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The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 6:06:48 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I read this awhile back and saved it, the writer makes many excellent observations on the submissive. It was written with regards to the female but i feel safe in stating it applies to both sexes.
 
Do any of you subs/slaves see these things about yourself? In what ways does your dominant help you to strive for this type of a happy healthy mental/emotional/physchical state? What things do you do for yourself to reach for or maintain this level of happy healthy submissiveness ?


The Healthy Submissive by Yaldahtouh


1. The healthy submissive is capable of, and thrives on, intense, intimate, emotionally open relationships. This is often evident in the number of nourishing, sustaining, and life affirming friendships she makes over the years.
2. The healthy submissive is a giver. She often needs help to ration herself because her impulses nearly always lead her to want to do good for others.
3. The healthy submissive is capable of intense joy, especially in the context of a sustaining relationship.
4. The healthy submissive finds significant relaxation when properly related. She is at ease in that place.
5. The healthy submissive has finely tuned interpersonal sensitivity. She is reactive to subtle shifts in the emotional tone of others.
6. The healthy submissive has a fluidity of self, a flexibility that enables her to adapt to changing circumstances.
7. The healthy submissive is playful.
8. The healthy submissive has no more than the usual cultural conflicts about her body, and its goodness and beauty.
9. The healthy submissive takes pride in her accomplishments.
10. The healthy submissive accepts herself as she is, knowing that while her culture values independence and self sufficiency, she has strong dependency needs and that there is no inherent "wrongness" about those needs.
11. The healthy submissive seeks nourishing relationships.
12. The healthy submissive, in accepting herself "as is" is tolerant of others. But neither will she allow anyone to tell her what her truth should be.
13. The healthy submissive has a reasonable self concept, aware of her difficulties as well as her strengths.
14. The healthy submissive hungers to be the object of an intense and penetrating understanding. When her nature is understood and she is held in a loving and firm frame, her devotion is almost limitless. The healthy submissive has an enormous capacity for devotion, from which springs her service.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 6:41:30 AM   
Halcyone


Posts: 93
Joined: 8/24/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you for posting this, twicehappy! I'd been looking for it, then forgot about it, and now here it is again.This was one of the first things I stumbled across when I first began to explore who and what I am. Each of these resonated for me, even those that I hadn't fully realized. Number 14 in particular always struck me as being particularly true. Once I settled down, "rationed" myself as the list puts it, and started looking for relationships in which the other person was sincerely interested in knowing me, I became a much happier person.

Of these, Sir has helped me with 3, 4, 8, 10, 13 and 14. Some of those come from his just being the man he is, others from conscious effort and planning on his part. For example, he has created a number of challenges that let me see and realize that I have as many (or more) strengths as I have flaws, and in fact a number of my self-perceived flaws were not nearly as terrible as I thought they were.

As for what I do for myself...I'd have to say that the biggest change was my beginning to stand up for my own needs. Putting others first did me no good when there was nothing left at the end of the day to keep myself healthy, in mind and body. Between that and finally embracing, acting on, my nature, I've become a much happier, well-balanced person.

Thank you again for posting this list.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 6:57:50 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		For the healthy submissive = the healthy PERSON who happens to be oriented as a submissive in their personal intimate relationship

It's kinda like making an essay titled "The Healthy Homosexual"

And in my relaitonships, we all help eachother to grow and become strong in who we are.  I don't see it as "the domain of the dom" or "the domain of the sub."  I think we form relationships to become stronger and to help eachother as we go through life together.

And, we do pretty much the same thing that every human does to be healthy together.  Be true to yourself, be honest, communicate.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to twicehappy)
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RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 7:14:38 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline 		I really enjoyed the list....but I think that it can be attached to other labels of society...
I know that all but # 10 have applied to me even before I came into this lifestyle...wait let me rephrase...through a lot of self growth these past 4 years....more so in the past 2 years....I have been able to achieve all...including #10 now....

(in reply to twicehappy)
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RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 7:29:02 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		That is one of my favorite articles and can be found on the Submissive Loving website for those wanting the full article on the Healthy Submissive.

I have a ways to go still, but I'm getting there.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
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RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 8:58:08 AM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		Thank you for posting that. It was very beautiful. Sometimes writings like that can come off as self boasting and overly romantic, but I think that does a really nice job of avoiding that.




_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to Littlepita)
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RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 12:21:17 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		If that is the definition of a "healthy submissive"  than I am one.

