Domming. Mastering without love

Domming. Mastering without love (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

chatterbox24 -> Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 9:38:58 AM)
Okay Im sure there will be alot of controversial posts to this but Im going to post this anyway. Cause Im that type of gal. lol. This is my take on this. Unless a master is of the upmost caliber without love Mastering is just a way of getting what You want. I am talking in a relationship sense, not just play. Very few people will take someone on they dont love without a huge payback for them. Its a huge responiblity for someone who has good intentions. I see Mastering without love in most circumstances as this. You have a love sick slave doing anything to plz a man, and so all this obeying comes in to PROVE how good of a slave you are. If the Master doesnt love you well your really just an alternative and being used in all kinds of way to make the Masters life better either by financial ways, domestic duites, or an easy fuck in some circumstances. IT becomes a game of just how far this slave will go, almost laughable really at the slaves expense. Asking them to do things that can ruin their life in many instances, JUST TO SEE, ya know cause it really doesnt effect them and they want to see just how stupid the slave is. Cause said slave is truly just an alternative to a real meaningful relationship. On the flip side, A Master with love guides a slave in all the right directions and does anything in his power to enrich her life, and he wants to give back because she is so appreciated and loved.

RumpusParable -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 9:41:00 AM)
Yes, yes, we know: your way is the only right way.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 9:57:51 AM)
This is where my stubborn, independent, I can be onry as hell streak comes in and I say no matter what a person always has the right to say no and walk out the door. I don't care who the person is or what position they hold. I am not a slave, but submissive and married to my dom, so perhaps I have a different take on it.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:03:25 AM)
I said MY TAKE, and I love hearing others views. THats why I posted that to hear OTHERS VIEWS. lol cant banter without insults tsk tsk.

Delilya -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:07:30 AM)
I don't see any problem with getting things my way, whether love is involved or not. A sub is always free to walk.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:13:26 AM)
Well yes everyone has choices, and I think if you have the power to get what you want and someone agrees, why not? and if one is doing what they dont want to do, its shame on them. Part of maturing is knowing that.

Deliena -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:26:43 AM)
Many D/s and M/s relationships are not romantic ones and they work on the terms negotiated by the people in them. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not so much. That's life and relationships. Add love to the mix and some work well and some don't.... I'm not sure love is necessarily a critical factor. I know for myself it is what I would like, but I'm just as aware that I might as well be chasing a shiny purple unicorn. Other people might actively prefer to keep love out of the equation. Depending on their requirements for their relationships and what needs that relationship is filling.

DesFIP -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:31:04 AM)
Why do you assume all slaves are love sick? Sometimes they aren't in love with the M but the M is in love with them. In the optimum situation of course, emotions are equal. Either you are both in love with each other or neither of you feels that way towards each other. There are plenty of dominants and submissives who are happily married to someone who isn't interested in either power exchange nor kink. In which case, they open the relationship so the partner can get these specific needs met elsewhere. If your only take on relationships is that one person is a user and the other a fool, that says more about you than it does about relationships in general. Remember, the only constant in all your relationships is you.

LadyPact -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:38:34 AM)
Who is to say it's just the Master getting what they want? There are just as many s types out there who don't want love as a component of the dynamic. They want to thrive in situations such as service based dynamics or prefer that objectification be the cornerstone of the arrangement. What about those who just plain want the authority transfer to be the foundation between them? Your view is your own, but it's not the view of everyone.

OsideGirl -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:42:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Why do you assume all slaves are love sick? For the same reason that she thinks that if there isn't love involved from the Dominant, that the Dominant must be taking advantage of the poor little submissive.

kittenheels43 -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:53:50 AM)
this is why it is important that all of us, slaves included, be strong 'inside' to know when we are appreciated (if we need appreciation) loved (if we need love) and if we are not, to pick ourselves up and walk out the door. for me, I need love, I need to see it in His eyes and I need to hear it said, but not everyone wants this, some really do just want to feel used, degraded or sub-human, its their choice (though to me, it is rather worrying in a mental health way) acceptance of a collar does not mean you have given up the right to leave, the right to leave is the one thing we all have, since this is the real world and not a novel, lol.

