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Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 7:40:19 AM

GoddessxKitty

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/10/2012
Status: offline

Recently I had a bit of trouble with a user here going around saying my profile was fake and that I was really a man. A fellow Domme warned me about this user, and asked if I would like some advice from her "mentor" whom she claimed was close to the admins. I'm new to the site and was unsure how to proceed, since verifying my identity didn't seem to be stopping this user from spreading lies.

All my communication with this "mentor" happened over skype. At first we talked about my problem and he said he would take care of it...but then he asked me to turn on my cam. Thinking he simply wanted to verify my identity, I did, but then he began to ask very personal questions and complimenting me. To each question I responded "how is that relevant to my problem?" And each time this male Dom acted very huffy and condescending, saying that he was not "my plaything". When I resisted further attempts to probe into my personal life, he acted like I was the one with the problem, saying that he did not "find my manner very pleasing". I felt like this man was trying to take advantage of me, I've had enough experience with creeps to know when I am being solicited. Finally, the user who had been spreading rumors sent me a panicked email begging me not to go to the admins any more, apologizing for his "silly behavior". Then the Dom I was talking to on skype told me to "bow my head in thanks". I told him he had completely disrespected my boundaries, and that helping me with one problem did not give him licence to treat me like a potential new addition to his harem.

Tell me I am not completely insane---this kind of behavior is NOT what constitutes respectful, professional etiquette between members of the BDSM scene, right? If this were an office I could have gotten this guy fired for sexual harassment. Do male doms always treat female dommes with such disregard for personal boundaries? I felt like this guy was trying to force me into a scene with him that I had absolutely not asked for or consented to.

I realize it is also likely that the man spreading rumors, the female domme who contacted me, and the male dom who called me rude are one and the same person. I cannot contact the female domme because she has blocked me, stating that my rude behavior has made her mentor mad at her!

Any insights into my situation would be most appreciated.

x-posted to "ask a mistress"

Post #: 1

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 7:47:12 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

it's some twat trying to get you to show yourself naked on cam. ignore, block and delete.

editred to add: I'd be willing to bet that the doubter, domme and mentor are all one and the same.

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/12/2012 7:48:27 AM >

_____________________________

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
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(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 2

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 7:53:14 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

The only relevant thing is: Does this feel like appropriate behavior to you?
And you already know the answer to this.

Do not be concerned about people who are spreading lies that you are a man.
They have no weight, despite what they say.

That is a common ploy to get women to show off their naughty bits - not for any kind of verification but to have something to wank off to.

When someone starts to threaten to expose you, then report their cmails (by clicking on the report button), block them and delete them.
If they mention you in their journal then report the entry.
Do not argue with them or otherwise engage.

If they pop up again under another user name do the same again.

Be wary of strangers who are offering to rescue you.

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(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 3

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 7:54:41 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessxKitty
And each time this male Dom acted very huffy and condescending

re-read that. It this how a truly "alpha" person behaves in your opinion?

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(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 4

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 8:06:37 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessxKitty

Recently I had a bit of trouble with a user here going around saying my profile was fake and that I was really a man. A fellow Domme warned me about this user, and asked if I would like some advice from her "mentor" whom she claimed was close to the admins. I'm new to the site and was unsure how to proceed, since verifying my identity didn't seem to be stopping this user from spreading lies.

Unless you've met this "fellow Domme" face to face and know who they are.......I'm going to bet that the "Domme" and the person calling you fake is the same person.

quote:

All my communication with this "mentor" happened over skype. At first we talked about my problem and he said he would take care of it...but then he asked me to turn on my cam. Thinking he simply wanted to verify my identity, I did, but then he began to ask very personal questions and complimenting me. To each question I responded "how is that relevant to my problem?" And each time this male Dom acted very huffy and condescending, saying that he was not "my plaything". When I resisted further attempts to probe into my personal life, he acted like I was the one with the problem, saying that he did not "find my manner very pleasing". I felt like this man was trying to take advantage of me, I've had enough experience with creeps to know when I am being solicited.

And this person is the same person too. What a perfect way to drive you to him in the hopes that you'll get a tingle and submit to him.

quote:

Finally, the user who had been spreading rumors sent me a panicked email begging me not to go to the admins any more, apologizing for his "silly behavior". Then the Dom I was talking to on skype told me to "bow my head in thanks". I told him he had completely disrespected my boundaries, and that helping me with one problem did not give him licence to treat me like a potential new addition to his harem.

