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Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 9:55:22 AM

kalthus

Posts: 64
Joined: 4/17/2012
Status: offline

Having just watched a really nice clip of Lydia McLane perfoming CBT torture on a subby, I've realised something - and I'd like to know if this is common!

I have no interest in being trussed up and buggered around with. The idea of having pain inflicted on me by a woman however dominant and beautiful doesn't really do much. Watching her do that to another man is a more interesting but even then, it's not exactly my top thrill.

But - the idea of taking a Domme to bed - now that's really exciting. Straight sex, nothing expecially kinky (adventurous straight humping, but thats all). So - what is it that makes a Domme so damned hot? Whats so hout about the idea of sharing a bed with a woman who can be cruel to other men, but is just a regular lady with me?

Does anyone else find this?

Post #: 1

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 10:10:16 AM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus

Whats so hout about the idea of sharing a bed with a woman who can be cruel to other men, but is just a regular lady with me?

Does anyone else find this?

From my inbox a number of self-professed dominant men think along those lines.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to kalthus)

Post #: 2

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 10:24:07 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

The thought of something can make us hot, when in actuality, we really wouldn't care to do it. I think that is very common for a lot of people.

I like vanilla sex. I like kinky sex. I like a blend of both, but I am hardly cruel. If my guy likes a bit of pain or game and I do it, I am not being cruel. Being cruel comes from a far different place and I am not cruel unless it becomes verbal expression with really stupid stuff. Then I can have a real sadistic streak when I've had enough of it. At that point, I can assure you, it wouldn't be a part of a relationship.

So the thought of a dominant person doing things that indicate cruelty to you, is hot... but you don't want her doing that to you. Do you want her doing it to others with you watching? Or do you just like the idea that she could or has done it?

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 3

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 10:26:27 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Not sure how to answer this... when I had sex, it was with other dominants. Sometimes it was kinky, sometimes not. Fucking is just fucking.

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[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 4

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 11:02:05 AM

Soyokaze

Posts: 390
Joined: 4/1/2007
Status: offline

My ex-wife/mistress loved vanilla sex. I didn't really (couldn't deny it was pleasurable though) although I didn't mind it for her when the relationship was still functional.

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 5

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 12:25:27 PM

mummyman321

Posts: 2102
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Dusseldorf
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus

Whats so hout about the idea of sharing a bed with a woman who can be cruel to other men, but is just a regular lady with me?

Does anyone else find this?

From my inbox a number of self-professed dominant men think along those lines.

Did you receive my email yet?

To the OP:
D/S is not always about kinky sex. There are many whole live the D/S lifestyle without the kinky sex. Not everyone is into bondage, CBT or whatever. Fortunately I am not one of those people

_____________________________

Life - Its not about where you are but about the journey to get there - I prefer to choose the road less traveled

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 6

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 12:52:08 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mummyman321

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissToYouRedux

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus

Whats so hout about the idea of sharing a bed with a woman who can be cruel to other men, but is just a regular lady with me?

Does anyone else find this?

From my inbox a number of self-professed dominant men think along those lines.

Did you receive my email yet?

I'll keep an eye out.

Of course you'll have to bring that bouncy ball suit and I guess that will defeat the purpose...

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to mummyman321)

Post #: 7

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 1:45:35 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

To the OP. I think you might be overemphasizing the sexual part of D/s. D/s is about power exchange. the sex is secondary and it doesn't necessarily have to be kinky.

If I lived in a 50's household setting, I would expect to come home to a wife that had dinner on the table, the house immaculate and the evening paper, my slippers and a cold beer ready afterwards. If I wanted sex, I would get it but (this is important and there'll be a test tomorrow) If I just want straight missionary sex, that's what I'll take. She would then go and get a washcloth to clean me and herself. I would take a shower at this point, I would then expect a warm bathrobe to be ready before I watch TV for a bit and then go to sleep.

