Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (Full Version)

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CougarRick -> Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/12/2012 11:25:17 PM)

OK, I don't know if this has been addresed; I did try to search it and found nothing so here goes.

Can a sub initiate gestures of affection or is he required to literally wait even for that to be instructed. For example can a;

1: Sub upon entering the residence just go up and give his dom a kiss, hug...etc?

2: If the dom is stresssed, can he just go up and initiate a shourlder rub before being told to do so?

3: Walking along the street can he grab the doms hand to hold hands?

These sorts of things.

I realize every dom is different to an extent, but I just want to hear some insites so as to get a sense of the boundaries.

Is it OK for a sub to show gestures of affection without first being instructed, or is that a huge faux pas? Should he literally do nothing, even in non play/sex situations until told to act?





SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 12:11:03 AM)

All of that depends largely on the individual's personal boundaries.

For example, if I know you and we are good friends/romantic partners and you know you have permission to touch me, then yes, absolutely go for it. However, if we have just met or I have not given permission to touch me, DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH. Unless you like losing body parts.

You should discuss personal boundaries/casual touching with anyone with whom you plan to have a close relationship, regardless of D/s orientation. You don't know what emotional triggers, health/body issues, or social preferences the person might have.



Ambyant -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 1:20:08 AM)

Negotiate & Calibrate!
Discuss 'what if's' with your Dom and then how much/what level of PDA is allowed.



BitaTruble -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 1:35:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

OK, I don't know if this has been addresed; I did try to search it and found nothing so here goes.

Can a sub initiate gestures of affection or is he required to literally wait even for that to be instructed. For example can a;

1: Sub upon entering the residence just go up and give his dom a kiss, hug...etc?

2: If the dom is stresssed, can he just go up and initiate a shourlder rub before being told to do so?

3: Walking along the street can he grab the doms hand to hold hands?

These sorts of things.

I realize every dom is different to an extent, but I just want to hear some insites so as to get a sense of the boundaries.

Is it OK for a sub to show gestures of affection without first being instructed, or is that a huge faux pas? Should he literally do nothing, even in non play/sex situations until told to act?




I would not allow any of those things. I don't want my hand held in public. If you're holding it I can't smack you upside the head when you need it. I don't want someone walking in right off the street and just laying one on me. What if I just ate onions. I hate kissing when I have onion breath and I sure as hell don't want to kiss someone else's onion breath! So, when in doubt, ask.

The shoulder rub.. it would be so much better to just say something like, "Ma'am, you look like you could use a shoulder rub. May I be of service?"

That right there is win/win.



littlewonder -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 1:59:31 AM)

depends on your relationship with the dom/me. Some like it. Some don't. I think you need to speak with your Domme and ask her.

For the most part my Master enjoys me doing those things. There are a few times depending on his mood when he doesn't. When he doesn't he just tells me so.






AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 5:06:58 AM)

In our house it's all affection all of the time. We hold hands, kiss, cuddle (I don't give him shoulder rubs cos he doesn't like it, but something similar would be fine). I like to express my love physically. But then again we are a married couple so romantic love is a big part of that. If you have a different type of relationship, or if you're not the cuddly type, that's fine too.

I also know him well enough to know if he doesn't want to be distracted from a task or if he needs some alone time. We talk like adults though, so he can always stop me if he's not in the mood.

I don't think there is a general set of boundaries on this.

Don't tell anyone because I don't want to lose my sub card, but sometimes I even initiate sex.



Tantriqu -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 6:00:41 AM)

When in doubt, ask!
I'm not one for PDA, except forearm foreplay; how I touch him tells him what I'll be doing to him behind closed doors -- unless he makes me laugh, then he can kiss me!
When I was with a lovely tall cop; we're both private about PDA and had been together for months. We were walking along the shore, and he turned dramatically and paused, which was his request to making a serious statement. I nodded, expecting him to say something I dreaded, like, 'We get married or it's over', or 'i'm a switch', or 'i'm pregnant', but it was [deep breath] 'How do you feel about holding hands?'
I laughed, we smooched, I did things to his forearm, we held hands on the way back home where I did those things to him . . . lovely.
And his hand fit mine like a glove.



pyschosubmission -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 7:53:49 AM)

I for one really like to hold hands with partners, and (tastefully) kiss in public, but I have to agree with the rest of you it all depends on the other person, so best to talk about it.

communication, turns out it's important :P



OttersSwim -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 8:16:01 AM)

As with everything, it depends on the relationship, and I emphasize that word as I believe you have to have one before pretty much -anything- unsolicited is ever even on the table.






