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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/21/2012 3:12:49 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

Present yourself and your predilections as freaky and people will call you a freak. Present what you tell them as something positive and fulfilling (and don't tell them the nitty gritty personal details if you don't think they can handle them) and they'll range from not really giving a shit to thinking that it's kind of cool.

Or, at least, that's been my experience. I wouldn't attempt to pretend that it's universal or anything.

What VC said. Or what I usually say is don't use buzzwords that get people upset. Saying your love language is doing things for others doesn't get a bad reaction. Saying you get hot scrubbing a woman's toilet does. There are ways to describe any relationship that will garner positive reactions. So why deliberately choose to use the words that get you the bad reaction? Unless you enjoy upsetting others, of course.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/21/2012 5:25:53 PM

mons

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op

You must be careful of whom you tell! It is your life, not your family do not tell them!

My twin is so supportive of me, she is the only one who do not judge, it is your life!

the best thing is be proud of who your are!

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 8:29:20 AM

Charles6682

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Well,for me,my submissive life isn't exactly "private" anyways.I have been in a good number of Female Domination type videos over the past 2 years.So,my face is out there and I accept everything that goes with it.I'm not one to go "hide in the closest".I did that my whole life and I dreaded that more than anything else.So,I will prefer to stay open about who I am and people can accept me for who I am or not.The important thing is that I am comfortable in my own skin and that is what matters.I have ethics,code of conduct to live by.I have a good heart,so I know I am a good person.Homosexuality at one time was considered a major taboo in American society but gay rights have come along way.So,BDSM(or whatever you call it)can sort of fall in those same lines.BDSM has come along way and I am certainly glad to be at least living in 2012 and not 1912.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 8:36:48 AM

angelikaJ

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Charles,

But those videos are NOT out there in the main stream and most people would be unaware of them unless you told them.

Go back and re-read my post.

Do you understand the concept of including people in your kink without their consent?

Is consent something you even believe in via either SSC or RACK?

People who come across your videos because that stuff interests them: that is consentual; people like your friends and family who do not normally talk about their sex lives with you? That is not.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 10:34:40 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Do you understand the concept of including people in your kink without their consent?

Sort of. On the other hand, if the people we are talking about are in fact "friends" then I expect them to WANT to know the real me. If they do not, then they are not friends. I don't need to be annoying about it (see VC and Des's posts) but I do need to share the reality of me. They "consented" when they became my friend. If they un-consent, then they aren't my friend. Family is even easier... same line of thinking just moreso.

Is consent something you even believe in via either SSC or RACK?
Not in the context you're using it. I don't think I need people's consent to behave within the parameters of the law. That's what the law is for. "Exposing" someone to my "kink" is legal and therefore permissible in my mind. Random strangers don't get a vote. Friends & family get a vote by choosing (or not) to be my friends and family.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 12:52:16 PM

RaspberryLemon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Is consent something you even believe in via either SSC or RACK?
Not in the context you're using it. I don't think I need people's consent to behave within the parameters of the law. That's what the law is for. "Exposing" someone to my "kink" is legal and therefore permissible in my mind. Random strangers don't get a vote. Friends & family get a vote by choosing (or not) to be my friends and family.

This. I never understood how mentioning an aspect of your life is "non-consensually involving others in your kink."

If telling someone that you engage in non-conventional relationships or describing to them your preference for them or your current dynamic is non-consensually involving them in your kink, then telling them "my favorite food is chocolate covered ants" is non-consensually involving them in your food choices, and telling them that you are gay is non-consensually involving them in your homosexuality. All of these examples sound pretty ridiculous to me. Talking to someone about a subject is not involving anyone in anything non-consensually, in my opinion. The very notion of that goes against the idea of freedom of speech and expression.

The notion that expressing free speech (within the law of course--i.e. verbally abusing or harassing others isn't covered under free speech) is "non-consensually involving others" regardless of the topic, is a little ridiculous to me. Hearing or seeing something totally legal does not constitute having your consent violated, in my opinion.

Of course, I personally think telling people explicit things about the sex that you have is a little bit of an inappropriate topic depending on who it is you're speaking to and what your relationship with them is. But I don't think doing so is inherently "wrong" from the consent standpoint. Nor do I think that mentioning you consider yourself submissive and prefer dominant partners is telling anyone anything explicit.

As Jeff said, as long as its within the parameters of the law, people's "consent" is irrelevant. You don't need their consent to wear religious symbols or garb or say "God bless you," nor should you need their consent to expose your "kink" to a legal extent. Whether or not you feel you should is an individual choice, of course. But for instance I see nothing more wrong about a man walking around with his girl on a leash than I do with two men holding hands in public--both are simply non-explicit and perfectly legal expressions of their relationship with each other, and thus in my mind totally appropriate. I don't feel that I (or anyone else) should have to censor themselves to avoid this concept of "non-consensually involving others."

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 1:40:24 PM

delilahdelight

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682
Clearly,in 2012,many still can't believe there are male submissives who enjoy submitting to Women.I realize it may seem odd at first but why do people still act so shocked.

