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Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 2:47:12 PM

Firebirdseeking

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Met with relatives, and my cousin, female, brought up Shades of Gray, had I read it? No, I got it from the library, skimmed it, and decided it was a romance novel, and badly written. (She read all 3). Then the exclaiming began: "Can you imagine people actually living that life? what was it called, black and white?" "No, vanilla". "And that a woman would be submissive to a man?" I am at that point trying very hard not to look at my husband for fear we would not be able to be straight faced. I pointed out that many women want their husbands to take more of a leadership role in their marriages.

The conversation continued about Gray. "He was beaten as a child and that shaped his sexuality". "I think there is no real evidence that people who have that lifestyle were abused any more than anyone else". "Well, and in the end, he decides he actually prefers vanilla". So, instead of saying "this is not something you choose, it is something you are", I say, "I think maybe the main character was playing with a role that was not really who he was" (although I have not read all three books, not even one, and she has).

This was actually a very funny time, like a scene from a movie. My good cousins could not even imagine they were actually related to people who "live that lifestyle".

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 3:05:31 PM

kalikshama

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 3:11:18 PM

DarkSteven

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You PERVERT!!!!!

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Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 3:13:09 PM

littlewonder

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My family all know that I like dominant men, that I like men that take charge. The first time they found that out was with my ex Dom over Thanksgiving dinner and I made him a plate up and brought it to him and made sure his cup was always full. As my sisters and I were in the kitchen cleaning up and the ex Dom was in the other room watching football with the husbands and kids, they asked me why he couldn't make his own plate and get his own drink. Were his arms broken? I just reminded them of the way our relatives grew up where the wife took care of the husband. They just shook their heads and said they never liked that and they would never do that. They still don't. All they seem to do is yell and complain about them instead and can't wait till the men leave the house.

So the men in my life since then have not been a shock to them. They don't like it, my daughter is on their side as well...but they just shrug and roll their eyes.

They also know I like kinky sex. They just don't know to what extent. They stopped asking questions about that a long time ago after they heard about the being tied up to a bed. So I figured going any further than that would end up getting my guy in a fight with them over abuse lol.

I have never been the one to tell people what I'm into but if they ask, I'll start out slow with small details and see how much they want me to share. I always always give a warning....."Do you really want to know? Think carefully before you answer that". lol

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 4:27:25 PM

Firebirdseeking

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A friend of mine also noticed that I "waited" on my husband/dominant at Christmas, and she commented on it. I did not respond. I made the mistake once - years ago - of trying to tell a friend about wanting a man to be dominant, in charge, and she expressed feeling it was very "regressive" of me - that she had grown up being taught that independence, self sufficiency, were good. This exchange occurred at t time in my life when I was divorced - and taking care of myself, albeit with difficulty, financially. I felt she really missed the point, and made me feel very bad. I think I made a mistake by confiding in her, and our friendship has not been the same since - at least in my eyes. So, only 2 friends know, and one is also identifies as a sub.

But in any case, although it was a interesting twist on a family get together. I dont think any one needs to know about who I am - but sometimes I wish more people understood and did not confuse submissiveness with subservience.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 4:32:21 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

A friend of mine also noticed that I "waited" on my husband/dominant at Christmas, and she commented on it. I did not respond. I made the mistake once - years ago - of trying to tell a friend about wanting a man to be dominant, in charge, and she expressed feeling it was very "regressive" of me - that she had grown up being taught that independence, self sufficiency, were good. This exchange occurred at t time in my life when I was divorced - and taking care of myself, albeit with difficulty, financially. I felt she really missed the point, and made me feel very bad. I think I made a mistake by confiding in her, and our friendship has not been the same since - at least in my eyes. So, only 2 friends know, and one is also identifies as a sub.

But in any case, although it was a interesting twist on a family get together. I dont think any one needs to know about who I am - but sometimes I wish more people understood and did not confuse submissiveness with subservience.

Or, in the case of men....weakness (or worse still for those in positions of power...gender confusion).

I'm fairly confident I'm a guy (last I checked), with all the guy thoughts every guy has...I just prefer to be on my knees :)

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 7/3/2012 4:34:11 PM >

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 5:16:02 PM

TNDommeK

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There was a lady in front of Me at Target today who was buying the book, and the cashier was like "oh I have read all three books, they are so raunchy!"

RAUNCHY?!! Really? I'd be afraid for them to get an account on CM.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 5:29:12 PM

dublinemma

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Ha ha that's brilliant! My mam rang me today and asked me had I heard about the book and would it be good? I just told her I don't think you'll like it but it is a bit of a romance mixed with rough sex! This is the woman who asked me do people really give blowjobs upon hearing it in a Lily Allen song on the radio!

My kind of boyfriend/dom (complicated) is really annoyed about that book he thinks it's going to cause loads of girls to say oh maybe I like rough sex and then when it comes down to it get really freaked out!

In regards to friends/family knowing, I'm fairly open about the fact that I like rough sex, at the moment I have a bruise on my neck and most people who've noticed it have laughed and asked did I have a good weekend! They just think it's a bit of slapping and choking, maybe nipple clamps nobody really knows the extent such as collars and leashes or simply engaging in it in general, not just in the bedroom. It's still kind of embarrasing when your best friend who you're house sharing with overhears you fucking in your room saying you're a slut inbetween slaps, lol!

