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For Mature Submissive Females - 5/8/2012 11:29:09 PM

NJDragon65

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline

This is a question I've been wanting to ask for a long time. What is it that makes so many Submissive females depend on a Dom's age to decide weather or not they are worthy of consideration. There are so many female Dommes with older same age and younger subs, but it seems everywhere I turn, submissive females almost always choose Doms who are older then they are. I ask because I like to try and present myself as a somwhat experienced Dom who has been in the lifestyle for about 8 years despite being only 24. I find a Submissive profile I'm interested in and send a friendly message indicating my interest, and I get back endless amounts of messages saying the same thing that I am too young for them even younger submissives. I very much don't understand and want to very much why no one even wants to give a young Dom male a chance, and not even ask about his experinces, just writing him off as a kid, and assuming his maturity and ability to Dom properly are on par with said number. The question is why is no one willing to give young Doms a chance without a single message or conversation to know anything substantial before making the decision to pass them off. I'm particularly interested in hearing what older subs have to say on the matter because I prefer older submissives myself but the reason isn't some incest-like facination with older women. I prefer older women becaus they know what they want, arn't afraid to ask for it and as a personal opinion, I find them more attractive to my eye.

Post #: 1

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/8/2012 11:39:17 PM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

People are attracted to what they are attracted to, if they aren't attracted to you, well, they simply aren't, no amount of discussion is going to change that.

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 2

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/8/2012 11:55:21 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I don't go for men more than a couple of years younger than me.

The reason has nothing to do with kink and everything to do with compatibility. I want someone with the same life experiences as me. I want someone who has 'been there, seen it, done that', not someone who has only just started out on his life's journey.

I'm not in my 20s any more. My hair is greying and my body is succumbing to the ravages of gravity. I want to share that with someone going through the same things at the same time as me. I want someone who remembers what it was like to live through the 80s, who remembers the same songs, the same movies, the same news.

So for me, I'm not interested in a man who is where I was 10 or 20 years ago. I want a man who is with me now.

ETA: Your profile is full of whine...an instant turn-off for most women. Who wants to be dominated by a man who can't even dominate his emotions?

< Message edited by myotherself -- 5/8/2012 11:58:35 PM >

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 3

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 12:02:32 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

More often than not, people are going to be interested in those who have comparable life experiences. If you are talking about an age range where people are established in their careers, have raised their children, had prior long term relationships, etc, you are just not in the same stage of life as they are. This makes you incompatible for a lot of people.

Also, the pitch with the eight years of experience at 24 may not especially be an appealing point because for at least two of those years, most will assume that you weren't even in control of your own life because most teens live with their parents from 16-18. It's a tough sell to get that you were the authority when you were still living at home and adults were in charge of your life.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyConstanze)

Post #: 4

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 1:13:33 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

I'm not 'older' since I've barely got a year on you, but here's my take on it.

Advertising yourself as '8 years experience' immediately makes me do the mental math and picture you at 16. Don't want the mental image of highschool sex games, it's offputting. Yes I know, you're long past high school now, but counting your sex life at 16 as 'lifestyle experience' makes me think you are desperate to show how worldly you are and in has the opposite effect. I would be leary of anyone counting experience from such a young age because to a certain point it is just experimentation. If someone has D/s experience I expect them to also have experience of managing a household, holding down a career, etc, because for me I am handing control of my life over to someone and need to know they can handle it. If a person doesn't have experience that's fine too, we can learn together, but over-representing experience is alarming because it speaks og over-confidence.

My 'Dom' is older than me. I got with him when I was 18 and he was 27. At that time older was more appealing because frankly 18 year old guys are not as mature as 18 year old girls. That said, we were right on the limit of a suitable age gap - any more and we would have had nothing in common. People change as they get older and want different things. At the time I was starting my career and living independently and so we weren't so far away in terms of where we were in life, but any more difference and I would have bored him. I'm sure I still did bore him sometimes in the early days.

Now that I'm a proper grown up, rather than the awkward barely legal type of grown up, I would be open to a dom my own age because he'd be in the same place as me (assuming he was mature, some guys take longer than others). Younger? No. I need someone who is a good match out of the bedroom.

Have people actually said they aren't interested because of your age? Because there could be other reasons they aren't interested. As LadyConstanze said, people like what they like.

And lastly, stop whining. That makes you sound more immature, which is the opposite of what you are going for, right? Your journal entries are offputting. Nothing turns me off quicker than a whiny dom. I want an adult who will deal with life's disappointments, and not stamp their feet like a toddler.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 5

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 1:17:15 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

Just to add: don't dismiss younger subs. Fair enough if you find older women more attractive, but don't kid yourself that only older women don't bullshit, or understand the lifestyle better etc. Some people are more together than others, regardless of age. Some people are older but have only just found BDSM.

