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When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 7:38:38 PM

michiev

Posts: 10
Joined: 5/27/2012
Status: offline

I made a terrible mistake and my submissive is not speaking to me anymore, I don't know what to do to get him to come around and stop being so stubborn. (Me and him have been fighting on and off for the past month and I said the wrong thing out of anger, It hurt him so much and I don't know how to make it better.)

Any advice? Have any other dommes have their slave gotten upset/mad at them? And how did you resolve it?

Post #: 1

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 7:49:50 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Apologize.

Simple as that. Own up to your mistakes like an adult.

I can't say I've ever been mad at Master over a long period of time. I think the longest was maybe overnight. He's the type though that apologizes when he makes a mistake and we talk about it like two rational adults with no snark, no arguing, no yelling, just two people communicating our thoughts and coming to some kind of understanding.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 2

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 8:44:04 PM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

FR~
Put the dynamic aside and go back to stage 1, treating them as a person with respect. By effectively cutting you off they've suspended or worse, ended your dynamic, so take it seriously, you may have had one fight too many.

You should also examine why you have been fighting so often, and if it maybe isn't better to have space, or even end the relationship if compatibility issues have arisen. Maybe your sub just doesn't want to be YOUR SUB any more.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 8:51:08 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

What happened?

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Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to ProlificNeeds)

Post #: 4

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 8:58:56 PM

hangemhigh1953

Posts: 245
Joined: 7/8/2011
Status: offline

I wouldn't say that's a D/s issue, sounds like a typical relationship problem. See if he's willing (and of course you have to be willing too) to sit down and discuss your problems like adults.

_____________________________

"Chains of love got a hold on me,
when passion's a prison you can't break free"

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Post #: 5

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 9:18:08 PM

seekingOwnertoo

Posts: 1323
Joined: 8/1/2009
Status: offline

Don't know what your mistake was/is ... so i cannot really help.

All I can share is ... I once got into it with someone off the boards .. she re-opened the door quite quickly ... and that was that ...

Although my number of posts counter was stuck on 731 for several months (years?) afterward.

Now, due to a benevolent Mod, it seems to be working again.

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 6

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/29/2012 11:53:59 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michiev
Have any other dommes have their slave gotten upset/mad at them? And how did you resolve it?

I've owned my own shit and apologized. Then we were able to sit down and discuss the issue like two adults and go from there.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 7

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/30/2012 12:44:03 AM

LadyConstanze

Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michiev

I made a terrible mistake and my submissive is not speaking to me anymore, I don't know what to do to get him to come around and stop being so stubborn. (Me and him have been fighting on and off for the past month and I said the wrong thing out of anger, It hurt him so much and I don't know how to make it better.)

Any advice? Have any other dommes have their slave gotten upset/mad at them? And how did you resolve it?

You made the mistake, so as an adult you own up to it, apologize - not to get him back but just to have a clean slate. Don't try to make it better, just say your piece and that you are sorry - what happens then is up to him. If you have been fighting a lot and there was a lot of anger, you need a clean slate no matter what, so you can walk away from it without anger or so you can start all over again....

_____________________________

There are 10 kinds of people who understand binary
Those who do and those who don't!

http://exdomme.blogspot.com/2012/07/public-service-announcement.html

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 8

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/30/2012 5:20:26 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

If you make a mistake, fix it.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 9

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/30/2012 6:19:27 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This:

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: michiev
Have any other dommes have their slave gotten upset/mad at them? And how did you resolve it?

I've owned my own shit and apologized. Then we were able to sit down and discuss the issue like two adults and go from there.

NBMG

TY for saving my typing fingers, NBMG

_____________________________

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/30/2012 9:25:26 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Ya. It's really not rocket science is it?

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 11

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 5/30/2012 2:57:21 PM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline

Everything that's already been said, but I will add: If you are genuinely sorry for whatever you've done, unless it's something to do with cheating(which in my book is totally unforgivable), and you have bit the bullet and whole heartedly apologized, then what else can you do? If he is unwilling to even talk to you about it, then you might have to face that the relationship is over. Have one last attempt at pouring your heart out and just leave it, and tell him you will leave him alone, but you hope one day he can realise how sorry you actually are. Good luck, anyway.

_____________________________

I just lurrves me chesticles, I do. :)

Don't judge a book by its cover, it could well be worth a good sniff or two...

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 12

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/10/2012 8:30:03 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

Let's back up the bus here for a minute folks.

Your submissive is not speaking to you???? If he is so pissed off that he wants to end it, he needs to say he's done with you, that you went too far. But not speaking to you??? WTF?

That's childish, like having a temper tantrum or emotional blackmail. If there's a relationship issue, then both of you have to be grownups and resolve it whether that means salvaging it or ending it. But not talking???? If he won't communicate what's wrong, if he won't man up and tell you off, tell you how you've hurt him, tell you how he can't get it out of his head it was such a low blow.. whatever, then just remember, this is going to happen again... for a lesser "infraction" next time. You may deserve to feel like crap over whatever you did, but his methods reflect a bigger problem in my book.