Timing is everything, right? One alter ego sends you an email capitulating so that you'll feel indebted and awed to the other.

quote:

Tell me I am not completely insane---this kind of behavior is NOT what constitutes respectful, professional etiquette between members of the BDSM scene, right? If this were an office I could have gotten this guy fired for sexual harassment. Do male doms always treat female dommes with such disregard for personal boundaries? I felt like this guy was trying to force me into a scene with him that I had absolutely not asked for or consented to.

Not really since I wouldn't classify him as a Dominant or an Alpha. He's just an internet predator who uses subterfuge to get what he wants.

quote:

I realize it is also likely that the man spreading rumors, the female domme who contacted me, and the male dom who called me rude are one and the same person.

Bingo!

quote:

Any insights into my situation would be most appreciated.

A few insights:

1) Did you report the harassing emails to the Mods?

2) When you get to a nimrod in your inbox.....ignore, block, delete. It's very easy.

3) Did you ever bother to ask the Mods if they knew the "Mentor"? Or did you just accepted that this powerfully connected man from the internet was who he said he was?

4) Being called a fake is the way that wankers get women to show their tits.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/12/2012 8:07:35 AM >

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Post #: 5

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 8:06:55 AM

ReMakeYou

Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
Status: offline

Lulz. Scams + cries of "fake!" + findomme. This is like a greatest hits compilation of complaints.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 6

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 8:19:29 AM

GoddessxKitty

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/10/2012
Status: offline

ReMakeYou: I take it you don't like findommes then?

(in reply to ReMakeYou)

Post #: 7

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 8:36:03 AM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline

Mods,

We get this question often enough that I think this should be a category in Common Scams as well as a list item in Report Message.

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(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 8

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 8:52:46 AM

ReMakeYou

Posts: 147
Joined: 1/20/2012
Status: offline

I don't have much interest in dommes in the first place. But it's not my place what other people do. I was more pointing out that all the elements are common subjects for complaint threads.

(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 9

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 8:58:37 AM

Just0Plain0Mike

Posts: 127
Joined: 6/16/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

it's some twat trying to get you to show yourself naked on cam. ignore, block and delete.

editred to add: I'd be willing to bet that the doubter, domme and mentor are all one and the same.

That was my first thought upon reading your message. They were all the same person. I'd ignore the ass.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 10

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:03:23 AM

GoddessxKitty

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/10/2012
Status: offline

ReMakeYou: OH. Ok, yeah, I thought that might be it.

(in reply to Just0Plain0Mike)

Post #: 11

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:14:16 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

The dude's a jackass.

Now, if you skyped with me, I would be sure to ask you personal questions, and to remove various items of clothing, but I'd be absolutely clear about the fact that I was asking so I could get my rocks off. Let's face it, you're as hot as hell.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 12

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:15:45 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*cries* you never ask to skype with me!!!

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 13

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:17:40 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

They have skype in Georgia???

Well now I know that useful fact.....

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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Post #: 14

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:18:28 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

yeah, you may have a purty mouth, but we have interwebz!!

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to crazyml)

Post #: 15

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:20:52 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessxKitty
Then the Dom I was talking to on skype told me to "bow my head in thanks".

This actually made me pee a little.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 16

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:22:03 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

You have c.mail baby

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 17

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:22:11 AM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessxKitty

he acted like I was the one with the problem,

YOU WERE !!!!!

quote:

"Then the Dom I was talking to on skype told me to "bow my head in thanks".

BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA- THIS MADE MY MORNING!!! GOD DAMN - This is the funniest shit Ive read in a long time. Thanks for the laugh - holy shit my sides are hurting

quote:

Any insights into my situation would be most appreciated.

Were your parents first cousins by any chance? = that may be the root of many of your intellectual difficulties

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 18

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:27:57 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessxKitty
And each time this male Dom acted very huffy and condescending

re-read that. It this how a truly "alpha" person behaves in your opinion?

Being dominant or alpha has zero to do with having personal integrity. They are simply personality traits. I've known, and see frequently on here, plenty of dominant or alpha (however you wish to define it) individuals that display zero integrity........and/or are simply fooling themselves.

OP, a putz is a putz regardless of whether or not they are dominant, alpha, or just plain kinky.

It's call life and there are no guarantees. Use your own judgment and not that of some random jerkwad/s on the internet.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/12/2012 9:28:58 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 19

RE: Is this appropriate behavior from a male Dom? - 7/12/2012 9:48:06 AM

punisher440

Posts: 4122
Joined: 4/10/2011
Status: offline

OP,like many of the ones that posted before me,I'd be willing to bet all 3 were the same person trying to get you to provide wank fodder for him.If you have a gut feeling something isn't right,it usually isn't.Report/block and move on,life's too short to deal with ones like him.

(in reply to GoddessxKitty)

Post #: 20

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