Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings?

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Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 9:35:20 AM

michiev

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What I'm asking is if you can have a relationship with D/s, BDSM, etc.. without actually having feelings for that person beyond friendship and of course that D/s relationship... I'm asking because there is a lot of trust involved in relationships like this and it's kind of weird for me to think that there could be absolutely nothing else besides the feelings for the master/slave relationship dynamic.. I'm not saying you have to love the person.. but what about feelings of like? A crush? Is this possible?

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 9:36:34 AM

GreedyTop

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yes.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 9:44:36 AM

lizi

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It's hard for me to understand as well because I involve my feelings, but it is definitely possible for a D/s relationship to be healthy, and fulfilling while not involving feelings as I've seen many examples spoken of here on these boards over the years.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 9:54:40 AM

LadyPact

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Yes. I always find it funny when people ask this question. It's really no different than somebody who has a friends with benefits situation or a casual fuck buddy. While many people prefer to have an emotional attachment to the person they are having sex with, the portion of the population who enjoys sport fucking can't be discounted.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 9:55:28 AM

GreedyTop

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BTW, LadyP... *grins*

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 9:59:29 AM

ResidentSadist

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If you can have a marriage w/o feelings, you can have a BDSM relationship that way too.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 10:07:44 AM

Winterapple

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Yes, it's possible. It's also possible one or both
might develope stronger feelings at some point.
Or not.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 11:27:53 AM

littlewonder

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happens more often than not from my experience. Been there, done that, got the tshirt, got bored with it.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 11:55:27 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Of course it's possible, if what you are asking is can you have a S/m or D/s relationship w/o being in love? Of course. Can you have one w/o sex? Yes.

Can you have one w/o feelings? No. People always have feelings, positive or negative or in between. If you were truly indifferent, why would you chose them as a long term play partner?

Close friendship can be deep and enduring and should be the basis for all of your intimate relationships, JMO. Now, if you can add in love and great sex, pure bliss.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 11:56:09 AM

JanahX

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People that have autism sometimes show little emotion.

I think everyone has emotions - whether or not they choose to show it and to what degree they do is what is in question here.

That or they may have a low neuroticism level - since psychopath, sociopath and antisocial personality have to do with a lack of empathy and not emotion.

I believe moral judgment fails when you are lacking empathy.

So to answer your question - I am not sure it is possible to have sex without feelings, as much as to what feelings are being generated by the person and the expectations of what you are hoping for from the other individual.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 6/30/2012 12:00:52 PM >

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 12:05:54 PM

TNDommeK

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I think it is possible, but wouldn't not having feelings BE a feeling?

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 12:30:16 PM

KaleidoKenlyn

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I wouldn't say it's possible for me personally. Yes, I have had fuck buddies. Yes, I have had play partners in BDSM. But I DID always have deeper feelings. They were not always romantic feelings however. You make a good point about the trust issue. I'm letting someone tie me up and then weild objects that could very easily kill me. I have to trust that person. Does it mean I have to want that person as anything more? No. But trust is a must. And that doesn't happen without other feelings coming along for the ride. At least, not for me. Maybe it would for other people, though.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 4:03:07 PM

CougarRick

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I can't speak for anyone else, but personally I couldn't. There would have to be something there.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 11:07:53 PM

FrostedFlake

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Sure.

You can have any kinda relationship you like, without feelings.

Except, of course, a GOOD relationship.

I am betting you knew that. And that your real question is a little different than the one you asked.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 11:23:51 PM

ResidentSadist

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I've always wondered if you could have a relationship without talking. Just eating, fucking and sleeping together. Find one of those "do me" subs that wants to live in a cage or on a chain and gag the bitch from day one.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 6/30/2012 11:36:28 PM

darkafrican6

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with all the people i have played with....we got there, to playing, becouse when we first went out for a drink, their was a mutual connection. That allowed for second meeting somewhere behind closed door...where again a certain kind of connection is sorted after. When we are both naked (or not), when one takes charge and the other submits, its now a different kind of dance that by God above both parties hope to do well. That can involve a lots of emotions: excitement, nervousness and so forth. You survive that and go home and still crave playtime with that person, that in itself should be enough. Sometimes anything more, feelings of love, can ruin things or blur things out of perspective. But of course not always. All am saying, capitalize on the emotion that best suits both parties...if its cool with you two, to be emotionally attached or detached, by all means ride that emotion to the end of time, cos hey! Its no ones business but yours.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 12:12:14 AM

ReMakeYou

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I've had D/s relationships.

I lack the ability to feel.

Apparently, the answer is yes.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 12:46:50 AM

NiceButMeanGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michiev

What I'm asking is if you can have a relationship with D/s, BDSM, etc.. without actually having feelings for that person beyond friendship and of course that D/s relationship...

I'm sure some people will answer yes but, for me, the answer would be no.

NBMG

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 12:56:44 AM

littlewonder

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I've done it in the past. There was one guy who I didn't find attractive, didn't do anything for me, but when I was young I was just way too eager so I would come over and clean his house, run errands for him, make dinner, do his laundry, etc....there was no sex involved, no play, no punishment or anything else at all, just me being of service to someone. I would do these things, ask him if there was anything else he needed and then I would go home.

Nowadays though...nope, I wouldn't do it. It's not that it was a bad thing. It's just not where my life is anymore.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 5:57:53 AM

JeffBC

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I can't... or wouldn't bother anyway. Other people can and do.

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