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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 11:18:48 AM

Whiplashsmile4

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Life is confusing if you worry about being too much or not enough. Either way, you have a choice to make. To either accept it and "Roll with it" or change to it (if it disturbs you). It's really that simple.

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Post #: 21

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 8:16:56 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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Respectfully, you're making an incorrect leap from "submission" to being "taken for granted".

Anyone can be "taken for granted" at ANY time and for ANY reason. Period.

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Post #: 22

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/14/2012 9:22:16 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayslut4321

So question is there such a thing as being too submissive

Speaking for myself only: no.

The question is one of what's healthy for you.

If you're comfortable with it, and pick someone that knows to appreciate it without neglecting you, then all's well in the world. As far as I'm concerned, it's one flavor among many, and a pleasant one. Including in the long term. But it obviously does make for a risk of being exploited. Choose wisely and remember that choosing to change to be more assertive and have more personal boundaries is a perfectly legitimate choice.

IWYW,
- Aswad.

< Message edited by Aswad -- 5/14/2012 9:23:20 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

Post #: 23

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/15/2012 8:14:22 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

I don't know about "too submissive" but, what I have found to be an issue is submissives who "stuff" their opinions or desires. They say that to bring these to the surface would be "selfish".

The dom I was with definitely believes that a sub who brings her opinions or desires to the surface would be selfish.

As to OP question..., I think it depends on the dom. If you dated my x-dom, you couldn't lose him by being too submissive. He'd love you more.
At the same time, I have met doms who do not like doormats either, and enjoy a little rebellion and fire.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 5/15/2012 8:16:19 AM >

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 24

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/15/2012 9:48:58 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad
The question is one of what's healthy for you.

Which, as you alluded to, is largely a question of what other skills and abilities one has. I'd say there are two ways to be "too submissive"

a) Too submissive for your actual self.
I suspect it's possible to fall in love with the idea of absolute submission. The issue there is that such a thing isn't for everyone and so some who love the idea will not flourish under the reality. To such a person it would seem like a constant eating away at personal boundaries and would inevitably become toxic over time. This is where I think it's really unfortunate that M/s (or TPE) became trendy and cool in BDSM-land.

b) Too submissive for your actual situation
Someone like Carol who has very porous personal boundaries would not do well with someone who was selfish. She would end up giving and giving and he would end up taking and taking until there was nothing left to give or take. In such a situation I wouldn't say that Carol was "too submissive". I'd say she was with the wrong partner for that level of giving. I don't actually see this as some sort of "bad dom" though. I see it as a mismatch between giver and taker.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
The dom I was with definitely believes that a sub who brings her opinions or desires to the surface would be selfish.

A perfect example of (b) above. In point of fact this used to be a huge problem between Carol and I BEFORE the collaring. Nowadays, a part of being obedient is to freakin answer me when I say something like, "What do you want?" As I said to Carol, given that you DO have needs and desires then someone must be looking out for them. Since I don't want that person to be you, that sort of leaves me to do the job.

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(in reply to Aswad)

Post #: 25

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/16/2012 3:21:22 PM

Aswad

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I would tend to agree with those two as the most likely problems, yes.

As you say, both come down to skills and matching, in essence. Even an overly selfish person should, given the right skills, be able to notice that there is a development that will eventually bite them in the ass with regard to "using someone up" by always taking. And, again given the right skills, it is possible to notice that someone is going "deeper" than suits their nature; which can then be addressed. M/s requires a fair bit of skill to keep it healthy, and virtually any adult will have enough "texture" and character that interpersonal chemistry is an issue when implementing it.

Perhaps she needs a mentor?

IWYW,
- Aswad.

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 26

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/17/2012 12:28:44 AM

bostondom55

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as far as I'm concerned there will never be such a thing as a "too submissive" woman. In terms of being taken for granted, it takes work to keep a relationship vibrant over time. Involving others, or re-discovering your interests in bondage, acting out kinky scenes etc, can help keep things fresh...

(in reply to Englishcrumpet)

Post #: 27

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/22/2012 12:55:49 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
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Not in my word can one be to *submissive*

That being said she may need a whole lot of aftercare ot time, IMO.

Peple choose to be doormats, and unfortunaltly they are with someone who does NIOT no the difference beterrn being dommineering and Dominate.

Screw being a doormat...you will become resentfull at some point....

< Message edited by ThundersCry -- 5/22/2012 12:58:42 PM >

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

Post #: 28

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/22/2012 6:20:58 PM

sincelo

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Some dominants like uber submissive women and others like some that are less.

The question really is, "Is this guy I am seeing right for me?"

Only you two can decide

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Post #: 29

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/23/2012 8:08:15 AM

johnukguy

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Joined: 1/5/2012
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quote:

You're not too submissive, you're lacking healthy boundaries.

Exactly so. There is a big difference between being a doormat and being a Submissive.

quote:

The dom I was with definitely believes that a sub who brings her opinions or desires to the surface would be selfish.

The technical term for that is a wannabe wanker, not a Dom.

