RE: Pointers for a young sub

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amaidiamond -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/1/2012 8:27:19 AM)
Avoid one true wayisms Thats my 2c

GreedyTop -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/1/2012 8:36:30 AM)
but Dia, some guys are really great at couching their 'one twue way-isms' in terms that may sound reasonable to a novice. I mean, haven't we seen that time and time again around here and on FL?

NuevaVida -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/1/2012 9:58:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: poise Many women who first come to the realization that they are submissive think that all of a sudden, they have to change who they are and how they carry themselves to reflect that stereotypical doormat that alot of people associate with being submissive. They are too quick to dispose of any self worth they may have, and feel they have to do things to prove they are submissive, as opposed to proving they are a woman worthy of a good man. Bolded and brightened for truth. Poise has nailed it. Agreed. And what Bita said. Speaking for myself, I wasn't taught the tools I needed early on to know myself, have a sense of self worth and look out for myself. I learned those tools much later, after major fuck ups and really hard emotional pains. Someone telling me to "grow up" would not have made one iota of difference in my world, because I didn't really know what that entailed, other than living life and learning from it. And this was non-BDSM related as well as BDSM related.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/2/2012 6:54:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou What would you say a young/inexperienced sub should look out for to avoid all the classic pitfalls? 1) BDSM relationships arent't very different from vanilla relationships. So don't forget the common sense rules that you used for vanilla dating. For example, if you wouldn't give a complete stranger a blowjob on the first meeting in a vanilla situation, then don't give a complete stranger a blowjob on the first meeting simply because he says that he's a "Dom" and commands you to do so. Common sense is common sense. If he says that he wants you to give him a blowjob to "prove your submission", get up and leave immediately and don't look back. 2) Make a Dom/Domme earn your submission. Don't give it away cheaply. 3) Make sure that your safety always remains your top priority. Meet potential Doms in a safe, public place. Don't have a first meeting at your house or his house, even if he "commands" you to do so. 4) You don't have to submit to everyone who claims to be dominant. It's okay to not obey people with whom you don't share a D/s dynamic. There is NO PROTOCOL that says that you must obey someone that you don't know or don't feel comfortable obeying.

JeffBC -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/2/2012 10:07:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop but Dia, some guys are really great at couching their 'one twue way-isms' in terms that may sound reasonable to a novice. I mean, haven't we seen that time and time again around here and on FL? Like.... Say... Ron? I'm not quite sure if it's one true way or just a man with some serious focus but.... Lololol

uniquefreek -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/5/2012 12:58:13 AM)
I really dont get into posting, but I felt I had to say, after being with a Dom, and very submissive myself, He set my legs on fire, and then later he went on to take both breasts off with barbedwire, Pointers for new subs? Believe in yourself and your gut, Simply if its to good to be true, IT IS!, Dont believe one Master or Dom Makes or breaks you...If your not enough without Him, you wont ever be enuff with him.. Be careful, take a friend, meet in public, take your time and develop a bond before giving yourself away..JMHO :)

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/5/2012 3:33:35 AM)
Using FR: The OP has gotten some excellent advice from littlewonder, bita, Nueva, and Rochsub. I would also add: avoid sub frenzy and immediately entering into a power dynamic with someone b/c they say they are a dominant. Most new subs get a bad case of sub frenzy when they meet a dominant who can float their boat. It's normal and natural to feel completed when encountering a dominant who appears to vindicate and validate who you are on some deep intrinsic level. The operating words here being "appears to." A tight pull of good ole yin and yang does not soul mates make. As with all new romantic relationships, you need to slow down, form a friendship, and get to know the person on a wide variety of levels. This means NOT engaging in an immediate dynamic with a complete stranger that you most likely met on the internet. I am always amazed at people who do this. You don't have to call anyone Sir or Master or Mistress, and in fact, you shouldn't. If they tell you it's required, that should be a red flag -- b/c you are dealing with someone who wants an instant dynamic. My own one true wayism: Good power dynamics do not occur instantly, they evolve over time.

