Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website

Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (Full Version)

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Transcender8 -> Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/1/2012 9:55:51 PM)
For people here who message those with a Collarme profile, or one on any similar BDSM website, what do you say to someone, such as a female, if you also see she has a profile on a standard dating website as well, usually under the same username. - Do you message her first on Collarme, mentioning you saw her standard dating site profile and mention things she said in that profile, or do you do the opposite, message her on the standard dating site one and cite that you saw her other profile, saying how cool it is, that she's into BDSM and that yous share a cool common interest. There's also the flip side to this : - What if you message a lady on a site like Collar and/or anything similar and she doesn't reply back to you, or replies, but says no. Then you see she has a profile on a standard dating site. Do you message her on there ? I had this, with a lady, who I could see I had a lot of strong common interests with, from seeing her standard OK Cupid profile and also her other one. On her BDSM profile with the same username, but no face photos, she arrogantly dismissed me, making it obvious she hadn't even read my profile. If I messaged her on OK Cupid, would it pay to cite seeing her other profile and mentioning how cool it is that she's also into BDSM. On my BDSM site profile, one face photo is visible. There was one lady I ticked off, when I mentioned having saw her standard dating site profile by accident, but I don't care, as she had strung me along and wasted my time.

Endivius -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/1/2012 10:05:00 PM)
If I were on another site and saw a profile there, wich interested me, I would message them there. If I saw a profile here wich interested me, I'd message them here. It's not rocket science. I do not know the minds of others, I would venture a guess that they prefer you message them about Kink here, unless specifically stated otherwise on another site. 250 million people or so living in this country, and 6 billionish living the world over, I'm sure there are some crossovers and equally some coincidences. While it may not prove to be fruitless messaging a person on both sites, I still prefer meeting people in real life, locally. Should you be one of the blessed that lives in an area of abundant kinky folks, more power to you. I don't see how it would honestly be an issue one way or another provided you were cordial and didn't project any expectations from one site to the other.

LadyPact -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/1/2012 10:17:09 PM)
I would have to think that messaging on one site would be sufficient. If the person turned you down here, why would you go to, say, their OKCupid profile and message them again? Not interested does mean not interested, whether you are being told that by the person on their kink or vanilla profile. This other opinion is just a stab in the dark because a)I'm not on any specific dating site (and frankly, CM isn't one) and b) I'm female and therefore get a much better response rate than most males. My personal opinion is that I would message the CM profile. If I were searching the interest list on this site would give Me a better idea if our kink and vanilla interests match, where the vanilla site would probably only tell Me the vanilla ones. It would give Me more material to work with to write a quality first contact email.

DarkSteven -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/1/2012 10:22:18 PM)
If you let her know that you have seen her profile on different websites, she'll likely think you're stalking her. Just respond to her profile on one website, and don't mention the other one.

littlewonder -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/1/2012 11:02:06 PM)
She blew you off. That's the end. Why would you message her at both places? Let it go. Personally, if I saw someone on here and another dating site, I'd probably email them on the other site because I would get to know them better as a person without anything sexual, fetish or kinky talk which would just annoy the hell out of me. When I was single I was looking for a long term monogamous relationship with someone who is a dominant personality. It's that simple. Didn't matter if they didn't call themselves a dom or a master or anything else. I was looking for the personality, not the kink or fetish delivery system. I want to know that person for their personality and qualities that make them who they are as a person.I would however, look at their profile on here to see the other side of them as well and see if we were compatible but for example, if I came over here and saw he is listed as a male sub or switch or that he was a DaddyDom or into things that squicked me, I would not say anything at all and just tell him I didn't find us compatible. I don't need to tell him why. Now if I checked out their profile on here as well and I found we were still quite compatible on both sides THEN after a few dates and I still enjoyed him face to face and wanted to continue to see him, I would tell him I saw him here and that I thought we were still very compatible. It would just be one of those things that comes up in casual conversation and not that big a deal imo. It's like telling someone you saw stuff about them on a Google search. Would you tell that person right from the start? I don't. If I find us incompatible or compatible with stuff he has on google then I'll do the same as above.

hardcybermaster -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 12:51:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'm not on any specific dating site (and frankly, CM isn't one) [/color] Isn't it? Blimey, the hundred or so regular posters had better let the thousands and thousands of users on the other side that they are in completely the wrong place then

littlewonder -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 12:56:50 AM)
I'm not sure why so many are in denial that the other side of CM is a dating site. LOL. I see a lot of regular posters state it's not a dating site but it is. That's what it was created for. I met Master here because I was searching for a partner, the same as I had a profile on match.com and plentyoffish and one other that I don't even remember the name of anymore and no I never paid a subscription to any. Why pay for something I can get for free.