(in reply to sincelo)

Post #: 30

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/23/2012 10:19:50 PM

ExoticInterests

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Joined: 6/18/2011
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This REALLY depends on the guy. If he's not that interested anyway, then he will get bored no matter what. If it's a good relationship and a quality guy that knows what he wants (and if submissive is it) then no, you can let him have total control and be absolutely submissive forever and he will only think that you are 'perfect'.

It's probably best to have this conversation with him though...after all, if you can't be exposed enough to broach this potentially hurtful subject with him then the road is going to get pretty rough anyway and you answered your own question. But if you can, then let him guide you to what is best, since (from your msg) you would be happiest yielding to his desire....and never have the concern again.

Just our $0.02

(in reply to johnukguy)

Post #: 31

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 5/25/2012 5:22:55 PM

Bhruic

Posts: 985
Joined: 4/11/2012
From: Toronto, Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayslut4321

Hi I'm very submissive. In a vanilla relationship I find pleasure in pleasing so much so that I can sometimes become a doormat in which I'm taken for granted.
Now in Dom /sub relationship I find myself doing the same thing. I love pleasing and I love enduring what my Dom wants me to endure. and I'm worried that because I show my adoration this way a Dom will grow bored or loose repect and I'll be hurt. So question is there such a thing as being too submissive

The short answer, in my opinion, is no. There is no such thing as too submissive.

But I do believe there is such a thing as misdirected submission.

It sounds to me - and please forgive me if I am wrong - that you are trying to herd partners in to being the kind of Dom you want them to be. In that case I would say your submission is misdirected and you will not get the result you want. I think that's why you arrived at your question.

If you hold out, and find someone who understands you and is authentically interested in taking a power role in your life, then I suspect they will happily look at your willingness as a challenge. If they love and respect you, they will discover what your real limits are and help you both grow by pushing those boundaries, and most likely expanding them. If you are with the right person, you should have no worries that you are "too" submissive.

Good luck to you, and don't sell yourself (or others) short. I waited most of my life to find the one who was perfect for me... and it was worth the wait.

< Message edited by Bhruic -- 5/25/2012 5:23:30 PM >

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Post #: 32

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 12:19:02 AM

comaster

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Joined: 8/23/2007
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You are submissive, but if mistreated you aren't attractive to him. Would a guy who owned a beautiful corvette take a baseball bat to it, drive it without oil in the motor, or do anything else damaging to it?

So while submissive, you are either in a relationship with someone who does not value his possessions, or you are doing something that gives him the impression you are of no value. A slave should grow in value to the point where they are able to represent their master in all areas and are indistinguishable from their master in the community, to be able to take his name and speak for him in time.

I'd not be able to tell you what you are doing wrong given the brief description of your problem, but it is not in being "too submissive" since that is an impossibility. The fact that you see yourself is a doormat is somewhat revealing, since your opinion of yourself should be the same as your masters. You need to see yourself as he sees you, and if he sees you as a doormat then you are definitely of very little use to him other than to wipe the dirt off his feet, and will be no great loss to him when he throws you away.

If you really need change, feel free to contact me. I'll do what I can.

(in reply to Rayslut4321)

Post #: 33

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 12:52:30 PM

TNDommeK

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Jeff I was thinking the same thing as far as what DaddySat said. I'd like to hear that response Myself.

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Post #: 34

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 1:58:24 PM

OsideGirl

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A conversation between an acquaintance and I:

Me: How did you get hurt?

Her: He told me to do XXXXX.

Me: Didn't that seem unsafe to you?

Her: Well, yeah.....

Me: And you didn't say anything?

Her: No, he told me to do it and it did it..

She fell and broke her arm. She now has several screws and a plate.

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RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 2:01:46 PM

mnottertail

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Hopefully her lips are unscathed.

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Post #: 36

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 2:33:38 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Hopefully her lips are unscathed.

Ya know Ron......one of the things I love about you is that you definitely know your priorities.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 37

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 2:37:58 PM

mnottertail

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A simple man, a simple life.

Most humbly,

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 38

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 2:47:25 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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Did he tell her to stand on a chair? B/c this sounds familiar.

Doing everything someone that you don't really know tells you is *not* submissive, it's stupid. Part of being a good sub is knowing your boundaries and how to keep yourself safe, and being able to adequately communicate same.

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Post #: 39

RE: Is there such a thing as too submissive. - 6/4/2012 3:51:36 PM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Did he tell her to stand on a chair? B/c this sounds familiar.

Doing everything someone that you don't really know tells you is *not* submissive, it's stupid. Part of being a good sub is knowing your boundaries and how to keep yourself safe, and being able to adequately communicate same.

This one was: He thought it would be hot to put her in 6 inch heels, which she had a hard time walking in, with a short chain between her ankles. Bound her arms up folded high on her back and decided to drag her around a party on a leash. There were two steps between the living room and family room. He's dragging her around by her neck, she can barely manage the shoes and has no way to stop the fall because of how he bound her feet and arms. She's lucky she didn't break her neck.

This was a guy she had been "collared" to for a few months. It didn't last much longer though.....

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 40

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