No kink involved but power exchange in abundance.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to MissToYouRedux)

Post #: 8

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 2:03:18 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

I'm not sure what to say to the OP. When I am with someone, there is power exchange, there is kink, and there is sex. Not always at the same time. The actual fucking is just....fucking. Except I say how I want it and I get it. The kinky stuff we do is not usually during actual sex. Except for strap-on, which I also call sex, then yeah. Power exchange also does not have to include either kink or sex.

NBMG

< Message edited by NiceButMeanGirl -- 6/16/2012 2:04:23 PM >

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(in reply to kalthus)

Post #: 9

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 2:59:26 PM

MistressDarkArt

Posts: 5178
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

The actual fucking is just....fucking. Except I say how I want it and I get it.

Nicely summed up.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 3:39:18 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

The actual fucking is just....fucking. Except I say how I want it and I get it.

Nicely summed up.

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)

Post #: 11

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 4:10:08 PM

kalthus

Posts: 64
Joined: 4/17/2012
Status: offline

"The actual fucking is just....fucking. Except I say how I want it and I get it."

I understand the separation between play and sex. It's just that there's a part of me which finds the ability to be cruel quite an interesting personality trait, even if it's not directed at me. The fact she spent the early part ofthe evening shoving a probe up some guys ass, and now she's on the sofa with me, enjoying coco - I like that.

As for doms approaching Dommes for sex - well, strikes me that some guys probably register as Dom because it's attractive to have a woman under your control and available for your use. But Dommes aren't going to play by the same rules, so suggesting it's just a sex thing might get you laid more.
Or perhaps thatjust my slightly jaundiced view of male nature.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 12

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 4:33:19 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

To the OP. I think you might be overemphasizing the sexual part of D/s. D/s is about power exchange. the sex is secondary and it doesn't necessarily have to be kinky.

If I lived in a 50's household setting, I would expect to come home to a wife that had dinner on the table, the house immaculate and the evening paper, my slippers and a cold beer ready afterwards. If I wanted sex, I would get it but (this is important and there'll be a test tomorrow) If I just want straight missionary sex, that's what I'll take. She would then go and get a washcloth to clean me and herself. I would take a shower at this point, I would then expect a warm bathrobe to be ready before I watch TV for a bit and then go to sleep.

No kink involved but power exchange in abundance.

... and then she (if she were me) would go back to that immaculately clean kitchen and stick a fork in her eye so she could have a little excitement...

Your post made me visibly blanch and shiver. But I'm sure the Stepford Subs love your vision honey. :)

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 6/16/2012 4:37:59 PM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 13

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 5:29:56 PM

CougarRick

Posts: 288
Joined: 5/5/2012
Status: offline

To each their own. I do share your reluctance to be tied up, but that's because some of the comments from posters here have scared the shit out of me (strap-ons, kicking scrotums...etc).

That said, I'm not sure I would generally want to be having vanilla sex with a dom, in the sense that it would put me at her level which for me would ruin the power differential in the relationship. I think if there was any kind of relationship, I think I would prefer a situation wher she was in charge and her satsifaction was mandatory while mine was optional. I think that would make the occasional satisfaction seem more rewarding than if I got it every time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus

Having just watched a really nice clip of Lydia McLane perfoming CBT torture on a subby, I've realised something - and I'd like to know if this is common!

I have no interest in being trussed up and buggered around with. The idea of having pain inflicted on me by a woman however dominant and beautiful doesn't really do much. Watching her do that to another man is a more interesting but even then, it's not exactly my top thrill.

But - the idea of taking a Domme to bed - now that's really exciting. Straight sex, nothing expecially kinky (adventurous straight humping, but thats all). So - what is it that makes a Domme so damned hot? Whats so hout about the idea of sharing a bed with a woman who can be cruel to other men, but is just a regular lady with me?

Does anyone else find this?

(in reply to kalthus)

Post #: 14

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 6:48:46 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

If every time I have sex it has to be a kinkfest... somebody isn't having sex with me or a kinkfest. When it becomes more about the action than the relationship between us and he can't get into it with just me... and has to have the power dynamic with kink... he is useless to me.

I would warn you, when you get used to cumming only in certain ways... you limit yourself and make it very difficult to have a partner or to change partners. If you can't get off to vanilla... you could be in big trouble.