Some younger subs might be just as direct in what they want. By writing them off are you not doing the same thing, by saying only an older partner is worth having?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 6

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 1:42:52 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

1. "I prefer older women becaus they know what they want, arn't afraid to ask for it" - Reread what you wrote. You're saying that younger women expect you to lead.

2. You are confusing three things - age, experience level, and maturity level. You think that you're being judged due to a misapprehension about your experience level. It's not that - it's your maturity. Your spelling and writing sounds young and sloppy. Your two journal entries are complaints about how everybody discriminates against you for your age.

3. You do not have eight years of experience. Not in being a RL Dom at least. Your profile seems to confuse switching with being bi, which is very basic. Your second journal entry says that your best Domming experience was with a 43 yo woman fresh off a divorce who either hadn't had any for a while, was desperate to prove herself as a submissive, or both. Your description of her made it clear that you weren't concerned about her mindset at the time, which is a huge red flag. I would NEVER try to Dom a woman without understanding her mindset. Also, your main pic makes you look kinda goth - you're not going to be able to appeal to moth 30ish or 40ish women looking like that. You have not yet hit the maturity level where you think of how others view you and learn to craft an appeal to them.

4. Your profile hints that most of your experience is online. That's not Domming - that's simply playing.

My advice is for you to try for women your own age.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 7

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 5:48:25 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Why do people want what they want? They just do. Why do so many older Dominant men want younger submissives? Part of the reason for the lack of success here on your part doesn't even have to do with age- there are a lot more women on adult sites than men. A lot. Women can pick and choose for that simple reason while it's harder for you. Another reason is that there is an age factor in D/s for many people....like it or not, for many it twirls their buttons if the Dominant is older and for many it's hotter than hell if the submissive is younger. It's just part of why some people like kink and it's not likely to change.

I realize this is frustrating for you and there really isn't much to do which is more frustrating. All you can do is to continue to look for someone who doesn't care about your age - they're out there. It's hard not to let your frustration taint your experience when you get turned down, but really that's the best thing you can strive for. You have a tougher road to hoe from the start, and your bitter feelings are evident- I might consider someone younger, but not someone with an unpleasant outlook.

As far as why no one may be looking beyond the age thing to your inner characteristics...well, I have to say, you come across as being your age. Your profile and thread here definitely say young man to me. Maybe that's why no one gets past pegging you as young. The frustration you are feeling is evident in your profile- I'd never touch that with a ten foot pole. Yes, the spelling and grammar errors count and skew young. Talking about being kinky since you were 16 is way out of line and illegal to mention on this site. It turned me off faster than anything else- I'd never be attracted to someone who thought it was ok to bring that up as a positive thing in their favor. Submissives want to feel safe, we're very discerning, we have a lot on the line with personal safety, the thought of what a 16 year old Dominant would think was acceptable or cool to do with me would make me run for the hills. I know you aren't 16 anymore, but the fact that you think those years add to your experience makes you look oblivious. For God's sake, you may not have even been driving yet and if you were it was certainly in your parent's car, but you want to look as though you know how at that age to take charge of another human being? Come on.

I've tried to be helpful and hopefully you'll take it that way although its definitely a hard thing to look within. Overall you might remember that a submissive woman has a lot to lose if she picks the wrong person and there is lot you'll have to overcome in making her feel safe. The way you are presenting yourself so far isn't helping your case. From your profile you seem to think that it's all about experience and kinky sex acts - which you are entitled to think. But an older woman might want someone with a more mature outlook and maybe she's wanting relationship material. Did you ever wonder about that? That she might want someone she can bring to see her family and friends and not just play in the bedroom with? That certainly might be happening.

As side notes, you are interested in online...many women are not and find it trivial. Just saying. Also, you are bi-curious...once again this may not be working in your favor. I'm not saying you should change these things, please don't because if you hide them it'll work against you more so, but you may not be rejected for your age- these things along with the other things I mentioned may be playing a part as well.

< Message edited by lizi -- 5/9/2012 5:49:37 AM >

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 8

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 6:10:19 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

because I'm not attracted to men who are 10 years past my age or men younger than me at all. I don't have anything in common within either group. I get along well with men my own age. We share the same generation and can understand each other.

It has nothing at all to do with bdsm as a factor. My factors are the same no matter what kind of relationship. Then again I was never looking to just play with someone. I wanted more....much much more.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 9

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 6:12:31 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

I know you asked for older people's opinions. I am only 19, but I hope my opinion will count nonetheless.

