RE: linking to topics in past forums... (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

tade -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:24:13 PM)

Well.. Not to reopen the can of worms, but it is condesending and rude if that is the way that it comes across. Like has been said, it is great to have all of those resources to use, but if someone doesn't know that the search buttom is there, then why bother. If they want to know that deeply, then they will find it or whither on the vine. Just because they have not  looked up what you had to say on the topic in March of 2005 and you don't feel like reposting it, but do feel like posting a link to it harldly quailifies as "to my benifit"to me. Not saying that the links aren't a good tool. Just that it seems rude to me the way the info is presented sometimes.

And for the record I would consider myself a longtime user. I just don't feel the need to throw my 2 pennies into every well that comes along.



mistoferin -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:31:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tade

Well.. Not to reopen the can of worms, but it is condesending and rude if that is the way that it comes across. Like has been said, it is great to have all of those resources to use, but if someone doesn't know that the search buttom is there, then why bother. If they want to know that deeply, then they will find it or whither on the vine. Just because they have not  looked up what you had to say on the topic in March of 2005 and you don't feel like reposting it, but do feel like posting a link to it harldly quailifies as "to my benifit"to me. Not saying that the links aren't a good tool. Just that it seems rude to me the way the info is presented sometimes.

And for the record I would consider myself a longtime user. I just don't feel the need to throw my 2 pennies into every well that comes along.


Gosh tade, this entire post you just made comes across with a condescending and rude flavor. So is what you are saying that just because a post that is determined to be condescending and rude by the reader that fact alone indeed "makes" it condescending and rude?  Does the intent of the poster count at all??? Isn't it possible that a reader can misinterpret the sentiment??? Couldn't I have just done that with yours....or were you really intending to be rude and condescending?



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:32:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tade
but it is condesending and rude if that is the way that it comes across.

Now that's very foggy logic.  Just because someone PERCEIVES a particular emotion or attitude, does not at all mean that there IS that particular attitude or emotion going on.

I accept that you feel as you do and that your feelings are valid.

That doesn't mean that IS what I am doing or feeling when I do it.

quote:

Not saying that the links aren't a good tool. Just that it seems rude to me the way the info is presented sometimes.

Interesting how almost every single time I post links I do nothing BUT post the links and their titles.  The other times I usually say "Here are some threads that might also be useful to you"  So it is somewhat odd to get such strong emotions from them.



darkinshadows -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:34:39 PM)

You find it unhelpful.  I find it helpful.
About an hour ago, I did this very thing.  But I also answered the question.
There are people who are not on these boards anymore who had really positive input.  They are no here to post anymore - but their ideas are just as valid.  Its no different than recommending a good book.
 
Now, at the risk of being 'unfriendly' - if you view peoples posts in a negative tone, doesn't mean they are.
 
You learn from the present, and you learn from the past... and you can be guided vicariously.  People will aways answer the question - if a couple of people are being helpful in listing older posts - good for them.  You have a problem with it, deal and move on.  I  - as a person whos been here for a while enjoy re-reading the older posts.  Brings back memories, makes me smile and helps me remember people from the past who has put ideas in my head that I now use in my present (which at the time, was the future).
 
I would hate to see that knowledge lost just because a handful of people find it 'condecending'.
 
Peace and Rapture



desertdancer -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:41:54 PM)

~fast reply~

As someone new here, I find it extremely helpful to have some kind soul post a buncha links, I can continue reading the new postings or follow the links, either way, I still get to learn, from new and old postings. Every time someone posts a link, it's up to me if I choose to follow it or not.   I see nothing condescending about another person trying to help out.

I think mayhap it's not the offering of links people find condescending but the short notes that go with them.  "there have been thirteen other post about this (insert link here) ' can sound a bit harsh..now if you were to say "Here are some link on this topic to help you out' that sounds nicer, but the person taking the time to post the links may not have time or thought to worry about how they come across.

I have no real point other then I'm somewhat newish and am not bothered by the links at all

~Dancer



tade -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:42:57 PM)

Point taken, but that is just 1 post with a much intended tone out of hundreds. As I said before, not meaning to target anyone, just voicing my opinion on the subject. But in some ways I DO feel that a poster taking a few seconds of common courtesy and not directing someone to the nearest thread EVERYTIME something that has been discussed before comes up is not asking to much.

But from time to time it feels as though people are getting lectured by  wicked school teachers (HOT... kinky or vannilla :) or by elite authors who can't be bothered. Again not pointing fingers, in fact pointing something else at any wicked school teachers that may run across this post.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 1:55:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tade
But in some ways I DO feel that a poster taking a few seconds of common courtesy and not directing someone to the nearest thread EVERYTIME something that has been discussed before comes up is not asking to much.

