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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/22/2012 11:31:34 AM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Or hospital time. I spent 3 weeks flat on my back with lung infections and related heart issues a couple of summers back. Then I figured how to get round the hospitals extortion driven wireless tarifs....

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/22/2012 11:33:19 AM   
wittynamehere


Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kajiralace

I was just wondering if anyone has ever experienced a disappearing dom. We are not just talking online - real time play, daily contact for months, then poof - nothing - no response or contact at all. Any similar experiences?

Yeah we get a lot of threads like this one. And not just Doms, either.
But yes, people "disappear" all the time from their relationships. It's almost always because they just want out, but for some reason can't do it the proper way. Disappearing is easy and convenient.

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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/22/2012 12:56:03 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Anyone who chooses this way of leaving a
Relationship, is garbage in my opinion...

-ARIES

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 6/22/2012 12:58:43 PM >

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530 DAYS

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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/22/2012 4:19:57 PM   
subcurious12


Posts: 15
Joined: 1/12/2012
Status: offline 		lol i've talked to this guy--it's hilarious, he kept hitting me up from different profiles. I was ignoring him but finally wrote him back saying dude, we chatted for like 3 hours 2 days ago, wtf? Never heard from him again...I agree he must get off on seeing how many girls he can get to chat with him or something.

(in reply to BlkDaddysGirl70)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/22/2012 4:42:44 PM   
evesgrden


Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

Steven, you forgot that we're also all-knowing, all-wise, omnipotent and clairvoyant!



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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/23/2012 7:24:40 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I was just wondering if anyone has ever experienced a disappearing dom.


I briefly dated someone who when he was with me would say he loved me and wanted to marry me and then go radio silent for days. >_<

I met him on OKCupid; after this I joined CM, where I was glad to repeatedly hear the message Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/23/2012 7:44:54 PM   
ccspankme


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		One would think that it would just be courtesy for them to say, "sorry, not interested" or "it was fun, but don't think it will happen again"....don't know how it works for the guys but I know that on our side...I as a female would rather just be told.."hey, don't think this is going to work"....some men just need to grow a pair.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/23/2012 7:48:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I was seeing a guy I met on another bdsm site and things were going great, we'd get together every few weeks, I attended some of his job outings with him, etc....and then he just disappeared into thin air. No more calls, no more emails, he dropped off the bdsm site. I waited for him to contact me for about a week. After that I just shrugged my shoulders and said NEXT!!

And no he's not dead so that would not be a reason lol. He's a film editor and I see his name in credits from time to time on small independent films which is just weird.


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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/23/2012 10:37:14 PM   
Thaz


Posts: 617
Joined: 4/28/2012
Status: offline 		Some people just lack balls I guess.

I understand the attraction of just not calling, but I'm just not wired that way. Oh and for the record I've had female subs do this as well so its not just a guy/dom thing. I understand a sub deciding that rather than explain to a puzzled D type why they dont wanna play anymore it may be best to just avoid the 'confrontation'.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/24/2012 6:36:37 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		A couple of years ago I started dating a guy I met on cm. We'd spend time together, then he'd go AWOL for days at a time. I quickly got annoyed by this and told him it was finished.

He begged me to reconsider, so stupidly I did. He promised to come over one weekend, and then cancelled by text the afternoon he was due and said we'd talk soon.

Six weeks later with no phone call, message or answer to my texts ...I'd started dating someone else. He eventually happened to be online while I was, and for the next few weeks we chatted maybe once a week. And then he went AWOL again.

By the time he came back (about a month later) I was seriously dating the new guy, and Disappearing Guy had the balls to take the moral high ground about two-timing!

*sighs* - some people are just born dumb as a sack of rocks.

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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/24/2012 8:25:54 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		A man and I hit it off very well and progressed from email to phone to making a date within about 2 weeks. We had a wonderful time on the date, hugged and kissed briefly in the parking lot and I left with him having asked me out again. I waited to hear from him, and waited. I called and left a message on his phone once and I left an email once. After not hearing from him I figured he'd moved on.

I get a call from him 3 weeks after the date with the explanation that his father had gone into the hospital and was I ready for another date? I said no, I'd started dating someone else and if that was really the case that his father was ill (3 weeks in the hospital? come on) he had never let me know what happened which he could have easily done that. I mean I'm not sure why when someone else goes into the hospital your own phone and computer no longer work, but no matter.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 6/25/2012 8:40:33 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

I mean I'm not sure why when someone else goes into the hospital your own phone and computer no longer work, but no matter.


This was true for the guy in my example as well! (Additionally, illness rotated through his family like clockwork.)

