Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub"

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Mercnbeth -> Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 10:52:22 AM)
“Defining Real Doms”, “Training Doms”, “Un-caring Slaves”, “Dom References”, “Justifying Male Dominance”, “What Doms ‘Really’ Think”, “Dedicated Doms – Where are they?”, “The Death of Romance”; does anyone notice a commonality to all these message threads? If you miss it here, I challenge you to watch any TV. Who’s the dumbest character in any sitcom? Worst yet watch any commercial; who’s the butt of any gag, the stupid person who doesn’t know his daughters may want new cell phones but NOT to talk to him? Who doesn’t know what car rental company he’ll be using and needs his wife to tell him while flying to his vacation destination? Is any other male tired of this? Is any Dom sick of hearing how their attitude needs correcting? Do we need more whining about how Doms need to have more romance, more understanding, more openness, and be less demanding? When I was looking at all the posts under all the various headings I could only find one countering question or complaint – “Where are the “real subs”? Well, everyone knows that – Quiznos, and they are HOT! But we do need our side of the equation documented. What traits are we looking for in our ideal caring, romantic, dedicated, justifiably submissive, thinking, perfect – REAL sub? I apologize to the Dommes out there - I didn't notice the same negativity toward you, but feel free to contribute.

Estring -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 12:22:37 PM)
Lol. Man, I thought I was the only one that noticed this trend. The man seems to always be the buffoon. I would attribute this as a byproduct of the manhating feminist agenda that has been prevelant for years. As for the perfect sub, that would probably vary with each Dom. In my case, I love the fact that my slave is perfectly comfortable and happy in her feminism and femaleness. She also understands that her submission to me does not make her weak in any way, and couldn't care less whether that is politically correct or not. And of course she looks so hot kneeling at my feet.[;)]

Sylverdawn -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 1:24:46 PM)
The prefect sub.. is the one that works for you.... There are lots of "subs" out there I wouldnt have in a collar on a bet... They are not my ideal of what a submissive is.. but there are lots of Tops out there I wouldnt call Dom's either.. but my opinion and a five dollar bills will get me a cup of coffee alone.. I can only suit myself in my choice of partners.. trying to live up to some other persons ideal is not only a recipe for failure but utterly exhausting.. As long as you make each other happy.. more power to you.

Hawkins -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 2:00:08 PM)
I think one reason us het doms don't express our disatisfaction the same way one can see submissives expressing satifaction over doms, is that we have a different personality type to submissives. It's not so much that subs complain more; perhaps it's we complain less. Also, to be fair, I see positive comments about doms from subs too. I do think there IS a sexual bias in BDSM. Now, a male sub (typically a businessman paying for it) with a female dom is a stereotypical figure that has lost much of its shock-value to vanilla people; it is 'okay' for a succesful man to let himself be dominated by a woman. Vanilla people are not quite so sanguine when it is a male dom meeting-out the same treatment to a female sub. As the number of women physically or mentally abused by partners is simply unacceptable, one can understand their concern, but it still sucks one is regarded suspiciously by uninofrmed people just because you're an 'out' dominant man. But I won't complain until 50% of CEO's are woman; I wouldn't "walk a mile" where sexual bias comes to play. My feet would hurt. As to the perfect sub? It'll differ between doms, as has been noted, but if you ignore any physical aspects, in essense it is one whose natural submissive nature is pleasing to the dominant, and whose response to the dominant's domination is challenging and satisfying. But again, that's the essense of what I want; others may differ. I think getting doms to agree on detail is a bit like herding cats [;)] It would be quite possible for semantics to stop two of them saying the same thing different ways to agree with each other. Or is that just everybody, regardless of gender?

INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 2:00:29 PM)
quote: When you aim for perfection, you discover it's a moving target. Geoffrey F. Fisher What makes the perfect sub to me is the one who compliments me, that understands that in her submission, she has the freedom to be who she really is.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 2:11:16 PM)
Amazing - they are able to identify 18 distinct traits for the "Perfect Dom" and we can't list any for the perfect sub? We should have something in mind - don't you think?

Estring -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 2:44:57 PM)
In my case I don't necessarily look for the perfect sub. I look for the woman that has the traits I am looking for as a woman. The fact that she will be submissive to me is a given. And lists take too long to type. Lol.

