Withholding Sessions For Better Submission?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Withholding Sessions For Better Submission?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Withholding Sessions For Better Submission?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 9:51:35 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

"I think submission will come easy knowing that play is there but when play is withheld is when a boy starts to misbehave especially so if he is into heavy scenes and the scenes are consistent for each month."

The above comment was said to me by a submissive I just met. He was commenting on his interpretation of my profile. I have in my profile that I am looking for the whole package when it comes to a submissive. One who is willing to submit to me outside of "play" and that I was looking for more than bottom. I was a little taken back by this statement. It gave me something to really think about. I think that submission should be easy for a submissive, no matter what the consequences or reward the submissive wants or expects. What are your thoughts about his comment?

_____________________________

Post #: 1

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 9:57:46 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

MoGa,

For me, it's hard wired and yes, quite easy. One day age is going to dictate that the S/m go away and I know that.. but that M/s dynamic will remain in place and be embraced as it is now. It's no hardship to serve Himself.. it's a pleasure because it makes me happy to serve him. The play is a perk.. never an expectation.. so whether it's there or not, as long as the M/s is, that's what matters.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 2

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 9:58:26 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

He sounds like a sammy. He misbehaves if play is withheld. I am not this sort of submissive so I cannot address it. My desire to submit comes from a different place I guess. I love it when my dominant pleases me too, but I am more thrilled about pleasing him.. it is the way I am wired. I would think about whether or not such an attitude suits you in your submissives. If you seek someone that is not thinking about when the next heavy scene is coming his way then you might want to consider that.

Do I think submitting should be "easy"...hmmmmm.... In my short time (well maybe not that short of a time) on planet Earth I have found nothing worth having is "easy". It should come naturally though. It shouldn't feel forced. I think there is a difference.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 3

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 10:02:16 PM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

Celeste and Juliaocean,
I agree with both of you. Submission should be a natural thing for a submissive. I would feel manipulated if my submissive didnt submit to me in other areas of his life, just because I didnt give him play time the day before. I could never have a submissive who believes that.

_____________________________

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 10:09:25 PM

lisa1978

Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline

Sounds like it could be a sub completely motivated by BDSM and will do other things as a way to get the kinky stuff and less about actual being submissive. Does not take pleasure in serving someone as much as taking pleasure when things are done to him. Pays his dues for the kink type sub.

That pretty much the opposite of myself as I identify myself very much as a slave so I do not know if that is common. I do know for me though that consistent discipline is termendously beneficial in being kept in the proper and preferred mindset. Being submissive does need to be nurtured by a dominant. The level probably depends on the submissive though. It does all connect and are not seperate issues for most.

_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 10:11:46 PM

CrappyDom

Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Just as with children, it is an art with a large dose of luck that allows you to choose which technique to use to get an unruly child to get his shit together. Same goes with a bratty submissive (something I dislike), one doesn't punish them with severe scenes if that is what they crave, one has to take the time to punish them harshly when they do good and not punish them when the act up.

However, the syntax of the quote is so garbled that I can't quite get what he is saying.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 10:14:12 PM

Flame73

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/6/2004
Status: offline

I agree this type of behavior is the height of manipulation, last time I checked it was mostly about Me. I'm not saying I don't make adequate effort to make sure My boy's needs are met, as he will attest to. But to imagine a sub/slave misbehave because I wasn't giving him playtime on his schedule, Oh I don't think so!
Now I try and be accomodating if there's something My slaveboy wants to try, I like to broaden his horizons and Mine. But I have to say there are certain things he has mentioned that have been met with an unnegotiable no.
I'd not waste My time with someone who tried to literally Top from the bottom by misbehaving to get "what he wants," in fact I find the notion nauseating. What happened to submission being a drive to serve and a desire to please? I know sub/slaves have needs and its the Dominants job to make sure they're being met, but You have to draw the line somewhere, or you end up dancing to their tune.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 7

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 10:18:39 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Im really lucky, the dom I am seeing says it is all about "us" when we are involved with our power exchange. It is about fulfilling our needs. Like I said in my earlier post, my submission comes from a different place than a sammy or a pain slut, but his attitude makes me want to please him like 10000 percent more. It is all about flaming the desire of the submissive to serve after all, we are at our best when motivated...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Flame73)

Post #: 8

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 11:16:55 PM

NCSilverWolves

Posts: 123
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

I don't understand his reasoning behind this statement. If I couldn't submit all the time... outside of the bedroom.... I wouldn't bother at all. Guess i'm wired wrong.... but hell that's nothing new there...lol

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 9

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 11:21:32 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Sounds to me like a bedroom submissive. My submission encompasses a lot more than "play," it is the whole package.

