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forcedsensuality -> RE: Younger subs (5/17/2012 8:55:23 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CougarRick
It's way more than just a masturbation fantasy
quote:
ORIGINAL: forcedsensuality
But` whatever else you do, do not restrict your masturbation fantasizing to limited fetishes and stuff you can't use with the majority of future "normal" sexual partners..
We're politely dancing around the point here. Some important brain connections that you might be stuck with for life tend to get heavily reinforced during the teenage years by constant addictive masturbation. And the fantasies you already have tend to be the best catalysts for the next wank. So a particular fantasy that is most arousing gets reinforced and kind'a hard-wired. Look i'd been attracted to masochistic fantasies since before that phase, so it was easy stuff to masturbate too .. so i still have those triggers today some 20 years later. But i had many "vanilla" hook-ups (i hate that term, it's pretty dismissive, implies a lack of colour, a drab wallpaper quality,, as though the scene values their bdsm sex practices as much more .. everything .. but who said this was a competition between sexualities .. can't you have both ?, .. is their nothing in vanilla that's really tasty, .. really !) .. and in those non-kink hook-ups, I really DID NOT want a kinky variant in the back of my mind, saying "it's better with leather" or whatever .. i don't like the kink interfering with some of those other myriad sexual connections .. and i certainly DO NOT want to be thinking "this is so passe, vanilla" when i'm in the middle of a non-kink experience .. I don't want to have my potency diluted, my commitment to the non-kink love-action of the moment to be second-rated in the back of my mind by that "vanilla"/second best implication .. at that moment in the "vanilla" love-making, i want all my attention one her and what we both enjoy doing together !!
See, i got out into the world, waiting for Ms Kink, and you know what Rick, that's about 1-2 % of the population i'd have restricted myself too if i'd thrown myself into that.
And i didn't want to disappoint the peers. Sooner or later the girlies will share notes on the boys (as if they aren't doing it already), .. and I've had lots of friends that are girls where there has always been a "hey we should get around to it one day" too" .. regular "vanilla" folk need to be appreciated, need to feel you're not feigning interest but really looking over their shoulders.
The virgin fantasy .. yeah my point, .. those fantasies are what up-tight virgins often use as procrastination tools .. to sort of deny the regular often very unromantic first hook-ups .. these are fantasies that deny the reality of first love, they all have this "fairy godmother"/prince figure, who'll take all the initiatives .. you've been discovered, you're off to Hollywood, we'll tell you what to do .. or this dom woman will tell you what to do .. well remember, that fantasy is not just someone else taking control, it may well be your first sexual thingie which just happens to combine submission, humiliation, pain, with sexual release .. ie more reinforcing of a quite abnormal sexuality, cf: the non-kink "vanilla" woman expecting YOU to vaguely take things in hand , and she's getting off on you losing control in response to her allure, and she wants you to be YOURSELF, like you've only been really like that with her ..
My point about the alt music people .. they wanted me all to themselves, they were inherently anti-mainstream, they childishly maintained clannish ways when everyone else at college was getting to know everyone in every which way, they had informal rules, they had words like "straight" (if not "vanilla") to vaguely disparage the people not into their exclusive scenes .. it was an analogy, Rick, for what COULD happen if you're drawn into an inherently secretive alternative culture, and you're young and desperate to be agreeable AND you've assumed a somewhat submissive role .. do dom/sub relationships NOT have rules about how to behave in groups of people ?? are you meant to be DEVOTED to some dom woman way beyond the natural devotion couples feel (regular stuff, y'know, no elements of duress, no unilateral decision making, no contracts to be stuck with following negotiation ,, and do you really have equal bargaining power with an older experienced dom woman anyway when you're keen to please and she says "it's this way or else .. you submit to my way remember")
So masturbate widely .. imagine you may have a "vanilla" relationship that you want !! from that 45% woman Not into the scene ..
Just don't start with this fantasy and your sex life and then the wind changes, .. your devotion to some intense scene relationship ..
don't let it stymie the teens/twenties, the the times where trying all these different people out in ALL THEIR DIFFERENT FLAVOURS .. don't get chained in the dungeon of someone who likes them young, doesn't want to let you go, understands that youthful times are flexible times, and then you get more and more stuck
masturbate widely .. fuck widely .. BDSM is certainly one option .. of about a thousand .. and the BDSM fad,.. there is a stigma, it's replaced homosexuality as the easy sideways gossip/joke you can get away with ..
the scene, the "popular" kids and their gossip, the emasculating virtual-castration implicit in so much BDSM culture , the exclusive/outsider time you spent so that you couldn't commit what time's left to the twilight of the innocent youthful pleasures, your regular friends you see less of and then they all start moving away.. don't get caught in someone else's cultural prison, .. you ought to be able to have a bit of everything, so those people who eventually want too much, .. have other people, friends, peers, equals, enjoy balance
but get laid .. it probably shouldn't be a big deal .. you will have thousands of sex experiences after that .. (eg why trust the bible, a very old book ? the oldest book,.. the wisest .. y'know, a hold-out Luddite Taliban approach .. no mention of electricity of penicillin on latex bottomless pants,.. wtf ??) why not draw power and knowledge from mane experiences .. one thing should never be such a big part of the story)
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