Focus50
Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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ORIGINAL: Lote
I do hope that there's not already a thread for this topic, I skimmed over the form and didn't see anything that I thought fit. If there already is a thread for this then please let me know and I will delete this with sincere apologies.
Me and my partner are both switches, however he leans more towards the submissive side, and I'm happy to be the dominate one. We are both still fairly new at this sort of thing, not just with each other but in general. I've had a little of experience with dom/subs next to his none, and things have been working out fair enough so far.
However I have been finding a lot more lately that I'm running out of 'tricks' if that makes sense. I'm getting bored with myself having to use the same material in our play and I want to keep it a little more fresh and exciting, and a little less 'routine'. I hope that makes sense. Oh, and to clarify, we are both into control/rape play/dom/sub stuff currently. It's what we play around with most.
I just keep finding myself using the same lines and stuff over and over. I've talked to him about it and he doesn't really mind, but I still thought it might be worth looking into. Does anyone have any advice or could anyone point me to any resources that I could use for good new material to use in our play?
Hope this post makes sense. I'll do my best to clarify on anything if needed. And thank you ahead of time for any help/guidance.
Since I don't know either of you, I'm gonna throw out one of my little prejudices born of lifetime/lifestyle experience and observation for you to mull over.... That is, that every switch *I'VE* ever known would, if they had to choose, prefer to submit than dominate. And that the domination side is more an available alternative to switches, rather than a first preference.
Looking over your post, I'm gonna assume your switch partner (submitting) is doing it rather easier whereas you're finding that too much dominating is draining, as it inevitably is for switches. Now, sacrificing your needs to please one's partner is always honourable, but has a limited life span.
Since you are in a relationship together, step 1 is communication. You need to be honest about how you're a switch, and NOT a Domme. And assuming neither of you want to go outside the relationship, step 2 would be him owning up to being a switch, and NOT a submissive.
To be honest, keeping it fresh is gonna be tough if neither of you is a full-on control-freak style of Dominant, such as yours truly. I have and enforce rules with my girl; that our D/s is not just play/kink orientated. It matters how she looks, speaks, presents and responds to me in an everyday sense. Any switch is gonna find that hard to impossible to monitor/enforce 24/7 because it's just not how you're wired (to be in control).
What's left for you amounts to role-play, and so you've hit the wall. Composing a bulleted list of new kinks to try is not a long-term fix, it's just a fix. Personally, I think you're not in a happy mental place because you feel trapped being in charge for too long. You do at least have the most important component for a relationship - each other. Another of my prejudices is that subs can be quite selfish when in a happy submissive state - which is likely where your partner is. The relationship needs to be about BOTH your needs - start with a good ol' heart to heart conversation.
Focus.
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Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>
Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)
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Same ol' tricks getting stale, advice on new stuff to k... - 
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