FemalecumLover -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 10:57:35 AM)
Love in D/s can be but does not have to be ... I think the best to keep Love off the table to reach the Ultimate Experience Love might get it complicated ... p.s Why everyone has to be offensive when someone is proposing an opinion/an Idea if we are the kinksters who are outcasts cant tolerate each others opinions how can we expect the society to accept us ! V

OsideGirl -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:23:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FemalecumLover Why everyone has to be offensive when someone is proposing an opinion/an Idea if we are the kinksters who are outcasts cant tolerate each others opinions how can we expect the society to accept us ! V Because we have previous experiences with this particular poster. Feel free to look up her first two threads. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4007074/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4007074 http://www.collarchat.com/m_4038446/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4038446

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:25:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 Okay Im sure there will be alot of controversial posts to this but Im going to post this anyway. Cause Im that type of gal. lol. This is my take on this. Unless a master is of the upmost caliber without love Mastering is just a way of getting what You want. I am talking in a relationship sense, not just play. Very few people will take someone on they dont love without a huge payback for them. Its a huge responiblity for someone who has good intentions. I see Mastering without love in most circumstances as this. You have a love sick slave doing anything to plz a man, and so all this obeying comes in to PROVE how good of a slave you are. If the Master doesnt love you well your really just an alternative and being used in all kinds of way to make the Masters life better either by financial ways, domestic duites, or an easy fuck in some circumstances. IT becomes a game of just how far this slave will go, almost laughable really at the slaves expense. Asking them to do things that can ruin their life in many instances, JUST TO SEE, ya know cause it really doesnt effect them and they want to see just how stupid the slave is. Cause said slave is truly just an alternative to a real meaningful relationship. On the flip side, A Master with love guides a slave in all the right directions and does anything in his power to enrich her life, and he wants to give back because she is so appreciated and loved. That either/or scenario is pretty harsh. The part I've bolded...yep, I've known r/t fem subs with online or part time Dominants who were into breaking their toys. In the end, the submissives walked off and wouldn't come back even if/when their ex almost crawled over broken glass pleading for them to come back. Newbies can be like lemmings for a while, before learning to recognise and control their sub frenzy, learning what they need from a relationship and if their prospective Dominant can provide it. Not talking about within an intense scene here, but with the relationship itself...pushing someone just to push them until they break, with no intention of rolling up one's sleeves to repair the damage is...stupid and irresponsible. Yes, I have been there at ground zero too many times, doing aftercare for someone else's broken and abandoned toy. It pisses me off but what can I do? When a lemming meets up with someone who can push all their power exchange and kink buttons, few bother to DATE before getting collared...and they are blind to all the red flags their new Dominant is sending out. As for what I haven't bolded... I've had bottoms and subs that I was not in love with. The relationships worked anyway. Yes, I loved them, but that is different from being "in love". A lack of "being in love" did not push me into being stupid and wrecking their lives. IMO, power exchange relationships should be symbiotic, not parasitic. Another point I want to make. Being in love doesn't necessarily mean that two people can work out, building a relationship that lasts "until death do us part". Love can be a major motivator, but then...so can having a relationship based on power exchange. My payback? This does a lot for me emotionally or else I wouldn't bother with having bo and all the problems he brings into my life. LOL, you haven't lived until a sub's adult daughter quits college, quits her job, and moves back in with daddy...contributing nothing to the household...and expects to bring home her married boyfriend to fuck on her bed. Yes, she stomped off for a few days, very pissed when I said no boyfriend fucking, not while I am here. She can do that while her dad is at my house. Btw, my last three holidays, including my birthday, were all ruined by my boy's family. Too bad I cannot crack the whip over their heads as well, lol. My point is this...real life is not Fantasy Island. My boy has to be worth it to me or I wouldn't even be here; I'd be looking for someone else. (edited to separate two paragraphs that were stuck together, cuz I hit the wrong button)

Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:27:17 AM)
Personally, I can have a meaningful relationship without love involved. There's a high amount of social conditioning which has been drilled into everybody's minds. The Disney Fantasy notions of the perfect Love. That we as human beings are not complete without it. Worse yet, that we are half a person without a better half. I see just as much dysfunction in the meaningful relationships driven by love as those without. There are people which are screwing up their lives in so called meaningful relationships with love even. LOL As I keep expressing Love Does Conquer All (including common sense, logic, judgement, mental stability, and on going incompatibility issues). In so many ways, people in society are conditioned to seek out this magical pure love... over trying to seek out somebody compatible. Actually, if more people focused upon compatibility there just might be more people content in this world. When it comes to Master/slave or M/s relationships, involving a higher level of power exchange or authority. It actually is very much becomes an issue of the Masters of personality and character. Without any question, I've met and had to deal with myself more times than not with D/s involved. Moments of deep thinking and personal reflection. I think any experienced Dominant, knows exactly to get what you wanted only to be greeted by the realities associated with it. The kind of shit that makes you think twice or a little deeper (the next time around). This is priceless. Also take into consideration that not everybody has high ambitions or needs. Again, we are conditioned with this concept of Social Mobility and Status levels in society. Some people are extremely content in living life long as they have the basics. Some people are not looking for nor desire much. These people are often considered to have no great ambitions in life. How much ambition does one truly need to have to live life anyways? There are some extremely Ambitious people that never take the time of day to actually LIVE. Some people do thrive and desire mental/emotional S&M. Not just physical. Which is another topic in itself. So they are actually getting what they want/need and desire to Thrive. In fact, they are basking in it.

