LuckyAlbatross
Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
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ORIGINAL: Demopoly
Headers: Masters, Slaves, Poly, Fetish, Scene, Lifestyle, Limits, Love, and Family.
Right off the bat you're missing a few key labels here- switch anyone? Bottom? Top?
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You don't actually cause greivous injury or harm.
Considering the topic at hand, you really should DEFINE "injury" and "harm"
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Nobody is 'really' raped, no one should ever be killed or maimed, and civil rights should NOT be violated.
Why shouldn't some civile rights be violated?
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Laws should not be broken, especially federal law.
The moment I choose to do or not do something because a LAW says so is hopefully the day after I die.
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If there are people doing things that should result in jail, such as drug abuse, wanton violence, or worse, that is NOT BDSM. That's a crime.
Can't something be both?
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What is BDSM then? Pure and simple. Bondage Dominance and Sado Masochism.
DAYUM Discipline really IS the forgotten D in bdsm these days. I wasn't trying to be prophetic I swear!!! Please keep the discipline!
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S&M is the area where people tend to delve into gray areas of law, where giving and receiving pain, abuse, and humiliation is part of the scene.
What on earth does the law have to do with pain? I know that states try and legislate "abusive" behavior, but that has nothing to do with what S&M is.
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That doesn't mean that anyone needs to be actually injured or have their rights violated, via kidnapping, torture, or worse.
Again you don't define "actually injured."
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Others have uttered condemnations of slaves and submissives for setting limits. These are clear indications that one is dealing with an amatuer, and a potentially dangerous person.
Where does this come from? Why are you suddenly bringin up this idea called "limits"? What does this have to do with the topic at hand?
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BDSM requires communication, identity, safety, experience, and location.
Except for the experience part, I'm with ya.
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Anything considered 'hard core' should be done only by WRITTEN consent, with at least one neutral [non participatory] witness or at least two participatory witnesses, one befriended of each Dom/me and sub/slave.
Now you're heading into overkill land IMO. And you don't even give definition or examples of "hard core."
Your essay has just taken a hard left turn from "informational index" into "personal credo." Pick one.
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Rejection is not a judgment.
Yes it is.
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If you are a true Master, or if you ever wish to be, you view rejection as either a lesson learned, or a cue to revise your parameters.
Oh man you HAD to bring in the T word. That just drops your credibility to about nill.
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BDSM is a VERY intimate experience.
Except when it's not.
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DO NOT judge people.
Why not? You've judged lots in this essay alone. Judging people is a GOOD and NECESSARY thing.
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It is a warning sign of both inexperience, and arrogance, to 'snap' or become caustic to those who decline to join or write.
True. You keep flipping in this section between discussing "emotions" and "judgement." Pick one.
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Elation is a common feeling. Do not confuse this with love. Many a jealous spouse has suddenly had a problem with the activities of thier mate due to the unexpected 'high' behavior after a scene. They feel diminished, left out, and afraid. Being pushed on pain limits or pleasure limits, doing new things, and experiencing the unexpected often results in very strong feelings both positive and negative. It's best to never try NEW things on a NEW person, without building them up to it. That doesn't mean five minutes of chat over a coffee and then break out the cat o nine tails.
I think this is a really good paragraph.
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Falsehood is a common problem. People are not lying to YOU intentionally.
Uhhh sure they are, lots of times.
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The only way to overcome this is to take the time to familiarize yourself with their life, friends, and activities. Talk to others who know them. Expand your mutual circles.
What about the option of leaving them in the dust?
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Limits:
NOW you bring up limits.
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A deal-breaker would be to use drugs in relation with or proximity to your partner with a No Drugs strict limit.
You should replace "would be" with "might be."
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No person is obligated to relocate. If they do so it is a fine gift indeed.
The gift word too. You're on a roll. It's not necessarily a gift, it could be a desparate moocher.
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1st 3 months, generally no meeting occurs before this communication period lapses.
WHAT???? You should put first and foremost "I'm talking about cyber based relationships" to start with and lord knows if I don't meet someone offline within the first few days or weeks, then I am not interested at all.
