I finally realized what is so awesome about living in Virginia.

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I finally realized what is so awesome about living in V... - 6/1/2012 11:05:52 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

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A little background:

I used to live in the Allentown area in Pennsylvania. About 9 months ago I moved to Roanoke.

About 3 days ago it reached a hundred degrees (Fahrenheit) and yet I felt at peace but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. I wasn't feeling particularly great, work was stressful, and I have yet to put my canoe in the river this year*. So why I was chipper?

Sure the crime rate is lower here, but I have a concealed carry license so I was never afraid. It can't be the crime level. The cost of living is lower, but I've never cared about money; I am equally at home with rednecks as high society. I'm in the Bible belt so kinky fun is hard to cum by**.

So what is it that makes this start of Summer so much better than the ones I spent in Allentown?

Ice-cream trucks.

There aren't any.

They aren't parking two blocks from my house and blaring "Pop Goes The Weasel" from dusk til dawn. I don't wake up at an ungodly hour trying to decide which ammunition would be best to silence the damned things*** and go to sleep thinking the same thing.

BLISS!

*That's not a euphemism, I have a 17 foot Mad River Duck Hunter canoe and I love paddling down the river.

**See what I did there? I'm the first person ever to use the homonyms "cum" and "come" in a sexually suggestive manner. I am so clever!

***Actually, it turns out it doesn't matter what caliber**** you use: the trick is to follow them back to the nest and kill the queen with a flamethrower.

****For the pedants: Yes, I know that the caliber doesn't doesn't describe the round. I was using speech that most people would understand rather than jargon.

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RE: I finally realized what is so awesome about living ... - 6/1/2012 11:39:58 PM

littlewonder

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ok, I didn't understand a single word you said after ice cream trucks.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

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RE: I finally realized what is so awesome about living ... - 6/1/2012 11:53:41 PM

MalcolmNathaniel

Posts: 1394
Joined: 9/20/2010
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Simplified:

Ice-cream trucks = Concentrated Evil + "Pop Goes The Weasel."

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: I finally realized what is so awesome about living ... - 6/2/2012 6:16:10 AM

MercTech

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Joined: 7/4/2006
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Interesting you would consider Roanoke Virginia a lower cost of living. I hate to see what it was like in Pennsylvania. What I remember from my time in Virginia was that it should be considered the "land of the fee".

Gad, the only place I've ever lived you got three separate bills for water from three separate agencies. And don't even get me on the automobile fees, city sticker, county sticker, state plate, inspection fee, and impact fee... you get dizzy running between separate bureaucratic offices each with their high prices supervisor and fourteen nepotistic-ally hired clerks.

I supposed it could have changed since I fled Virginia in 1995. But in my experience the bureaucracy only grows never subsides.

(in reply to MalcolmNathaniel)

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