LaTigresse -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:34:32 AM)
Personally..........I don't care what anyone else does. Even my own shit is going to be varied depending on the person/s involved. I can dominate anyone willing to be dominated. I don't even have to like them or give a damn about them. I can play with someone I don't love, but I have to find them attractive and very likable. I can love a person and not want to dominate, or play with, them. I can have sex with a person and not be in love with them, want to dominate them, or want to play with them. I won't invite a person to my home, into my private space, unless I trust them. If I cannot trust you, I won't play with you or have sex with you, but I can care about you and I might want to dominate you. Then again, I may think you are a ditzy head case and wouldn't give you the time of day required to acknowledge your existence.

FemalecumLover -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:35:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4 The Disney Fantasy notions of the perfect Love. That we as human beings are not complete without it. Worse yet, that we are half a person without a better half. I see just as much dysfunction in the meaningful relationships driven by love as those without. Well Said

Karmastic -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:50:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chatterbox24 Okay Im sure there will be alot of controversial posts to this but Im going to post this anyway. Cause Im that type of gal. lol. This is my take on this. Unless a master is of the upmost caliber without love Mastering is just a way of getting what You want. I am talking in a relationship sense, not just play. Very few people will take someone on they dont love without a huge payback for them. Its a huge responiblity for someone who has good intentions. I see Mastering without love in most circumstances as this. You have a love sick slave doing anything to plz a man, and so all this obeying comes in to PROVE how good of a slave you are. If the Master doesnt love you well your really just an alternative and being used in all kinds of way to make the Masters life better either by financial ways, domestic duites, or an easy fuck in some circumstances. IT becomes a game of just how far this slave will go, almost laughable really at the slaves expense. Asking them to do things that can ruin their life in many instances, JUST TO SEE, ya know cause it really doesnt effect them and they want to see just how stupid the slave is. Cause said slave is truly just an alternative to a real meaningful relationship. On the flip side, A Master with love guides a slave in all the right directions and does anything in his power to enrich her life, and he wants to give back because she is so appreciated and loved. i'm not sure how to answer your post or exactly where you're going with it. i think we all do things as humans to meet some need or wanting, as in self interest. e.g., generous people help others because it makes them feel good. and it's a two way street, even for d/s. you seem to be making a distinction in d/s relationships based on existence of love or not. all i can say is that good-hearted empathetic people care about other people. so a good Dom will care about their s, and will always look out for them and do what's in their best long-term interests. this may be with or without "love", or what we typically think it means. i think this can happen in any relationship, whether d/s or not, with or without love. of course, it's better with love :) perhaps if you explain a bit more, i can answer more on target.

Karmastic -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 11:55:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: FemalecumLover Why everyone has to be offensive when someone is proposing an opinion/an Idea if we are the kinksters who are outcasts cant tolerate each others opinions how can we expect the society to accept us ! V Because we have previous experiences with this particular poster. Feel free to look up her first two threads. http://www.collarchat.com/m_4007074/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4007074 http://www.collarchat.com/m_4038446/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4038446 bwaa hahahahaha, now you reminded me who it was. respectfully, i wish you and others could just leave the baggage behind. try and fergit past encounters, and treat each post on it's own merits. i.e., behave and react to the post, not the poster. if you simply cannot do this, then ignore posts of people you don't like, who you cannot control your reaction to.

LaTigresse -> RE: Domming. Mastering without love (6/11/2012 12:36:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Karmastic bwaa hahahahaha, now you reminded me who it was. respectfully, i wish you and others could just leave the baggage behind. try and fergit past encounters, and treat each post on it's own merits. i.e., behave and react to the post, not the poster. if you simply cannot do this, then ignore posts of people you don't like, who you cannot control your reaction to. At first glance this sounds like a good idea. Then I start thinking about things like.....I once tried saurkraut and discovered I hate saurkraut. Why would I buy it again? I once tried Zumba, discovered it fuckin killed my knees. Why would I try it again? I once went to a WWF match, the most boring, longest, and miserable evening anyone ever paid a dime for. Why would I do it again? There is a saying about doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I once dated a remarkably boring and self centred, yet beautiful woman. Why would I want to bother with a second date when the first bored me to tears? When I see a person repeatedly post idiotically, why would I assume they would magically turn into someone I want to give any credit for intelligence? As for controlling reactions, I think that there is a factor that you are not taking into consideration. The 'making fun of trolls' factor. You see, on here, we have a fair number of sadists. Some of the most wicked are s-types. Let the mods do their job. No one has recruited you for mod duty. And then, last but not least, perhaps you should take your own advice. If Oside's post to cb24 bothers you so much, please feel free to ignore them.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875