my currently twisted outlook on D/s (Full Version)

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liljoy -> my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/7/2006 8:54:00 PM)

ok i admit it's twisted because of the recent ending of a bad realationship.
This is how i see it at the moment, as lond as the Dom doesn't see it as a problem, there is no problem. There were things that caused me a great amount of stress. Beacause those things didn't cause him any stress, they weren't a problem and i was over- reacting. i'm not trying to whine and i'm not even talking about only myself. i've seen the same thing in other relationships



mistoferin -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/7/2006 9:02:41 PM)

Hugs liljoy. I am really sorry to hear. Try to have faith that there will be a day when it all becomes clear again. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but it will come. If you need to bitch, scream or just need a friend, you know you can contact me anytime.



crouchingtigress -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/7/2006 9:12:48 PM)

Sorry your dude was clueless, liljoy, women often get tagged with classifications of "over reacting" and other such nonsense by insensitive arrogant or ignorant fellows who either dont want to, or dont know how to be emotionally tuned in to thier partners.
 
But it is getting better over time. In not the not so distant past, women were told they were being "hysterical" and if they continued to "carry on" they would get a self righteous face slap! And this was accpeted as status quo[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image]
 
Dont let it twist or color your out look on D/s though, next time look for clues of emotional literacy, self and dynamic awareness and communication skills before getting in too deep.



mistoferin -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/7/2006 9:21:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
In not the not so distant past, women were told they were being "hysterical" and if they continued to "carry on" they would get a self righteous face slap! And this was accpeted as status quo[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m28.gif[/image] 


Of course it was accepted. Only women could be hysterical.

Uterus = hystero = hysterical

And of course the "rule of thumb" then was that if your woman became hysterical that you could legally beat her up to and including death so long as the stick was no bigger around than your thumb.

Kind of makes you wonder who in the hell came up with the phrase "the good old days"....lol.



Estring -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/7/2006 9:26:13 PM)

I would bet that there were signs of this at or near the beginning which you probably ignored. You fell for a jerk. It happens. Learn from this one.



becca333 -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 12:42:01 AM)

This is why God gives us laxatives.  You put a small dose in his food, and then tell him that even if the results bother him, you're not stressed, so it's not a problem.



Brosco -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 1:53:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:



And of course the "rule of thumb" then was that if your woman became hysterical that you could legally beat her up to and including death so long as the stick was no bigger around than your thumb.

Kind of makes you wonder who in the hell came up with the phrase "the good old days"....lol.


I appreciate that this was said in jest, but many believe it so I thought its worth a clarification.  The rule of thumb as to the stick used to beating a wife if an urban myth, all tho it did in reality get into a court case and was honoured by the judge and turned over on appeal.

The most commonly believed origin of 'rule of thumb' is that a good carpenter does not need a ruler or tape measure...  he uses body parts ...  and so he has a ruler in his thumb. hand, foot, arm etc.

sorry to be boring...  now back to the scheduled program  :)

Brosco



cloudboy -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 2:27:05 AM)

Validation can go a long way. When you don't get it, it can be troublesome. In my case I tend to feel an odd combination of liberation, loneliness, and alienation. My Mistress is very good with me in the area of conflict resolution, and there's no doublt that trouble in that area leads to stress --- especially when you can't jettison what bothers you or work it out with your partner and/or it doesn't go away on its own.



mariba -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 2:41:33 AM)

liljoy, did you just break up with my Dom?  He is exactly the same way.  If  I get upset over something he thinks is illogical he calls me a drama queen and refuses to talk to me until he gets over my "overreactive behavior".  Then when I manage to get *almost* to the point where my common sense kicks in and figure I am better off,  he magically comes back and the cycle starts again.  Honestly I think you are better off that it is over.



meatcleaver -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 3:02:44 AM)

Perhaps you have a preconceived idea of what the relationship should be? When I've talked to subs (never online) I get the impression they expect the Dom to act in certain ways and they have still yet to meet one they are inclined to be with, which seems a little like putting the cart before the horse to me.