Easy? The concept is easy, yes. The things I am pushed to do are not always easy. But I have no choice. Submitting to him is my need. I can do nothing else.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 10

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/5/2006 11:43:40 PM

timeoutgurlie

Posts: 588
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline

My greatest pleasure is in the small, day to day service I provide for the one I love. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy the play, don't get me wrong, but I'm fulfilled on a much deeper level when I am serving him in ways that a one nighter or escort could never fulfill, you know? Sex is something he could have anywhere, there are probably thousands of girls on this site alone who would happily play with him, no strings attached, and do anything he wanted. To go beyond this, have him wake up in the morning with everything just as he likes it, and to do all the small things that make his life more pleasurable and enjoyable, this is what I strive for and find fulfillment in.

So far, the most cherished moment I have with him is when he fell sick suddenly and I was the first person he called, and he let me take care of him, telling me that the only thing that could've comforted him at that time was to have me at his side.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 3:07:40 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

I actually think the "I'll be submissive as long as I get my fetish/kink/sex needs on my schedule" mentality is quite common. How many times have we heard "I'm submissive if I'm dressed in women's clothes" or "I feel soooo submissive after I get spanked the way I like it"?

I don't think such a scenario works, however. While there's nothing wrong with topping/bottoming and agreeing upfront what each gets out of it, "submissive behavior" should not be a "reward" to a Dominant who does the sub as they dictate they get done. I really doubt in such a scenario our definitions of "submissive behavior" mesh (I was once told it meant he'd let me tie him up and have sex - I passed), but as others have noted, it's the height of manipulation.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to timeoutgurlie)

Post #: 12

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 4:57:19 AM

twicehappy

Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

All in our household consider this a problem. It is like rewarding a child who has misbehaved with a cookie. I cannot tell you how many times Mistress has been asked this question when speaking with a perspective subbie "How do you punish?” She invariably asks them” Why, do you plan on messing up?"

The sub will please you as long as they are receiving what they want from it. These types she always rejects as does Master. Both want service from the heart of a sub/slave not from an ulterior motive.

When we engage in bdsm play it is for mutual pleasure, not to punish me. I like it so how would that be a punishment?

I would think in this case you can try to change the stated behavior by explaining that scening is a reward, not being allowed to scene is the punishment and see if that adjusts the mindset you are dealing with now.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 13

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:12:06 AM

Sunshine119

Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline

I never know to whom these posts are going to be referring to but, I am sending this as a general comment. I love to submit in every fashion. I love to cook his dinner, iron his clothes, run his shower for him in the morning as well as to play....hard.

Now, while I love submitting in every capacity, there are times I NEED to be used sexually. Sorry guys, but then I do get moody and grouchy. I can get to be a real bitch if left to my own devices long enough. Thankfully, I have a Dom that immediately recognizes my grouchiness...usually before I do and then treats it accordingly....lol!

To be used in ALL capaciites is important for many of us, I would hazzard to guess. Just because I do submit doesn't mean I don't have sexual needs too.

_____________________________

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 14

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:25:26 AM

fellatrixkris

Posts: 20
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: New England
Status: offline

It's almost as if he's saying..listen unless you provide me with what i need, you can go screw yourself. I might add you'd probably be better off doing that than getting into anything with him...but i have only seen one little post of what he said. I love making sure my Dom is happy at all times, well fed, rubbed, cleaned, ect...but i do go DEEPER into submission after a good beating. It does not however effect my day to day actions of pleasing Him when I do not get a beating. I guess its just when i hit subspace and feel a deep need to curl around His feet, is typically after a deep session, whether or not it was a beating, making love, rough sex, or just holding eachother close and having a deep conversation.

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 15

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:26:36 AM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Can anyone say, topping from the bottom?

