RE: Money & Doming

RE: Money & Doming (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

littlewonder -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 3:56:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP quote: If I gave up financial control, then I'd be handing over a future inheritance, control of my children's college funds, signing over title to my house etc. Yeah, I have this kind of stuff too but if today he said he wanted control over it all, I would have no problem at all with it. Here's the thing...I trust him with my life and anyone else's life for that matter. That's how trustworthy he is. So, that being said, of course I would trust him with all of that. quote: More importantly, he feels that dominants who do this are thieves, plain and simple. If you both only have paychecks and live week to week then it's not a big deal to be the one who writes the check to the phone company and so on. Once you have assets, things change significantly. This I find funny. He's never stolen anything ever from me and like he says to me, "you're a slave. You don't own anything". Good because I don't like having to worry about it all. I have assets, he has assets. So what? Nothing has ever changed between us and neither of us really make it a big deal. quote: If your sub owned her own business, would you expect to be able to take control of that? Would you also say it was yours and not hers? He would allow for me to run it because he trusts in my decisions but if he saw I was doing something he felt was not right then he would make the decision...whether it's my business or not. He knows more about this kind of stuff than I do. Again, I trust his judgment. quote: Now, if I was in the market for a car, he probably would pick which one based on what I need in a car. I don't drive...one less concern. lol I just really really don't understand this concept of trusting someone with your life but not your money lol.

crazyml -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 4:02:27 PM)
This is a really interesting thread, and it's made me think. So... to start with, I don't have any desire to "control" my partner's money, I would expect my partner to be plenty capable of managing her own finances. So financial control just doesn't play a part in my dominance. I have no objection at all to paying for dinner, or going dutch, or her paying. It's just not important to me. I do, though, tend to pay the bills (rent, utilities etc) but to be honest that's more out of habit than strong preference. In my last live-in relationship, my partner made a contribution to the rent (she paid about a quarter), while I paid the remainder plus the bills. For things like shopping etc we kind of split it although she probably paid for more of the grocery shopping. My taste in subs means that I'm more likely to have a relationship with a sub who is well paid (I go for assertive, confident, successful types) and I've had a couple of relationships with subs that earned more than me... and ya know, that's totally ok with me. So while money is important in that I need it to live (and plan for the future) it's just not a significant factor in my relationship dynamic. I am far far more likely to expect to choose her underwear than to want to see and control the contents of her bank account.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 5:49:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 I've always liked being the traditional, old fasioned guy when it comes to money, I pick up the bill for eating out, I pay for everything really, and thats how I run my relationships, I think it came from when I was a teen and had no money, when my girlfriends wanted to do Something and I couldn't afford it, I felt small when they Would pay. Now I am a financial control freak, although sometimes it Feels like in al bundey from married with children... I have found that I get some kind of psychological boost From being not only depended on but also controlling who Does what, and who buys what, having my partner come and try to sweet talk me and be well behaved because there Is something she wants. I suppose this sort of thing is how alot of normal husbands And fathers feel? Anyone have any similar situations? Im most interested in hearing from those in a D/s, M/s relationship about how money is handled in their household. -ARIES Did you write this on MS Word just to make sure you spelled everything correctly? ('cause if you did....you need to read the help files again). Also....when you do this...."write" and paste....take the time to lose the caps on each follow on.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 5:52:30 PM)
JJ. Enough with being the proofreading bitch. I want bourbon and cupcakes, what are you going to do about it?

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 6:45:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus JJ. Enough with being the proofreading bitch. I want bourbon and cupcakes, what are you going to do about it? (I'm guessing the appropriate answer is....provide bourbon and cupcakes).

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 6:46:12 PM)
There ya go. Vanilla with dark ganache. Just ask, they'll know.

