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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 4:14:18 AM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I've definitely done the pedestal thing with a previous partner and forgotten they were human and then even had the audacity to be upset when I've noticed some human mistake. But I also owned that upset and spoke with Him about it and explained what was going on in my head till we got to a point where it wasn't an issue any more. We used to joke He had a kickstep not a pedestal after that

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quote:

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 7:13:04 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		I say saw the legs off the pedestal slowly and look them in the eye. Most never keep pedestal status for the long run.

A pedestal at the start usually falls over, but one that grows thru time now then we are on to something!!!

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 6/16/2012 7:20:25 AM >

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 7:24:05 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

I do want to be admired, certainly. My experice is of someone who was insisting on making me a goddess, when I was just not interested in that kind of thing. I wanted *connection*, not worship.


This is how I feel, but on the flip side. I want a dominant I can intimately connect with, not worship. For some people, I don't doubt that the act of worship makes the relationship more intimate, but I personally can't get close to anyone I perceive as being on a pedestal way up above me. I could admire and serve that person, but it wouldn't feel right to cuddle up next to him at night.

Although I recognize that everyone has different definitions of "sub" and "slave," this is one of the reasons I self identify as a submissive. The relationship I seek with my partner is one where the only inequality is a power inequality, in which we agree that he holds the decision making power of the household. I don't seek any kind of status differential, whereby he assumes a higher status than me. If I did, I'd consider that more along the lines of an M/s rather than a D/s type of relationship.

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 7:50:37 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Don't be putting me on a pedestal. I'll knock that fucker over myself.
I don't believe in mythologizing people....or, far more dangerous, being mythologized myself. I deal in reality




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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 7:59:54 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		WHen someone is said to be put on a pedestal Does that mean they do no wrong to most people?

Idolizing someone to me isnt that they do no wrong, its more if they do wrong or feel they do they can easily apologize with grace. They have the knowledge when to do things or say things at the right time, for their partner. Know when to be sympathetic, force demands, or be funny etc.

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 8:29:29 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		For me it doesn't mean he does no wrong. He does sometimes. It just means for me he owns up to it and corrects it if he can. It means he's a better person than me, he's someone I respect and admire in the utmost ways. It means he's someone I look upon with awe because of his wisdom, intelligence, compassion.

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 9:00:24 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I'll admit, I kind of have Himself on a pedestal. I truly admire him. He's an amazing person, smart, funny, strong, very giving and I trust him with my life. But, I'm also aware of his faults and have accepted them as part of what makes him, him.





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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 9:23:53 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		I'm not in an M/s dynamic, nor is that something that I seek. So I'm answering from a broader perspective. I'm also going to take a different approach to the term "putting on a pedestal", as generally that phrase has a negative connotation - that the person ultimately does not deserve to be on the pedestal. I am going to answer from the perspective of "putting on a pedestal" to simply mean "adoring" the person.

It seems to me that in any truly successful relationship, vanilla, D/s, M/s, or other, that both people might want to have the other on a pedestal, so to speak. I'm not convinced BDSM role necessitates a "putting on a pedestal" of the Dominant as much as the yin-yang of how BDSM roles fit together implies a mutual putting of each other on a pedestal. In other words, D/s doesn't exist in a vacuum of one person. It takes two. And understanding that a submissive complements a Dominant as much as a Dominant complements a submissive suggests to me that are each deserving of the respect and adulation for their respective role.

My best relationships have always been with men who adored me as much as I adored them. We each had the other on a pedestal of a sort. The pedestal didn't imply role. It simply reflected how highly we thought of each other. And to me, that seems like it should actually be independent of role.

I realize I'm taking my own unique perspective on this, and it may not really speak to others and their experiences. Simply sharing my own thoughts.

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 9:43:31 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess
My best relationships have always been with men who adored me as much as I adored them. We each had the other on a pedestal of a sort. The pedestal didn't imply role. It simply reflected how highly we thought of each other. And to me, that seems like it should actually be independent of role.