This is a power trip on his part. He's making you suffer till he tells you he's done, or he's making you suffer till he tells you he'll forgive you. That's just a shitty thing to do someone.

In any relationship, the real power is held by the person who is least vested in the relationship's success. You can agree to whatever you want with respect to how you will relate and who decides what, but the real power is held by the person who is most willing to walk.

d/s or vanilla, I'd tell him that you would like to work on the relationship, you would like to earn his forgiveness, but you won't be blackmailed or kept hanging any longer. If you don't hear from him by (pick a time.. tonight, tomorrow morning .. whatever) with the express intent of working on the relationship, then you will take that as a goodbye on his part.

Period.

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 13

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/10/2012 9:42:28 AM

Chrisp7135

Posts: 23
Joined: 2/10/2012
Status: offline

Relationships are the most complicated things we deal with, because we can never know the interior workings of another.

What is innocuous to one person is anathema to another.

If you apologize but get no response, you just have to let that relationship go. You've made a genuine effort to correct the hurt, and to find out what that hurt was about.

We can love another without clinging to them. Life, death, and everything inbetween snatches loved ones from us. Clinging to them only deepens the pain.

chris

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 14

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/10/2012 8:55:25 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Not speaking to you any more?

Really?

And he's your submissive?

Cut out his tongue and show him what not speaking is.

Amateurs.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 15

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/10/2012 10:02:01 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

But not speaking to you??? WTF?

That's childish, like having a temper tantrum or emotional blackmail.

Or it could be he needs time to cool off for awhile.

I've done that at times...walked away and not spoken to the person for awhile because I didn't want to make the situation worse by exploding. Instead, by not speaking to the person I was able to put myself together, become calm and rational so that we could talk it out when I was ready.

So I wouldn't say it's all that childish....just the opposite. I would rather someone not speak to me than they explode and argue. I want to be able to talk in a rational and calm manner.

So, imo, let him take his break. Just tell him you'd like to apologize and that when he's ready you'd like to be able to talk to him like two rational adults and see if something can be renewed.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 16

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/10/2012 11:52:59 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: michiev

I made a terrible mistake and my submissive is not speaking to me anymore, I don't know what to do to get him to come around and stop being so stubborn. (Me and him have been fighting on and off for the past month and I said the wrong thing out of anger, It hurt him so much and I don't know how to make it better.)

Any advice? Have any other dommes have their slave gotten upset/mad at them? And how did you resolve it?

I've always found that when a Domme is truly apologetic, providing me with an entire weekend alone with Pamela Anderson shows me her sincere retribution.

(in reply to michiev)

Post #: 17

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/11/2012 12:43:02 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

But not speaking to you??? WTF?

That's childish, like having a temper tantrum or emotional blackmail.

Or it could be he needs time to cool off for awhile.

I've done that at times...walked away and not spoken to the person for awhile because I didn't want to make the situation worse by exploding. Instead, by not speaking to the person I was able to put myself together, become calm and rational so that we could talk it out when I was ready.

So I wouldn't say it's all that childish....just the opposite. I would rather someone not speak to me than they explode and argue. I want to be able to talk in a rational and calm manner.

So, imo, let him take his break. Just tell him you'd like to apologize and that when he's ready you'd like to be able to talk to him like two rational adults and see if something can be renewed.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 18

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/11/2012 7:14:46 AM

MissImmortalPain

Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline

Lets not assume to much here. The OP does not tell us what "not speaking to me" means. It could mean he lives with her and is refusing to speak or it could mean he packed his stuff and left. It could mean he told her he is done and no longer wants to be part of the realationship but she won't let it go.

As for the question as to what dommes do when their slaves/subs get upset with them over a mistake. I can not speak for all dommes only myself. I admit to the mistake and try to correct what caused it to begin with. Bdsm is not different than any other realationship when it comes to this sort of thing. The person in question will either forgive and try to fix what caused the problem to begin with or they will end the realationships.

_____________________________

It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 19

RE: When a sub is mad at you. - 6/11/2012 2:43:55 PM

FriendlyMuppet

Posts: 171
Joined: 11/16/2010
From: Corpus Christi, Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I've always found that when a Domme is truly apologetic, providing me with an entire weekend alone with Pamela Anderson shows me her sincere retribution.

But what if you have the problem I have in that Pamela Anderson IS my Domme. How is she supposed to show she's truly apologetic? Does she have to produce Angelina Jolie or an A-lister? I mean, honestly, no one thinks about us unfortunate submissives who are owned by the elites.

< Message edited by FriendlyMuppet -- 6/11/2012 2:44:34 PM >

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)

Post #: 20

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