how far can I make my sub go?? (Full Version)

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lordlokahi -> how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:17:54 PM)

My sub and I are quite new to this.I am very demanding in the bedroom and am trying to get her insecurities gone.As we have begun to take this a step farther I am curious to see how far it could go.I welcome any feedback male or female as I am still learning to be a better dom



OsideGirl -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:23:33 PM)

This is such a broad question and we don't know either of you, that no one will be able to do anything but make guesses.



DesFIP -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:25:31 PM)

If you push too far and too fast, she'll be gone. Is this what you want?

Moreover, you are not a therapist. It's not your job to 'fix' her. It's her job to decide which issues she should work on, your job is to support her in making those changes.

As far as what is too far? What you may consider to be from insecurities may be values and ethics for her. Just because you're into gangbangs (for example) doesn't mean that anyone who doesn't do that is insecure.

Talk to her about what her hard limits are. And work not on pushing her sexually, but on earning her trust. There are things I will let him do because of how much trust I have in him. But if I were with anyone else, I wouldn't do them at all.



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:35:03 PM)

Thanks for the input,we've been dating for about a year and this was an idea that came up over dinner.I don't want to share her with anybody.I've read stuff online and decided to join this site for some advise.It is important to me to make her happy in this experience because of her past.Ad for the therapist part I get it.This is a new lifestyle to learn and getting real feedback is helping.I've started with only basic instructions for now as to mlnot overwhelm her.



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:51:05 PM)

I guess what I'm saying is I don't want this to destroy what we built together.We both have had our fair share of "winners" and we really want to make it work.With that said I don't want her to completely lose herself as that might ruin things.



mnottertail -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:53:24 PM)

To the moon, Alice.  To the moon.


Ralph Kramden



DarkSteven -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:53:37 PM)

You can push her as far as you wish, until something stops you. That could be a safeword, a flashback, a sense from you that she's being taken too far, etc.



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 1:58:23 PM)

Thanks,yes the safeword is always a redlight thankfully we haven't used it yet.As for the moon trust me I've thought about it lol



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:01:14 PM)

If this experience goes well could this make our relationship better???I live in an area so small everyone knows everyone if you get me.So that is why I'm asking



DesFIP -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:08:54 PM)

BDSM is not a substitute for communication skills and relationship skills. Nor does being submissive mean you have no mind left of your own. The best comparison I can make is to a surgeon in the operating room. He's in charge and if things go wrong the responsibility is his. But he is dependent on having good support; a competent anesthesiologist, an OR nurse who will count sponges and make sure he doesn't lose one, etc. The nurse doesn't become a nonentity because she isn't the surgeon and doesn't decide exactly how much tissue to excise. She is equal in value to the success of the operation. While at the same time not being equal in authority.

Just keep talking to her and see how she feels. That's the only way for you to know.



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:11:18 PM)

I get that,thank you for the feedback it will be useful



JanahX -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:14:28 PM)

Why do you have "lord" in your user name?



DesFIP -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:16:33 PM)

Probably because he's new and assumed he had to pick a name that would state he was dominant. Don't scare him off, he seems to be a good guy if not that clear in his initial post.



JanahX -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:17:32 PM)

okay - but Im always curious to know these things. I WANNA KNOW.

AND -

second question: Push her with/to what?



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:30:08 PM)

If you must know,I am new to this site,however I can trace my geneilogy back to ancient royalty in my ancestors land.I wear a symbol of lordship dating back to the 1800s.So I figured the name would have a meaning.More of importance is my quest for being a good don for my sub.I can only ask for help in this matter.In my professional life I cannot risk people finding out about this.



lordlokahi -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:45:18 PM)

As for the second part of your question it's a bit harder to explain.I have wanted to try this for at least 15 years but I couldn't find anyone willing.She is eager to try new things but has also been shut down in her past.Since I've only read about this I am trying my best to to "F"it up for her.



JanahX -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 2:47:13 PM)

Im just not going to say anything.



poise -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 3:08:40 PM)

Welcome to the message board, lokahi. I hope you learn alot while participating here.
Before you can figure out how far you can go with her, you both need to discuss limits.
One thing that may be very useful to both you and your sub is to go over a BDSM checklist.
This will give you a good idea of safe zones, things she hasn't tried but is curious about,
and what areas she currently sees as ohmygoshIhopehehasnointerestinthis off limits.
http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html

There are also an awful lot of How To books that you both might find an interest in.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm
Best of luck to you both!



LadyHibiscus -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 3:20:14 PM)

My first answer, "Schenectady".

Kinder answer...you are going somewhere *together* are you not? Talk to each other. Progress is not necessarily linear.

As to people 'finding out', don't do anything on the front lawn. I have been a professional businesswoman for, any years, and have yet to have a client find out what happens in my bedrooml



crazyml -> RE: how far can I make my sub go?? (7/2/2012 4:07:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You can push her as far as you wish, until something stops you. That could be a safeword, a flashback, a sense from you that she's being taken too far, etc.


I'd add... The sound of a police helicopter, the words "Step away from the body and lay the chainsaw down on the floor" heard from a loud hailer, the sound of a swat team breaking down your door.

(just for completeness).



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