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Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 2:36:07 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		I'm sure everyone of us in this lifestyle has at one point been called something negative due to ignorance in society.I've been called a freak a few times before.I can accept that.I am open about who I am and I accept that I leave myself an open target sometimes.But I've had "friends" and "family" call me that before too.I do get tired of the eyes rolling and the mumbling name calling.I thought in 2012,people would be more open and accepting of one another.Clearly,in 2012,many still can't believe there are male submissives who enjoy submitting to Women.I realize it may seem odd at first but why do people still act so shocked.When in movies and music,BDSM is there.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 2:43:32 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		You live in the States, right? Where a politician was shut down for saying "vagina" in a discussion about abortion? And where the Westboro Baptist Church protests funerals? Where gay marriage is seen as a threat to capitalism as we know it?

Please, get over being naive, and learn where to be discreet. You'll feel better when you learn to keep your sex life in the right places.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 2:58:12 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		Charles,

Some people don't like sexuality of any type rubbed in their face; for them sex is something dirty (in the bad sense of the word), done in the bedroom, with all the lights off and never discussed.

Some people are only comfortable with straight, vanilla sex.

If your family is not consenting for you to share your sexuality then you might think about considering the possibility that you are including others into your kink... without their consent.

For some people, sex is just a very personal and private matter, no matter what their orientation.

My guess is you just wanted to share how your identification as a submissive male made you happy, and you did not get the reception you were hoping to receive.
Validation, if that is what you were seeking is largely an inside job.
If you need external validation then find a kink aware therapist.

Meanwhile, perhaps you could take a top --> down approach.
Pick up a copy of the book: When Someone You Love is Kinky and share it with the person who is most supportive/least disgusted.
After that go to the next person down the list who you see as being the second most supportive/least disgusted.
Etc.

edit: missing punctuation

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 6/19/2012 3:01:15 PM >

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 3:09:10 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline 		Charles,

The only way the general public would call us freaks, weird, perverts, or anything else because we're kinky is if they know we're kinky. Although once in awhile things do get found out accidentally, the majority of the time we kinksters ourselves spill the beans voluntarily. Which means we involve others in our kink non-consensually. How uncool is that? Very uncool. So the deal here is, if you don't want to expose yourself to judgment, then keep your kinkiness to yourself. I learned that years ago.

NBMG

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 3:49:21 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm out as kinky to the open-minded members of my family but do not go into detail. My brother affectionately refers to my friends as freaks when we are alone.

When my sister referred to my chemical sensitivities as "your freaky allergies" this did hurt me.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 3:50:41 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Actually I have never been called a freak or anything negative for my sexuality or kinky life. No one has acted ignorant to me because I don't let them know anything about that part of me, I'm not willing to be picked out for what I do in private.

Sometimes now in 2012 things have come a very long way in some areas, not so much in others. I don't really trust others to be judicial with important information about me so I don't give it to them. Information about kink is out there, it's hardly non-provoking though. It's still portrayed as a fringe activity and as something beyond the norm. It's really not your average leisure time activity yet - which is much of the appeal.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 4:33:04 PM   
Karmastic


Posts: 1650
Joined: 4/5/2012
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		fr-

Hi Charles,

First, I'm glad that you're not scared to share and are open about yourself. I do the same, but not directly. If I'm okay with someone knowing about my preferences, then I hint in conversations, and see the reaction. Get a sense of someone's comfort level, and how deep and/or personal the conversation is going.

For your friends and relatives that can't handle your preferences, just don't discuss it. If they're openly disrespectful and that bothers you (if you're not laughing at yourself, and along with them), then perhaps you should speak up and tell them it's not nice to make fun of someone's sexual preferences.

I wouldn't mind my bro calling my friends freaks, as that would be a badge of honor for me as well.






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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 4:45:50 PM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

You live in the States, right? Where a politician was shut down for saying "vagina" in a discussion about abortion?


The puritans never left!

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/19/2012 4:55:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Can't say I've ever had my sex life looked down upon or been called a freak or anything like that. But I don't go around telling people or dressing strangely and acting weird in public. Most look at me and think housewife or librarian or businesswoman or something like that. Just an ordinary person. If people are calling you freak why are you announcing it to them? Learn that there is a time and a place.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 5:31:26 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		I'm a freak, but it's just a label. I have a lot of those.

Try focusing inward, OP, and ask yourself why this is an issue for you. You can't force acceptance, and if you're really content with who you are this wouldn't bother you. What do you really want here? Is it a visceral interest in the resulting drama; revenge on the "unkinky" for not accepting you; or possibly a cry for validation?

Poof. I validate you. *looks down the line and mumbles* Gonna be a long day. Next!

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 8:19:24 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If your friends have never opened a conversation about their sex life, then take it that they believe this should be private. In other words, if your mom never came to you and said "Son, I was anally raped last night and it was a blast" that's because she doesn't want to talk to you about her or your sex lives. Accept her comfort levels and don't force stuff on her she doesn't want to know about.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 8:36:02 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		What I do behind closed doors is none of anyone's business.

OP, you might want to think about that.

What they don't know won't hurt you.

< Message edited by Hillwilliam -- 6/20/2012 8:37:16 AM >

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 10:40:09 AM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline 		i'm a freak, weird, strange, and everything else anyone wants to call me. when they call me that i smile very proudly and say yep yep. i own it because it makes me different from their everyday pap that they are so proud of. i am not part of the norm, and i'm proud of it, so i should be proud that others recognise it.

try doing the same, you'll soon find they stop because it's not having the effect they expect.

needles

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 10:40:19 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

..............Validation, if that is what you were seeking is largely an inside job.



Definitely worth Sunny's quote of the Day!!

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 11:24:23 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		and Confucius says:

1) keep it private! ( I learned this the hard way!)
2) when you cease to let others opinion effect you and take your power, then your way ahead of the game. Being a freak isnt a bad thing, its unique, at least your not a cloner Make it your own.
3) keep it private!

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 6/20/2012 11:26:21 AM >

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 12:23:07 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Or just don't give a fuck. In a different thread I started called "what would you say" I was asking what Me and my poly family (me, husband and two baby girls) should say we are. We really do not mind what people think or how they act about us, we are going to continue to do our thing. Now if it hurts your feeling what people say, then yes, I would stay private. There are people who choose to live life outside and those who choose to stay behind closed doors. You decide.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 2:10:29 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When we say keep it private though, we don't mean keep it from your husband/wife/partner/significant other.


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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 2:35:48 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I'm sure everyone of us in this lifestyle has at one point been called something negative due to ignorance in society.


Be less sure. Your experience is by no means universal.

Present yourself and your predilections as freaky and people will call you a freak. Present what you tell them as something positive and fulfilling (and don't tell them the nitty gritty personal details if you don't think they can handle them) and they'll range from not really giving a shit to thinking that it's kind of cool.

Or, at least, that's been my experience. I wouldn't attempt to pretend that it's universal or anything.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 3:05:03 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5
quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
..............Validation, if that is what you were seeking is largely an inside job.

Definitely worth Sunny's quote of the Day!!

+1


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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/20/2012 3:53:46 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I've never been called a freak.
I wouldn't care if I was.
I haven't been called one because I don't put my private life out there for the world to see.
It's private for a reason.


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