For me, when I take someone to the hospital, when they are with the doctor and I am waiting elsewhere, I am anxious and/or bored, and text like crazy.

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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/3/2012 6:49:30 AM   
bashfulbyte


Posts: 18
Status: offline 		It can happen for various reasons. They may be married, attached, gotten what they wanted out of you, have issues or just not into you. If a man wants to persue a woman, he will without making excuses. In this day and age with all the technology readily available at our fingertips it doesn't take much effort. If he carries on with you then goes *poof*, hes not worth his salt IMO and better it happens sooner rather than later. Trying to get a "why" out of them is a fruitless task.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/3/2012 1:36:52 PM   
tameeks


Posts: 173
Status: offline 		It has happened (is happening?) to me, very recently on this very site. I began chatting with a guy about a month ago and told him upfront that I was cautious about meeting people too fast because of bad experiences I've had in the past with meeting people online. A couple of times he still came at me with "I need some of your time" Or "I need to meet you" so eventually I gave in and told him about a couple of munches I planned to attend and told him he could come out to those and meet me. He was unable to make either one so I asked for suggestions... nothing. Last time I was out I told him where my girls and I were going, he said he'd let me know if he could make it out and I haven't heard from him since. I don't know if it's the thrill of the chase, if he didn't want to meet me with other around or what (and I'm not bashing the guy, not saying he's bad because I don't know or think he is), or maybe he just lost interest. Either way, seems like we're done talking to each other and I'm perfectly fine with that.

(in reply to bashfulbyte)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/3/2012 3:12:34 PM   
CRYPTICLXVI


Posts: 3907
Status: offline 		Hell, "Ask a submissive" question... you are right as far as both directions. Soon after moving back here, met up with a sub met on OKC, we had talked, chatted, met. Had a wonderful time, when we left, continued to talk... and then silence. I tried for a couple of times to reach her, shrug, personally I rather know early than invest time into someone and find out they were basing almost everything on lies. Not that I ever had that happen, nope, not me.

(in reply to tameeks)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/6/2012 3:55:33 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		That is one thing that is the worse to do to someone!

It is disturbing! Never knowing if that person is dead or alive!

Yes, only a coward would do something like that dear!

Move on have a great life!!!!!!!
mons

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/9/2012 12:18:40 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		This is still not so bad.
There are men who are married to their wives and kids for years and then just take off, packed up and disappear on them when they decide they are sick of the responsibility. So in vanilla world, this happens too.

Okay, women do too, but less because generally most normal functioning woman couldn't just take off and leave her children and never look back.

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/9/2012 12:44:10 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		wanna bet? I could personally name a lot of mothers who did just that. Would I call them normal? No but I wouldn't call men who do the same thing as normal either.

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RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/9/2012 1:04:15 AM   
ClassIsInSession


Posts: 305
Joined: 7/26/2010
Status: offline 		I think a lot of it is about avoiding confrontation. Some people just don't want the drama, or the guilt factor of telling it straight. I think it shows a real lack of character, but it is what it is.

I had a sub once that moved from GA to VA to live with me. A good friend of mine got her a job at a restaurant and within a week, she was cheating with a waiter there. She kept saying she had to work late, but my instincts were on alert almost right away. I finally asked my friend about it, and she finally confirmed what I suspected. Meanwhile this sub tells me she thinks we're moving to fast and she's going to get her own place (which her own place was with the other guy lol). I told her she just needed to be honest, and she solemnly swore she was telling me the truth. Finally I told her to pack her things and get out.

LOL BUT, I told me neighbor, karma is a real f'er. And I said, she doesn't have to be with me, but they can't stay together.

Christmas time came, they got grounded at the airport for 8 hours because of an ice storm. When they finally got to GA, her baggage was lost. He missed his car payments and lost his car because he spent his money taking her out all the time. They both got a flu for a month and puked non-stop. Then the boss told them one of them had to quit. Finally she cheated on him with yet another guy. (And I got the reputation of being a closet wizard. HEHEHE)

Trust me, you skip your share of the drama in those situations too.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Disappearing Dominant - 7/9/2012 10:06:32 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Your standards may be out of date. I was reading that breaking up via Facebook is now the norm. Your deal is only one or two notches worse.I just sent a small thank you gift to someone who me put up and showed me around. The recipient hadn't gotten one in 20 years.

Throw in guys being nervous about actually stepping up to the domly plate, and being lying sacks of shit as per marital status and who knows what else, and if one in four meet ups are even plausible, you're doing all right.

Screen better. The nice women here can help you with that.

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(in reply to ClassIsInSession)
Profile   Post #: 40
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