WeAimToPlease -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/16/2012 7:20:49 PM)
What Chatte said. Spoken very well.

seekingreality -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/16/2012 9:05:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou I've met a lot of subs who had a hard time telling the difference between a decent dom, and a heavy-handed guy with very deep issues. Doubly so since most of them either didn't acknowledge themselves as subs, didn't know what communities there were available, or fell in with unhealthy ones. It seems like almost a rite of passage that any sub will have horror stories about. And I'm watching a younger girl I know developing those right now. So for those who have learned from their mistakes. What would you say a young/inexperienced sub should look out for to avoid all the classic pitfalls? If you go slow, and demand to be treated with respect, a lot of the creeps disappear fast. Be real. Approach a dom as a person first, and expect them to approach you as a person. Don't get into the kinky stuff too soon. Demand to be treated with respect. Don't put up with BS. Don't be intimidated by someone just because they call themselves a dom. Just as in vanilla dating, you won't feel a connection with, and may not even like, a lot of the doms you meet.

sexyred1 -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/16/2012 9:48:48 PM)
Use common sense. Watch out for red flags, and listen to them. Never make someone a priority who considers you an option. All of above is pertinent whatever type of relationship you have. As someone said, BDSM does make you or him special and you don't have to lose yourself for the sake of having your fantasies fulfilled.

LillyoftheVally -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/19/2012 2:35:25 AM)
Never lose yourself. It really is that simple, I have seen so many people, myself included, who during the kid in a sweetshop phase lose all logic and reason. Treating all potential partners in BDSM as you would have with someone you met at the pub is the best advice.

Char2688 -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (7/19/2012 7:43:40 AM)
I reject the premise of the original post...I do not believe the. Op knows many subs who are going about life wrong. If the background info is not believable, the question is not valid!

FMRFGOPGAL -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (9/1/2012 7:40:58 PM)
Does anyone have a list of things that will get you deleted if you're say some errant guy emailing you? I have started a list of criteria and I can see from some of the jerks that email me despite what I add, the list is really going to grow... If somone has a list that seems to be working. Can you PM it to me? Or post it here if it won't bother the other readers. thanks Gail

angelikaJ -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (9/1/2012 7:49:33 PM)
Yes, that decision is personal for everyone. You decide what is acceptable and what isn't. You make the choices about what your limits are regarding deleting, deleting unread (you can hover over the message to get the gist of it) and blocking him/her all together. There is no right or wrong; there is what is comfortable for you. Edit to add: a list is unlikely to work- men often email without reading profiles and if they do read them they believe that somehow they are the exception to your rule.

FMRFGOPGAL -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (9/1/2012 8:42:21 PM)
What about filtering by criteria? Is there any here? Like overseas, etc.

FMRFGOPGAL -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (9/1/2012 8:46:15 PM)
I DID think of perhaps adding in the Perofile, my Darkest fantasy. "Getting caught in the act by my vanilla b/f (NCAA QB) and watching him pulverize my playmate."

chemeli -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (9/1/2012 9:15:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ReMakeYou Little&Des: It's all nice and internetty to say "know yourself, it has the same rules as any other relationship". But most people don't want things that, but for certain protocols, would easily qualify as abuse. So between the ones who think that keeping their True Sub status involves putting up with everything that happens, and the ones who stumble blindly around looking for something without knowing the protocols, it's a little more complex than that. I'm the kind of sub who's stumbling around (that doesnt mean i'm sleeping around) otherwise how am i supposed to learn? There's so much to be learned by reading from other's experiences, but if you want to learn about your own well....you have to get into it somehow. As for getting into bad relationships.....i guess they have yet to learn to respect themselves and make the bad choice. It's just like any vanilla relationships, you have to trust and respect yourself, be at ease with what you're comfortable doing and going slowwww.....that's what i'm trying to do. Sub frenzy, i'm aware of it, and it can go pretty fast when you feel at ease with the person.....trying to slow things down is hard. You can always give advices, but you cannot get them to learn if they are not in the right mindset or if they think they absolutely need to go down a (soon to be) bad path. You cant stop people from being people and making mistakes. That's how you learn, after all... But hey, on the bright side, i just blocked a stalker. I think i'm doing rather well [:)]

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: Pointers for a young sub (9/8/2012 12:44:20 PM)
I am new but not so young...I have realized this and that is my primary concern

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