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to fellatrixkris)

Post #: 16

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:30:35 AM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

"I think submission will come easy knowing that play is there but when play is withheld is when a boy starts to misbehave especially so if he is into heavy scenes and the scenes are consistent for each month."

The above comment was said to me by a submissive I just met. He was commenting on his interpretation of my profile. I have in my profile that I am looking for the whole package when it comes to a submissive. One who is willing to submit to me outside of "play" and that I was looking for more than bottom. I was a little taken back by this statement. It gave me something to really think about. I think that submission should be easy for a submissive, no matter what the consequences or reward the submissive wants or expects. What are your thoughts about his comment?

I dont think any relationship would be 'easy' for anyone, unless their needs are being met....Its simply human nature....sub/dom/vanilla/ or anything in between.

In reading his statement, it doesnt even make complete sense in a gramatical way, but based upon how you have prefaced your question, it sounds to me as if he was addressing your profile desire to have a submissive who is not just into the play aspect of being submissive. I think if his statement wasn't rooted to any train of thought, it would be strange. But he seems to be giving you feedback on your profile writings. I cant get inside his head and speak for him, but the way I personally interpret his statement is that he is saying as long as there is play, then he will be much happier in the relationship and the rest (the other aspects of his submission) will fall into place within the relationship.

Submissive or vanilla, men *are* highly driven by sexuality, so I dont think this really is such a horrible thing. I get the feeling that he's into a Ds relationship rather than one of completed *unconditional* servitude. Just my take on the read.

And lets face it, submissives/slaves dont really sacrifice. They are serving their own desires to be of use to someone. Some want that use to include sexuality, and others dont necessarily want that. But its the human condition to move towards that which meets our own needs.

You sound like you want the *whole* relationship. He sounds like he does too. The only difference is that *you're* insuring the "out of bedroom stuff", and he's insuring the "IN the bedroom stuff". Doesnt mean you each dont want the other part. It just means that you are each confirming a different aspect of the relationship. You may actually both be saying the same thing without even realizing it.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 17

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:38:32 AM

LL1aintbehavin

Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

MoGa.
i fully understand the desire to have more than a bottom, they can be found easily. To find out with a submissive and serving nature, that truly desires to see to their Ones everyday comfort and pleasure, given freely and with no underlying thoughts of what they are going to get in return for it.
Submission and power exchange in D/s or M/s is done because it is what they desire to do, what completes them. i like all that i do for my husDom, and if He has time and energy for play after real life issues, i love it, but would never whine and complain because it was not on any set schedule.
The D/s is what i love, the play is just the icing on the cake. if one is starting a relationship on the basis that they demand play on their schedule, i can't see that they really have the heart to serve.
just my opinion of course.
aintbehavin

(in reply to Sunshine119)

Post #: 18

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:42:27 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

julia said it best.."we are at out best when motivated". It's true...that's how us human are. I don't necessarily find submission "easy". Although I am sure you didn't mean it this way, but it almost sounds like those doms who have contacted me and more or less said, "If you are a true submissive, it doesn't make a difference who you submit to." It does...plain and simple.

Submission, for me, comes from a place deep inside. It's not easy...not at all, but it's what I need/want/desire. That part of submission is natural...as natural as breathing, but still not easy. And I will say that a good session makes me feel even more submissive (whatever that means), but it doesn't mean that I'm not submissive if I'm not "sessioned" (excuse me for making that into a verb...I HATE when others do that, it just seemed the best way to put it).

If needs aren't met, then what's the point? Yes, your needs are important...at the top, but his needs are important too. Turn it around...if your needs aren't met, is it still easy to dominate someone? Can you dominate everyone just because you are dominant? I wouldn't think so, but not being one, I really don't know. I'm sorry if this sound a bit wise-assed, because I truly don't mean for it to.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 19

RE: Withholding Sessions For Better Submission? - 6/6/2006 5:46:16 AM

irishbynature

Posts: 551
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

My desire to submit comes from a different place I guess. I love it when my dominant pleases me too, but I am more thrilled about pleasing him.. it is the way I am wired.

What she said!
Irish

_____________________________

What seems nasty, painful, or evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, for those who have the vision to recognize it as such. Henry Miller

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Withholding Sessions For Better Submission?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094