ElsieIsme -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 8:52:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

In our house it's all affection all of the time. We hold hands, kiss, cuddle (I don't give him shoulder rubs cos he doesn't like it, but something similar would be fine). I like to express my love physically. But then again we are a married couple so romantic love is a big part of that. If you have a different type of relationship, or if you're not the cuddly type, that's fine too.


That's how it is here too but we don't live together. I have noticed recently that my sub doesn't initiate the first contact when we meet but is then free to touch/hold/kiss me whenever he wants. My response indicates my interest & he respects that.

But ultimately it comes down to what you and your Dom(me) agree to.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 9:26:39 AM)

I've never been a fan of public snogging (that's why I look for large potted plants to hide behind) but I am a big hand holder. I like walking arm in arm, that sort of thing. Privately... well [;)]

Putting the cart before the horse, aren't you, Rick? Just let her take the lead.



JanahX -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 9:38:38 AM)

Agrees with LadyH. I like to hold hands too, but no making out in public - except maybe at the airport.
I have been known to have discrete public sex here and there - but thats a whole other story.



MsGypsey -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 9:46:12 AM)

Holding hands or walking arm-in-arm I'm ok with. If they are unsolicited, however, you might get a shock if the domme in question doesn't like it and gives you a smack.
So check with the lady in question first before you do anything that *you* think is ok, but that she may interpret as you over-stepping your boundaries.



LaTigresse -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 11:14:03 AM)

I am a hugger, kisser, snuggler...........when I am in the mooooooooood. If a person knows me, they can easily tell when I am not in the moooooooooood.

What I have always hated, turns me OFF faster than a random stranger whipping their dick out and waving it about......someone trying to be affectionate to gain something. Regardless of what it is. I fucking hate someone passively aggressively trying to get laid by getting all rubby and shit. Guaranteed to get them the exact opposite.



MissToYouRedux -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/13/2012 11:24:47 AM)

Unsolicited gestures of affection from mine when we're in private, fine. I'm clear if I'm not in the mood.

With gestures of affection in public, he waits and I take the lead. [;)]



CougarRick -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/14/2012 10:53:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
For example, if I know you and we are good friends/romantic partners and you know you have permission to touch me, then yes, absolutely go for it. However, if we have just met or I have not given permission to touch me, DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH. Unless you like losing body parts.


(On my knees as a type)

Oh, I would never put my hands on someone who I was not in a relationship with; that's just basic respect. I was more thinking of the dynamic between a dom and her sub who she is actually in some form of relationship with.

I'm more thinking of a scenario where you are actually in a relationship and the sub get's home from school or work, does a hug and a kiss constitute a boundary breach, but yeah I expected I would get a range of answers.



CougarRick -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/14/2012 10:56:18 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I I don't want my hand held in public. If you're holding it I can't smack you upside the head when you need it.



LOL. I really hadn't looked at it that way.


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
The shoulder rub.. it would be so much better to just say something like, "Ma'am, you look like you could use a shoulder rub. May I be of service?"
That right there is win/win.



I get it. So even if there is a relationship, the dom still controls all aspects at all times.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/14/2012 10:56:30 AM)

Look at it this way, Rick, which kind of relationship do you want? Do you want to have ask permission to hold hands? If the answer is a no, then don't involve yourself with women like that.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/14/2012 10:58:54 AM)

Rick. You are thinking way, way too much. Just stop it. Go out and meet women, and men, and just people generally. Get to know them, watch what they do, and don't be afraid to make a mistake.

Only rocket science is rocket science.



CougarRick -> RE: Unsolicited Gestures of Affection (7/14/2012 11:01:18 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I've never been a fan of public snogging (that's why I look for large potted plants to hide behind) but I am a big hand holder. I like walking arm in arm, that sort of thing. Privately... well [;)]



I'm not one for public smooching either, except for a quick greeting kiss. I do like handholding, and would not wish to sign my own death warrant with a dom by taking her hand innapropriately



quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Putting the cart before the horse, aren't you, Rick? Just let her take the lead.



Uhm.....er,...well yeah. I'll have to control my enthusiasm when/if it happens



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