LadyPact -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 1:36:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster Isn't it? Blimey, the hundred or so regular posters had better let the thousands and thousands of users on the other side that they are in completely the wrong place then Then why do they have a "friends only" option? Obviously, there are a number of people who aren't here for anything to do with dating.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 3:35:52 AM)
quote: she arrogantly dismissed me, making it obvious she hadn't even read my profile. There is your issue. Ah well, a female you liked from a profile only (no pics, YOU make it clear in your rant) arrogantly dismissed you. Stop thinking it's okay to stalk her via other sites. littlewonder said, "Let it go." I agree.

hardcybermaster -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 4:42:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster Isn't it? Blimey, the hundred or so regular posters had better let the thousands and thousands of users on the other side that they are in completely the wrong place then Then why do they have a "friends only" option? Obviously, there are a number of people who aren't here for anything to do with dating. A friends only option eh? Interesting, let me think about that for......a millisecond. What about every other option? Of course there are people here not looking for dates but the majority are. Infact quite a few of the friends only profiles will say that they are not looking as they found their partner here, how fucking lucky was that given that CM isn't a dating site? Look at the numbers on either side. I am pretty sure I have seen you post about how many people join this site every week in response to a "can't find a Dom/Domme/sub" whine so don't be daft, you know as well as everyone that CM is primarily a dating site. Just 'cos you don't need it to be that doesn't mean it isn't does it? If you put a vase on top of your TV it's still a TV, it may have an extra function but it's main job is being a TV and that's how 99% of people will see it (weird analogy, lol)

kalikshama -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 5:18:39 AM)
I freaked out when someone emailed me here on CM and said he recognized me from OKCupid because no one could recognize me from my kink pictures here compared to my vanilla pictures there. Then I realized that my user names are similar enough and that's how he did it. Anyway, I would much rather be approached on OKC, which is where I met M, in fact. When I am in relationship seeking mode, I prefer when men are also on a vanilla dating site, otherwise I think they are just looking for quick kinky sex. Over and over and over on this site, I tell people looking for profile advice to add more vanilla stuff to their profiles. I like to get a sense of the man behind the whip, and this is much more likely to occur on vanilla dating sites. (There are still the lame empty profiles there however.) I have zero interest in ever dating a vanilla again, but between all the BDSM themed tests and questions, OKC is very kink friendly, and one can put BDSM keywords in one's profile. So to answer your question, do email her from the vanilla site. If her profile is completely vanilla, I don't know that it would be wise to bring up her CM profile. Quite likely, she'll bring it up if you have kink indicators in yours.

Winterapple -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 8:50:05 AM)
The only reason I can think of that you would message someone whose turned you down on one site is to say gotcha or words to that effect. In doing so you have entered into sulky creepy stalky mode. Let it go. She's not interested. She said so. If kinky her doesn't like you, vanilla her isn't likely to like you any better. So your dream of the great aha and reveal will not go as you fantasize it will.

littlewonder -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 8:54:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster Isn't it? Blimey, the hundred or so regular posters had better let the thousands and thousands of users on the other side that they are in completely the wrong place then Then why do they have a "friends only" option? Obviously, there are a number of people who aren't here for anything to do with dating. I admit that when I first saw the option for friends only, I assumed like most dating sites, that means wanting a fuck buddy, casual sex, just looking for a little on the side. So while not technically dating, it's still seeking a person for some kind of relationship, just not romantically. Almost all dating sites I've ever been on have this option available.

Winterapple -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 8:58:28 AM)
I would message the kink site first and if it was a bust not bother with the vanilla. Because I know it's the same person and messaging one person twice is redundant and a waste of time for both of us.