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2nd 3 months, people generally have their first meeting over lunch or coffee, or in a safe location. After 6 months, if she/he doesn't meet you, either they CAN'T, or they WON'T. After a year, its certain that this individual will never meet you.
Do people actually wait this long?
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Being ill prepared, inexperienced, and overconfident can result in the injury or death of another person. It is for this reason that it is of the UTMOST importance to most Doms that they oversee and 'train' new Doms. So many Doms are cognizant and diligent about this danger that a raw untrained Dom is unusual. Any slave who does find her/him self with a raw new Dom should require that she/he attend a munch, meeting, or class as a condition of further contact and activity.
Why can't the slave train the dom?
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Knives, breath control, bleeding, branding, scarring, ropes, wrestling, play rapes, and many other innocent activities can result in serious harm if things get out of control, or even if the couch just tips over! This is a key reason for always having an 'accomplice.' Think of it as your partner in crime, your mentor, or just a friend of the submissives who agrees to come along. The 'stupid questions' often asked by new people sometimes shocks a Dom into remembering a safety step, or raises consciousness about the security of the activity. "Should that rope be around her neck? It's attached to the ceiling, and she can't sit down." Never fire off retorts to anyone questioning the Dom who is present as witness or helper. Be objective and stop, step back, and re-examine your plans.
I've never had an "accomplice" for any scene except in fireplay. I think this is way overboard.
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It is generally a bad idea to attempt a BDSM activity as a virgin, with another virgin.
Why?
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In truth, the Dom doesn't choose the sub, but the other way around.
What???? I'm sorry, I pick my partners as much as they pick me. This sentence is just crap.
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Submission is a tremendous gift, one to be respected.
Oh good grief..."Someone calling submission a gift- clear sign of a newbie"
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A Truth
Do not pretend you know what you know you do not.
B Relation
Do not pretend you are single if you are not. Do not keep duplicate households without the explicit consent of both households.
Good, a bit trite, but good.
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Disclose your past. Medical, STD, and criminal history are appropriate for any Dom, slave or submissive to inquire about.
Uh no they aren't. They are appropriate for someone I am getting into a serious commitment with.
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BDSM is profoundly intimate.
Except when it's not.
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DO NOT expose other family members to the risks or consequences of your BDSM activities. This is doubly important for those people who are NOT a member of said family. Causing an accidental or intentional exposure of BDSM activity or knowledge to family is comparable to treason. Entire lives can be destroyed, estates ruined, inheritances lost, and lives lost.
Uhhh why shouldn't I come out to my family? I think you need to restate and clarify this point.
Section 4
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Bondage:
The act of restraint of another person using wrapping, hands, gravity, or devices.
Dominance:
The act of ordering or controlling another person. The use of another person.
Sadism:
The act of causing pain or harm to another person.
Masochism:
The act of seeking pain or harm from another person.
These definitions are sooo simplistic and pretty off the mark IMO.
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In fact, it is desirable that a slave is easily able to remove them his/herself without assistance.
Uhhh ok, not in the bondage *I* do.
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They are props which allow the scene to feel 'real'. It isn't unusual for a Master to slap or spank a slave for removing them inappropriately.
Well yeah because they shouldn't be doing inappropriate things. In general, it's dangerous for a sub to move around DURING a scene when restrained.
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NO NEW person should use real items in the first year of being a Dominant, or until a Dominant with more than 5 years experience states that they are ready to use that particular item.
And this arbitrary illogical time limit comes from what?
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BDSM is rife with mentors. I've met dozens and accepted advice from ALL OF THEM. It is critical that people in BDSM listen, and learn, from others who have already made mistakes. I've had to cut a slave free rapidly because she fell, and her bounds suddenly shifted such that she could no longer breathe. The presence and use of safety equipment indicates a Dom who is at least understanding of the need for it.
Uh your example has nothing to do with mentoring. And you don't even mention that probably 90% of so-called "mentors" out there are really just doms who want an easy pass to a sub.
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A knife for cutting someone free.
A knife? Ever hear of safety scissors?
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NO one should ever attempt BDSM in open outdoors without assistance and guidance.
I'll be sure to tell people that at Leather Retreat.
_____________________________
Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.
"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication
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RE: RFEC for collarme mentors - 
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