Rochsub2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MistressDeeSTL
My husband and I have been working towards a 24/7 Mistress/Sub relationship for about 8 years. I have come a VERY long way towards enjoying having control and dominating him. ....I have come to love getting my way and having control.
At first he seemed to know way more than I did and was always giving me advice and ideas. Now I feel like I have really settled into my role, but it seems like he gets whiney or gets mad when we don't play every night or when he doesn't get his way. He seems to push back more as I gain more control. (Which doesn't sense cause this was his freaking idea!)
You specifically asked for advice from the ladies, but I'm going to offer you a male sub's perspective.
Firstly, there are going to be bumps in the road. After all, this started out as a kinky fantasy in his head. In his mind, the fantasy always went his way. But now, you're controlling things, and it doesn't sound like they always go the way he wants them to. That's normal and natural. He's topping from the bottom, but only because this whole thing started based on his fantasies. So you've got to teach him that it's no longer about his fantasies. It's now about pleasing you. Make sure that he understands that.
Then you need to give him a set of rules. I know that some have stated that they don't believe in doing that, but I think it's necessary. What rules do, is they serve as a constant reminder of his place. They're like a collar, that he doesn't have to wear physically. So even when you're not around, they remind him of your dominance. This is particularly helpful, because you have children, so sometimes the D/s has to be invisible. Rules will help establish that.
For example, you could make rules about how he is to do certain things. The rules could be very specific, so they reenforce your dominance, yet they can still be invisible to the children. For example, you could make sure that he always eats all of his vegetables before he is allowed to eat his meat at dinner. Or you could make him wash the dishes and clean the kitchen before he is allowed to have dessert. Or you could make him always come into the bedroom and greet you in private when he comes home from work. You could tell him that he is to go into the bedroom and wait for you until you come to acknowledge him. Once you come into the bedroom and close the door so the children can't see, you could make him greet you by kissing your feet, or kissing your ass. Or you may decide that he only gets to watch sports on certain nights, and that all other nights you will decide what the two of you watch on TV. Regardless of what the rules are that you decide to implement, make sure that he ALWAYS follows the rules that you put in place for him.
I don't believe that physical punishment is appropriate for your spouse since you have kids around. But I would suggest you have other types of punishment that you utilize anytime he violates your rules. For example, I would use chastity as the primary type of punishment. Make sure that he knows how many days of chastity he'll earn for each violation. Also, make sure that he wears a chastity device. It will help to keep him honest.
I know that you said that chastity devices have difficulties, but deal with those. For example, make sure that he wears pleated pants. Those are looser in the crotch area, and he should be able to wear a CB-_____ to work while wearing pleated pants without drawing attention to himself. Also, you may want to use duct tape with the chastity device. Tape it down to further eliminate the bulge. Have him untape and retape it anytime he has to go to the bathroom.
As far as cleaning goes, you will have to take it off and allow him to clean himself. But make sure you supervise so he doesn't cheat and masturbate while he's cleaning himself. Once he's cleaned himself, immediately put the device back on him.
Remember, this all started as a fantasy that was driven by his cock. So punish him where it hurts most; in his cock. Take complete control of his sexual satisfaction. Let him know that you will be dictating when the two of you engage in D/s play, when you will have intercourse, when he is allowed to masturbate, and most importantly, when he is allowed to cum. His sexuality is now completely under your control. If he whines, add a few more days to his chastity.
If he's like most sub males, he may resist at first, but he'll actually be happy that you are taking greater control. It's what he's wanted all along. He just has to get used to the fact that you are going to orchestrate the action, because in his fantasies, he always controlled things. But be firm. Don't get soft on him when he whines. Punish him for being stubborn.
I hope that helps. Good luck.
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RE: How to deal with a stubborn sub? - 
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