DesFIP -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 2:00:07 PM)
If you already know that she doesn't believe you're compatible with her, why would you keep writing her? BTW, many women here will look at your profile, and forum posts, before deciding to open an email from a stranger. If they conclude based on those items that you don't fit them, they won't open your email. Doing this lessens the odds of getting a second email filled with vitriol. Perhaps you had better review your profile and see what they are finding offputting if you want better success in the future.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 5:29:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Transcender8 For people here who message those with a Collarme profile, or one on any similar BDSM website, what do you say to someone, such as a female, if you also see she has a profile on a standard dating website as well, usually under the same username. - Do you message her first on Collarme, mentioning you saw her standard dating site profile and mention things she said in that profile, or do you do the opposite, message her on the standard dating site one and cite that you saw her other profile, saying how cool it is, that she's into BDSM and that yous share a cool common interest. There's also the flip side to this : - What if you message a lady on a site like Collar and/or anything similar and she doesn't reply back to you, or replies, but says no. Then you see she has a profile on a standard dating site. Do you message her on there ? I had this, with a lady, who I could see I had a lot of strong common interests with, from seeing her standard OK Cupid profile and also her other one. On her BDSM profile with the same username, but no face photos, she arrogantly dismissed me, making it obvious she hadn't even read my profile. If I messaged her on OK Cupid, would it pay to cite seeing her other profile and mentioning how cool it is that she's also into BDSM. On my BDSM site profile, one face photo is visible. There was one lady I ticked off, when I mentioned having saw her standard dating site profile by accident, but I don't care, as she had strung me along and wasted my time. Who gives a fuck? So a chic has an ad/profile on another site.....big fucking deal.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/2/2012 7:30:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Transcender8 I had this, with a lady, who I could see I had a lot of strong common interests with, from seeing her standard OK Cupid profile and also her other one. On her BDSM profile with the same username, but no face photos, she arrogantly dismissed me, making it obvious she hadn't even read my profile. I guess it wouldn't occur to you that she "arrogantly dismissed" you because she HAD read your profile, and perhaps even found your initial email offputting? It seems apparent that you think of yourself as all that and a bag of chips, but obviously there are those who just aren't going to agree with your view of yourself. This is the internet, you see a profile that seems interesting, and you send the woman an email. She reads it and for whatever reason, she has no interest. She isn't obligated to be polite, she isn't obligated to read your profile and she isn't obligated to think you are special. That's for your mom to do, whether she thinks so or not. The rest of the women of the world have no such obligation, so I would suggest you get over it. The very arrogant theory/need/thought to email them on the other site pretty much tells me there was likely a good reason you were so "arrogantly" dismissed. Get over it. Somewhere out there is going to be a woman who thinks you are just as special as your mom thinks you are, and eventually, you will find her. If you get this annoyed at an internet dismissal, I would suggest you do what you say you think in your profile. Look at it as a learning experience and figure out how to grow from it, not act like a whiney child wanting to show her that you know she is on both sites. Honestly, it has a huge creep factor.

thishereboi -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/25/2012 5:48:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster Isn't it? Blimey, the hundred or so regular posters had better let the thousands and thousands of users on the other side that they are in completely the wrong place then Then why do they have a "friends only" option? Obviously, there are a number of people who aren't here for anything to do with dating. good point and why does the site refer to itself as a community and not as a dating site? Right across the top of the home page.....Collarme.com The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet now I am sure some will argue the use of the term community, but that would be a whole new thread.

Killerangel -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/25/2012 8:36:17 AM)
I could swear we had this exact scenario not too long ago. If it were me I'd respond back to the kink profile so that was out in the open and she didn't feel awkward at some future point of having to tell me her 'secret'. It would be hard to fake that I knew about it at that point anyway. I'd keep my interactions with her on the kink site polite and vanilla. If you message someone on any site and they don't respond or if they say no, then you forget about that person. Don't try sneaking in with another site. It doesn't matter how much you think you have in common with her, she's allowed to have her own opinion and it's obviously no dice. No reply IS a reply. On this site you can read a message by hovering over it in the mailbox and maybe she didn't find it suitable. You can also turn off your profile and view other's profiles invisibly, she may have done both those things and decided you weren't a good match. It doesn't matter what she thought or why, she didn't respond, it's her prerogative to do whatever she likes. You thinking things would work out well is only half the story, she's entitled to her half, respect that. Women are entitled to arrogantly dismiss whoever they want, as are men. We are all free agents to run our own lives as we see fit. Stop acting like things should conform to YOUR idea of how things should go. If I feel like being a twat, I have the right to be a twat - it doesn't fucking matter what you think about it. Capisce?

Killerangel -> RE: Seeing a Collar person on a standard dating website (7/25/2012 8:43:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thishereboi quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: hardcybermaster Isn't it? Blimey, the hundred or so regular posters had better let the thousands and thousands of users on the other side that they are in completely the wrong place then Then why do they have a "friends only" option? Obviously, there are a number of people who aren't here for anything to do with dating. good point and why does the site refer to itself as a community and not as a dating site? Right across the top of the home page.....Collarme.com The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet now I am sure some will argue the use of the term community, but that would be a whole new thread. I've certainly used this place as a dating site. I've also used it as a place to connect with friends. What is 7-11? A place for gas, groceries, or fast food? I guess some hybrids are whatever you use them for at the time- kind of silly to say it's definitely this or definitely not that. What is a library? A place to get books, have a place to study, or use a computer for free? I guess I don't care what I call this site, as long as it has different uses for me I'll continue to use them all.

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