HisPet21 -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 8:12:29 PM)
If I am casually dating someone, I prefer to pay for my own food and movie tickets. And, while I will accept gifts, I won't accept anything expensive or extravagant. At that stage in the game, when you are just getting to know someone, I feel icky about letting the man pay. Because, hell, on the third date you may find out you two are not compatible, and now he's spent all this money on you? It just doesn't feel right to me. If you each pay for your own half of the date, if it doesn't work out, you can shrug your shoulders and say, "At least it was a nice dinner. It was worth the $20 I spent on myself." I'll only budge if the man really, really insists. Right now, my Dom and I aren't married or engaged, and we've agreed that it would be irresponsible to merge finances before that happens. Never-the-less, we'll be moving in together sometime this year, which means we'll have to work out the paying of bills together, even if we have separate bank accounts. We've already established that even though he won't have any legal stake in my finances, or access to the account without my permission, that he'll be primarily in charge. He decides, even now, how much I save for taxes, how much I save for our "future" account (I have mine, he has his), how much allowance money I get, etc. Like LittleWonder and Athena have said, we're a team and I don't have any problem trusting my money to a man I also trust my life with.

littlewonder -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 8:56:52 PM)
The only difference for me is that if Master had said we should go dutch on our first date I highly doubt I would have gone any further than the dinner with him. For me a man paying when still in the first dating stages, pays because it's a sign of being a gentleman with etiquette and manners.

DesFIP -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 9:38:25 PM)
lw, you were widowed, I'm divorced. My experience has taught me that a man that I once trusted could turn so far as to try to steal my pre-existing assets from me. Relationships end, and if they end badly, people sometimes turn out to want revenge.

littlewonder -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 9:48:02 PM)
Yeah...it's very possible. My deceased husband was awful with money and then the ex Dom took a lot of my money. That was my own fault. The thing is, I don't allow that to follow me into the relationship I have now. I'd like to think I'm smarter and wiser and I've put much more work into this relationship then when I was young. I mean at 40 years old, if I haven't learned by now, I never will. I didn't just jump right into my relationship with him and he's never given me a single reason to ever doubt him, unlike when I was young and chose to give them chance after chance. I've not had to even complain one single time in the 6 years we've been together. That for me is what makes the difference. He's as transparent as can be and so am I. Now if he continually or even once, gave me doubt, I wouldn't trust him even with my life. I would be his sub, not his slave and being he has no desire for subs, I wouldn't be here with him anyway. lol

seekingreality -> RE: Money & Doming (7/2/2012 10:32:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 I suppose this sort of thing is how alot of normal husbands And fathers feel? Anyone have any similar situations? Im most interested in hearing from those in a D/s, M/s relationship about how money is handled in their household. -ARIES Personally, I've always kept money/finances separate from BDSM.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 2:26:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus I've had men tell me that they want me to take over EVERYTHING... and after watching my parents, I give that a NO. My dad couldn't write a check to save his soul. When mom got sick (well the first time she got REALLY sick) it was me that was scrambling to find coupon books and bills and such. That would get really tiring after awhile. Sure, I'll write all the checks and make sure things are paid, but I need someone aware that can help me make decisions. This is a good point. In my opinion every adult needs to know how to manage money, get the bills paid, check the accounts etc. If something happens to one partner, the other still has to be able to function in the world, and that includes financially.

ARIES83 -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 3:45:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie quote: ORIGINAL: ARIES83 I've always liked being the traditional, old fasioned guy when it comes to money, I pick up the bill for eating out, I pay for everything really, and thats how I run my relationships, I think it came from when I was a teen and had no money, when my girlfriends wanted to do Something and I couldn't afford it, I felt small when they Would pay. Now I am a financial control freak, although sometimes it Feels like in al bundey from married with children... I have found that I get some kind of psychological boost From being not only depended on but also controlling who Does what, and who buys what, having my partner come and try to sweet talk me and be well behaved because there Is something she wants. I suppose this sort of thing is how alot of normal husbands And fathers feel? Anyone have any similar situations? Im most interested in hearing from those in a D/s, M/s relationship about how money is handled in their household. -ARIES Did you write this on MS Word just to make sure you spelled everything correctly? ('cause if you did....you need to read the help files again). Also....when you do this...."write" and paste....take the time to lose the caps on each follow on. Its my iphone, it does what it wants and i can't be bothered changing anything. Do people really care if there are capital letters and stuff in the wrong place... -ARIES