Combining a search of my current 4539 posts for the words "link" "links" and "threads", approximately 248 of them are "link posts."  Given adding in a few extra posts where I might not have mentioned that they were links to other threads...when I make a post, less than 10% of the time it involves links.

Again, I understand that the perception is what it is- that I ONLY post link posts, that I'm making myself sound "too cool for school," that I don't care about the new threads, and all manner of unkind things.

I can only hope that the other 90% of the posts I make speak against that and that a full-perspective of me is made.

And if someone can point to a post of Proud's where she's ever said or done ANYTHING here that someone can perceive in a negative light, I'd love to see it because that bitch pisses me off with her perfection. ;)



mistoferin -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:01:04 PM)

And I, for one, will also take your point and make a conscious effort to be more polite when I indeed DO post links. I don't think that I have been rude or condescening....at least that has not been my intent in doing so and how I am perceived is for the most part, beyond my control....but I will more closely examine the wording that I use when I post links. I will still not shortchange a topic with a less than passionate answer though when someone is seeking real information.



lisa1978 -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:02:07 PM)

I do think it is a miss perception of us newbies when people make posts with links. Yes, most are being nice and contributing, but some are being snotty with other comments and a new person can feel unwelcomed here. To me it is a total perception problem and not a substantive one. It does not happen when one person does it but when several do it, the perception gets created. Guess what? Perception becomes reality to people so when new people tell you they get put off or intimadated it is because they are. It is nobody's fault but is a reality and cannot be dismissed as "their problem". That is small thinking.

Now I am sorry but some comments made on this thread about not wanting to restate their views over and over again on a topic combined with "helping" out us new people by suggesting thet research every thread on a topic we might start just reeks of arrogance. I am not implying that your view on the topic is less than anybody's elses, but I am sorry, to feel that a person new to a board should go back and do "homework" if they want an active discussion on something, combined with feeling your opinion must be heard by either feeling forced to repost it or refer to a prior discussion is arrogant.

There are many message boards like this and a google search can find web pages on many of the thread started. The opinion of 10-30 people on this site is just not that special in the grand scheme of things. Sorry if that bruises egos on here. If you see a topic done to death, do not post, your opinion is just not that crucial.

Do you want a preachy message board with self boasting and my way is the correct way or an interactive one where people feel welcomed and feel free to be active? I will be honest here, this is the first time I have posted on this board but I have been coming on and off to read for several years. What usually turns me off and I stop coming is when things here get to clicky and poeple with the right symbols by there names get unconditional respect and support and people with  the wrong symbols get little respect and dumped on. Currently I have been greatly impressed but newbies have the right to actively engage in discussions they want to engage in. Even, God forbid, the sub versus slave debate. :)





desertdancer -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:04:25 PM)

Seems to me LA that you give us the thread link  post, then sit back a bit, and watch, then post again later, if you have something else to add.   I don't see this as 'to cool for school' at all.   I see it more as someone with more experience stepping back and letting others take a try at posting, then adding where you see fit.  Nothing wrong with that at all.



Lordandmaster -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:05:54 PM)

I really don't understand the issue at this point.  The people who habitually post links have explained why they do it.  The people who don't like it have explained why they dislike it.  Guess what.  The people who habitually post links are going to keep posting links.  The people who dislike it are going to keep disliking it.  What's the point?  As you can see, there are plenty of people who appreciate the links.  You're asking people to stop doing it just because it bothers you?  That's ridiculous.  Move on to the next post if it disturbs you so much.



OedipusRexIt -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:07:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It brings me no pleasure to know that people not only don't like me posting thread links, but actively think I'm trying to gloat or put people down by doing it.  But I think the benefits outweight the possible downsides.



I don't think this was directed at you or any one person.  If someone has complained to you about this, then you have to decide if their complaint has merit or not. 

Sometimes we condescend without meaning to, and sometimes we take offense where none is offered.


.... but on the original point, I think posting a helpful link without adding a strong editorial comment is a good way to avoid offending someone's sensibilities.

(one day I'll completely figure out how to do shortened quotes)



missturbation -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:10:40 PM)

As a fairly newbie here i have always found the past thread links really useful. Even find myself sometimes looking for lucky albatrosses response as she finds good links in general.
I hadnt even considered thinking it was being rude or arrogant on the poster of threads part.



BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:10:46 PM)

I like seeing the new opinions... thoughts... ideas... so it really doesn't bother me to see it time and time again. Someones gonna say something funny... sarcastic... stupid... makes for some fun reading.. I use to hate LAs comments behind her posting the links... the links never bothered me.... it was the comments made with it... she's changed her commants so they don't sound so offensive... either that or I've just gotten use to her...either way.. it's nice to have something to fall back on too. I did it earlier in polls and random... revived a complaint thread.. because of a new one.. couldn't help myself...LOL



Lordandmaster -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:11:24 PM)

Just go into the section between "quote" and "/quote" and delete whatever you want to remove.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt

(one day I'll completely figure out how to do shortened quotes)



mistoferin -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:17:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978
I do think it is a miss perception of us newbies when people make posts with links. Yes, most are being nice and contributing, but some are being snotty with other comments and a new person can feel unwelcomed here. To me it is a total perception problem and not a substantive one. It does not happen when one person does it but when several do it, the perception gets created. Guess what? Perception becomes reality to people so when new people tell you they get put off or intimadated it is because they are. It is nobody's fault but is a reality and cannot be dismissed as "their problem". That is small thinking.

Now I am sorry but some comments made on this thread about not wanting to restate their views over and over again on a topic combined with "helping" out us new people by suggesting thet research every thread on a topic we might start just reeks of arrogance. I am not implying that your view on the topic is less than anybody's elses, but I am sorry, to feel that a person new to a board should go back and do "homework" if they want an active discussion on something, combined with feeling your opinion must be heard by either feeling forced to repost it or refer to a prior discussion is arrogant.

There are many message boards like this and a google search can find web pages on many of the thread started. The opinion of 10-30 people on this site is just not that special in the grand scheme of things. Sorry if that bruises egos on here. If you see a topic done to death, do not post, your opinion is just not that crucial.

Do you want a preachy message board with self boasting and my way is the correct way or an interactive one where people feel welcomed and feel free to be active? I will be honest here, this is the first time I have posted on this board but I have been coming on and off to read for several years. What usually turns me off and I stop coming is when things here get to clicky and poeple with the right symbols by there names get unconditional respect and support and people with  the wrong symbols get little respect and dumped on. Currently I have been greatly impressed but newbies have the right to actively engage in discussions they want to engage in. Even, God forbid, the sub versus slave debate. :)


Wow.

First I'd like to say that I am sorry that you view me as arrogant. If my honestly saying that I have lost my passion on some subjects offends you I apologize. It is though, a fact. I honestly don't think that providing links to someone new is a disservice. If they choose to follow them they will have the benefit of hearing their question answered from a multitude of viewpoints that are not so easily available without the links. I provide them as a courtesy and not to belittle them or blow them off. I provide very few links.....maybe 10 in the last 6 months....and they are usually because I remember something very specific about the thread that pertains to what they are asking.

Second, I'd like to say that I don't expect you or anyone else to give me any more respect than the next guy based solely upon the number of posts I have made or the symbols next to my name.

Third, I am not in any clique that I am aware of and I think that most people on here will tell you that at some point in time I have been in the directly opposing view as they....but it has not hindered my ability to get along with anyone here or even learn new things from someone that has differing views than my own.

As I said before, I have no desire whatsoever to hinder anyone, especially someone new, from having an active discussion. I see the providing of links as supplemental to those discussions, not a brush off.



tade -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:18:53 PM)

Once more for the record my original intention for this post was mearly to put the information out there. I have in no way said anything about anybody, but people still like to acuse and people like to feel guilty. As anyone on these boards can atest we have never had any problems with anyone on here. And we feel that we have been here long enough to make an attempt to change things we see wrong with our community. But reading over some posts as of late, we have noticed more of this, and more of it pissing people off. Usually I am of a fuck 'em if they get pissed nature, but for some reason not today. The regular, sadistic fuck will return soon enough I'm sure.Damn 6/6/06...



darkinshadows -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:26:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978

I do think it is a miss perception of us newbies when people make posts with links. Yes, most are being nice and contributing, but some are being snotty with other comments and a new person can feel unwelcomed here. To me it is a total perception problem and not a substantive one. It does not happen when one person does it but when several do it, the perception gets created. Guess what? Perception becomes reality to people so when new people tell you they get put off or intimadated it is because they are. It is nobody's fault but is a reality and cannot be dismissed as "their problem". That is small thinking.

Now I am sorry but some comments made on this thread about not wanting to restate their views over and over again on a topic combined with "helping" out us new people by suggesting thet research every thread on a topic we might start just reeks of arrogance. I am not implying that your view on the topic is less than anybody's elses, but I am sorry, to feel that a person new to a board should go back and do "homework" if they want an active discussion on something, combined with feeling your opinion must be heard by either feeling forced to repost it or refer to a prior discussion is arrogant.

There are many message boards like this and a google search can find web pages on many of the thread started. The opinion of 10-30 people on this site is just not that special in the grand scheme of things. Sorry if that bruises egos on here. If you see a topic done to death, do not post, your opinion is just not that crucial.