Why are people still so shocked? You answered your own question there when you said, "Clearly, in 2012, many still can't believe there are male submissives who enjoy submitting to Women." Others are normally shocked when confronted with something they don't believe in. Much like finding yourself face-to-face with an ethical politician- total shocker there.

I don't volunteer information about much, certainly not about my erotic preferences. Why would I? it's not exactly the go-to topic for conversation with just anyone. And if asked outright by even a close friend, I always reply with, "are you sure you want the answer to those questions because my tastes aren't exactly what one calls 'typical'?" But even then, I filter lots. What I've come to find is that people, no matter how curious, really don't want to actually know the deets. It is what it is. Whatever that is.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 1:49:19 PM

Ishtarr

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Charles,

Some people don't like sexuality of any type rubbed in their face; for them sex is something dirty (in the bad sense of the word), done in the bedroom, with all the lights off and never discussed.

Some people are only comfortable with straight, vanilla sex.

If your family is not consenting for you to share your sexuality then you might think about considering the possibility that you are including others into your kink... without their consent.

For some people, sex is just a very personal and private matter, no matter what their orientation.

My guess is you just wanted to share how your identification as a submissive male made you happy, and you did not get the reception you were hoping to receive.
Validation, if that is what you were seeking is largely an inside job.
If you need external validation then find a kink aware therapist.

Meanwhile, perhaps you could take a top --> down approach.
Pick up a copy of the book: When Someone You Love is Kinky and share it with the person who is most supportive/least disgusted.
After that go to the next person down the list who you see as being the second most supportive/least disgusted.
Etc.

edit: missing punctuation

I agree with this, to a point. But certainly not completely.

It's not just the kinky person's responsibility to jump through hoops to keep their kink hidden; it's just as much the vanilla's responsibility to keep their nose out of other people's business when they don't want to know things.

I have a "if you don't want to know don't ask me" policy with my friends and family. Which comes down to: I will not bring kink-related topics up on purpose, but if you ask me a direct question, you will get a direct answer.

Thus, there have been times where I was getting ready to go out Saturday night and my dad asked me where I was going, and I straight up told him I was going to a BDSM club.
There have been times when my mother asked me why I was serving my ex-boyfriend hand and foot when he could get up himself, and I straight up told her that it's because he ordered me to do it.
There have been times when friends, coworkers and casual acquaintances have asked me what my "tramp stamp" tattoo represents, and I straight up told them that's the BDSM emblem.

And so on and so on.

I'm all for not shouting you are kink off the rooftops, and not forcing other people to listen to things that might make them uncomfortable, but at the same time, I'm not going to lie to keep them from feeling uncomfortable when THEY where they once prying into my personal business and life to begin with.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 2:12:56 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Charles6682

I'm sure everyone of us in this lifestyle has at one point been called something negative due to ignorance in society.

Wrong. Has never happened to me.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 2:17:14 PM

BKSir

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I heard someone say "freak"... You called?

Actually, I've been called "freak", "pervert", "sicko", "psycho" (which I DID take offense to, I'm not a psychopath, I'm a SOCIOpath... get it right. Psychopaths don't know the difference between right and wrong. I DO know the difference, I just don't care!), uh... what else? I know there have been other things, but I don't count them as negative. Hell, I wear them as badges of honour.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 2:44:26 PM

Diormat

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Can't say I've ever had anyone be rude or unkind about my kinks. But, then again, I don't share the details with people all that often.

I did tell a mate about one of my experiences: simply because I'd had so much fun, i wanted to share the details of it. He was quite polite about it (at least to my face). In retrospect, I could have spared him the fine details. Hey ho.

I don't exactly hide that side of myself: but I don't put it on show either. One might consider it the difference between anal retention and anal expulsion. Freudians might consider anal retention as being selfish: an act of self control and don't consider its social function. For example, taking a shit right in front of others just because you "need to go" isn't usually considered socially acceptable behavior or particularly generous: even if you feel "they should know" that it's something you do. Thus, keeping some things to yourself should not be considered selfish or dishonest.

I think the issue of whether or not you're involving others in your kink without their consent if you share your preferences with others is largely incongruous. Unless you get a particular kick out of offending people. If your kink is social exhibitionism then telling others without their consent may well be wrong. Just because something isn't illegal doesn't mean it's also morally correct or wise.

There is, however, the issue of whether or not sharing intimate details of your sex life might be considered impolite. From my own point of view, I don't need others going into the graphic details of their sexual activities. There is such a thing as too much information. I wouldn't appreciate a friend telling me how they had their arse fucked the previous evening with a 10" dildo: it's more than I'd like to know to be honest.

Telling someone that you're sexually submissive is one thing. Relating how Mistress violated you before making you lick your own cum the previous evening is another.

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RE: Who is a freak suppose to be? - 6/22/2012 4:17:51 PM

Charles6682

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I live a vanilla life for the most part.While I am open about being a submissive to others if they ask,I certainly don't go around wearing it on my sleeve.There is a healthy balance.I live in a small town beach community,I don't need everyone knowing what I do.On the other hand,the majority of my neighbors know what I do and no one cares.They asked,I told them the truth.Perhaps its the live and let live beach menality or maybe I just lucked out with some cool neighbors.

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