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 3:03:02 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I think one of the sole functions of lists like this is to help new people come to terms with the fact that being submissive just means you're a regular functional human being who is capable of having a relationship.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to babysburnin)
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RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 3:54:32 PM   
moontearz


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		Twicehappy;
 thank yu for that post.  It has helped me put in perspective who i am in this lifestyle and what it is that i had hoped to acheive with my submissivness.  Moontearz.

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 4:37:56 PM   
ADomDoc


Posts: 312
Joined: 11/8/2005
From: San Antonio
Status: offline 		An excellent post ... it describes the exceptional sub/slave (not the typical that I've met).  But it should be good stuff for any sub to pay attention to &/or aspire to.

Thanks

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 4:46:19 PM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your kind words, i am glad so many enjoyed the post. And i do hope it helps those who are new or unsure understand what submission should help them feel like; happy, secure and content.


quote:

ORIGINAL: ADomDoc

An excellent post ... it describes the exceptional sub/slave (not the typical that I've met).  But it should be good stuff for any sub to pay attention to &/or aspire to.


I myself have this from my relationship, i know i am one of the lucky ones.

Perhaps this list may also point dominants in the direction they should be leading their owned ones.

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to ADomDoc)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 6:28:59 PM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		That was a great post twicehappy...thanks

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 6:31:56 PM   
OhBeMyMind


Posts: 845
Joined: 11/19/2004
From: Panama City, Florida
Status: offline 		Thanks for sharing twicehappy!

_____________________________

~oh

~*~I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not~*~

~she'll tease you, she'll unease you, all the better just to please you~ K.C

~Well would you look at that! My give-a-damn just broke~

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 7:19:00 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline
quote:

Do any of you subs/slaves see these things about yourself? In what ways does your dominant help you to strive for this type of a happy healthy


Yes and Yes. I guess i'm healthier than i thought.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/6/2006 8:53:41 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you Twice..it definitely gives much food for thought..and some goals that would be desireable to reach for....tempting

(in reply to proudsub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/7/2006 8:48:12 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline 		Thank you for this lovely post.  I loved the list and copied it to Master for Him to read.  He tells me often that I have grown so much in the past three years that we have been together.  The majority of the positive changes that have made me more comfortable in my own skin came about with my getting cozy with the D/s elements of our relationship, especially number 10.  I was in a 12 year relationship where I wasn't able to really lean on my anyone other than myself.  Many of the people I knew would say things like "you're strong, self-reliant, independent..." and what I really wanted to say back was "no, I'm exhausted, resentful, and unfulfilled" - but I didn't, for fear that they would think I wasn't able to do everything with no help.  (God forbid, I should appear human to them!  eek!)  But, now I'm comfortable with just being me, whomever that gal is from day to day. 

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/8/2006 4:32:49 AM   
twicehappy


Posts: 2706
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

 Many of the people I knew would say things like "you're strong, self-reliant, independent..." and what I really wanted to say back was "no, I'm exhausted, resentful, and unfulfilled" - but I didn't, for fear that they would think I wasn't able to do everything with no help.  (God forbid, I should appear human to them!  eek!)  But, now I'm comfortable with just being me, whomever that gal is from day to day. 


You are welcome and i am very happy for you. Isn't it amazing how many subs/slaves are the same way? I never know when to slow down or relax and am a horrible perfectionist, every so often my owners need to remind me to let it go, i am human after all(do not spread that one around about me either, lol).

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/8/2006 5:05:25 AM   
LL1aintbehavin


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		twicehappy.
i have read that list before, but not for quite a while.  thank you for posting it.
sometimes its nice to read, and just realize that in the beginning of my relationship how so many of the items seemed to be so out of reach in any relationship, but as over time i have come so far.
it gives me food for thought and i realize how far i have come with with my Master's help, love and understanding, and what things i still want to work on.
mostly that i accept me for all that i am and will be, and that my Master also accepts and loves me for all that i am and all that i do.
thanks again for the post.
aintbehavin

(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/8/2006 7:21:44 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

i am human after all(do not spread that one around about me either, lol).



Dear Twicehappy...
your secret is safe with me!   
*zips lips, throws key far, far away...*

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to twicehappy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The Healthy Submissive - 6/9/2006 7:45:28 AM   
soldierfunuk


Posts: 56
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for posting this.  It may sound silly but I now know and understand a bit more about who I am and how I got to here.  I will keep this to remind me.

_____________________________

Property of Mistress Angel.
Please return if lost.

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 20
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