RE: What does safewording mean to you?

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 6/12/2012 8:36:08 AM

Okeanos

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/1/2011
From: Athens, Greece
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To me, the safeword means absolutely nothing. It is not like she will go "stop it NOW!" and I will go like "oops, you didn't say the safeword, (he he he, take this!)"

I am not fond of theatrical bdsm, so if she is hurting but enjoying it, her reactions should be such that I should be able to tell; and if she is hurting and not enjoying it, again, her reactions should be such that I should be able to tell, too. Safeword or no safeword. And if in doubt, it is best to err to the side of safety.

Besides, what about all those situations where the sub cannot say the safeword simply because their mouth is, uhm, not free?

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 6/12/2012 9:15:48 AM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Okeanos

To me, the safeword means absolutely nothing. It is not like she will go "stop it NOW!" and I will go like "oops, you didn't say the safeword, (he he he, take this!)"

Well, I think that depends on whether you guys actually want "stop it NOW" to stop the scene. Some people want to be able to say "stop stop no help" or whatever, but don't actually want their partner to stop. Having a safeword that REALLY means stop makes it safer to play that way.

quote:

I am not fond of theatrical bdsm, so if she is hurting but enjoying it, her reactions should be such that I should be able to tell; and if she is hurting and not enjoying it, again, her reactions should be such that I should be able to tell, too. Safeword or no safeword. And if in doubt, it is best to err to the side of safety.

That's cool. Some people like submitting to pain they don't enjoy, but it sounds like that's not your thing.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 6/12/2012 11:17:12 AM

Okeanos

Posts: 62
Joined: 9/1/2011
From: Athens, Greece
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quote:

ORIGINAL: graceadieu

quote:

ORIGINAL: Okeanos

To me, the safeword means absolutely nothing. It is not like she will go "stop it NOW!" and I will go like "oops, you didn't say the safeword, (he he he, take this!)"

Well, I think that depends on whether you guys actually want "stop it NOW" to stop the scene. Some people want to be able to say "stop stop no help" or whatever, but don't actually want their partner to stop. Having a safeword that REALLY means stop makes it safer to play that way.

quote:

I am not fond of theatrical bdsm, so if she is hurting but enjoying it, her reactions should be such that I should be able to tell; and if she is hurting and not enjoying it, again, her reactions should be such that I should be able to tell, too. Safeword or no safeword. And if in doubt, it is best to err to the side of safety.

That's cool. Some people like submitting to pain they don't enjoy, but it sounds like that's not your thing.

Well, wrong choice of words on my behalf. I should have elaborated on what I meant by "enjoying it". But I hope you see that, to-like-to-submit-to-pain-you-do-not-enjoy is in a sense, ultimately, enjoying it. (See, the first verb in the sentence is "to like.") As for the first part, wanting to be able to say "stop stop no help" but not actually meaning it is theatrical BDSM, which I abhor.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 6/12/2012 3:13:08 PM

Deliena

Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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OK in situations where your mouth isn't free to make words then you use some form of signal - hand/foot/eyebrow waggle. It's not rocket science!

In my case in my last dynamic we never had a safeword, but my Master was very aware of my asthma and joints which dislocate easily (martial arts injuries to two separate joints) and as such would monitor how I held my hands, the expression on my face, how my breathing was, how I held my feet and ankles and could use that information even if I were completely tied up and gagged to understand when I wanted to let him know my shoulder was about to pop out. Bless him, he sussed it out in seconds, I was panicked and my mind running at a million miles an hour and he spotted it, popped the gag straight out asked "stop?" and as soon as I nodded my head derigged me in under a minute. Scene ended until I was confident the joint was going to hold and we'd amended the rig to stress it less. No harm done, no safeword needed.

HOWEVER in a casual play environment I tend to use the colour code system as it's easier and I wouldn't think twice about calling red if I needed to. If my Master was disappointed in me for that I'd be disappointed in them too.

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RE: What does safewording mean to you? - 6/14/2012 10:04:45 AM

kittycake

Posts: 42
Joined: 3/1/2012
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I don't play with others, but if I did, I'd safeword a lot quicker with them, because they don't know my tolerances. He knows me well enough by now that when I get pushed to a certain point he switches to something else. I've only had to safeword once with him, and it was due to having a healing broken ankle start to be very unhappy with me.

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