being a good master/dom

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

being a good master/dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> being a good master/dom

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

being a good master/dom - 6/18/2012 6:50:42 PM

kinkyjuggalo445

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/17/2012
Status: offline

I know im a little bit sadistic and the dominant type. Since i am new to this world and way of life i am curious on one is it wrong to be a sadistic dom/master? And can i get a few pointers on being a good dom and the general things that a dom should know and do.

The saidistic part of me is into spankings, whippings, bondage, and i have a few fantasies that go withing the same roles. If u need more information just ask im an open book

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/18/2012 7:15:56 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Nothing wrong with being a sadistic Dominant.

There are some great books out there: The Loving Dominant and Screw the Roses.

I would also recommend getting out into your local community and finding yourself a mentor.

Keep in mind that many of the toys we play with can cause damage and require learning and practice. So, before you decide to do something, learn how to do it safely.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 6/18/2012 7:18:23 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to kinkyjuggalo445)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/18/2012 7:16:15 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You're asking if it's wrong to want to tie, spank, and whip? Do you realize that that's like walking into a Catholic church and asking if Communion is all right? Tying, spanking, and whipping is what we DO! We're perverts!!!!

With that out of the way, I'll tell you MY take on being a good Dom. (Please note that a Master is a rare bird and a newbie calling himself one will just get laughed at. So don't do that.)

A Dom thrives on control. Control of himself. Control of his sub.
A Dom knows limitations. He will not try to control what's not his. That means he will not treat an unowned sub like he has any claim to her, and he certainly will not try that with a sub owned by another.
A Dom is bigger than himself. He will consider what is best for himself, his submissive, and others as well.

That should kick things off. Now watch others come and argue with me or agree with me, as is their inclination. Hopefully in the discussion, you;ll get a sense of things.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kinkyjuggalo445)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/18/2012 7:46:12 PM

Endivius

Posts: 1238
Joined: 8/22/2011
Status: offline

I niether agree with or argue with the bob villa look alike guy

I will say that reading some books and getting into the local scene to meet some people in real life, and getting some real life experience as OG reccomended will be invaluable to you. As a sadist, I can tell you that the journey to finding your truest self will be hard and long, but ultimately rewarding for you and that special someone you end up with. There is a sticky in the FAQ forum with a list of books. Read as many as you can, take from them what you will, mold and use it to your advantage and style. Most importantly, remember that it's a two way street and you gotta give before you can take. Good luck.

_____________________________

Basically if you can't inspire someone to trust you deeply, you aren't going to be able to buy that or a reasonable facsimile thereof. -DesFIP

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/19/2012 1:02:29 AM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

My advice is keep reading, such a wealth of information
here (in past threads) but also beware, theres a few things
In there, once you have read them, can't be unread, haha...
Seriously.

Also darksteve and endivius have my thumbs up.

-ARIES

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Endivius)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/19/2012 12:50:47 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

It took me 8 years to find a decent guy who was also a sadistic dominant.

Trust me, it's a good thing!

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk

(in reply to kinkyjuggalo445)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/19/2012 2:54:52 PM

areallivehuman

Posts: 277
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

To be a dominant man, first be a man. To be a good dominant, first be a good man. Educate yourself, always seek to learn, and grow. Follow your instinct, use common sense.

(in reply to kinkyjuggalo445)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/19/2012 3:37:25 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

I would also recommend getting out into your local community and finding yourself a mentor.

kinkyjuggalo - Try looking on fetlife.com for events and groups near you.

I also recommend The Loving Dominant and Screw the Roses. Here's a link to a booklist: http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/19/2012 4:04:20 PM

kinkyjuggalo445

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/17/2012
Status: offline

thank you all so much now to start my journey :)

(in reply to kalikshama)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/19/2012 6:11:45 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

_____________________________

Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to kinkyjuggalo445)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/20/2012 9:54:39 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

I'll toss in my 2c.

Decide what you mean by "dom/master". Obviously, you are into the kinky sex part. Generally I think of that as a top. But do you also want something else? If so, can you describe it? What's happening when sex isn't happening?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to kinkyjuggalo445)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/20/2012 12:20:16 PM

AVegasMaster

Posts: 119
Joined: 8/2/2010
Status: offline

There is nothing wrong with being sadistic. It's on my top five list of favorite things.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: being a good master/dom - 6/20/2012 12:44:13 PM

Rayne00

Posts: 6
Joined: 2/23/2012
Status: offline

You can be a sadistic dom. You can be a dom without being sadistic. You can also be sadistic without being a dom. Welcome to the wonderful world of kink!

Now read some books and get out there and meet people!

(in reply to AVegasMaster)

Profile

Post #: 13