If you are just unhappy in the situation then end the relationship. He might be unable or unwilling to be what you want him to be. It seems to me one should have a relationship with someone one is compatible with not, not with someone one wants to change.



feastie -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 3:06:39 AM)

Just because someone calls himself a dominant, ties you up and spanks you doesn't mean he is a dominant.  If he pooh poohs your feelings at ANY time, he's self-centered lout who like to tie women up and spank them.



Level -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 3:17:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver

Perhaps you have a preconceived idea of what the relationship should be? When I've talked to subs (never online) I get the impression they expect the Dom to act in certain ways and they have still yet to meet one they are inclined to be with, which seems a little like putting the cart before the horse to me.

If you are just unhappy in the situation then end the relationship. He might be unable or unwilling to be what you want him to be. It seems to me one should have a relationship with someone one is compatible with not, not with someone one wants to change.


This should be stamped on the front of every relationship book, and on the foreheads of everyone seeking a mate lol.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 5:40:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy
ok i admit it's twisted because of the recent ending of a bad realationship.
This is how i see it at the moment, as lond as the Dom doesn't see it as a problem, there is no problem. There were things that caused me a great amount of stress. Beacause those things didn't cause him any stress, they weren't a problem and i was over- reacting. i'm not trying to whine and i'm not even talking about only myself. i've seen the same thing in other relationships

Yes, lots of doms try and operate relationships this way.

Lots of subs try and go along with it.

You see how it ends up?  With bad endings like yours.

It works in the short term, not in the long term.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 5:42:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: feastie

Just because someone calls himself a dominant, ties you up and spanks you doesn't mean he is a dominant.  If he pooh poohs your feelings at ANY time, he's self-centered lout who like to tie women up and spank them.

THAT is going a bit overboard.

There are drama queen subs, there are overly sensitive subs, there are subs who are terribly insecure and have freak outs and react WAY over the top to things.

There's a time and a place for everything- sometimes a persons feelings should be simply felt and then ignored.

The problem is when it becomes a constant pattern, when feelings are ignored when they shouldn't be, and when the dom does it because he has no idea how to handle emotional issues at all.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 6:10:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

ok i admit it's twisted because of the recent ending of a bad realationship.
This is how i see it at the moment, as lond as the Dom doesn't see it as a problem, there is no problem. There were things that caused me a great amount of stress. Beacause those things didn't cause him any stress, they weren't a problem and i was over- reacting. i'm not trying to whine and i'm not even talking about only myself. i've seen the same thing in other relationships
I'm not a stressful person. My companion is. I learned early in life that stressing about thing and just generally freaking out about them, causes health problems. You need to learn to deal with your stress, instead of getting disturbed at the fact that your dominant doesn't openly stressout.



Sinergy -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 6:18:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Of course it was accepted. Only women could be hysterical.

Uterus = hystero = hysterical



Almost :)

Hysterical derives from the Greek word "hysterikos" which
translates to "womb pain."

Sinergy



mistoferin -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 7:38:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Of course it was accepted. Only women could be hysterical.

Uterus = hystero = hysterical



Almost :)

Hysterical derives from the Greek word "hysterikos" which
translates to "womb pain."

Sinergy


Almost[;)]

The Greek root word is "hustera" meaning "womb".
 
"hystero" is common medical terminology meaning "of or pertaining to the womb"
 
the state of being hysterical was thought to be a form of "hystero-epilepsy"



NyxNymph -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 8:24:03 AM)

becca said exactly what I would have, laxitives included
If your partner isn't listening to you, it's not your fault, you can't MAKE them hear you



liljoy -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 9:53:09 AM)

thanks for all the advice and support. i know i'm better off or will be in the long run.
i'll take some time to heal and figure out why so i don't do it again.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: my currently twisted outlook on D/s (6/8/2006 10:00:21 AM)

I also wanted to say that just because the Dom doesn't validate your reaction to any given situation doesn't mean he's invalidating your emotions to that situation. I validate the emotions of my girls all the time. But if they fly off the deep end in expressing it, I tell them to stow it and come back at a time when they can discuss it rationally. Invalidating a reaction does not neccessarily incure invalidation of the emotion.



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