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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/16/2012 2:54:08 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Yeh yeh Jeff - we all feel your pain

The closest i have had to a leap or bound was shortly after i moved in with my first dom. He routinely gave me a caning every night - and one night, after he stopped, I realised that i needed more. I wanted more. With something of a cringe, i asked if I could have more - i was cringing because !. Pain hurts (duh) and 2. i didn't want him to think i was challenging him and 3. i realised that even though pain hurts, i wanted it, and to an intensity that was uncomfortable.

I pretty much realised then that yeh, i was a masochist, and i just might as well accept it. It was a difficult thing since for 40 odd years pain was something i avoided.

(in reply to JeffBC)
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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/16/2012 3:14:16 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		About being brave and confessing what you want. That's not something I'm good at. I'm so damned afraid of being rejected that talking myself out of it is always my default option.

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/16/2012 5:02:52 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I think I go through this again and again whenever he takes me to places I never thought I would feel again with someone. For me, the more he pushes me, the deeper my relationship and surrender becomes with him.



Your post just caused me a chance to have one of those baby steps I was talking about. I realized that most of my leaps (save one off the top of my head) have come about during times when I was partnered rather than alone. The partners in my life have, good and bad, had significant external influence on where I have gone and how I've gotten there and many times were the catalyst to the leaps that were more internally focused. I like to think I would have been able to get there on my own but it's an interesting insight none-the-less.

Cool beans.



If it wasn't for Master pushing me through the fear, the baby steps, I would have never gotten healthier, become even deeper in my faith, to finish college. If he hadn't taken me step by step by my hand, I would have been too afraid to do it on my own. He knows that for me I will procrastinate and push things away when I don't want to do them or I'm afraid to do them. I start to get anxiety attacks and such or my depression becomes so bad that I can't even think about leaving my house to accomplish those things. Without being partnered with someone like him I'd still be doing the same things I was before...stuck in a mortgage, a job I hate, depressed, and basically running myself into the ground.

Now people are surprised by the things I'm doing and say that I seem happier and healthier now. I owe that all to him.




< Message edited by littlewonder -- 6/16/2012 5:06:27 PM >

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/17/2012 12:30:19 PM   
NuevaVida


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Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
For me it wasn't that I realized I couldn't leave, it was that I didn't *want* to leave.

*chuckles* Which, when you think about it, isn't much different than "can't" leave. After all, the first and most important ingredient for successfully leaving is having the desire to do so :)


Actually, Jeff, for me this is significantly different than "can't" leave. Perhaps because I've felt the "can't leave" while really wanting to leave, in the past.

Because of my history and my self discoveries since then, I know I won't reach the place again where I feel like I can't leave. This isn't because of any self-protective barriers, it's simply a fact that I now know about myself. I can leave, I don't "need" him, and I can find happiness and joy whether I am with him or not.

Thing is, life with him is a whole lot sweeter now, bringing me levels of joy I'd rather not live without. Waking up to him in the morning, and spending my time with him, and doing whatever I can for him, and adding to his joy and happiness brings me feelings of love that just make me all happy and gooey inside. I have no intention of walking away during the bad times. But I know that I can.

On another note, I'm currently going through a leap, but in baby steps. Does that make sense? I haven't fully let go. I haven't fully trusted his leadership and direction. This isn't because of him; it's because of me. And I know I need to do this. This will be a leap, only it won't be, because I am processing it in baby steps. Maybe once I realize I've done it, I'll consider it a leap. But I'm just taking little bites at a time now, and processing them.

Oh and Bita, I love your taste in friends, too . Apparently they match my own tastes in friends!

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/17/2012 6:26:20 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		You all rock.

I am too tired and too emotionally drained to contribute a damned thing. But thank you Bita and those that have contributed so much.

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 4:32:12 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I had a big fat fight with my pseudo dom the other day. I was absolutely furious with him - and he was furious with me. Arguing scares the bejeesus out of me, too! I knew it was bad when he was yelling in Korean, and I was yelling in Spanish. There was a part of my head saying, "You can leave, sunshine. Forget this nonsense. Just go. He's gonna leave anyway, might as well do it first!" Yeah. No. I stayed and we worked through it until we figured out what was really going on. (More or less)... He didn't leave. I didn't leave. We worked it out.

The next day, I was still hurt and felt wounded. I did half the stuff I wasn't supposed to do. And I did them with absolute vengence as my motivation. And then I cleaned it all up. And the next day I cleaned it up some more and fixed some of what I'd broken. And then I went right back to doing exactly what is on the list. And today when we were together and laughing and doing what we do, I had this realization. I don't want to give this up. He's a gem. He is making my life so much better. And here was the moment: "Am I making HIS life better?" And that was all she wrote.

sunshine

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 5:29:57 AM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		Leap of faith.. that certainly struck a chord with me. Everything happens for a reason.

Eight months ago I took a risk. It could have been foolish, it might have been infatuation brought on by longing for something more genuine than what I was experiencing. I made the conscious decision to turn my whole life upside down - I ended a relationship, I took leave from work, packed my suitcase and bought a plane ticket half way across the world. This leap of faith was inpired by a Man who made me feel something I'd never felt before - to love and be loved. It's the best decision I have ever made.

