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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 6:42:25 AM

Moonhead

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This is BHG, so this time I'll log out first...

< Message edited by Moonhead -- 7/1/2012 6:45:17 AM >

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 6:47:22 AM

bighappygoth39

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Close friendship can be deep and enduring and should be the basis for all of your intimate relationships, JMO. Now, if you can add in love and great sex, pure bliss.

Right... Now I've posted right I can say that I totally agree with that and now I'm in smug mode...

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 7:52:33 AM

DesFIP

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You don't need love, but liking, friendship? Absolutely.
However, if you start a d/s relationship without love being a possibility, you need to find it elsewhere.

Lady Pact has a husband she loves. Her former sub is in love with his wife. If either one of them were without a partner who they did love, it would not have worked as well. People need to love, and if you don't have any other outlet for that emotion, it will come out where it shouldn't.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 9:35:58 AM

mummyman321

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Yes. I always find it funny when people ask this question. It's really no different than somebody who has a friends with benefits situation or a casual fuck buddy. While many people prefer to have an emotional attachment to the person they are having sex with, the portion of the population who enjoys sport fucking can't be discounted.

Never really though about it in that context. But you have to love the term sport fucking. Its rather catchy. Okay soooo the BDSM equivalent is The BDSM Smackdown?

I can see it now. Its a Sunday afternoon. Pop on the television to tune into ABC's Wide World of Sports. You hear the announcer talking in a quiet voice. "Ladies and gentlemen in this corner we have Lady Pact, she is sporting a nice australian leather 18" flogger. In the other corner we have subbie X, a newcommer to the sport."

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 10:57:04 AM

LadyPact

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From the Lady Pact Dictionary......

Sport fucking - A term to describe sex with a partner with whom a person does not have an emotional attachment but is for the basic enjoyment of having sex. Also known as casual sex or sex for conquest.

ETA - Just for clarity. I'm great at casual S/m play, but I am not wired for casual sex.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 7/1/2012 10:58:37 AM >

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 8:40:18 PM

PrimalConsonance

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I would say that it is not possible to have a D/s relationship without some form of feelings being present. This would include a "crush", which is a relationship for one...that only serves to give a skewed perspective of a one-sided affair of sorts (and this is not a relationship). To have a relationship, there has to be some form of emotional investment. The relationship between a pro and a client, isn't anything more than a business relationship in the strictest sense of the word...which is not an emotional one. Some will say that casual play negates this argument, but casual play isn't a relationship either. The time between whatever negotiation takes place, and when one is done with a scene in casual play; is the casual sense of a "relationship" on a micro-level. After the scene, this is over and the players move on to another scene.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 8:56:59 PM

littlewonder

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I've done the d/s relationship thing with no emotional involvement. I had emotional involvement in my service but not with him. I didn't like him as a friend. I was indifferent to him. He didn't have any feelings towards me. He just wanted a service slave to get work done that he didn't want to do or didn't have time to do.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/1/2012 9:02:56 PM

CRYPTICLXVI

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

If you can have a marriage w/o feelings, you can have a BDSM relationship that way too.

Damn, this is such a true comment... sad perhaps but true.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/2/2012 8:15:32 AM

Winterapple

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FR
I took the OP's question to be can people
have D/s relationships when the people
involved aren't in love with one another.

There are all sorts D/s relationships and
in love couples are just one type.

Not being in love with someone doesn't
automatically equate to having no feelings
for them. There are other emotions.

Some service oriented types get their
satisfaction from service and some of
them thrive on being treated formally
and with indifference by the dominant.
There's no sex or play just service.

Respect and trust from both sides are the
most important feelings to base a D/s
relationship on. Some people have a D/s
relationship outside of their primary
relationship. Some people might want
a D/s relationship but are interested or
at a point in their life where they want
a life partner. This doesn't mean the
people are indifferent to another because
they aren't romantic partners.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/3/2012 10:15:31 PM

RemoteUser

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can it, will it, should it

Can it exist, yes.

Will it suit everyone, no.

Should it happen, is the subjective sinkhole.

(What can I say, I like poignant summary.)

I'm an old world hooker. If I'm kissing you, I'm in, that's that. The sex can happen, but it's not enough on its own in my head.

Sex without feeling is just masturbation with a handy hole for me, and holds all the same challenge and interest. I want more.

Why? Cuz I do. Call it greediness. I want more than an orgasm, and a new flavour won't cut it.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/6/2012 10:19:36 PM

AVegasMaster

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Yes, it is possible. It may not be ideal and it won't be the most satisfying, but sometimes it's the only game in town.

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RE: Can you have a D/s relationship without feelings? - 7/27/2012 11:06:48 AM

jongalt10

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Yes. Just ask my pro Domme. She was all profit. I was in love. Finally woke up. I was expecting too much. My fault for loving her. I saw reality last session. Moving on.

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