For example... mornings are real important to me. I used to order... when you wake up, pull me toward you and just do me... don't touch me, don't prep me... just do it even if I am asleep. I love waking up like that. That's pretty vanilla, but I like mornings like that. If I have to plug your ass, nipple clamp you or call you my bitch... it isn't working for me.

< Message edited by Lockit -- 6/16/2012 6:53:19 PM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to CougarRick)

Post #: 15

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 7:42:09 PM

Hillwilliam

Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

To the OP. I think you might be overemphasizing the sexual part of D/s. D/s is about power exchange. the sex is secondary and it doesn't necessarily have to be kinky.

If I lived in a 50's household setting, I would expect to come home to a wife that had dinner on the table, the house immaculate and the evening paper, my slippers and a cold beer ready afterwards. If I wanted sex, I would get it but (this is important and there'll be a test tomorrow) If I just want straight missionary sex, that's what I'll take. She would then go and get a washcloth to clean me and herself. I would take a shower at this point, I would then expect a warm bathrobe to be ready before I watch TV for a bit and then go to sleep.

No kink involved but power exchange in abundance.

... and then she (if she were me) would go back to that immaculately clean kitchen and stick a fork in her eye so she could have a little excitement...

Your post made me visibly blanch and shiver. But I'm sure the Stepford Subs love your vision honey. :)

Please note that I said IF I was into a 50's household.

I'm not.

I hope that clears things up. I was just attempting to point out to the OP that WIITWD isn't necessarily all kinky sex like in the pornos.

_____________________________

Kinkier than a cheap garden hose.

Whoever said "Religion is the opiate of the masses" never heard Right Wing talk radio.

Don't blame me, I voted for Gary Johnson.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 16

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 7:50:35 PM

Hera462

Posts: 21
Joined: 9/28/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalthus

Having just watched a really nice clip of Lydia McLane perfoming CBT torture on a subby, I've realised something - and I'd like to know if this is common!

I have no interest in being trussed up and buggered around with. The idea of having pain inflicted on me by a woman however dominant and beautiful doesn't really do much. Watching her do that to another man is a more interesting but even then, it's not exactly my top thrill.

But - the idea of taking a Domme to bed - now that's really exciting. Straight sex, nothing expecially kinky (adventurous straight humping, but thats all). So - what is it that makes a Domme so damned hot? Whats so hout about the idea of sharing a bed with a woman who can be cruel to other men, but is just a regular lady with me?

Does anyone else find this?

I believe,

Its hot in the same way bedding your lady ceo or anything of the like would be hot. Its capturing a bit of power through association. Its really a bit of dominance in you finding a conquest in someone who is also powerful, and demonstrably so.

(in reply to kalthus)

Post #: 17

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 8:14:54 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

Please note that I said IF I was into a 50's household.

I'm not.

I hope that clears things up. I was just attempting to point out to the OP that WIITWD isn't necessarily all kinky sex like in the pornos.

Whew! I was scared there for a minute. Ok... world back on its axis again.... as y'all were....

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Hillwilliam)

Post #: 18

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 8:50:25 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

To me it doesn't sound like you're into bdsm at all. You just like a woman who is assertive and outgoing and dresses sexy like a domme. That's pretty common among almost all men I know, even Doms.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 19

RE: Having vanilla sex with a mistress - 6/16/2012 9:04:23 PM

LanaDeVille

Posts: 209
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

To me it doesn't sound like you're into bdsm at all. You just like a woman who is assertive and outgoing and dresses sexy like a domme. That's pretty common among almost all men I know, even Doms.

I was under the impression that BDSM and D/s were two distinct things that may or may not overlap. Some people into D/s aren't into BDSM. The OP may fit into that category. If a woman likes to take the lead in her relationships (romantic or platonic), whether for a little while, or 24/7, that makes her a Domme in my eyes, if she self-identifies as one (I prefer just Dom). I've never heard that BDSM had to be a requirement to be considered a Domme, if that is what you're implying?

Your statement, "like a Domme", is throwing me off.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 20

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