quote:

ORIGINAL: mari50xx

I just wonder what makes you think you're submissive?

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ORIGINAL: Char2688

People without some internal conflict are very boring and predictable

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ORIGINAL: PiratesAhoy

Let me explain the title to the best of my ability.

I feel that being female I should never show weakness against males, EVER! As if I'm letting womankind down because I'd rather serve a Master than I don't know, something that will let all men know that women are equal. It's as if the Feminist (the term I use incredibly loosely), and the submissive in me are having an all out brawl, and apparently my heart has no say in the matter.

I'm sure this has happened to other women (possibly even male subs in another light), so I wanted to see if anyone had any advice, or just a critical comment to make that side shut up.

Do you think (possibly) that I'm insecure with my submissiveness? Because that sounds like the most legit reason to me...but I can't evaluate myself very well. So help of any kind comment (even incredibly critical advice) is welcomed.

Thanks.

I had this same issue rise up over BDSM and from deciding to stay at home with my son and be a full time mother. Women's Lib was supposed to free us, but it's funny how others tried to bully me into being their clone instead of...realizing that I was free to decide for myself how I wanted to live my life. I didn't HAVE to be a stay at home mom; it was my own choice. I came from a long line of working mothers, so it's funny that I would break tradition, not out of any sense of rebellion but because this full time mother thing is ME. Relatives from all sides spat on me, metaphorically speaking, cuz they were too far away to do it for real or they WOULD HAVE. I was setting women's lib back thousands of years by not getting a career! (Funny how being a homemaker ceased being a career just because someone "liberated" me.)

When I had my epiphany about BDSM, friends said I was a sub. I was female. There were many people trying to rescue me online, telling me that love doesn't have to hurt, that women's lib rescued me from having to serve a man and that I need to get out of the lifestyle and grow as a human being...get a career and find someone to be his equal, etc. When I discovered I preferred the other side of the kneel, again I was unnatural to many, lol. Family and friends told me that it is a woman's place to submit to a man and make his life comfortable. I'm 48 and my MOTHER has lectured my slave boyfriend on "being the man" and to "not let my daughter's bossy ways chase you away". I have also been given a talking to on several occasions...she is in her seventies and I don't argue, just smile at her and say, "But mom...HE'S THE WIFE in this relationship, not ME."

Feminism was supposed to liberate women, not enslave them with a new set of rules. Decide for yourself where you fit into all of this. Get what you need. No matter what you do there will be others telling you how wrong you are, or that they don't like who you are with.

It might take a while to make peace with yourself and silence all the voices in your head. Submissives aren't the only ones...you should try adjusting to being a sadist, lol. Gawd I was so paranoid of becoming abusive, had to learn the difference between BDSM and abuse, and I had a hard time giving myself permission to be okay with who I am. The same thing goes for leadership. I had to give myself permission to go against what everyone expected of me...to be true to myself. This is YOUR life, not your mother's, not your daddy's, not your friends' nor your relatives'.

If your parents wanted you to become a doctor but you had a calling to be an astronaught...would you feel guilty and beat youself up for pursuing the life you need/want instead of the life they chose for you?

(I think that most of us feel guilty at one time or another for disappointing others...and following our own dream. Including my nephew, who is gay instead of straight like his daddy wanted/expected.)

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ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia
Feminism was supposed to liberate women, not enslave them with a new set of rules. Decide for yourself where you fit into all of this. Get what you need. No matter what you do there will be others telling you how wrong you are, or that they don't like who you are with.

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ORIGINAL: PiratesAhoy

That idea makes all conflicting thoughts go back in order, so it does help. I'm just conflicted because although I have certain ideas (like gender equality) I really cannot say I'm a Feminist. At least not much of one. But my belief that genders should be treated equally are telling me that I'm awful because I'm giving a male power by being submissive...or something along those lines.

My thoughts are all confused at the moment.

But the idea you gave me does help, it actually makes a few things clearer. So thank you!

quote:

Original: CynthiaWVirginia
When I had my epiphany about BDSM, friends said I was a sub. I was female. There were many people trying to rescue me online, telling me that love doesn't have to hurt, that women's lib rescued me from having to serve a man and that I need to get out of the lifestyle and grow as a human being...get a career and find someone to be his equal, etc.

quote:

Feminism was supposed to liberate women, not enslave them with a new set of rules. Decide for yourself where you fit into all of this. Get what you need. No matter what you do there will be others telling you how wrong you are, or that they don't like who you are with.