Age (while not always the case,) is a good GENERAL indication of maturity, and especially when that's all the information someone has about the person, they will sometimes make assumptions based on that. That's just a fact of life and part of being young. If someone doesn't want to give you a chance due to your age, don't fret about it, that's their choice and not something completely unfounded, either. And, in a sense, are you not doing the same thing as these people--writing someone off due to age--by saying you want an older partner because they generally know what they want? Yet there are younger people that are just as forward and self-actualized as well. But your standards for potential partners are your own and you have every right to have them.

There are many other reasons they could be not interested due to your age. Life experience, social generation differences, being at different stages in life, etc.--these are compatibility issues, and not necessarily an indication that they don't believe you can be dominant or mature. People in general look for someone they can relate to, and a big age gap can certainly hinder that in some ways.

It can also be a bit off-putting to some when their partner is the same age as their children. That's a pretty big block for some.

And then there is the issue of attraction. Everyone has preferences, and they are entitled to have them--with reason or without (and if there are reasons, they don't have to be ones you agree with, either!) Just as you say you are attracted to older women, it could be that the people who rejected you due to age just...are not attracted to younger guys. There's nothing wrong with that and they are not obligated to change their preferences or standards for anyone.

And dude, I read your profile. To be perfectly honest, it doesn't make you sound mature at all. You misspell a lot of common words, the way you type just doesn't sound very intelligent, and you complain--a LOT. You complain about people discriminating against you because of your age in your profile, and especially in your journal. All the complaining makes you look very immature, resentful, and not in control of yourself. Mature people don't whine about life, they deal with it. A mature young person does not complain that people don't take him seriously due to age--he realizes that it happens, he moves on from those who don't give him a chance, and reserves his thoughts and energy for those who do give him a chance.

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 10

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 6:26:11 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You can't write without mistakes and run on sentences.

You show face pictures of people who have not consented to being in a kinky site, which puts them at risk of being outed because of you. Come on kid, crop the damn picture and just show your own face.

All you talk about is online sex. I was irresistibly reminded of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UE6iAjEv9dQ

Join a TNG group, take workshops, learn. Get relationship skills, communication skills. All the things you now lack.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 11

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 6:51:35 AM

AngelOfSilence

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/8/2012
Status: offline

quote:

There are so many female Dommes with older same age and younger subs, but it seems everywhere I turn, submissive females almost always choose Doms who are older then they are.

Because the maturity levels required to be a submissive and to be a dominant are different.

_____________________________

My lack of concern for your sensibilities knows no bounds.

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 12

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 7:00:25 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

My ex was 13 years younger than me. I had no problems hooking up with her. In the beginning she said I was too old for her but she was hungry and I offered to buy her dinner, so she agreed to meet. After that the age didn't seem to matter much to her. If her profile had contained rants similar to yours, I doubt I would have bothered. I understand that you get ragged on by some in our community because of your age. Everyone has gone through that to a certain degree in our lives. If it hits the point where you feel the need to mention it constantly in your profile I begin to wonder if it isn't something you are doing to cause people to bring it up all the time. I would definitely be put off by your comments about online. If I wanted to play with someone online, I would log into WOW or SWOR and play online. With relationships, I want real life only. I would also wonder about the errors in your profile. If you aren't willing to take the time to proofread your profile and show yourself in the best light possible, how would I assume you are willing to put in the time to be the best dom you can be.

< Message edited by thishereboi -- 5/9/2012 7:05:25 AM >

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 13

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 7:07:00 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AngelOfSilence

quote:

There are so many female Dommes with older same age and younger subs, but it seems everywhere I turn, submissive females almost always choose Doms who are older then they are.
Because the maturity levels required to be a submissive and to be a dominant are different.

Really? Could you show me where those rules are because I would hate to think I have been doing this wrong.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to AngelOfSilence)

Post #: 14

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 7:32:16 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

NJDragon, As a dominant, a mother, a grandmother, someone who has had many experiences in life because I have lived a lot of life, I have found that sometimes in teaching a life lesson, that it is best to actually point things out so that the person I am working with, actually finds their own answers. Being a mature twenty four year old, I am sure you will understand this method and appreciate how it can be fruitful and why, so I won't get into boring details that you may already know. Rather than dictate or bark orders, I like to bring someone's attention to something and will give them enough time to see what I am seeing. Now, they cannot always see what I am seeing and I might have to assist them in some manner, but I do try to leave enough room that they will actually be seeing something on their own, so that the lesson becomes strengthened. I am sure you can appreciate how that works.