Do you want a preachy message board with self boasting and my way is the correct way or an interactive one where people feel welcomed and feel free to be active? I will be honest here, this is the first time I have posted on this board but I have been coming on and off to read for several years. What usually turns me off and I stop coming is when things here get to clicky and poeple with the right symbols by there names get unconditional respect and support and people with  the wrong symbols get little respect and dumped on. Currently I have been greatly impressed but newbies have the right to actively engage in discussions they want to engage in. Even, God forbid, the sub versus slave debate. :)




I disagree.  I have been here a while and don't consider myself as 'part of a clique'... I have discussion that don't agree with other regulars and we talk them through.  Maybe that is the difference.  If I disagree with Em - and we have in the past, she doesn't shout me down, or belittle me - she talks it through...  thats the difference.  If that looks 'cliquey' thats not the case.  Thats two mature adults debating and not saying... 'I am right - you are wrong'.  But talking through the ideas.
 
And as for new posters being 'forced ' to do anything - what do you think I was once?  Do you think I just magically appeared one day and had a thousand posts to my name?   Does that make me 'fit in' because  I have a different symbol to you?  Personally, that shows me you have more of a problem feeling acceptance than I do.  I don't have to be accepted, because it doesn't bother me in the slightest what you think of my posts - only that they may make you think.  Good or bad.  Because at least you are thinking and not being bothered where I or yourself or anyone else 'fits' in - on a messageboard - or society itself.
 
Life has alot more going for it than that.
 
Peace and Rapture.



darkinshadows -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:36:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: lisa1978
I do think it is a miss perception of us newbies when people make posts with links. Yes, most are being nice and contributing, but some are being snotty with other comments and a new person can feel unwelcomed here. To me it is a total perception problem and not a substantive one. It does not happen when one person does it but when several do it, the perception gets created. Guess what? Perception becomes reality to people so when new people tell you they get put off or intimadated it is because they are. It is nobody's fault but is a reality and cannot be dismissed as "their problem". That is small thinking.

Now I am sorry but some comments made on this thread about not wanting to restate their views over and over again on a topic combined with "helping" out us new people by suggesting thet research every thread on a topic we might start just reeks of arrogance. I am not implying that your view on the topic is less than anybody's elses, but I am sorry, to feel that a person new to a board should go back and do "homework" if they want an active discussion on something, combined with feeling your opinion must be heard by either feeling forced to repost it or refer to a prior discussion is arrogant.

There are many message boards like this and a google search can find web pages on many of the thread started. The opinion of 10-30 people on this site is just not that special in the grand scheme of things. Sorry if that bruises egos on here. If you see a topic done to death, do not post, your opinion is just not that crucial.

Do you want a preachy message board with self boasting and my way is the correct way or an interactive one where people feel welcomed and feel free to be active? I will be honest here, this is the first time I have posted on this board but I have been coming on and off to read for several years. What usually turns me off and I stop coming is when things here get to clicky and poeple with the right symbols by there names get unconditional respect and support and people with  the wrong symbols get little respect and dumped on. Currently I have been greatly impressed but newbies have the right to actively engage in discussions they want to engage in. Even, God forbid, the sub versus slave debate. :)


Wow.

First I'd like to say that I am sorry that you view me as arrogant. If my honestly saying that I have lost my passion on some subjects offends you I apologize. It is though, a fact. I honestly don't think that providing links to someone new is a disservice. If they choose to follow them they will have the benefit of hearing their question answered from a multitude of viewpoints that are not so easily available without the links. I provide them as a courtesy and not to belittle them or blow them off. I provide very few links.....maybe 10 in the last 6 months....and they are usually because I remember something very specific about the thread that pertains to what they are asking.

Second, I'd like to say that I don't expect you or anyone else to give me any more respect than the next guy based solely upon the number of posts I have made or the symbols next to my name.

Third, I am not in any clique that I am aware of and I think that most people on here will tell you that at some point in time I have been in the directly opposing view as they....but it has not hindered my ability to get along with anyone here or even learn new things from someone that has differing views than my own.

As I said before, I have no desire whatsoever to hinder anyone, especially someone new, from having an active discussion. I see the providing of links as supplemental to those discussions, not a brush off.

Hey erin -  not to interupt or stick my nose in but...(I will anyway[:D])
 
Why do you have to say sorry or apologise for being you?
Just because someone is making false assumptions instead of actively participating - doesn;t mean you did anything wrong.
I know you are always polite and respectful, but from my pov - being yourself - as lovely and as helpful as you are - is more imprtant than someones judgement.  Its the lack of communication skills that other people have that cause the problems, not you.
 
Just my simple opinion.  The world revolves - but not around individuals egos.
 
Peace and Love



doll -> RE: linking to topics in past forums... (6/6/2006 2:37:14 PM)

Thank you LA, I stand corrected.  Wasn't meaning to misquote myself... I appreciate you refreshing my memory, sorry I don't post much on here.



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125