(in reply to TNDommeK)

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 6:34:16 PM

TNDommeK

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Yea, the Hubs thinks that some young'ins are gonna make paddles out of 2x4s and break someone's hip or ass bone,lol.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 6:44:47 PM

DesFIP

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The Man's afraid there are going to be a lot of kids trying to use a screw hook and plant chain for suspension and getting hurt. I told him he should put up signs around town saying to have it safely installed call his work number.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 7:02:48 PM

BootyBoy

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Joined: 7/29/2008
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Im kind of fascinated how popular this S/M fantasy as become in the vanilla world with this advent of book. What an appetite they seem to have for it.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 7:05:38 PM

Firebirdseeking

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I really dont care much for or about the books, but I do think it is interesting that they have caught the attention of so many women. I dont think it is just about the "kinky" sex in the books. I think there are a lot of vanilla women out there who really want to be led/dominated, and dont really have a clue, at the conscious level, that that is what they want. Also, a private smile for me was the family assumption that under NO circumstances would they know anyone who "actually lives like that..."

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Post #: 12

RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 7:57:44 PM

littlewonder

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I'm thinking the majority of "vanilla" will just do the simple things....furry cuffs, anal, a feather. There's a reason it's call mommy porn. Most "mommies" are just looking for something to masturbate to while the kids and hubby are away. Why do you think they read Harlequin romances? These books are nothing more than a larger version of Harlequins.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 8:47:57 PM

MistressBDSMl

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Just started on the 1st book.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 9:26:16 PM

BootyBoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I really dont care much for or about the books, but I do think it is interesting that they have caught the attention of so many women."

EXACTLY.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/3/2012 11:14:35 PM

LafayetteLady

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I think a high percentage of women have always enjoyed reading erotica, even though they might not announce it to the world. As others have said, bodice ripper romances have been around and popular for a long time. I remember reading a very mild one many years ago, where the man held the woman prisoner and little by little brought her around.

I've never really understood the need to explain much about my relationships to outsiders or even family. Sure, sometimes the topic will come up, and discussions had, but my sex life really isn't anyone's business. As for fixing a plate or getting drinks at family gatherings, while I don't see a reason to lie, I also don't see why a simple explanation of it not being "his" (or her) family gathering that it is merely a way of making him more comfortable and you enjoy do those things for your partner. What's the big deal really? Honestly, part of being a good hostess is making an effort to make others feel comfortable and a lot of people don't necessarily feel comfortable making themselves too "at home" in other people's homes.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/4/2012 4:02:50 AM

Kana

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quote:

I really dont care much for or about the books, but I do think it is interesting that they have caught the attention of so many women."

Cuz smutty bodice rippers involving damsels in distress and men who are dangerous, talk, dark, and handsome have never sold well amongst that sex :-)

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/4/2012 5:15:28 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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some girls at work have read it and said they loved the idea of a rich boyfriend who would give them so much and they though the sex was so over the top fantasy stuff. they have no idea my hubby is also my master and would probably freak at it. i have read the first book cant mnake up my mind about it other than its badly written

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/4/2012 8:08:03 AM

NuevaVida

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I get a lot of comments about the book - coworkers talk about it to no end, actually. Most of the women who mention it said they love it, and some say it's just a badly written romance novel.

When friends and family comment about my waiting on the man, I just say I enjoy it and it's how I express my love for him, and that he gives me so much so it all evens out. When people say things like, "Can you imagine?" I just say something to the effect of, well it's cool that there are so many different ways to experience life and whatever brings someone happiness, well, good for them.

Quite honestly, I never really saw the big deal in those conversations. Telling people we like to spoil each other seems pretty sufficient when I'm asked why I wait on him, and when people bring up "kinky sex", telling them "There's something for everyone out there and if they're not hurting anyone else, I don't see anything wrong with it" usually gets an answer of agreement.

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RE: Meeting the relatives, and "Shades of Gray" - 7/4/2012 8:12:42 AM

BootyBoy

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Well of course, there have always been "shades" of domination and submission in literature and pulp fiction. I mean, classical sex itself is seldom 'equal' in the sense that there is a giving up and a taking associated with it.

But from what I gather from the reviews, Shades of Gray is much more explicit and is clearly BDSM. Most popular 'romance' books cloak the D/s behind pirates, gangsters, conquering soldiers, and even criminals. Yes, they have the heroine tied up (but usually for other reasons) and the sexual aspect is more about dangerous men with strong desires. But in a Harlequin Romance, the pirate doesn't burst into the cabin with a butt plug and Ben Wa Balls. I'm just surprised that so many are reading BDSM fantasy that it's become the new Harry Potter. I wouldn't have guessed that!

My 3 female coworkers have all passed book 1 around and read it. Now they're all talking in code around me, when referring to scenes in the book. Of course its all allusions to BDSM so I'm having a hard time keeping a straight face at their conspiratorial whispers. If they only knew. :-)

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

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