I was pleasantly surprised to find that he feels much the same way about me. He had an assignment for a psych class he was taking and they had to discuss their relationships. The professor told him it was unhealthy to put me on a pedestal, his response was "she feels the same way about me". To which the professor said that it sounded like we have a wonderful relationship.

I agree with your assessment of the pedestal, I think it needs to be mutual.


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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 11:01:15 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

My best relationships have always been with men who adored me as much as I adored them. We each had the other on a pedestal of a sort. The pedestal didn't imply role. It simply reflected how highly we thought of each other. And to me, that seems like it should actually be independent of role.


Interesting take, Princess. I always thought the term "pedestal" assumed a connotation of higher status and worship, even to the point of ignoring faults. That's not for me. But I think the best relationships are ones in which both parties admire each other and hold each other in high regard. I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with someone they do not respect or feel respected by?

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 11:23:06 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fucktoyprincess

I'm not in an M/s dynamic, nor is that something that I seek. So I'm answering from a broader perspective. I'm also going to take a different approach to the term "putting on a pedestal", as generally that phrase has a negative connotation - that the person ultimately does not deserve to be on the pedestal. I am going to answer from the perspective of "putting on a pedestal" to simply mean "adoring" the person.

It seems to me that in any truly successful relationship, vanilla, D/s, M/s, or other, that both people might want to have the other on a pedestal, so to speak. I'm not convinced BDSM role necessitates a "putting on a pedestal" of the Dominant as much as the yin-yang of how BDSM roles fit together implies a mutual putting of each other on a pedestal. In other words, D/s doesn't exist in a vacuum of one person. It takes two. And understanding that a submissive complements a Dominant as much as a Dominant complements a submissive suggests to me that are each deserving of the respect and adulation for their respective role.

My best relationships have always been with men who adored me as much as I adored them. We each had the other on a pedestal of a sort. The pedestal didn't imply role. It simply reflected how highly we thought of each other. And to me, that seems like it should actually be independent of role.

I realize I'm taking my own unique perspective on this, and it may not really speak to others and their experiences. Simply sharing my own thoughts.


I put this in a quote, because I think it really bears repeating.  It is the most healthy way to have a relationship.  So often here on these boards, we hear from s-types who have their d-types so high on a pedestal, both by choice and demand that they really become so handicapped they can't really function. 

Yes, there are many who do the whole "his/her word is law/gospel," and for some it works well.  However, for so many, they end up obeying foolish directives that had they used their own head, would have known better.  The women who have turned over their finances, only to be dumped and find themselves destitute and homeless, those who engage in high-risk, dangerous activities because they were ordered to do so.

When two people in a relationship have that mutual respect, even if one does have the "last word," when they admire each other for what they each bring to the relationship, that is the only way that a healthy relationship of any kind can last.

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/16/2012 11:19:39 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It means he's a better person than me

Ahem. One party in your relationship is a significantly better person than the other.
I'll toss you a bone, give you a hint.
It ain't him. :-)


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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/17/2012 7:37:27 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		He has put me on a pedestal a couple times and proceeded to beat the crap out of me. ;) I don't think that is the kind ya mean though

I don't perceive that I put him on a pedestal, but I know there are times he thinks Alandra and I do. He finds the perception uncomfortable. I think a lot of it is that she and I know his faults and yet adore him anyway. We know that he does what he thinks is best and we trust that he will lead us through any struggles or issues that we might have. For him, that feels like a pedestal but for me it is loving him for who he is

Knight's Kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/17/2012 9:24:39 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

It means he's a better person than me

Ahem. One party in your relationship is a significantly better person than the other.
I'll toss you a bone, give you a hint.
It ain't him. :-)



Flattery will get you everywhere.

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RE: Humpty dumpty sat on a wall.. - 6/17/2012 6:32:07 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Don't be putting me on a pedestal. I'll knock that fucker over myself.
I don't believe in mythologizing people....or, far more dangerous, being mythologized myself. I deal in reality





This best expresses my feelings on the subject.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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