I sometimes wonder if He realises how much He has changed my world for the better. This is exactly what my soul has been yearning for, for years.

I agree with everyone who has mentioned not being able to get enough.

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 5:38:55 AM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		Epiphany ...

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 7:05:43 AM   
hisangeleyes


Posts: 1
Joined: 6/18/2012
Status: offline 		My Sir pushes me to experience new things that are out of my comfort zone. The new experiences make me so uneasy. Does this feeling ever go away or get any easier?

(in reply to BitaTruble)
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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 7:56:59 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisangeleyes

My Sir pushes me to experience new things that are out of my comfort zone. The new experiences make me so uneasy. Does this feeling ever go away or get any easier?


It really depends on why you are feeling this way. If you are always kept uncomfortable on purpose then no. Perhaps that's what he wants...? Have you discussed it with him?


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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 8:05:55 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Some things are worth feeling uneasy about, if its pushing you into a positive direction. Such as starting a new job, who likes being the ignorant dumb person? But its worth it.

Some people are thrill seekers and love the edgy feeling, it challenges them. Others hate it and dont thrive under that kind of motivation. ITs determining, if you thrive under that kind of "uneasy" and it takes you where you need to go.


I think with anything new there is an uneasiness, until its mastered.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 6/18/2012 8:09:24 AM >

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/18/2012 8:38:48 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisangeleyes

My Sir pushes me to experience new things that are out of my comfort zone. The new experiences make me so uneasy. Does this feeling ever go away or get any easier?


I dunno about anyone else but it's been 6 years and I'm still not used to it. That's the idea. If you are not uneasy by it then he's not pushing your comfort zone.


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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 12:51:53 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		If anyone did a search of my posts regarding breath-play, one would see that I am in agreement with Jay Wiseman on it: "there is no safe way to do it".

Breath-play was a hard limit that was supported by scientific and medical fact.

But I also had a personal landmine issue that made it a place I could not go: more than 15 years a significant other tried to kill me and his vector was choking.
He was almost successful.

Somehow in the last year, Master and I have crossed that abyss and my putting my life in his hands is something I will request of him.

That is my leap.

My babystep regarding a hard limit is: I will now handle paper.
For whatever odd reason I have a multisensorial aversion to most of it, and while it is still much worse than fingers on a chalkboard I can handle it when asked: carrying a paper bag, bringing Him a stack of newspapers when He is painting etc.

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 3:59:24 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

My babystep regarding a hard limit is: I will now handle paper.
For whatever odd reason I have a multisensorial aversion to most of it,


I'm like that with some fabrics, especially cheap sofas.

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 4:57:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		My daughter is like that with velvet or suede. She just bring herself to touch them. For my sister it's peach skin or things similar. It must be really difficult with a paper aversion. I mean everything around us is paper. I'm glad he helped you to overcome it though.

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 5:02:18 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

My daughter is like that with velvet or suede. She just bring herself to touch them. For my sister it's peach skin or things similar. It must be really difficult with a paper aversion. I mean everything around us is paper. I'm glad he helped you to overcome it though.


Thank you.
I am still a work in progress.


_____________________________

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 5:26:05 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Somehow in the last year, Master and I have crossed that abyss and my putting my life in his hands is something I will request of him.




I can relate to this part as well. For me, part of it has been replacing bad memories, with good ones involving the Man I love & trust.

_____________________________

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 5:50:51 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

About being brave and confessing what you want. That's not something I'm good at. I'm so damned afraid of being rejected that talking myself out of it is always my default option.



Boy, this is me to a tee. There is something I have been wanting to talk over with MasterK for a long time, nothing very serious, but I cannot bring myself to broach the subject. I even wrote a note and placed it in a nice card, and it's still sitting hidden on my desk. I really need to get off my ass and give it to him.

< Message edited by whiteslavebitch -- 6/19/2012 6:00:51 PM >

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 6:07:58 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

My babystep regarding a hard limit is: I will now handle paper.
For whatever odd reason I have a multisensorial aversion to most of it, and while it is still much worse than fingers on a chalkboard I can handle it when asked: carrying a paper bag, bringing Him a stack of newspapers when He is painting etc.


That is one of the sweetest things I have ever read on these boards. For me, finding someone who will allow me my peculiarities, but help me work through them, is someone I would do all kinds of nasty things for!

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RE: Baby Steps & Leaps and Bounds - 6/19/2012 6:24:45 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

quote:

My babystep regarding a hard limit is: I will now handle paper.
For whatever odd reason I have a multisensorial aversion to most of it, and while it is still much worse than fingers on a chalkboard I can handle it when asked: carrying a paper bag, bringing Him a stack of newspapers when He is painting etc.


That is one of the sweetest things I have ever read on these boards. For me, finding someone who will allow me my peculiarities, but help me work through them, is someone I would do all kinds of nasty things for!



And I do!

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

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Profile   Post #: 40
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