If you will go to your profile and re-read what you have written, I am sure that you will be able to see a bit of what others might be seeing. I would like you to notice things where you may have some inconsistencies or have said something that would show something about yourself and not really about the person you seek.

Note the date that you created the profile. Now, please note your first paragraph of your profile. What do you see from these two pieces of information? Now I must ask, what do you think an older person would make of these two pieces of information?

Now, go through your profile and journal and then come read your opening post. What do you see in inconsistency in any manner? Trust me, as a fifty four year old, I see them and I see many. It is your job to see where you may have anything in life that you can improve on, as a leader and a dominant. This is a part of what many will seek to find in someone so that they can respect a dominant and a huge part of why a submissive will chose the dominant or partner that she/he does.

I would not expect you to see the world, relationships or anything else as an older person would, because years experiencing life do matter and our views change and your view will be different than my view for a number of reasons. Those amazing young people that I have known in my life, were able to see themselves very clearly, from a self evaluation standpoint and they were able to do so with others. The wealth of information in the brightest, could even teach me or remind me of something, so I do value the self evaluating (more) youthful than me, that step beyond what most of any age are doing to better their lives. It is a quality I find attractive in any age.

If you succeed in first seeing the value of this self examination and then you get anything from it, you will prove to some degree that you are self standing and just may be able to lead another human being of whatever age. If you cannot accept this challenge, not because I order it or expect it, you will see the fruit of not being able to do it... within your own life and relationships, eventually. So you haven't a lot to prove to me in this... but to yourself.

Good luck!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 15

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 7:43:50 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

From the looks of it, you are, in fact, a posting virgin.

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 16

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 8:14:03 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

OP:

I don't suppose that even for one tiny moment you actually stopped to listen and respect what you were hearing from the people you claim to want to care for. You seriously cannot think of a single reason why a 35 year old woman might not want to get into a relationship with and/or submit to a 24 year old dom with "8 years experience". I can think of a RAFT of reasons. Just using Carol as an example, she's more of the property mindset. So she'd be evaluating you as someone who is fit to own a human being... a 57 year old human being... with all of the life challenges that come along with that. You'd fail that evaluation and rightly so -- unless of course you think you want to get into issues like international taxes, safety travelling across international borders, the purchase of a house in a foreign country, etc. And while we're at it, you DO have enough money to care for her for the rest of her life, right?

But no. I'm sure that you feel that you are perfectly competent to own a human and take on full responsibility for same... which is exactly part of the problem.

I myself have always been interested in older women. I never had a hard time finding one. You might ponder why some people succeed at this and others fail.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 17

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 8:16:06 AM

mysouldesire

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NJDragon65

What is it that makes so many Submissive females depend on a Dom's age to decide weather or not they are worthy of consideration.
I ask because I like to try and present myself as a somwhat experienced Dom who has been in the lifestyle for about 8 years despite being only 24.
I very much don't understand and want to very much why no one even wants to give a young Dom male a chance, and not even ask about his experinces, just writing him off as a kid, and assuming his maturity and ability to Dom properly are on par with said number.
The question is why is no one willing to give young Doms a chance without a single message or conversation to know anything substantial before making the decision to pass them off.

I'm particularly interested in hearing what older subs have to say on the matter because I prefer older submissives myself but the reason isn't some incest-like facination with older women. I prefer older women becaus they know what they want, arn't afraid to ask for it and as a personal opinion, I find them more attractive to my eye.

First of all, please do not lump all of us "mature women" together.
Personally, I have always preferred younger men, and have always dated younger men...not intentionally, it just is that way.
I do not care about experience . . . .if you are experienced, prove it in the way you email or chat.
There are plenty of submissive's who prefer younger men, it is just that some mature women do not fancy the thought of a man her son's age. The propensity to compare her son to you (perhaps) is not something she relishes.
My Dom is 20 yrs my junior. I am dominant over women and esp like the younger female.... especially if she is a mature younger woman.

It is all in the approach.
I would bet just from reading your OP, your approach is all questionable. Try approaching me and I will tell you what I think.

MSD

(in reply to NJDragon65)

Post #: 18

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 8:27:08 AM

mysouldesire

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

< Message edited by mysouldesire -- 5/9/2012 8:29:05 AM >

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 19

RE: For Mature Submissive Females - 5/9/2012 8:28:19 AM

mysouldesire

Posts: 85
Joined: 11/28/2010
Status: offline

Excellent for one so young ......

(in reply to RaspberryLemon)

Post #: 20

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