Estring -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 2:49:20 PM)
quote: Vanilla people are not quite so sanguine when it is a male dom meeting-out the same treatment to a female sub. As the number of women physically or mentally abused by partners is simply unacceptable, one can understand their concern, but it still sucks one is regarded suspiciously by uninofrmed people just because you're an 'out' dominant man. The truth is, according to FBI crime statistics, there are just as many instances of domestic violence by women against men. And if you consider the stigma attached to males who are abused, many probably don't report it. I have never heard that fact mentioned by any feminist that I am aware of. I wonder why?

sub4hire -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 3:20:43 PM)
quote: Amazing - they are able to identify 18 distinct traits for the "Perfect Dom" and we can't list any for the perfect sub? You have to keep in mind. A sub did not write what a perfect Dom is to them. A Dom wrote it about himself.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 3:45:25 PM)
Let me see if I can address a few things here: quote: ORIGINAL: sub4hire quote: Amazing - they are able to identify 18 distinct traits for the "Perfect Dom" and we can't list any for the perfect sub? You have to keep in mind. A sub did not write what a perfect Dom is to them. A Dom wrote it about himself. Yeah I have to agree with Gloria (and the facts!) on this one here. You guys are your own worst enemy at times. quote: ORIGINAL: Estring Lol. Man, I thought I was the only one that noticed this trend. The man seems to always be the buffoon. I would attribute this as a byproduct of the manhating feminist agenda that has been prevelant for years. I understand the point you are trying to get across Estring and though I would agree that feminism had a part in this, I wouldn’t blame it all on feminism. As I just finished saying, you guys are your own worst enemies at times. Media tends to really be mean to men. Let's see who was the creator of the most popular buffoon. Matt Groening's, creator of the uber idiot: Homer Simpson. Is Matt Groening a “manhating feminist”? Probably not. Do you think that the Simpsons cater to higher degree of feminists then other shows? Probably not. That said, there are many factors for the stereotypes in today’s society and trying to point at one thing and saying “that’s the cause” is a little simplistic in my opinion. I think man is often the buffoon because he choses to be. This being said, not all men are buffoons. We have our own stereotypes on the woman's side. Pick up just about any copy of Maxim or watch any Axe or Coors commercial. quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth I apologize to the Dommes out there - I didn't notice the same negativity toward you, but feel free to contribute. You’ve obviously overlooked all the threads on Money Dommes, Dominatrix = Prostitute with a whip, all the sub boys that complain how we are too hard on them… We all take a hit on the chin now and then. No biggie. quote: ORIGINAL: Hawkins I think one reason us het doms don't express our disatisfaction the same way one can see submissives expressing satifaction over doms, is that we have a different personality type to submissives. It's not so much that subs complain more; perhaps it's we complain less. There is a difference between stating needs, boundaries, desires, deal-makers & breakers, etc. and complaining. quote: ORIGINAL: Hawkins Also, to be fair, I see positive comments about doms from subs too. Tons! quote: ORIGINAL: Hawkins I do think there IS a sexual bias in BDSM. Now, a male sub (typically a businessman paying for it) with a female dom is a stereotypical figure that has lost much of its shock-value to vanilla people; it is 'okay' for a succesful man to let himself be dominated by a woman. Vanilla people are not quite so sanguine when it is a male dom meeting-out the same treatment to a female sub. As the number of women physically or mentally abused by partners is simply unacceptable, one can understand their concern, but it still sucks one is regarded suspiciously by uninofrmed people just because you're an 'out' dominant man. I couldn’t agree with you more! Don’t just blame the vanilla people though. Their lack of understanding comes from pure honest ignorance (not understanding all the facts). The people that swim in these waters are just as bad in propagating the sexual/gender stereotype from within. Just look at the recently yanked thread which called for the justification of male dominance (well, I guess you can’t look at it as it has been yanked) as well as the thread on female supremacy. quote: ORIGINAL: Hawkins But I won't complain until 50% of CEO's are woman; I wouldn't "walk a mile" where sexual bias comes to play. My feet would hurt. Yeah, the world kind of balances out with all of it’s imbalances it seems… Now in terms of what the perfect sub is… quote: ORIGINAL: Sylverdawn The prefect sub.. is the one that works for you.... What she said. - LA

topcat -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 3:47:06 PM)
M. Merc- Eldest child Reads (reads a lot!) Wears glasses or contacts Likes sushi Likes motorcycles Artist of some sort- media doesn't matter, but the self expession skills do Demanding, powerful career track Adventurous spirit Self awareness Comfortable in her submission Exhibitionist Fit Petite (I enjoy a woman I can carry up a flight of stairs, or fling across the room onto the bed) Competent- not a person who can't assemble a bookcase without making it the building of the brooklyn bridge. a Welder (can't say why, but this has occured in two of the most wonderful women I have known) Big chewy nipples Affectionate Upbeat Passionate Multi-orgasmic Patient (if she has to deal with me, this is important) a bit needy- not as far as the point of clingly Girly/fem/whatever I am sure I could come up with more... Stay warm, Lawrence

jillwfsub4blkdom -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 4:22:25 PM)
Merc, i personally think that females are more willing to express their feelings than men. i just think it is more of a personality trait. jill

aliljaded1 -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 4:27:01 PM)
im not sure how this is going to sound , but i believe the perfect sub is someone that That knows Him better then He knows Himself

proudsub -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 5:00:29 PM)
quote: Eldest child Likes sushi Likes motorcycles Petite (I enjoy a woman I can carry up a flight of stairs, or fling across the room onto the bed) a Welder (can't say why, but this has occured in two of the most wonderful women I have known) Damn those would leave me out.[:@]

topcat -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 5:15:53 PM)
Midear Ali- everytime you open your mouth, I like you better... stay warm, Lawrence

topcat -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 5:18:07 PM)
midear Proud- Those are all just ideals- and all of them in one woman is a lot to ask- but you aremarried, which is, sadly for us both, a dealbreaker... stay warm, Lawrence

newflowers -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 6:09:08 PM)
Come on guys - surely you have a list of specific wants - think of it as a submissive from Santa - what's going on the list? Lawrence gave a start. Merc, perhaps if you list beth's most wonderous qualities that would help light a fire under these gentlemen. newflowers

