how you carry yourself when you get your hand slammed in the bread box that shows your character.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 37

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:52:12 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Be a standout from the crowd...not a walking target for morons.

Why thank you for your great compliments Rose, they are greatly appreciated and humbly accepted.

But I'm still a walking target for morons- I just don't care and can be amused by them.

I've paid my dues, I've made the mistakes, I've fallen for the married guy, I've cried when ending a relationship with a guy I KNEW to be an asshole. I know that giving advice to other people on a cyber website is about 56908534 thousand times easier than actually making it happen in your own life.

Eventually you just learn the bumps and avoid them..the combined with some good luck...you find your stable partners :)

I think it's the skinned knees, bashed elbows and bloody noses from falling on our faces that can be some of the best if hardest earned lessons. Or at least that's the lie I firmy embrace

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 38

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/5/2006 7:56:23 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

walk around with a chip on their shoulder waiting for somebody to look at them or talk to them the wrong way so they can unleash their justifiable raging bile duct at the poor unfortunate who was only trying to be funny or flirtatious or seductive.

This is actually how I pick out HNG's at 20 paces.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 39

RE: Dominant or just a collector? - 6/6/2006 12:54:17 AM

keme

Posts: 163
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

Best to be done with the sort who wants you to cut ties... they are dangerous

_____________________________

The path I choose is not for everyone... it is mine alone... and my responsibility to reach the end of it making as much positive influence as I am capable of and being as true to myself as I can be.
~keme

(in reply to wytchywoman)

Post #: 40

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