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RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 9:45:51 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Fine fine fine.


Ok give him a spatula, a newspaper, a dildo with fresh batteries. But keep the sparkle in your eye and the smile.

and make sure you all are not riding a bike during this.

Better?

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 9:47:24 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Fine fine fine.


Ok give him a spatula, a newspaper, a dildo with fresh batteries. But keep the sparkle in your eye and the smile.

and make sure you all are not riding a bike during this.

Better?


And you wonder why people think of you as they do and respond to you in the manner they do.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 9:58:40 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I tell you what chatterbox24 how about you give me those items 20 minutes and I'll show you how much pain and damage can be inflicted with each and every one, bones can be broken with a newspaper folded and used effectively.

I know you are being flip, but it only takes someone reading this not to realise you are being flip for them to be injured and I'm fairly certain that isn't your intention. I realise you've had some of us come down on you like a ton of bricks for some comments but it doesn't mean every time we disagree with you it's personal. Sometimes it genuinely is about trying to be helpful to the community that uses that boards as a whole.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 10:01:45 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Good luck poster hope it all works out for you two.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 10:05:45 AM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
Status: offline 		You don't need a heavy flogger or a particularly heavy lashing for something to go wrong, if he has no aim, the damage could easily be done ("So sorry about your eye, luv, I thought it was some lighthearted fun! While you're getting a glass eye, I sign you up for dialysis or maybe one kidney will do you?") - provided he doesn't immediately turn from erect to Mr Floppy, floggers do look pretty serious, from the sounds of it, the guy has never had anything to do with BDSM, she's also falling in love and it's a 5 month relationship, it is pretty serious and not so light hearted - or would you like to have your relationship being treated as some sort of joke?

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 10:13:56 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyConstanze

You don't need a heavy flogger or a particularly heavy lashing for something to go wrong, if he has no aim, the damage could easily be done ("So sorry about your eye, luv, I thought it was some lighthearted fun!


Exactly. Not to mention, if he injured her on the first outing that would pretty much turn him off of BDSM.


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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadyConstanze)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 10:47:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Fine fine fine.


Ok give him a spatula, a newspaper, a dildo with fresh batteries. But keep the sparkle in your eye and the smile.

and make sure you all are not riding a bike during this.

Better?


And you wonder why people think of you as they do and respond to you in the manner they do.


Exactly. Instead of owning up to her shit, she just resorts to sarcasm and verbally flips everyone off.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 12:26:02 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		FR-

first, i'm gonna bitch a little bit, too bad if anyone doesn't like it. i'm getting a little tired of hit-and-run OPs. if someone comes here for input and advice, be ready to discuss it with those who are trying to help you. it gets kinda old when the OP hits and runs, and the thread turns into a mental masturbation session amongst regulars.

since this appears to be one of those threads, I'll make it fairly short and curt. knowing you're into BDSM and/or kink, i can't understand how you can start, and be in an intimate relationship with someone for 5 months, and never bring up the subject. i see this as a huge maturity and communication issue. i won't say you've betrayed him, but you've created a vanilla "deal" and are now asking, 5 months later, for advice on how to change the "deal". do you not see systemic problems with this proposition?

that said, you've received excellent and differing advice from a variety of experts, or at least knowledgeable people. good luck.


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:04:46 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
and make sure you all are not riding a bike during this.

lol! or running with scissors.

re all this other bullshit going on in this thread...

[soapbox]
first, lol! y'all crack me up, each in your own ways. i mean no offense here, and actually esp like a couple of y'all personally, to remain unnamed.

they're giving proper advice as to not handing a sharp knife to a noob and putting an apple on your head. but's it's an absurd & hilarious context, considering OP isn't engaged, and this is all more or less anonymous internet advice, to be taken as such; i.e., i doubt chatterbox's advice could be taken seriously, at least without a peep of discussion back from OP.
[/soapbox]

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 6/13/2012 1:08:23 PM >

_____________________________

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If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:13:06 PM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I find it hard to judge how engaged or disengaged the OP is since they haven't really responded during the discussion, but could be reading and digesting and researching and taking their time before responding, or the slight derail may have made them uncomfortable. As it is I think it's very hard to bring up BDSM in a relationship where it wasn't part of the situation from day one, but I don't think it's impossible and many of the constructive comments on the thread should be good starters for ten. However, more and more I'm of the opinion that we need feedback from the OP to push this discussion any further forward anyway.

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quote:

when it comes to people and data I have the memory of a London cabbie. It's served me well.
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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:15:12 PM   
BagMePlease


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/7/2012
Status: offline 		Give her time to respond.

< Message edited by BagMePlease -- 6/13/2012 1:16:14 PM >

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:15:49 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		agree to all said.

twas fun tho ;)

edit - i hadn't seen OPs reply.

remember now, don't run with scissors

< Message edited by Karmastic -- 6/13/2012 1:17:59 PM >

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:20:43 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

I'm one of those vanilla guys who got "introduced" to this... not so much by Carol but by life experience. Still though, Carol is largely the enabler here. I started this all not just "vanilla" but with a raft of sexual hangups and I'm working through them slowly but surely. My point here is that I don't agree with the idea that first reaction means much. God knows I was pretty horrified by all of it. For me, what was key was taking it all out of the "nasty, rough, yada yada category". I started to reinterpret things like, "Lots of women like to be 'taken' sexually in an assertive fashion by the right guy. There's nothing wrong or even all that unusual about it. For bossing her around outside the sexual arena I equated that to leadership in other contexts... "I lead people all day at work and it's not a bad thing. Most of them end up appreciative. Why should leading Carol be any different?"

