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ORIGINAL: Glorify

As with many geek-centric sub cultures, BDSM and Collarme in particular are host to a large number of hypocrites. If challenged by the vanilla world about their kinks and fetishes they would answer with vehemence and outrage that they don't allow the larger group to impose its rules and values on them and that they determine their own values.

Then when they find themselves in the majority in their sub culture world (despite still being a minority in the world in general) they commit the sins that were visited on them but with far more intolerance.

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They reject the notion that there is a rule set in society that must be adhered to, separate themselves and gather in a loose federation then instantly go about establishing a rule set that is far more strict and intolerant. It is simply hypocritical and frankly very immature.

Recently in a post and in my profile I expressed my own views about what d/s dynamic works for me. I also expressed in my profile what I thought were certain types who pretend to be Subs or Domm's for reasons other than the obvious (Someone Domm'ing for a fee for example, or a sub using their physical desirability to lure and control a so called 'Dom' and strictly dictating what the Dom must do to them). My point was to say that in my belief there is a 'definition' of what a Dom/Domme and a Sub/slave is but there are not 'rule's about how to set up that relationship. So a real Dom/Domme and Sub/slave can have any agreement they want but if they are not actually a Dom/Domme or Sub/slave then it's not really real and is an ulterior motivated charade.

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Again, to clarify. There 'IS' a definition of what a Dom/Domme and sub/slave is but there 'ARE NOT' any rules about how they might go about a mutually consensual dynamic within that relationship.

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The problem is that some people get this the wrong way around. They assert that due to external roleplay/costumes/body language etc they are Dom/Domme or sub/slave while internally they may be just the opposite. For example, a lonely person who plays the role in the costume of a Dom/Domme and does everything a so called sub wants but is motivated by a desire for attention and company is really not a Dom/Domme but a sub as he/she is asking/sensing what the other wants and conforming; I think that makes them a sub/slave.

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Also, as mentioned above there is thre demanding person who wants to be served/serviced who finds a needy Dom/Domme figure and directly or indirectly dictates a strict list of how they wan to be treated/what they want done to them and if the Dom/Domme does'nt work hard enough in doing so they drop them and keep filtering until find the one who will serve them in exactly the way they wish. As we all know, they are not subs/slave but Doms/Domme's.

So, yes, there is a clear definition of what a Dom/Domme and sub/slave is and we can see through those who are one but pretend to be the other. However, there are not rules about how these genuine ones should act or develop a dynamic between them.

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Also, being a Dom/Domme and sub/slave is not written into their DNA. However a person can have a desire to grow into being one or the other when they are not quite there yet, just as an extremely shy person can have a desire to be confident and train themself and transform from one to the other. Also, the roles are somewhat relative so a person can feel and enjoy being ruled by a more powerful person or vice versa depending on the person.

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The hipocricy in this world comes, especially on these forums, from those who are very geeky and like to think that their 'rules' should apply to everyone and even more than that, their rules or the ones of a group within BDSM that they have bought into are 'the authority' and mandated but some unknown God of bdsm.

As I said, the 'definitions' are clear (although there is debate as to if they are relative or absolute) but the 'rules' simply don't exist.

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One poster recently commented to me that 'most' people in the bdsm world think a certain way about what dynamic between a Dom and sub is so by virtue of the fact that they were in the majority. Well by that logic the greater group (the vanilla world) put her lifestyle in the minority so render her views 'wrong'.

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It doesn't take long on entering into a sub culture world before a person feels the vitriol and ire and condemnation of those who think you arn't 'conforming' to their way of doing things. It's almost tedious in its predictability. Way back when I was a teen punk I was attracted by the anarchic 'no rules' mentality to the culture as much as the music but soon found all the punks gathering together and dressing far more identically than the general 'non punk' world. I even found myself being told that I'm not a 'real punk' because I didn't have the right look (uniform). somehow it came about that some kind of leopard skin bum flap, chain linking the knees, tartan trousers etc was 'the identifying look'. So it was with the immaturity of the punk scene and so it is with the immaturity of the bdsm d/s scene. Ho Ho, the parallels are amazing. The conformity of the attitude, the uniform like leather/rubber costumes . . .

So let me just ask . . . . if you happen to see a post of mine and I use concepts of the d/s dynamic that you don't like or that arn't for you then you are free to say so. But don't be telling me that this or that way of doing things are 'wrong' or 'misinformed' etc. It doesn't matter how many people think as you do on this issue. It doesn't even matter if it's a 99% to 1% ratio. THERE IS NO SET WAY. THERE ARE NO RULES.

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Perhaps to end I might help you understand this with an analogy. To play pool you pretty much need a table, balls and a cue. In the UK they have different rules to the USA. but both are Pool. A person from the UK can't go to the USA and say they are doing it wrong. Now, if they were in a field doing cartwheels and saying 'look, we are playing Pool' then you could say 'no you aren’t' (on the understanding that they both mean the same thing when they say 'Pool') but if they actually play Pool and have different rules, such as naming the ball they will pot each time or not, then no one can tell them they are doing it wrong.

THERE ARE NO RULES. So keep your restricting, conformist opinions to yourself or your own sub group and don't be snarky and try to establish the idea that your opinions are the law of the bdsm world.

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I love you Kana. Even though you scare me spitless.

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

uh-huh. UNtil you get that certain type of gleam in your eye.

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Oh, c'mon which of your posts got you so burnt?

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

bint.

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

yeah, my heart is just breaking for you...

piss off.