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ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I'm not a stressful person. My companion is. I learned early in life that stressing about thing and just generally freaking out about them, causes health problems. You need to learn to deal with your stress, instead of getting disturbed at the fact that your dominant doesn't openly stressout.

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Can't tell you how many times i was told to just learn to relax. Which meant on my days off i couldn't clean the house but had to spend the days watching tv with him. Despite the mess and clutter. Despite the shame i felt if anyone saw it.

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i was "freaking out" when my friends would call me and because i had to be on speaker phone, i didn't have any conversations, He took the conversation over.  Neither my friends or i could hardly get a word in.

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ORIGINAL: liljoy
ok i admit it's twisted because of the recent ending of a bad realationship.
This is how i see it at the moment, as lond as the Dom doesn't see it as a problem, there is no problem. There were things that caused me a great amount of stress. Beacause those things didn't cause him any stress, they weren't a problem and i was over- reacting. i'm not trying to whine and i'm not even talking about only myself. i've seen the same thing in other relationships

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ORIGINAL: Proprietrix

I'm not sure that I get it...
You have a twisted perception of the lifestyle because of a bad relationship that just ended.
Your current perception is "As long as the Dominant doesn't see a problem, there isn't one"
And you've seen this thought process in other relationships as well.

My question would be this:
If you feel that your own perception is twisted, what are you doing to change that perception? Do you even want to change it? Do you want to learn to accept your perception? Where do you want to go from here?

And I would submit this:
Other people who share the thought process that "As long as Dom's ok, all is ok." may be perfectly content with that philosophy in their relationships.

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ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

First off, I said you needed to learn how to deal with stress, not that you should just shut-up and get over it.

Secondly, you never gave any indepth information about the situation. So I made a general statement that fit what was given. Now you give one sided information for what? To think that it should change my statment? I doesn't. You still need to learn to deal with the stress. Seems to me, in this statement:

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Can't tell you how many times i was told to just learn to relax. Which meant on my days off i couldn't clean the house but had to spend the days watching tv with him. Despite the mess and clutter. Despite the shame i felt if anyone saw it.

He wanted your company on your day off. I have a girl thats the same way as you. She needed to be doing something all the time. I finally sat her down and told her that sometimes, I just wanted her around because I liked having her around. Not because my toilet needed cleaning.

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ORIGINAL: liljoy

i made my first post as general because i didn't want to air all my dirty laundry. When i responded to your post it was not to change your statement but to further explain my feelings on this matter.

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It's not like i'm a clean freak. i'm far from it but if almost every waking non working hour is spent watching tv for years the house will be and was a mess.

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As for one sided information any and all information i've given is one sided because he is no longer here to give his side.

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ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

I also wanted to say that just because the Dom doesn't validate your reaction to any given situation doesn't mean he's invalidating your emotions to that situation.

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ORIGINAL: MrDiscipline44

i was trying to explain part of my situation and my current bitternes.

Then why'd you start to air it in the second one? If you want to convey your emotion then state your emotions. The only emotion conveyed clearly in your second post was shame because you perceived your place to be always a mess.


Now this is an over reaction. No one said spend EVERY waking non-working hour on the couch watching tv forYEARS. Thats just an exaggeration on your part. 

i know you didn't say anything about that but that doesn't mean it's an exageration. You seemed to think i meant i wanted to always be doing something. That's not what i was saying at all.

You and i are clearly seeing things from such different perspectives that we will never agree. That's ok too. So agree to disagree? 

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As for one sided information any and all information i've given is one sided because he is no longer here to give his side.

Now your just quibbling for the sake of it.

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I would bet that there were signs of this at or near the beginning which you probably ignored. You fell for a jerk. It happens. Learn from this one.