SherriA -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 6:30:05 PM)
Eldest child --> yep Reads (reads a lot!) --> yep (some would say too much!) Wears glasses or contacts --> nope. My optomitrist asks me every year why I'm there, just to hear him say I have great eyes? Likes sushi --> ony the veg kind these days, but it's probably what I miss most since I stopped eating animal flesh Likes motorcycles --> likes? Nope. I LOVE motorcycles! Artist of some sort- media doesn't matter, but the self expession skills do --> nope, not artistic at all. I play the piano, but I"m a technician, not an artist. Demanding, powerful career track --> nope. Love my job, but it's not brain surgery or rocket science. Adventurous spirit --> nope. I'm a cancer; we're homebodies. A secure place to hang our hats is important. Self awareness --> too much of this! Comfortable in her submission --> submission? me? bwahahahahahahahhaha! Exhibitionist --> nope, but I fake it well Fit --> nope, not anymore. grumble Petite (I enjoy a woman I can carry up a flight of stairs, or fling across the room onto the bed) --> short, but not petite Competent- not a person who can't assemble a bookcase without making it the building of the brooklyn bridge. --> can build a bookcase just fine, but prefer to have it delivered! a Welder (can't say why, but this has occured in two of the most wonderful women I have known) --> nope Big chewy nipples --> nope Affectionate --> nope (and don't anyone dare say otherwise!) Upbeat --> when I have something to be upbeat about Passionate --> about some things, and indifferent about others Multi-orgasmic --> HELL YEAH! Patient (if she has to deal with me, this is important) --> sometimes, sometimes not, depending on the situation a bit needy- not as far as the point of clingly --> needy? I'd never admit to it! Girly/fem/whatever --> girly? me? hmmm...nope, don't think so Damn, it's a good thing I'm not auditioning for the role of "perfect sub" for Lawrence (or for anyone else for that matter). For me, a perfect sub is a honey oat roll stuffed with grilled veggies & pepperjack cheese, drizzled with balsamic vinegar, and sprinkled with freshly cracked pepper. Ok, now I'm hungry!

LadyAngelika -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 6:31:35 PM)
Lawrence you cheeky guy you! Lets see... (I hope you don't mind the color commentary) ORIGINAL: topcat Eldest child Rationale? Reads (reads a lot!) Of course! Wears glasses or contacts Is this a kinky thing? Likes sushi Not liking sushi is a deal breaker for me Likes motorcycles Vroom! Artist of some sort- media doesn't matter, but the self expession skills do I get this one 100% Demanding, powerful career track Yes Adventurous spirit Yes Self awareness Yes Comfortable in her submission Yes.. or his Exhibitionist Yes Fit Sure Petite (I enjoy a woman I can carry up a flight of stairs, or fling across the room onto the bed) Not a criteria for me. I like girls to be buxom like me and I like my guys bulky. Competent- not a person who can't assemble a bookcase without making it the building of the brooklyn bridge. Of course a Welder (can't say why, but this has occured in two of the most wonderful women I have known) You weirdo Big chewy nipples I like the itty bitty Affectionate Yes Upbeat Yes Passionate Yes! Multi-orgasmic YES! Patient (if she has to deal with me, this is important) understandable a bit needy- not as far as the point of clingly totally understandable Girly/fem/whatever uh huh... except for my boys ;) I am sure I could come up with more... I can... Giant libido Twisted sense of humour Capable of intellectual conversation Knows how to make a great Grey Goose martini Does windows Can deal with my insanity (Mwuah hah hah) - LA

perverseangelic -> RE: Calling All Doms - Defining the "Perfect sub" (10/29/2004 7:19:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Estring The truth is, according to FBI crime statistics, there are just as many instances of domestic violence by women against men. And if you consider the stigma attached to males who are abused, many probably don't report it. I have never heard that fact mentioned by any feminist that I am aware of. I wonder why? Because you've been talking to the wrong feminists. As an active member of NOW, and a very rabid feminist who associates with a very large group of feminists both male and female, I'm pretty darn aware of and repulsed by those figures. As the people I associate with see it, feminism is the movement to provide equality between people. This -includes- removing gender-related stigmas from men. Please stop using the word feminist as an insult. I swear, we're not evil people, nor are all of us the type you seem to have been aquainted with which has turned you so much against us.

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