My own experience says that at least in some circumstances, a loving and committed partner can absolutely both introduce and enable exploration down a path that is way scary and way outside of "the life I had expected". So from my own experience, what worked was not introducing some wild bug-eyed taboo, but rather introducing "rough sex" as a perfectly normal, reasonable, and loving thing to happen between two people. I've made it to the place where rather than being horrified by what some of my friends get up to (and I've seen some pretty bloody photos *laughs* -- think hamburger) instead it makes me laugh. Rather than seeing some horrid SM thing, what I see is two folks loving each other in a way which, for reasons I don't need to understand, rocks their world. In my own self there's also been a ton of changes. Most dramatically, I've actually taken Carol when she was completely and totally NOT wanting to have sex with me (she was actually quite angry at me in the moment and she more wanted to punch me than fuck me). When we have sex it is routine that she ends up pinned underneath me while I rut in her -- typically accompanied by growls and bites. It's pretty tame by the standards here but for me it's worlds different. So yeah, people can be introduced to this and they can "grow into it".

What worked for me was Carol being consistently encouraging, available, and willing. It's really hard to hold the "oh gosh, this is bad" theory when the [theoretical] victim asserts in word & deed that it is not.

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(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:27:42 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
i.e., i doubt chatterbox's advice could be taken seriously, at least without a peep of discussion back from OP.


Don't kid yourself. Out in the real world, I've seen people do some really stupid shit and cause harm simply because they listened to some fool on the internet who had no real life experience.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 6/13/2012 1:28:23 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:30:41 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Depending on what you like is depending on what you should do. There is nothing wrong with mentioning during your sexual scenes certain things you like. Or tell him when he does do things you like, encouragement is something men love, D/s or not. If those things don't work then the 50 shades idea is good.

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(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 1:39:47 PM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Key word in TND's post above for me is "encouragement" I have found going "oh yesssssss" and arching works great - still communication, but not all communication has to be verbal y'know

_____________________________

Look - I is all growed up and has a paddle now!
Team UK
quote:

when it comes to people and data I have the memory of a London cabbie. It's served me well.
LadyHibiscus 13th June 2012 shamelessly stolen and will not be returned

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 2:34:02 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
and make sure you all are not riding a bike during this.

lol! or running with scissors.

re all this other bullshit going on in this thread...

[soapbox]
first, lol! y'all crack me up, each in your own ways. i mean no offense here, and actually esp like a couple of y'all personally, to remain unnamed.

they're giving proper advice as to not handing a sharp knife to a noob and putting an apple on your head. but's it's an absurd & hilarious context, considering OP isn't engaged, and this is all more or less anonymous internet advice, to be taken as such; i.e., i doubt chatterbox's advice could be taken seriously, at least without a peep of discussion back from OP.
[/soapbox]



Kicks your soapbox over with steel toed boots. When you become mod about how we post, I will listen... or when you make sense I can agree with. Until then, you are now a regular and often getting on that damn fucking box. Come on now...

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 4:52:18 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24
and make sure you all are not riding a bike during this.

lol! or running with scissors.

re all this other bullshit going on in this thread...

[soapbox]
first, lol! y'all crack me up, each in your own ways. i mean no offense here, and actually esp like a couple of y'all personally, to remain unnamed.

they're giving proper advice as to not handing a sharp knife to a noob and putting an apple on your head. but's it's an absurd & hilarious context, considering OP isn't engaged, and this is all more or less anonymous internet advice, to be taken as such; i.e., i doubt chatterbox's advice could be taken seriously, at least without a peep of discussion back from OP.
[/soapbox]



Kicks your soapbox over with steel toed boots. When you become mod about how we post, I will listen... or when you make sense I can agree with. Until then, you are now a regular and often getting on that damn fucking box. Come on now...

bwa hahahaha! steel toed boots? interesting choice of words.

re what i bolded in red for you...simma down nah. you're welcome to hate me, ignore me, argue with me, agree with me, or any combination of them all - it's all good. and if it's not good, then you can kiss my white bubbly ass.

and to stay on topic - OP, i read your original reply, and don't worry, i took no offense at you thinking i was impatient. if you have comments on anyone's post here, i'm sure we would all love to hear them.


< Message edited by Karmastic -- 6/13/2012 4:53:42 PM >

_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 5:05:16 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
and to stay on topic - OP, i read your original reply, and don't worry, i took no offense at
you thinking i was impatient. if you have comments on anyone's post here, i'm sure we
would all love to hear them.


This is the second time you've referenced the OP as having made a second reply in this post,
when in fact, she hasn't even logged in since since she made the initial post.
Is there some invisible ink that only you can see?


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(in reply to Karmastic)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How to introduce him to lifestyle?? - 6/13/2012 5:25:16 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic
and to stay on topic - OP, i read your original reply, and don't worry, i took no offense at
you thinking i was impatient. if you have comments on anyone's post here, i'm sure we
would all love to hear them.


This is the second time you've referenced the OP as having made a second reply in this post,
when in fact, she hasn't even logged in since since she made the initial post.
Is there some invisible ink that only you can see?



oops, my bad, i confused this person (below) with the OP - her original answer was written in a tone like she was the OP.

re what i bolded - thanks fer countin', i'd lost track ;)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BagMePlease

Give her time to respond.





_____________________________

[Awaiting Approval]

If my experience level makes you feel superior, that is your problem, not mine.

(in reply to BagMePlease)
Profile   Post #: 40
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