DarkSteven
Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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This is taken from MJExplorer, a 25 yo kinkster from Austin. I read this and wanted to disseminate it. Here goes:
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I find myself describing parties to newbies a lot so I thought it might be helpful for me to just put up a post on what to expect at a party and some basic info on the etiquette.
(1) It’s a party. Just like any other party. There is often food and drinks (usually potluck), people chatting and laughing, meeting new people, all that good stuff. Some people will keep to themselves a lot and others will be very friendly and welcoming. You are not REQUIRED to be super outgoing, but expect that people will approach you for conversation.
However, most people at THESE parties are not super reserved. Sure, the name they give you might be a nickname, not their real name, but they still might feel totally comfortable telling you about how they put a papaya in their butt last night or how their girlfriend’s boyfriend’s lover is running late because he was having a foursome with…blah blah blah. Anyway, you get the idea. People tend to be super open with their sexuality.
There’s a fairly good chance they’ll ask you about your interests in that department, but feel free to keep to yourself. Answering “I’m new, I’m still figuring things out” or “I’m not comfortable sharing” should do the trick.
(2) Unlike a normal party (unless you have super cool friends), people will be dressed a little differently. Sure, many people will dress casual - maybe blue jeans and a tshirt or a dress or whatever. But others will be in lingerie. Or in leather or latex. I haven’t seen anyone in a gimp suit yet, but I wouldn’t bat an eye.
Don’t stress, you can wear whatever you want. You’ll be fine no matter what you wear (although, fair warning, the only thing people seem to consistently NOT wear is khakis or anything preppy). Black is a very popular color though, if you want to fit in.
And, of course, there will be a preponderance of nudity. You are expected to be accepting and nonjudgmental. Douchey comments about other people’s outfits or bodies are not welcome. Also, you are not expected to get naked. No one will pressure you to do so. (Unless they want to get kicked out.)
(3) Expect to see lots of spanking, flogging, and whipping. You’ll hear screaming, sometimes loud and scary. You may also see wrestling, electrocuting, burning, tying up, fisting, massaging, cutting, bleeding, wax-dripping, etc. Probably not all in one scene (but we can dream…). If you feel uncomfortable watching this, just retreat to the designated non-play rooms. Or leave! No one will make you stay. You can try again another time!! We’ll still love you.
If you DO want to watch a scene, that’s totally cool too. People playing in public are prepared to be watched. Many of them do so because they ENJOY being watched. So stare all you want, so long as you give them space, keep your volume down so they can concentrate, and don’t interrupt their fun.
On that note, be aware of your surroundings – if you see that no one else is talking around a scene, follow suit. It’s super frustrating when you’re concentrating on a really intense, emotional scene, and some blabbermouth stops you to ask where the bathroom is or where you got your flogger or if they can be next (no, because you’re rude).
Also, a lot of people do “aftercare” after the hitting is done (cuddling, private quiet talking, etc.). Don’t interrupt this either. They’re recovering from an intense experience. Wait until you see them start to re-engage other people before you ask any questions or chat them up.
(4) Also, you are not expected to play. At your first party…or ever. Plenty of folks go to parties all the time, NEVER get naked, and NEVER do any BDSM stuff. It’s okay to just go and meet people and have fun chatting with folks.
That having been said, if you feel comfortable, you’re more than welcome to play! No one will mind if you get naked (as long as you don’t try to touch anyone else without their consent…just like in your normal life, touching people you don’t know is a no-no). You’re welcome to use any of the equipment (spanking benches and so forth) but WAIT YOUR TURN. There may be a line, so ask around.
Still, you’d need someone to play with. It’s awkward if you just ask a room of people you don’t know, “Does anyone want to spank me?” Long awkward pause as everyone tries to avoid eye contact with you. You miiiight get away with this if you’re a pretty girl, but it’s still not the best idea. If you don’t know someone already, put in some time, chat them up, get to know them.
(5) Most people at these parties are cool. They are regulars. They have friends because people got to know them and decided “hey, you are cool, you respect people’s boundaries, we like you.” But, these are PUBLIC parties. So on rare occasions, some person will show up who is a creeper. There are people who will show up, see an inexperience person (read: YOU) and take advantage of their lack of knowledge.
So be aware of red flags. The most important of which is MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. That is not normal, it’s not okay. Someone who gets too close too quickly, who tries to get you to play before YOU want to, tries to separate you from other people, get you back to their place right away, etc. is creepy, just like in your everyday life!! Don’t let the setting confuse you. A creeper is a creeper is a creeper.
If in doubt, talk to other people and ask about that person. “That one guy in the blue shirt was being really… friendly. I didn’t really want to play, but he kept asking me and trying to convince me…is that normal?” Hint: The correct answer is “No. Let’s go talk to the DM and get him kicked out. That sort of behavior is utterly unacceptable here.”
Anyway, that probably all freaked you out a little, but remember, people like that don’t show up often or last long here. The regulars are regulars because they are respectful, kind, friendly, and just downright awesome!
(6) Most parties, you don’t need to knock. Just walk in. If you REALLY have to, you can knock (unless you know their is a demo going on, in which case, you are rude interrupter person!) Once you come in, you’ll usually see a sheet hung from the ceiling so you can’t see inside. That’s just in case some random person stops by for directions to the nearest ATM or something. Just walk on past the sheet and come in. Introduce yourself as appropriate. Hopefully though, you didn’t come alone, so this won’t be too nerve-wracking.
Now that you know what to expect, here are some recommendations.
1) Go to a social/munch first. Make friends. Having awesome people to hold your hand will make you feel SO much more comfortable. Plus, you’ll feel safer asking questions and being in this new strange place.
2) Go to the party early before it gets too crazy. Meet people before anyone has gotten naked. Listen to the party rules in person if they share them. Also, get to know the leader of the event or the dungeon monitor (DM). If you let them know, they’ll probably be happy to keep an eye out for you and help you along, introduce you to people, and so forth.
3) Feel free to ask questions, in advance OR at the party. Ask what’s okay. Ask what you’re allowed to do. Ask what the etiquette is. Ask the party rules. Ask for the recipe for the delicious dip! Questions are welcomed.
Finally, don’t worry if you feel a little silly and nervous. Most of us have a story about how terrified WE were before we became huge slutty sluts. My first party, I didn’t go to any socials first, I didn’t know ANYBODY, and I was terrified. I walked up to the door of the party and realized I had no idea if I was supposed to knock. I was so nervous I had to walk back to my car. I stood there frozen for a while. Luckily, I saw another couple walking to the house so I just snuck in behind them and followed their lead. That was a year and a half ago, and now I’m pregnant with BDSM’s baby.
The End
_____________________________
"You women....
The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...
Quit fretting. We men love you."
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Newbies' Guide to BDSM Parties. - 
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