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 4:15:53 AM)
quote: I just really really don't understand this concept of trusting someone with your life but not your money lol. Me either, littlewonder. And I have to say, this thread is helping me with my own mental struggles with the he controls the money thing. Yes, we have common assets. Yes, in the past I have made way more money than him. This is not about him stealing from me, SHESH. He would no more steal from me than I would steal from him. We take care of each other. And although he pays all the bills and makes the monetary decisions, that doesn't mean he stripped me of all my brain cells. I do know what is going on day to day. I do have things I spend money on, like grocery shopping and clothes shopping (I buy all his clothes). He trusts me to know what we need when, and to spend an appropriate amount of money. Aside from the general day to day shopping expenses, I report to him. I tell him, "we need to buy a new <whatever>, so let's discuss how and when we will make that purchase." We discuss, he decides. I support the decision. Of course part of this is planning for our future retirement. We are both on board for what we need to do for this. I don't expect this relationship to end until one of us dies, but if it did BOTH of us would be falling all over ourselves to be fair to the other in every way, including financially. Now, I know this is the way this man is, he and I have been through a lot.

crazyml -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 7:16:50 AM)
Oh fuck... So common sense and mutual trust and respect are important then? Doomed, doomed I tell you!

GreedyTop -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 7:31:14 AM)
c'mere, ML., lemme rub your head...

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 8:19:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crazyml Oh fuck... So common sense and mutual trust and respect are important then? Doomed, doomed I tell you! I know, right? And not even THOSE things are enough. Back to my anchoress' cave.

TNDommeK -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 10:02:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt quote: I just really really don't understand this concept of trusting someone with your life but not your money lol. Me either, littlewonder. And I have to say, this thread is helping me with my own mental struggles with the he controls the money thing. Yes, we have common assets. Yes, in the past I have made way more money than him. This is not about him stealing from me, SHESH. He would no more steal from me than I would steal from him. We take care of each other. And although he pays all the bills and makes the monetary decisions, that doesn't mean he stripped me of all my brain cells. I do know what is going on day to day. I do have things I spend money on, like grocery shopping and clothes shopping (I buy all his clothes). He trusts me to know what we need when, and to spend an appropriate amount of money. Aside from the general day to day shopping expenses, I report to him. I tell him, "we need to buy a new <whatever>, so let's discuss how and when we will make that purchase." We discuss, he decides. I support the decision. Of course part of this is planning for our future retirement. We are both on board for what we need to do for this. I don't expect this relationship to end until one of us dies, but if it did BOTH of us would be falling all over ourselves to be fair to the other in every way, including financially. Now, I know this is the way this man is, he and I have been through a lot. I thought that part was awesome.

ARIES83 -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 2:01:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt I don't expect this relationship to end until one of us dies, but if it did BOTH of us would be falling all over ourselves to be fair to the other in every way, including financially. Now, I know this is the way this man is, he and I have been through a lot. This is how I am and I must be a good judge of character when it comes to partners because I can say this^(above) for all of them. Being spiteful and trying to bankrupt an ex when you break up is unimaginable to me. Good luck with the retirement! Still along way away for me. I can't say i've ever really assumed control of a partners assets. More like, my partners have more money to put on car payments and stuff because I take care of the day, to day things. Also when there is a big purchase to be made, it gets talked about then I deside what to buy and buy it, the last big thing was a new washer and dryer, my partner at the time wanted to pay for half, I told her to keep putting the money on her debts and I'll get them, the other reason I buy everything is, I own it then, no need to keep track of who paied for what. There are exceptions but It feels to much like getting help and im BIG on being able to look after stuff on my own. -ARIES

ARIES83 -> RE: Money & Doming (7/3/2012 2:38:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisPet21 If I am casually dating someone, I prefer to pay for my own food and movie tickets. And, while I will accept gifts, I won't accept anything expensive or extravagant. At that stage in the game, when you are just getting to know someone, I feel icky about letting the man pay. Because, hell, on the third date you may find out you two are not compatible, and now he's spent all this money on you? It just doesn't feel right to me. If you each pay for your own half of the date, if it doesn't work out, you can shrug your shoulders and say, "At least it was a nice dinner. It was worth the $20 I spent on myself." I'll only budge if the man really, really insists. Id have no problem if a woman wanted to go halves, on The first date I might ever prefer it, its considerate. Although I often get around the protests and manage to pay. Don't get me wrong, Im not a gentleman or anything I don't open doors for anyone except old ladies and my Little lady, everyone else can open their own dam doors. I actualy like doing that to my partners, when getting in the car, its not really me being curtious though, its more like "herding the sub" haha. -ARIES

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875